This Mind

Let this mind that be in Christ Jesus be in me.

That is the mind that rose Jesus up from the grave, that is the mind I need to be saved.

Last night one of my sorors sent pics of her lovely bridal shower/tea. I've been thinking of TR's shower. Everything together made me feel bitterness at a past situation. I called my mom and she encouraged me and told me not to let the devil have room in my mind. Then she said "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" and think on things of good report.

As my wedding got closer and closer, I discovered that none of my bridesmaids had planned a thing for my bridal shower. They had at least 8 months notice. At the time I was so focused and joyful about us being married that I didn't focus on it and was just happy that my mom stepped in and planned things with 2 weeks notice. The fact that I had two Maid of Honors, one being my sister and the other being my first cousin is what I think bothers me most. My sister had the nerve to tell me if I'd been in Oakland perhaps they would have known what I wanted. Wow.... brides to be who send emails about their bridal shower want bridal showers. My cousin told me she had taken a couple trips and with my big moms death things got hectic. If planning had been done it would have occurred before big mom left us. Again all they had to do was plan a menu and send invitations.

When we first got engaged and for months after I sent them emails with ideas for bridal showers, I gave my cousin/MOH a book with games, I got the location, so all they had to do was organize food and send invitations. One of my cousins had asked to plan it and have a fashion show. I told the others to work with her. A few months before the wedding that cousin told me she had nothing planned and started asking me where I wanted it to be, what food I wanted, etc... I think I hung up on her.

Anyway my mother did it all and I'm very grateful to have her. If not for her I would have not had a thing. I was super duper upset when they asked for my guest list a week before the event. The shower was two weekends before our wedding so there wasn't much time.

One of my sorors organized my bachleorette party and it was great. She offered to plan TR's shower, so I'm having her, my brother and mother handle it.

Anyway, I think I'm over the bitterness. I understand people have lives and busy schedules but I realize I need to accept that I wrongly assumed I had a certain value to some people that clearly I don't have.

My mother tried to tell me that some people can't even plan there own events and that it probably wasn't them not planning for me but not being planners. Well that works for two of my cousins but not the two MOH's. They plan when they want to.

I want TR's shower to be great. I'm sure its just mommy love speaking but my baby deserves thoughtful planning, even if he/she won't be outside the womb when it occurs. But TR is the guest of honor and the idea that those folks would do TR as dirty as they did me sets me off.

But I need to think of things of good report. As my mom pointed out, people lose their mind when they start focusing on and rehashing bad events or feelings of who did them wrong. She said I don't want TR to have to come visit me in the mental hospital so I need to focus on good things. I will but I figured I'd feel better if I shared this. I feel like I've been hesitant to post about because I don't want to cast anyone in a bad light. I probably need to let my sister know how greatly she let me down, at a time that was so extremely important to me, but I don't know if I will. Seems like she'd know. Heck I think she did it on purpose.