We Don't Fight

I can't remember where I heard this but a couple was discussing a fight they'd had, another person said "well my husband and I are fortunate that we don't fight", the other person asked "do you speak to each other?"

Some couples don't fight because they don't talk or because they separate things that are important to them. Some don't fight because they've resigned themselves to never getting on the same page. What's the big deal about fighting, as long as no one is shanked at the end of it? I mean no one thinks its a sign of something ominous if friends fight, so why do people cower from a fight with your spouse? People grow through challenges, its a refining process not a weakening one.

I fight with my siblings and we were raised together so how could I expect never to disagree with my spouse? After years of me and my siblings fighting, the one thing I'm certain of is that we are strong as a family. We don't curse each other out or anything drastic, but that's probably because I don't curse and would be highly dismayed at being cursed out. There are too many words in the English language to use simple curse words to express emotions.

Babyface was on Oprah a while ago and said even his parents were shocked about his divorce because he and his wife NEVER argued. How can two thinking people live together and never have a disagreement and a discussion about that disagreement i.e an argument/fight?

The devil is usually in the details. When a couple tells you what they don't argue, and you get them to finish the story you might discover its because they keep parts of their lives so separated that they don't have to argue. Blu and I discussed in great detail our plan for raising children but I'm sure when TR gets here we'll have some arguments about choices for him. We were raised by two different families so its to be expected that we'll have different ideas on things. We've agreed to always present a united front in our childrens presence because we know kids don't mind dividing and conquering.

Some couples never fight over money and that's because what is hers is hers and what is his is his. Fights can only occur when you combine and share. If I had to work to pay my own cel phone bill why would we have an argument about me going over my minutes? It would have no impact on his financial status. If I bought my friends and family gifts out of my own separate savings, why would we have a disagreement over how much to spend? It doesn't effect his financial status. Mr A and I buy gifts for family and friends from joint funds so we do have to have discussions about what to spend.

If your spouse has no interest or knowledge about what is going on what is there to fight about.

My other peeve is instead of people saying they don't argue why don't they just explain how they handle the situation? I could easily list the things we don't argue about, but if someone was seeking guidance how does that help. I understand it would make me feel superior but needing to feel superior is a whole other set of issues. I just think some folks are destructive to relationships because they are in an invisible competition.

I generally provide a description of what we do to get on the same page and let the person know working the thing out and a willingness to work it out strengthens you and prepares you to reach higher levels in your relationship.