Hardwood Floors & HGTV

I have nothing against laminate flooring. I do dislike most multi-planned new build homes. I have something against presswood furniture.

I was watching HGTV and a cute family in NYC was disturbed because the designer stripped their hardwood floors, added a different gloss and the pattern of the wood wasn't uniform.

It might have just been me but I think I saw a little 'help me hold my muel' flash quickly upon the designers face. Maybe it was Genevieve. She explained to the wife that her home had real hardwood floors, and like real wood the patterns would never be identical. She told the wife that she was thinking of laminate flooring, which is made with the same pattern because it is manufactured. She informed her that real hardwood is more expensive. I think I saw a slice of pride run across the wife's face.

She also explained to her that you can strip real hardwood and change the color. Not so with the laminate.

Mr A has explained to me that most furniture is made of presswood these days because it is cheaper to ship. I adore real wood. I am disappointed by furniture that has wood face, but the back is that weird stuff that is hollow.

When I was looking for TR's crib, I realized that much of the stuff at stores like Babies R Us and Baby Depot was the stuff with a wood face and presswood body. I know babies have made it but if you shake it, it just rattles. I spent quite a while investigating cribs and realized I had to go to the boutique shops to get real furniture. I ended up getting a round crib which I love.

This is why Mr A and I need to be rich. When I consider a home purchase, I consider items like furniture. I don't think it all needs to happen immediately but I can't afford the house if I can't afford the matching furniture.

I can't fathom spending hundreds of thousands on a home and then furnishing it with furniture that arrives flat in a box and that has to be to put together. I want heavy stuff, real wood, stuff that complements the character of the architecture.

I'd feel cheated paying for laminate flooring that was advertised as hardwood. If this lady on HGTV didn't know the difference I wonder if others don't either. Even our apt has real hardwood floors, so I wouldn't want less in the spot I'm carrying total burden for.

I need a older home or I need to have enough cash to build my own.

I guess what I wonder is do people not expect real wood, do they not care, or do they not know. It seems to me the cost for a lot of the fake stuff is not much lower than the real stuff, so it seems like people don't know.

Planning

This planning is going pretty well.

Meal Planning: On Saturday I picked up the items I needed for this weeks menu. I still need to refine my plan so that I use all the veggies I buy. This weeks menu had items like curry coconut chicken, cumin chicken, burritos, snappy cajun shrimp, (one of Fergie's recipes) and pork chops.

On Sunday I was pondering the sparkling white grape juice I purchased a few weeks ago. I asked Mr A what would go well with it and he suggested shrimp. I didn't want
to do the bell peppers and I had a taste for coconut so I found a recipe for coconut curry shrimp with apples. It was very tasty and happened to require stuff I had purchased for my other meals. Stuff like cilantro, which I usually only use once and have to figure out what else to do with it and end up throwing a bunch away. Mr A mixes it with avocado and it makes an amazing dip.

When I am done refining my meal plans, I will have the shopping list prepared by week and make use of all ingredients. I am pleased with my mission to domesticate myself.

Getaway planning
I was looking at the post I did on goals. One of them was a weekend getaway to wine country. I didn't even connect that I had written it down and did it. My cousin offered us use of her time share a couple of years ago. At Christmas Mr A asked her and she made the arrangement the next day. She lives in Oakland and makes regular trips to the valley to relax. I guess she purchased a huge chunk of time because she let us use an extended weekend free of charge and she spent a few days there before we went.

That was a really great weekend. TR got to spend time with her granny and Mr A and I got to taste lots of wine, eat and enjoy.

My other goal was a get away to Vegas. Mr A and I originally thought we were going for a wedding during Valentine weekend but that turned out to be just a couples trip. I guess its just me, but if a man I wasn't married to tried to take me to Vegas I'd be expecting a proposal and a wedding. Once we learned it was not a wedding we decided to stay home.

This weekend Mr A's cousin called and told us to be in Vegas in February. Mr A told him if it was a family event we could make it. His cousin informed him he was getting married. So our Vegas trip has landed in our lap.

Moving

I've been keeping my eye open for places to move. Things have gotten a lot cheaper since we moved here in 2006. One of our neighbors moved and her 1bd/1bth is being rented at $1200. Another neighbor that moved into the adjacent one bedroom/1bth a month or so after us is paying @$1500. The neighbors (actually me) are writing a letter requesting a deduction.

We adore and enjoy our neighborhood, I love our unit which is a large split wing but we decided to rent so we wouldn't be stuck when prices fell and so we could move cities easily. Now that prices have fallen we have to make some choices.

We really don't want to move. We had decided to keep the apt. if we bought in Oakland. I don't want to pack all the stuff we accumulated. Mr A doesn't want to move all the stuff we've accumulated. We moved in with just the bedroom set and some dishes and now we acquired so much that I've been getting rid of stuff.

Both of us do our best to give everything away when we move. I like starting over but we've acquired some stuff that we like.

Now that we have TR I have an entirely new set of requirements for where we live. Random stuff like the positioning of windows and the distance the kids room will be from us.

It turned out warm today, I think TR and I might hit a baby class tomorrow if its still nice. I'm looking forward to summer so we can teach her to swim. She loves the adult bath tub, so I'm sure she will have a blast in the pool.

Not that type of mother

I had assured myself that I would not become the mother that thought I had to send my child to private school or move around the world trying to get into certain school districts.

If my grandmother could receive a good education in a one-room school house in Oklahoma, with 8 grades, than what's up that my kids could not learn in a classroom with 20 kids. My grandmother was able to help my brother do high school alegebra, she had excellent handwriting, spoke great English and wrote it well. She knew history, geography and had a breadth of knowledge of many disciplines.

I don't know the answer to that but I have been investigating schools and its causing me a bit of stress. I feel like I should have started looking years ago.

There is an all girl school that we are going to check out. My cousin went there and I'm still amazed by the wonderful exposure she had. The school is currently about $30k a year, plus activity fees, etc. I'm sure by the time TR gets to 7th grade it will be more. We could end up spending upwards of $200k to educate one child. Can you see why I am stressed? I want to be able to offer such an opportunity to all my kids and I want quite a few kids.

Mr A is a veteran, so like me TR can go to college free unless the fed'l gov't goes broke or something. I think free college gives us a little leeway in funding a pricey primary education.

I need to figure out how I turned into that mother. I'll probably call my mother and ask her opinion. The other reason I don't want to be that mother is because al the children of those type of parents seem to graduate high school and not live up to the grand potential the parents seemed to think they possessed.

I want to be the "do your best" type of parent. I want to encourage my kids to reach their personal potential. I want them to feel education is about gaining a personal benefit.

My other option is to find or build a home school network. My cousin told me about how some parents are getting together hiring skilled teachers and developing programs that provide great exposure to the kids.

I'm opposed to how schools now teach to tests. There is so much missing from education these days because districts and schools are punished when curriculum isn't tailored to the test. I'd be a bored kid if I had to spend a school day doing nothing but math and reading/writing.

I hope this makes sense. I don't feel like rereading.

Not that type of mother

Music of my Moment

Things and Other things

Book Club

I followed the advice of S-30 for organizing a book club and we will have our first meeting next month. I'm super excited. Mr A and I spent our weekend vineyard hopping in wine country and I picked up a Muscat to serve at the book club. I don't really drink wine but Muscat is a desert wine and its very tasty. Hopefully the group will enjoy it. I also learned to pronounce Gewurztraminer and say the nickname. The vintner said people often call it Ger-vert.

Mommy friends

Last week, the A family went to the park and I saw a cute little girl in pink and green. We don't usually see black mommies and babies at the park, so I was excited. Its usually only TR and one babygirl that comes with her nanny. When I saw this baby dressed in pink and green, and her mommy dressed like she cared, I was excited. It's very easy to turn into the SAHM who looks like a SAHM. I struggle with this myself. I was moving slow talking to the woman and Mr A knowing I look for such mommies, sorta got to the point of it. He said he'd been ready to leave the park long before that but was giving us the opportunity to chat. Anyway I got her contact info and invited her to the book club. This mommy recently moved to our neighborhood. Her hubby's job transferred him to L.A. She's actually from the Bay and my age so we have friends in common.

Mr A said if that had been a man, and they discovered a common interest they would have exchanged contact info in a few moments. I guess this is why our cookouts are well attended by the neighborhood men. The men aren't slow about befriending each other.

Anniversary

MLK holiday weekend marks the 5 year anniversary of Mr A and I meeting. I liked his character and strength when I first met him. I knew he was worthy of my trust. My first impressions were right on, only he turned out better for me and to me than I could know. At 2 1/2 years of marriage, we've only just begun. We're still newlyweds. I look forward to spending my eternity with him. I enjoy and love him even when he gets on my nerves.

I thinks its pretty cool that I can look and mark the events that have directed my life, my life with Mr A and leading to TR. Meeting Mr A changed my world. A spur of the moment ski trip to Tahoe changed my life for the good.

I think our paths were destined to cross. We kept just missing each other. It was just a matter of timing. We met at a time that was right for the both of us. We didn't have to make the time right, it was right.

When do we learn?

It's odd to me that people are surprised that Dellums is a horrible, do nothing mayor. He was the same type of Congressperson. I remember being at a party and educated older people said a prayer that Dellums win. I had worked on the other guys campaign and did not join that prayer. How did they forget what a terrible job he did to the Bay Area during his first reign.

the below was written June 2006. link

Oakland/ Detroit | # | Love, Real Life — call2arms @ 4:06 pm
We may have a new black mayor. I am hopeful this is not so. If it is so, we will become like Detroit, perhaps New Orleans. Crooked congressperson and crooked mayor. What is a city to do with local, state and federal, crooks?

His blackness is not the problem. But the history of black leadership in Oakland makes me suspect that we will be victims of decline, neglect, declining property values, skyrocketing crime and theft of public funds for the reasonable near future. His past performance as a Congressman makes me know he will be awful.

There is going to be much corruption, I’ll have plenty to blog about.

The regentrification of Oakland was unsuccessful. The middle class blacks left for a lower cost of living, but we were left with the poor, who apparently can survive anywhere. I guess Section 8 subsidies make the difference.

But its the poor who always get forgotten especially when we have leadership that only focuses on the finances of self and a few friends. At least when we have leadership that works to develop the area, and steal a little, there is economic growth and the fall out benefits everyone including the poor.

Once they start stealing, we’ll see cuts to services. The poor use and need those services most. Here we go again, decline and poverty for at least 4 years

Domestic Diva

One morning my mother and I were out and about. We had to stop back by home for a brief moment. She told me she would be in and out and I told her I would just wait in the car. I needed to change TR so I went inside. When I was done changing the baby and powedering my own nose, I walked into the kitchen to find my mother seasoning meat for dinner.

My jaw dropped because our brief stop home turneed into a bit more. I called Mr A and in shock gave him the details about a brief stop home and asked him to guess the rest. He got the answer on the first try. I asked him how he knew and he said 'because your mom is a domestic diva'.

Well, I'm diva in training. I think wifedom and mommyhood are enhanced when women have that love of things domestic. I grew up never washing a dish or turning the dishwasher on. Never sweeping, mopping or cleaning. I did dust and polish furniture at my grandmothers. We didn't have chores. My mother stayed at home, and she took care of our home well. She's an over achiever in eveything she does. My sister became very domestic but I just enjoyed the fruits of other folks domestic labor. When I lived alone I had a housekeeper who had her own key. I ate dinner at my mothers.

I think I got taken care of because I was the youngest. My brother used to keep my stuff organized so I really had nothing to do but play.

I've developed my own domestic training institute. I've created our breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack menu for the next 7 weeks. Dinner doesn't repeat for those 7 weeks. When I moved in with Mr A, he found us a housekeeper. She was fantastic. Since we moved, we have not been able to find one who doesn't come with a list of what they won't do. Plus even though our apt is smaller than his house was, the people want to charge more because of the area we live in. I think we paid $100 to get the entire house, plus laundry. Here its like $50 per room.

Cleaning is a part of being domestic and I want my baby to have the same nice environment I had. I might ask our neighbor about her housekeeper. In Mr A's eyes, arranging for a housekeeper is also domestic.

Anyway, I read the blog fullbellies and we will be attempting to make butter soon. I say we because we will all have to shake the jar. I'll even let TR have a turn. She can roll it around in her play pen.

I do enjoy the feeling I have when I take care of my familly and home, so my training academy should go well.

For Your Love

Mr A likes my hair long, so I keep it long. I do plan to cut it in a few years. I think long hair is for younger women. I want to embrace my advancing years and look good in them. I think 30 is a time to have fashions that sizzle and announce that you are in your 30's and living them well.

Mr A is opposed to fake hair. He doesn't like hair weaves, extensions, wigs, etc. Fortunately for him I haven't worn fake hair in years and more years. If I braid my hair, I braid the hair that grows on my head. He thinks fake hair signifies the fakeness of the person. I think fake hair on women is about fashion but I can see why a man might think that. I'd question a man with a toupe or fake mustache.

I like my man clean cut, but everynow and again I ask Mr. A to let his hair grow a bit. He does and gets it shaped. Then I like to see him with a fresh hair cut. I love that too. I have a photo of him the day we met and he was wearing his hair a little longer. Not long as in long enough to braid but long as in, you can't see the scalp.

I think its pretty cool to consider someone enough that you want to look good for them and have someone who consider you enough that they want to look good for you.

In other things I've picked up some holiday weight. When I told Mr A I was fat he told me that I was not and that I looked good.

A little bit after that conversation I saw a woman who had an almost 2 year old. I saw her early last year and she was a bit more plump. When I saw her that night she was so thin I was frightened. Mr A said she was skinny in high school. Anyway I want to be trim not skinny and thanks to that visual I will know when to stop with the weight loss.

It's nice that Mr A loves me regardless of size but I don't want to fat or thick, or skinny. I just want to stick with my atheletic yet juicy build. I have to get to work. I want to look good when I'm on the parent committee at TR and my future childrens' high school.

Money

I like money but I enjoy my work not because of the potential cash prizes but because I'm a defender by nature. People do dumb stuff but I don't often think they should suffer a lifetime of penalty for it by someone with a cruel cold heart. It's bad to have a person do you wrong but its a different type of feeling when an entity is behind the wrong. It can make a person feel more defenseless. I think its like having a baby sitter beat you while your parents are gone. You were led to believe you could trust, you let your guard down and were abused.

A few days ago the b.art po.lice shot and killed a 23 year old man. The 23 year old was on his back with 3 officers on top of him. http://www.ktvu.com/video/18406962/index.html This clip is super sad, don't watch if you aren't a soldier. I've been in front of a victim as he was chased by a man with a big black and aimed oozy, I've seen folks shot but that wasn't like seeing someone being held down and shot by(hey I'm from east oak.land and these incidents happened on my way to church where I ran into laid on the ground and called the police and then played the drums and sang in the choir) cops.

These kids were fighting at B.Art, which they should not have done but it was a fist fight. The fight was over and all were down.

The action of this single officer just breaks my heart and such behavior is why I do the work that I do. If you watch the video you can tell the officer had no cause to fear for his safety. The abuses people suffer at the hands of groups we should be able to trust is frightening.

Last summer I handled a criminal case and as we got into it we discovered the police were engaging in illegal activity.

This above scene is what I envisioned when I considered my clients having their homes raided by countless police because of some crooked cops. Imagine hearing the boom of your door being battered open and men yelling and running inside, guns drawn. All you see are guns. You will be nervous and your nervous reaction could get you killed. My client told me how 3 different officers were yelling 3 different sets of instructions at the SAME time.

LAY DOWN, HANDS UP, DON'T MOVE, AGAINST THE WALL, SPREAD YOUR LEGS, BE STILL, HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD ............

The police report says my client tried to run into the kitchen but he was most likely flailing about in confusion.

One of my cases has been getting some press and in Oct some person called me to complain about b.art police. I didn't have the resources to handle the matter but I wonder what would have happened if the those b.art officers had known the department was under scrutiny.

Heck what would that officer have done had he known he was being filmed. Darn, idiot!

I know an officer who was a part of a raid. He said the city police found drug paraphenilia but because they wanted to charge the guy with intent to sell, they threw it away. His dilemna is if he tells he can't ever need back up because they won't come. He said he won't lie under oath so if it goes to trial he is in trouble.

I'm more afraid of the police than I am of the criminals. I have given this advice before but if the police get you, get your lawyer involved before talking. Ask for a public defender. I have no advice for when they gang on you. Try to be still and don't try to explain anything. They are scared, some have other stuff going on and a lot of them want to utilize their license to kill.

An-ty-way I'm sad and might go laydown.

The Goals

My goal is to be more organized in business. I am super slow to do the tedious stuff like sending mail but the tedious stuff is necessary.

My next settlement I will hire an assistant. I've had one before, a college student, and I was able to email her work and she would do the stuff I didn't like.

I have been successful at not procrastinating but there is something about a deadline that gets my blood pumping and makes me enthused to work.

Hold grudges openly. Why should I pretend or work to get past stuff. I don't have to be mean and nasty but I don't have to be cordial.

Stop trying to budget. I tried to write the numbers down but that isn't the way for me. I'll just save a percentage, pay all expenses, use the rest how I want. What's the point of saving up for an item if we can buy it. I won't buy it to our detriment but why save up for stuff just to say I did. Our money doesn't come in installments like salaried people and so budgeting like they do is useless.

Write in TR's journal at least once a month, say the 18th. I've been slacking.

Don't get comfortable, always want more. I can't achieve if I get satisfied, I need to want more.

Call my loved ones more often.

Check my voicemail and return calls each day.

Be boldly nosey.

Be bold.

Enjoy TR because she is growing more independent by the day. Her infancy is more than 1/2 over. I might be absent from the blog because I'm playing with my daughter.

Make sure Mr A knows, without my telling him, that he is appreciated at least once a week.

Pay attention to the person I'm talking to on the phone.