Happy New Year to everyone.
In the words of Mary J. "I appreciate life, I’m so glad that it's mine." Something about the end of the year (and flying) makes me reflect on how fragile life is. To enter a new year is a blessing, to complete a year is a blessing. To complete a day of life is a blessing, each second is a gift. I realize this and live with that in mind. I will not be the one looking back and saying I should have pursued this goal. Nope, I'm in constant pursuit. I'd rather fail in the attempt than to never have made the attempt. Failure is merely instruction on what not to do the next time you try. I don't make the resolutions because I know each day is a blessing in which I can begin again and finish what I began.
We had a wonderful Christmas Holiday. We are in the Bay Area and got nice cold Christmas weather. We've spent a few days in San Francisco hanging out, dining and enjoying the chilly yet very clear (no fog) days. I had a deposition near the wharf, and Mr A. surprised me with Clam Chowder from Fisherman's Wharf. He also drove me that morning and waited in the city until I was done. He's fabulous and I am thankful God has let me share in his life. After the deposition we went to the Embarcadero and Mr. A spotted a maternity Gap. I was able to pick up a few things and we walked to the Holding Company where I had my most favored virgin Strawberry Daiquiri and we watched the game and had appetizers. Later than evening the family came to the city and we dined at the House of Prime Rib and enjoyed ourselves tremendously. This place is said to be the best prime rib in the Bay Area. We spent the afternoon after Christmas shopping in Palo Alto and pushed my great aunt around in a mall issued wheel chair. I love that mall.
Mr. A went to hit a few golf balls this morning and was just invited to attend the Rose Bowl- but we're still in Oakland. He's had to turn down quite a few L.A. invitations, but we've been able to pick and choose from Bay Area choices. I love L.A. and all it offers, but I feel like I rejoin the social world when we are in the Bay. In L.A. I mix in with his buddies, but all his buddies are men so I don't hang out with them without him. I have a preference for hanging out with family and long time family friends. As I get older I'm less willing to add new folks to my friendship circle. I'm lazy and new people are work. I don't really have the desire to get to know folks. Give me the people I know, so I can relax and do me and appreciate them for who they are. Heck, by the time I get done reading blogs and read bloggers people trash folks they just meet, and use them as fodder to entertain, I'm even more resolved to stick with the folks I'm used to. Maybe I need to stop reading blogs.
The end of our Oakland visit will conclude with the family attending a Warriors game and having a suite at the Coliseum. Suite means our own box with food and drinks included. The only thing about watching a game from the suite is social engagement occurs more than game watching. Fortunately a few of my cousins plus the siblings will be there with us, so we'll get to run the suite. The perks of life in the Bay Area- banquets, formal lunches, plays, sporting events, parties galore, and more are always readily offered and free. I'm pleased to have gotten to spend this time here enjoying the Bay.
I'm also pleased because I've been feeling much much better. My energy has picked up and I feel like I've rejoined the land of the living. My belly has been rubbed and sang too and spoken too. I've gotten hug after hug after hug. It's nice to know others are also excitedly awaiting the arrival of Baby A.
I enjoy the opportunity to reflect through the blog, but I'm running out of things to reflect on. I think that's growth. I can't spend forever in the planning/reflection stage. Life is for living. I welcome 2008. Mr. A and I will have a new addition to our family, business is going well and looking bright for the future. I'm motivated about the work I'm doing. We have a couple of trips planned with my cousins and siblings. And I'll get to cuddle my own brand spanking new baby and raise him with the man I instinctively knew would be a fabulous, loving and hands on father. I appreciate life I'm so glad that its mine.
Is this just a California thing? Out here I see more men with baby bjorns, riding their baby on bikes, being the one to drop and pick up from school, grocery shopping with baby and being hands fathers. My own grandfather used to have my mother at work with them. She was driving his buses- full of people- at 4 years old. My oldest sister would go to work with my grandparents as well, but they didn't let her drive any bus. As a result my mother has always ran her own business and raised kids who also run their own business. 100% of her children have a business and she has encouraged and supported that and helped us organize them.
There I go reflecting. Happy 2008!
Monday, December 31, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
True Story
I'm feeling a bit better. This will be brief. Don't expect much in the future.
A few mornings ago I was feeling trapped in my sleep. What I mean by that is I was awake but I was so fatigued that I just couldn't complete the process to get awake. I don't know if I'm the only one that has ever needed help pulling out of my sleep. That was the first time it had happened to me, but it was weird. Almost like you might slip into a coma if someone doesn't get you right then.
I was wondering where Mr. A was, but struggled to muster the energy to actually call his name. There was a risk that a door was shut or he wasn't in the next room and would not hear my call. I didn't have the energy to take that risk because I needed what I had to try to get myself awake.
I laid there and just began calling his name in my head. I was moaning it in my head. It was urgent. After a few moments of mentally calling his name in a pleading type of way, I heard him coming into the room and saying in an incredulous voice, "are you calling me?"
I needed that. His voice pulled me out of whatever state I was in. I told him I was calling him in my head. He asked if I was serious. I told him I was. I told him I couldn't call out. He said internally he kept hearing his name repeated and didn't know what it was. It was me.
Mr. A says no one will believe this story. But its true! I don't know what was happening with my body that morning, but I needed the rescue. I needed to get pulled from whatever I was stuck in. I'm sure we've all had the experience of feeling like our name is being called, and later learning that someone we love needed us.
Fortunately for me, Mr. A responded to my silent call.
A few mornings ago I was feeling trapped in my sleep. What I mean by that is I was awake but I was so fatigued that I just couldn't complete the process to get awake. I don't know if I'm the only one that has ever needed help pulling out of my sleep. That was the first time it had happened to me, but it was weird. Almost like you might slip into a coma if someone doesn't get you right then.
I was wondering where Mr. A was, but struggled to muster the energy to actually call his name. There was a risk that a door was shut or he wasn't in the next room and would not hear my call. I didn't have the energy to take that risk because I needed what I had to try to get myself awake.
I laid there and just began calling his name in my head. I was moaning it in my head. It was urgent. After a few moments of mentally calling his name in a pleading type of way, I heard him coming into the room and saying in an incredulous voice, "are you calling me?"
I needed that. His voice pulled me out of whatever state I was in. I told him I was calling him in my head. He asked if I was serious. I told him I was. I told him I couldn't call out. He said internally he kept hearing his name repeated and didn't know what it was. It was me.
Mr. A says no one will believe this story. But its true! I don't know what was happening with my body that morning, but I needed the rescue. I needed to get pulled from whatever I was stuck in. I'm sure we've all had the experience of feeling like our name is being called, and later learning that someone we love needed us.
Fortunately for me, Mr. A responded to my silent call.
Thoughts
I would love to write a post over here, but its too much work.
I can read blogs, even comment but the effort to complete a blog is pushing my morning- through out the day- sickness.
I have lots of work to do, but I've just been laying on the sofa. I made it to Whole Foods today for fruit for breakfast. It was yummy.
I know other women push their way through and go to work and raise families, and I could if I had to. But doggonit I don't have to.
Thank God for Mr. A. If I didn't have him, I have no idea what I'd do. I guess I'd have to get up and get busy. But on the bright side the books seem to say that next month I should be done with the morning sickness. And in other bright things, the sickness didn't start until after Thanksgiving. So I'm pretty fortunate.
Be back when the churning ceases.
I can read blogs, even comment but the effort to complete a blog is pushing my morning- through out the day- sickness.
I have lots of work to do, but I've just been laying on the sofa. I made it to Whole Foods today for fruit for breakfast. It was yummy.
I know other women push their way through and go to work and raise families, and I could if I had to. But doggonit I don't have to.
Thank God for Mr. A. If I didn't have him, I have no idea what I'd do. I guess I'd have to get up and get busy. But on the bright side the books seem to say that next month I should be done with the morning sickness. And in other bright things, the sickness didn't start until after Thanksgiving. So I'm pretty fortunate.
Be back when the churning ceases.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Future Baby Mama
I like this song. There is one part that says: To build a house together the thing that matters more, Is under the floor
A strong foundation that last forever more.
(written Friday)
Today we heard our baby's heart beat. It was AMAZING. I started laughing because it was such a joyful sound. I was in slight awe. That sound made me realize its REAL! There is a life, a person with its own life using my womb for warm shelter until ready to make a debut. We're the vessels.
Mr A and I have already decided what type of foundation we want to give our kids. A positive foundation and prayer, that's our strategy.
(written Sunday)
I MAKE PEOPLE
Today at church the minister Christened a child and said that the greatest gift we can give the world is a person. A person who is raised with a good foundation (he didn't say foundation but neither Mr. A or I can remember the exact word). A person who uses their talents and gifts to make a difference or a change in the world- it is the greatest gift.
That's my goal, to show our children they have a specially designed purpose. We'll do our best to make sure the kid knows that thoughts rule the world and thoughts rule him. Mr A has already been talking to the baby and telling him to THINK. So a man thinketh so is he. "Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force; that thoughts rule the world." –Ralph Waldo Emerson
They'll know the power of words."In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
-- John 1
I know we'll learn lots of things along the way.
Planning for Eco-friendly Babies
In other great things, we'll both be staying home with the kid- working from home. This should prove very interesting. I'll probably hire someone to come help out a few days. I'm sure we can't get real work done and care for an infant. I used to naively think I'd maintain a flexible at home work schedule so that when kids arrived the transition would be simple. I'm realizing that I get very caught up in work. Too caught up to combine work with a baby. Maybe I'll be able to structure things so I only work 1 day a week. We have some months to figure it out but the baby gets top priority.
I've found diaper services in both Oakland and L.A. that will pick up the soiled cloth diapers and deliver clean ones. Baby A is trying to be eco-friendly. I've also heard babies can be potty trained faster when they feel the moisture and the cloth diapers allow them to feel the moisture and be better able to make the transition from diaper to potty.
A strong foundation that last forever more.
(written Friday)
Today we heard our baby's heart beat. It was AMAZING. I started laughing because it was such a joyful sound. I was in slight awe. That sound made me realize its REAL! There is a life, a person with its own life using my womb for warm shelter until ready to make a debut. We're the vessels.
Mr A and I have already decided what type of foundation we want to give our kids. A positive foundation and prayer, that's our strategy.
(written Sunday)
I MAKE PEOPLE
Today at church the minister Christened a child and said that the greatest gift we can give the world is a person. A person who is raised with a good foundation (he didn't say foundation but neither Mr. A or I can remember the exact word). A person who uses their talents and gifts to make a difference or a change in the world- it is the greatest gift.
That's my goal, to show our children they have a specially designed purpose. We'll do our best to make sure the kid knows that thoughts rule the world and thoughts rule him. Mr A has already been talking to the baby and telling him to THINK. So a man thinketh so is he. "Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force; that thoughts rule the world." –Ralph Waldo Emerson
They'll know the power of words."In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
-- John 1
I know we'll learn lots of things along the way.
Planning for Eco-friendly Babies
In other great things, we'll both be staying home with the kid- working from home. This should prove very interesting. I'll probably hire someone to come help out a few days. I'm sure we can't get real work done and care for an infant. I used to naively think I'd maintain a flexible at home work schedule so that when kids arrived the transition would be simple. I'm realizing that I get very caught up in work. Too caught up to combine work with a baby. Maybe I'll be able to structure things so I only work 1 day a week. We have some months to figure it out but the baby gets top priority.
I've found diaper services in both Oakland and L.A. that will pick up the soiled cloth diapers and deliver clean ones. Baby A is trying to be eco-friendly. I've also heard babies can be potty trained faster when they feel the moisture and the cloth diapers allow them to feel the moisture and be better able to make the transition from diaper to potty.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Midnite is the only time
that I can hear from you. Oh how I wish you'd call me when your skies are blue.
Those are part of the lyrics in a song performed by now gospel artist Coco of SWV aka Cheryl Gamble. The title is Midnite and is by Brent Jones. It's saying how we tell God we love him but only call him when we need him. That God has so much more to offer us than helping us out of distress. That song brings me near tears each time I hear it. I don't want to be the person that only calls God's name in times of distress.
Sometimes our friends and family treat us that way. You see their number and you know they want you to help them out with something. I take it personally and sometimes won't answer. I'm always ready to help my family but I realize there is a difference between helping out, being a resource and being used.
I'm so much more than an emergency resource. Luckily for folks God ain't like me because there are calls I won't return. If you can't call each blue moon to say what's up, DO NOT call to ask for help. My time is reserved for folks who pay me or who love me on a regular basis. I'm more inclined to help a person I don't know before I help someone I know but only pops up in times of need.
Those are part of the lyrics in a song performed by now gospel artist Coco of SWV aka Cheryl Gamble. The title is Midnite and is by Brent Jones. It's saying how we tell God we love him but only call him when we need him. That God has so much more to offer us than helping us out of distress. That song brings me near tears each time I hear it. I don't want to be the person that only calls God's name in times of distress.
Sometimes our friends and family treat us that way. You see their number and you know they want you to help them out with something. I take it personally and sometimes won't answer. I'm always ready to help my family but I realize there is a difference between helping out, being a resource and being used.
I'm so much more than an emergency resource. Luckily for folks God ain't like me because there are calls I won't return. If you can't call each blue moon to say what's up, DO NOT call to ask for help. My time is reserved for folks who pay me or who love me on a regular basis. I'm more inclined to help a person I don't know before I help someone I know but only pops up in times of need.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Missing Child- UPDATE HOME SAFE
Please post it anywhere and to everyone:
Her name is
Jazlyn Alexandria Patton
Chicago, Illinois - last seen on 51st & King Drive (#3 bus)
Age 13
BD 1/6/94
She is 5'6 160 lbs and she was last seen wearing Baby Phat jeans (indigo color) a black long sleeved shirt crew neck a black coat with a pink fur lining and black air force ones.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Things Mr. A has Taught Me
During our engagement I'd ocassionally be annoyed at folks. I'd be annoyed for silly reasons like I thought they were lying on themselves or bragging or being competitive. I'd be in Mr. A's ear sharing my complaints.
One day he stopped, looked at me and asked, "why do you care? What impact do these people have on your life that makes you care what they do?" He said it in such a way that I felt a tug of ........ shame. I said something like "they think I'm too stupid to know the truth." He told me their lies had nothing to do with me. I had to ask myself "why do I care?", I had no reason. I just had too much free time and was letting my mind be idle and giving the devil room to get comfy. I decided to let it all go. I did.
It's good when your mate won't let you dwell in crazy. I told him about my little blog spat and he was quite disappointed. I tried to explain the reason but he was like "you can't let folks control you and when you get into that and allow yourself to respond you are letting people in cyber world who you will never meet, control you." Again its good when folks don't let you pretend your mess doesn't exist. He will not let me dwell in madness. I appreciate that.
Mr. A has taught me I don't need to fight other folks battles. This is actually a work in progress. As we can see from the burglarly post he has this issue too. He was trying to stop a thief on gp and not because he thought he was taking our stuff. We're both into service. I think my desire to get involved is a hazzard of my profession. I feel like I can protect people. If I see what I think is injustice (but who am I to judge) I want to jump in and defend. I don't want to see someone be mistreated if I can maybe stop it.
I take that stuff more personally then I would a personal injustice. I feel like I can handle stuff, beat me down but I will always recover.
The amazing thing is when I saw someone doing the same stuff I used to do- being overly concerned and focused about stuff that didn't matter to their own life- I realized the madness of it. Its good to be able to see the mess you espcaped and knowing why your really don't want to go back into. I was even more grateful to Mr. A for being strong.
If I'm satisfied with my own life and living it to the fullest I won't have time or desire to pause to focus on others. So when I get too interested in what others are doing- in a way that isn't positive- I find something to do.
Once you get free- stay free.
Okay, I think that was the end, I'm watching this red lobster commercial and feeling hungry and I can write no more.
One day he stopped, looked at me and asked, "why do you care? What impact do these people have on your life that makes you care what they do?" He said it in such a way that I felt a tug of ........ shame. I said something like "they think I'm too stupid to know the truth." He told me their lies had nothing to do with me. I had to ask myself "why do I care?", I had no reason. I just had too much free time and was letting my mind be idle and giving the devil room to get comfy. I decided to let it all go. I did.
It's good when your mate won't let you dwell in crazy. I told him about my little blog spat and he was quite disappointed. I tried to explain the reason but he was like "you can't let folks control you and when you get into that and allow yourself to respond you are letting people in cyber world who you will never meet, control you." Again its good when folks don't let you pretend your mess doesn't exist. He will not let me dwell in madness. I appreciate that.
Mr. A has taught me I don't need to fight other folks battles. This is actually a work in progress. As we can see from the burglarly post he has this issue too. He was trying to stop a thief on gp and not because he thought he was taking our stuff. We're both into service. I think my desire to get involved is a hazzard of my profession. I feel like I can protect people. If I see what I think is injustice (but who am I to judge) I want to jump in and defend. I don't want to see someone be mistreated if I can maybe stop it.
I take that stuff more personally then I would a personal injustice. I feel like I can handle stuff, beat me down but I will always recover.
The amazing thing is when I saw someone doing the same stuff I used to do- being overly concerned and focused about stuff that didn't matter to their own life- I realized the madness of it. Its good to be able to see the mess you espcaped and knowing why your really don't want to go back into. I was even more grateful to Mr. A for being strong.
If I'm satisfied with my own life and living it to the fullest I won't have time or desire to pause to focus on others. So when I get too interested in what others are doing- in a way that isn't positive- I find something to do.
Once you get free- stay free.
Okay, I think that was the end, I'm watching this red lobster commercial and feeling hungry and I can write no more.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Crackhead Thieves
I just finished reading about the fright Honest had with some likely crackhead. I skimmed over our run in with a crackhead thief some weeks ago. I was gonna blog about it but then I hesitated because I don't want my stalkers/haters to have too much info on me.They'd be over there trying to help out the defense and probably trying to get our address so they can come look through my underwear drawer and sniff my toilet. Its a shame when crazy people get internet. They just mess up a good thing. This is the post where I mentioned the criminal activity. 
What has happened was....... abbreviated version.....
We've been on notice that thieves have been on the prowl in our neighborhood. One sunny afternoon, Mr. A saw a crackhead pushing a cart outside our garage. He didn't know whose stuff was in the cart but he knew a crackhead bum did not live around these parts and he wouldn't let the guy take the stuff. He also knew the cart he was pushing (it wasnt't ours) looked familiar. We later realized it belonged to a neighbor.
Mr. A knew the crackhead had likely stolen the stuff which he'd covered in a garbage bag, and he was being kind just to let him pass. I was on the phone while this was occuring and listening to the conversation. The crackhead left after putting up a minimal stance of resistance and Mr A pulled the cart into the garage. He then saw that our car window had been broken. He started chasing the criminal. A woman from down the street saw Mr. A, took her dogs in the house, got in her car and proceeded to chase the thief with Mr. A as a passenger. They saw him again and Mr A demanded to be let out.
Again Mr. A is military trained so he was on the guy. These guys are trained to fight guerillas in the jungle so a crackhead in the city isn't that great of a challenge. They rounded a corner and Mr. A couldn't hit the corner without looking to ensure the guy wasn't on the other side waiting to surprise attack. This is where Mr. A lost visual. By this time I was outside looking and on the phone with the Po-Po. I wasn't worried about Mr. A's safety I was worried that he might kill the guy.
I know that if he had got him immediately then we'd have self-defense but if he chased him and beat him to death, then we might have some jail time. The woman who had used her car to pursue the suspect (yeah I watch too many cop shows) came and had me get in the car. She was also concerned that Mr. A might kill the guy. I guess she thought I could stop it? Pul....leeeze. I am not that idiot. I'd be over there screaming for Mr. A to stop and distracting him and allow the crackhead a advantage. Nope. Not me. I know how these things work. Let men be men. Emotional wrecks need to back away.
We saw Mr. A and I got out of her car to walk with him. The police arrived a little while later, took a report and within 15 minutes they had Mr. A come around to i.d. the rogue. Good ol' L.A.P.D. who I had 0 confidence in actually went and found the criminal. I didn't even think they'd look. Then they sent out a finger print guy and another investigator.
Fortunately the thief didn't get away with any of our stuff because Mr. A being a good samaritan wasn't gonna let him steal anyone's stuff. What are the odds of stopping a crime and discovering that you were protecting your own self?
So hopefully we will get to trial because Mr. A and the other neighbors are ready to testify.
By the time the police arrived swarms of neighbors had gathered. I had to sneak away from them. It's good to live around folks that care what goes on in their area, but they will put you to work if you let them.
One woman had a bundle of emails listing various thefts. The teens who commit crimes in the afternoon. The crackhead who was trying to victimize us was a grown adult, so he didn't fit that profile. He also had the nerve to remove his sweatshirt while he was running from Mr. A. I guess he thought taking it off made him invisible.
Crack is wack and will wack up a brain.
What has happened was....... abbreviated version.....
We've been on notice that thieves have been on the prowl in our neighborhood. One sunny afternoon, Mr. A saw a crackhead pushing a cart outside our garage. He didn't know whose stuff was in the cart but he knew a crackhead bum did not live around these parts and he wouldn't let the guy take the stuff. He also knew the cart he was pushing (it wasnt't ours) looked familiar. We later realized it belonged to a neighbor.
Mr. A knew the crackhead had likely stolen the stuff which he'd covered in a garbage bag, and he was being kind just to let him pass. I was on the phone while this was occuring and listening to the conversation. The crackhead left after putting up a minimal stance of resistance and Mr A pulled the cart into the garage. He then saw that our car window had been broken. He started chasing the criminal. A woman from down the street saw Mr. A, took her dogs in the house, got in her car and proceeded to chase the thief with Mr. A as a passenger. They saw him again and Mr A demanded to be let out.
Again Mr. A is military trained so he was on the guy. These guys are trained to fight guerillas in the jungle so a crackhead in the city isn't that great of a challenge. They rounded a corner and Mr. A couldn't hit the corner without looking to ensure the guy wasn't on the other side waiting to surprise attack. This is where Mr. A lost visual. By this time I was outside looking and on the phone with the Po-Po. I wasn't worried about Mr. A's safety I was worried that he might kill the guy.
I know that if he had got him immediately then we'd have self-defense but if he chased him and beat him to death, then we might have some jail time. The woman who had used her car to pursue the suspect (yeah I watch too many cop shows) came and had me get in the car. She was also concerned that Mr. A might kill the guy. I guess she thought I could stop it? Pul....leeeze. I am not that idiot. I'd be over there screaming for Mr. A to stop and distracting him and allow the crackhead a advantage. Nope. Not me. I know how these things work. Let men be men. Emotional wrecks need to back away.
We saw Mr. A and I got out of her car to walk with him. The police arrived a little while later, took a report and within 15 minutes they had Mr. A come around to i.d. the rogue. Good ol' L.A.P.D. who I had 0 confidence in actually went and found the criminal. I didn't even think they'd look. Then they sent out a finger print guy and another investigator.
Fortunately the thief didn't get away with any of our stuff because Mr. A being a good samaritan wasn't gonna let him steal anyone's stuff. What are the odds of stopping a crime and discovering that you were protecting your own self?
So hopefully we will get to trial because Mr. A and the other neighbors are ready to testify.
By the time the police arrived swarms of neighbors had gathered. I had to sneak away from them. It's good to live around folks that care what goes on in their area, but they will put you to work if you let them.
One woman had a bundle of emails listing various thefts. The teens who commit crimes in the afternoon. The crackhead who was trying to victimize us was a grown adult, so he didn't fit that profile. He also had the nerve to remove his sweatshirt while he was running from Mr. A. I guess he thought taking it off made him invisible.
Crack is wack and will wack up a brain.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Game Recognize Game
Everynow and again I have to remember the devil is Lie. You can't let him in your head. For a minimal second I almost let myself believe the devil.
I'm sure ya'll saw the interactions over at The Next Big Thing.
Sometimes people will try to run game on you but its good to be able to pause and think on it. Stop the game. Imagine someone saying "one" of your friends ain't your friend. Then there you are investigating, doubting and suspecting all your friends because of what someone who is nowhere near a friend said. That type of mess must be ignored. It could be true but its still a mind game. Instead of saying "one" ain't your friend, the person that wasn't trying to mess with your head would tell you who it is. I mean if I said all that, then I'd finish the sentence and say who and why.
I don't suspect anyone I know to be my friend but I have been suspecting this nutty stalker I attracted. I can't control other people's mouths, minds or fingers. I've decided to leave even that suspicion alone. I can't worry about folks I don't know who think we're friends. Although I will be on guard if I ever see this person in person again- which I shouldn't. If someone needs to focus on me to get through their life then all I can do is support them. Hopefully their behavior doesn't progress.
The bright side and there is always a bright side: I am clearly fascinating to some.
We were listening to the radio this weekend and a woman was on talking about her book. The book was about being thankful. It was a different spin on the secret. She said people who are thankful recover faster from things. If tragedy strikes their life the skill of being thankful for all that went right before that tragedy helps them through. She said people look at those thankful people and wonder what it is you have that makes you able to stand through storms.
I remember after my Grandmother's funeral one of my mom's cousins called her up talking foolish and balling on the phone. She said she didn't know how we held up so well and she didn't think she could survive the death of her mother. Now this cousin is a fool because just because we weren't laid out in the floor kicking and screaming doens't mean we aren't mourning and doesn't mean you should call talking foolishness or doing insensitive stuff. We just knew we'd been blessed to have loan of her for the years we did, she was blessed to have a good and long life- of course we would have like her to be 100+ but we were grateful for the gift of her in our life. You can't wallow in self-pity when you realize you have reason to be grateful.
I blame my ability to be grateful on God. When you know God is in control of everything you don't have to wallow in your troubles. Some people look at me and can't understand why my life seems so charmed, so blessed. Its because all I see are the blessings. If all I see are the blessings then when you look at me, all you see is a blessed person. I see a blessing in everything. I see the hope and promise in everything.
People get mad at you and want to disparage you because you stay happy but I realize how God has blessed me and how he continues to bless me and I have no reason to stay down over things.
I remember dealing with this in college. My first week at school one of the older seniors told my sisters best friend that he hoped I didn't lose my sunshine. He seemed to think some boy would come along and still (used that word on purpose) the pep in my step. But my pep isn't that fragile, it isn't built around temporal stuff and people. I told one of my friends who also had joy like me and she said when you have sunshine people think you must be dumb and ditzy. They think you are too dumb to see problems and therefore you can stay cheery.
I can't count the times someone has implied or outright said I'm naive or perhaps optimistic. Its not naivety, perhaps it resembles optimism, because its hope and trust in that God can make a way for me. Faith in God gives you hope and a belief that even if things go bad, if I'm alive they can get better and if I'm dead its straight to glory.
There are many situations in life that hurt. Its how you rise from the hurt that makes the difference.
I realize this post may look a bit odd after I just finished battling with folks on other blogs but this is what I'm talking about. In situations that might have folks dwelling and angry and angsty, I instinctively focus on how God has been good to me. I focus on my blessings. It always makes me see things in a good and new perspective.
I'm sure ya'll saw the interactions over at The Next Big Thing.
Sometimes people will try to run game on you but its good to be able to pause and think on it. Stop the game. Imagine someone saying "one" of your friends ain't your friend. Then there you are investigating, doubting and suspecting all your friends because of what someone who is nowhere near a friend said. That type of mess must be ignored. It could be true but its still a mind game. Instead of saying "one" ain't your friend, the person that wasn't trying to mess with your head would tell you who it is. I mean if I said all that, then I'd finish the sentence and say who and why.
I don't suspect anyone I know to be my friend but I have been suspecting this nutty stalker I attracted. I can't control other people's mouths, minds or fingers. I've decided to leave even that suspicion alone. I can't worry about folks I don't know who think we're friends. Although I will be on guard if I ever see this person in person again- which I shouldn't. If someone needs to focus on me to get through their life then all I can do is support them. Hopefully their behavior doesn't progress.
The bright side and there is always a bright side: I am clearly fascinating to some.
We were listening to the radio this weekend and a woman was on talking about her book. The book was about being thankful. It was a different spin on the secret. She said people who are thankful recover faster from things. If tragedy strikes their life the skill of being thankful for all that went right before that tragedy helps them through. She said people look at those thankful people and wonder what it is you have that makes you able to stand through storms.
I remember after my Grandmother's funeral one of my mom's cousins called her up talking foolish and balling on the phone. She said she didn't know how we held up so well and she didn't think she could survive the death of her mother. Now this cousin is a fool because just because we weren't laid out in the floor kicking and screaming doens't mean we aren't mourning and doesn't mean you should call talking foolishness or doing insensitive stuff. We just knew we'd been blessed to have loan of her for the years we did, she was blessed to have a good and long life- of course we would have like her to be 100+ but we were grateful for the gift of her in our life. You can't wallow in self-pity when you realize you have reason to be grateful.
I blame my ability to be grateful on God. When you know God is in control of everything you don't have to wallow in your troubles. Some people look at me and can't understand why my life seems so charmed, so blessed. Its because all I see are the blessings. If all I see are the blessings then when you look at me, all you see is a blessed person. I see a blessing in everything. I see the hope and promise in everything.
People get mad at you and want to disparage you because you stay happy but I realize how God has blessed me and how he continues to bless me and I have no reason to stay down over things.
I remember dealing with this in college. My first week at school one of the older seniors told my sisters best friend that he hoped I didn't lose my sunshine. He seemed to think some boy would come along and still (used that word on purpose) the pep in my step. But my pep isn't that fragile, it isn't built around temporal stuff and people. I told one of my friends who also had joy like me and she said when you have sunshine people think you must be dumb and ditzy. They think you are too dumb to see problems and therefore you can stay cheery.
I can't count the times someone has implied or outright said I'm naive or perhaps optimistic. Its not naivety, perhaps it resembles optimism, because its hope and trust in that God can make a way for me. Faith in God gives you hope and a belief that even if things go bad, if I'm alive they can get better and if I'm dead its straight to glory.
There are many situations in life that hurt. Its how you rise from the hurt that makes the difference.
I realize this post may look a bit odd after I just finished battling with folks on other blogs but this is what I'm talking about. In situations that might have folks dwelling and angry and angsty, I instinctively focus on how God has been good to me. I focus on my blessings. It always makes me see things in a good and new perspective.
Airplanes, buses and trains
As much as I hate to fly I am always en route via airplane.
On Sunday morning I flew into Oakland. We took the coastal route so the flight was extremely smooth. As we got close to landing we began our descent into the fog. Having faced this fog before and having seen the pilots instruments that help in land in that visibility, I closed my eyes, relaxed and asked the Lord to either help him use the instruments or let a break of sun shine a path for us.
I couldn't see the ground until we were a few feet above the water. Then we hit the pavement. Planes in Oakland touch down just small distance from the water. One little misstep and we'd be in the Bay.
I sent Mr. A a text and told him no more morning flights. I always forget that Bay fog. My brother picked me up and I told him and he said as he was driving to the airport and saw how low the fog was he knew how I'd be feeling. I was grateful to live in L.A. where the fog doesn't hang like that. My brother mentioned how he loves flying into L.A. because its always so sunny.
I flew back to L.A. on Monday night. The flight was delayed 47 minutes due to the Marine Layer a.k.a. fog. We took the valley/mountain route so it was quite bumpy. This fog was super low as we came into LA. It was so low and thick that I didn't see the ground AT ALL. We landed, touched down and I could still not see the ground. It was eerie.
How did I end up with fog in both directions? The flight from Oak to LAX was fast. Maybe 45 minutes from take off to landing. I think the pilot knew I wanted to watch the Game.
On Sunday morning I flew into Oakland. We took the coastal route so the flight was extremely smooth. As we got close to landing we began our descent into the fog. Having faced this fog before and having seen the pilots instruments that help in land in that visibility, I closed my eyes, relaxed and asked the Lord to either help him use the instruments or let a break of sun shine a path for us.
I couldn't see the ground until we were a few feet above the water. Then we hit the pavement. Planes in Oakland touch down just small distance from the water. One little misstep and we'd be in the Bay.
I sent Mr. A a text and told him no more morning flights. I always forget that Bay fog. My brother picked me up and I told him and he said as he was driving to the airport and saw how low the fog was he knew how I'd be feeling. I was grateful to live in L.A. where the fog doesn't hang like that. My brother mentioned how he loves flying into L.A. because its always so sunny.
I flew back to L.A. on Monday night. The flight was delayed 47 minutes due to the Marine Layer a.k.a. fog. We took the valley/mountain route so it was quite bumpy. This fog was super low as we came into LA. It was so low and thick that I didn't see the ground AT ALL. We landed, touched down and I could still not see the ground. It was eerie.
How did I end up with fog in both directions? The flight from Oak to LAX was fast. Maybe 45 minutes from take off to landing. I think the pilot knew I wanted to watch the Game.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
How Much Is Money Worth?
I've been trying to limit my work to the city of L.A. L.A. is large enough that I don't need to go outside the boundaries. There is money to be made - I guess - outside the city but if I have to get up early to go out to get it or get in traffic then I lose a bit of enthusiasm.
I took a case 40 miles away. I truly debated if I should do it. There was a time I considered driving 100 miles to make far less. Traffic usually comes into L.A. so if I schedule stuff for the morning it should be okay. Hopefully traffic coming back to L.A. won't be so bad. My mother suggested I take the bus or train or have Mr. A drive me.
I don't think she thinks I drive that well. I'm not sure where these doubts about my driving ability come from. Mr. A. also thinks I'm a questionable driver. He's an L.A. native which means 80 is moving too slow. I think 70 is pretty cool. The only place I speed is the on the windy Oakland Hill roads. I like being a passenger. I'm like the little old lady who waits for her husband to drive her everywhere. Those days of being 15 and just itching to drive are long long gone. Unless its the Hills. I love driving in the hills with nothing but the trees and the views around me.
The wild thing about my reluctance to take this case is I know I have the potential to make a good sum of money in a couple of months. Now if I was making 6 figures a month I could see myself being finnicky but not being willing to drive 40 miles to get this, is what makes me know how much money is worth to me.
It's not worth giving up my comfort. I have court 300 miles away next week and I don't mind that trip like I mind that 40 mile trip to nowhere. At least when I get off the plane I'll be somewhere worth being. Sorry to the city 40 miles away, but you must know you're a boring place.
I'm one of those people that doesn't like to be in suburbs. I like the city. I feel like I'm leaving life behind when I go outside city limits. I realize its odd but the older I get the less willing I am to spend time in burbs. I like fast paced activity. I like outdoor shopping areas. I haven't been to an indoor mall, outside San Francisco, in over 6 months.
Mr. A and I are planning to go to a store to pick out some things but I can't bring myself to go to the 'burbs where the nearest store is. We're going to wait until we get to the Bay Area so we can go to Emeryville.
It's okay though, I know people that hate the city. They can't wait to get back to the peace and quiet of their area. My great-grandfather didn't want to move back to Pasadena because it was too big. My great-aunt always said she would never live in some big city. Sadly for her, her small town became one of the fastest growing places in CA and now the population is larger than Oakland. But it still isn't a city. Just a lot of houses and a couple of malls with chain restaurants and movie theaters.
I took a case 40 miles away. I truly debated if I should do it. There was a time I considered driving 100 miles to make far less. Traffic usually comes into L.A. so if I schedule stuff for the morning it should be okay. Hopefully traffic coming back to L.A. won't be so bad. My mother suggested I take the bus or train or have Mr. A drive me.
I don't think she thinks I drive that well. I'm not sure where these doubts about my driving ability come from. Mr. A. also thinks I'm a questionable driver. He's an L.A. native which means 80 is moving too slow. I think 70 is pretty cool. The only place I speed is the on the windy Oakland Hill roads. I like being a passenger. I'm like the little old lady who waits for her husband to drive her everywhere. Those days of being 15 and just itching to drive are long long gone. Unless its the Hills. I love driving in the hills with nothing but the trees and the views around me.
The wild thing about my reluctance to take this case is I know I have the potential to make a good sum of money in a couple of months. Now if I was making 6 figures a month I could see myself being finnicky but not being willing to drive 40 miles to get this, is what makes me know how much money is worth to me.
It's not worth giving up my comfort. I have court 300 miles away next week and I don't mind that trip like I mind that 40 mile trip to nowhere. At least when I get off the plane I'll be somewhere worth being. Sorry to the city 40 miles away, but you must know you're a boring place.
I'm one of those people that doesn't like to be in suburbs. I like the city. I feel like I'm leaving life behind when I go outside city limits. I realize its odd but the older I get the less willing I am to spend time in burbs. I like fast paced activity. I like outdoor shopping areas. I haven't been to an indoor mall, outside San Francisco, in over 6 months.
Mr. A and I are planning to go to a store to pick out some things but I can't bring myself to go to the 'burbs where the nearest store is. We're going to wait until we get to the Bay Area so we can go to Emeryville.
It's okay though, I know people that hate the city. They can't wait to get back to the peace and quiet of their area. My great-grandfather didn't want to move back to Pasadena because it was too big. My great-aunt always said she would never live in some big city. Sadly for her, her small town became one of the fastest growing places in CA and now the population is larger than Oakland. But it still isn't a city. Just a lot of houses and a couple of malls with chain restaurants and movie theaters.
Some Strategy
I've always liked my life and what I was blessed with. I've always been confident and proud of who my family and extended family are and what my ancestors accomplished.
I'm always on a continuous path of improvement but no one can make me feel bad about what I have, don't have or what I'm doing. Well, my mother can but that's a whole other post. If my mother says I'm slacking it isn't because I'm not doing what she wants, its because I'm not doing what I have the potential to do.
I digress.........
I've never had the keep up syndrome. I've never had the "let me prove it" problem. The idea that I would allow others to control my behavior is offensive to me. I like to be sure I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to do it. God made me unique, it would be a dishonor to spend my life becoming a copy.
I can look at what other people have and think its wonderful. I can part from their wonder and not spin my wheels with how to top it or match it. I can look at my own life and think its wonderful but not think any observer wished they had it. Just like I'm happy with my life, I assume others are happy with their own life. Well I do think most people would love to live in L.A. or the Bay but that's the region not my house. I'd love to live in NYC and I figure most people would want to as well. I guess maybe its easy to think stuff that is desirable to you would be desirable to others. It's a blessing that people want different things. The natural resources and space are dispersed for a reason.
Anyway........ I believe going into business was made easier for us because we don't have a strong attraction to things or a need to Keep Up. We're both competitive. We compete to be our very best, not to best other people or other entities. Had Mr. A kept his job and if I had even worked part time, we'd have been rolling in things that go bling bling- L.A. style- the day we wed. But shining and blinging so others could see us shine and bling was not our thing.
Here we are now..... we chose to start out with a more moderate lifestyle, we sacrificed a little, were cautious in our spending, and we chose to focus on each other and our business. We've spent this first 1.5 years living the retirement life and enjoying our full time together. The financial changes were especially drastic for Mr. A. He went from a stable income that was high by L.A. standards to having a wife who likes sushi and Crusteceans, and a bank account that needed to last while we built a business and still got enjoyment from the area we live in.
God has blessed us. When we started working to build our business in earnest he allowed the phone to start ringing. People were calling us to hire us. God allowed us to be in the right places and the right times and be prepared. And today God blessed us both even more greatly- business wise.
In the words of the Jefferson theme song. "We're Moving on Up!" Moving closer to my Bay Area home with a view. That's not a literal move. Business is going well here in L.A. When we have a stock pile of cash we'll go back to the bay and get my Bay Views. The Bay is more expensive than L.A. so we'll need more money to buy land with views.
I'm always on a continuous path of improvement but no one can make me feel bad about what I have, don't have or what I'm doing. Well, my mother can but that's a whole other post. If my mother says I'm slacking it isn't because I'm not doing what she wants, its because I'm not doing what I have the potential to do.
I digress.........
I've never had the keep up syndrome. I've never had the "let me prove it" problem. The idea that I would allow others to control my behavior is offensive to me. I like to be sure I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to do it. God made me unique, it would be a dishonor to spend my life becoming a copy.
I can look at what other people have and think its wonderful. I can part from their wonder and not spin my wheels with how to top it or match it. I can look at my own life and think its wonderful but not think any observer wished they had it. Just like I'm happy with my life, I assume others are happy with their own life. Well I do think most people would love to live in L.A. or the Bay but that's the region not my house. I'd love to live in NYC and I figure most people would want to as well. I guess maybe its easy to think stuff that is desirable to you would be desirable to others. It's a blessing that people want different things. The natural resources and space are dispersed for a reason.
Anyway........ I believe going into business was made easier for us because we don't have a strong attraction to things or a need to Keep Up. We're both competitive. We compete to be our very best, not to best other people or other entities. Had Mr. A kept his job and if I had even worked part time, we'd have been rolling in things that go bling bling- L.A. style- the day we wed. But shining and blinging so others could see us shine and bling was not our thing.
Here we are now..... we chose to start out with a more moderate lifestyle, we sacrificed a little, were cautious in our spending, and we chose to focus on each other and our business. We've spent this first 1.5 years living the retirement life and enjoying our full time together. The financial changes were especially drastic for Mr. A. He went from a stable income that was high by L.A. standards to having a wife who likes sushi and Crusteceans, and a bank account that needed to last while we built a business and still got enjoyment from the area we live in.
God has blessed us. When we started working to build our business in earnest he allowed the phone to start ringing. People were calling us to hire us. God allowed us to be in the right places and the right times and be prepared. And today God blessed us both even more greatly- business wise.
In the words of the Jefferson theme song. "We're Moving on Up!" Moving closer to my Bay Area home with a view. That's not a literal move. Business is going well here in L.A. When we have a stock pile of cash we'll go back to the bay and get my Bay Views. The Bay is more expensive than L.A. so we'll need more money to buy land with views.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Back to My Roots
Thanks for stopping by. I wish I could move those two years of posts at Blogsome over here to Blogspot.
Life is changing everyday. I'm excited. Stay tuned for the exciting times of C2A- a California Cutie.
Life is changing everyday. I'm excited. Stay tuned for the exciting times of C2A- a California Cutie.
