Self-Employment

In the month of October I have had one client pay me. He is working on a payment plan. Even my corporate client has failed to send my check. If I don't get it by November 1, I will be sending a final bill and a letter ending our relationship. People seem to think that I like to work, that the mere existence of a client spells success. I would prefer no client than a non-paying one. The non-pay person creates more work because then I have to do work to get rid of them. They don't seem to grasp that I work for money.

I have no idea how I've had money this month, where in the heck did it come from? Having non-paying or slow-paying clientele is a budgeting nightmare. I'm horrible with money management. I know what happened. I gave my financial whiz mother my money, so each time I needed more she had it to give.

But my non/slow paying clients has led me to seek a different type of client. I want to move away from small scale/individual transactions and get into goverment contracting. Crazy, because sometimes I get easily discouraged but this month of everybody acting crazy with my bills has encouraged me to think larger than what I had been thinking.

I'm going to be the rainmaker and hire people to do the work. Then I can focus my energy on my creative endeavors. I'm getting to old to be just the worker. I think that I'm beginning to be serious about life, not about my future, but about living fully in the present. I consider living fully to be working smart and reaping and enjoying the benefits or that work.

I also need to start paying my tithes again. My finances and my business was extremely blessed and then for some reason without even realizing it, I got stingy with God's money. Note to self, gladly pay tithes each week.

Meet my Family

My boyfriend is coming to visit me this weekend and he is going to meet my immediate family.
He met my mother briefly once and he's met the cool cousins and aunt but now he is going to meet the people that I dread him having to meet. My family are generally socially normal but in the past whenever I've brought I guy home I regret having done so. It generally always kills the relationship.

As a teen and young adult I tried to give instructions like don't ring the doorbell, stay in the car while I run in and get this, but every so often a brave one decides to enter the lair. I think people working on the assumption that most people are alike can't comprehend how different my family might actually be.

I haven't told the family he's my boyfriend as this is something I don't feel comfortable discussing with them.
Every guy but one that I introduced to my sister has said "I don't think she likes me." The worse part is not so much how they treat the person, if you don't mind being ignored and looked at funny, the worse part is the critique that follows.

The hell I feel I have to go through with my family just to be in a relationship makes me want to leave town and never have to introduce anyone to them.

My goal is to let him meet my mother and be done with it. But he wants to meet everyone. I've warned him although I don't he fully comprehends my concerns and fears. I guess I'll have to be strong and tell them to stop hating.

I've discussed my concerns with my mother and she said, "why would you think they would treat him mean?" I went through the history of my dating and she just laughed. Even she had to admit that her children can be difficult.

His family has been great to me, I'm hoping that mine will return the favor or at least be neutral. *sighing*

NEW FIGHT

Why in the world have I decided to post on a blogger. Is "blogger" the correct term? Well I think I have plenty of profound thoughts so why not share them? What if someone I know comes across my page and develops an impression of me from my writings? Oh well, I guess that is the risk from joining the age of technology. But does posting on a blogger mean that I'm disconnecting myself from human forms of connection? Or does it mean I'm seeking a larger audience to be entertained by (what I perceive to be) my complex thoughts? Whatever the reason, I like to write and after reading some of the blogs I see that the form some of the writers use is quite entertaining and easy to read. So my blog spot is my exploration into self/public exploration and my chance to give writing for entertainment a shot. Further I find that I can better and more concisely express my feelings/ideas if I put them in prose, so enjoy my unadorned writings. I hope not to offend, annoy, harrass, molest, intimidate, frighten......... you guys have read those signs at the zoo. Originally posted October 4, 2004