Nasty Ain't Cute

My path to be bitter free day 2.

Sometimes I have felt honor bound to respond to attacks, insults, slights, etc. Sometimes I don't respond but I'll bend the ear of someone else about what the person did.

I'm thinking that sometimes the need to respond is sign of personal weakness. Just reading blogs and reading how people go overboard over little to nothing makes me look at myself. Am I that fragile? That weak? That quick to be offended? If I am, Lord please take it away. Renew my spirit and free me of the angst.


It's okay to express your feelings but I think if you do it in a way to hurt, get back or get the upper hand then its a problem. A soft answer does turn away wrath and what is wrong with the person that can't respond with a soft answer.

I'm also realizing that some people think people know not to mess with them, when really people just know you crazy and want to leave you to your craziness.

I won't allow people or things to upset or frustrate me. They are either doing it on purpose or doing it on accident and in both cases being upset is silly. If its on purpose they are crazy because what sane person needs to upset people.

Everything is not worthy of a response and my goal is to not respond.

My life's journey does not include being gratified at having the last word or the nastiest or smartest quip. I don't want that on my headstone.

I want to leave a memory of a good person, one that was forgiving and saw the best and thought the best of others- even if they didn't deserve it. I don't want to leave the story that if you said something to upset me I would set you straight and put you in your place. I want to be the peaceful loving woman.

I realize that if I am an unkind young woman, I will be an unkind old woman. Only I'll be an alone old woman because no one will want to be around the old lady who is unkind and smart mouth.

Both of my grandmothers always had visitors as they got older. That had kind loving spirits and treated people - even strangers- graciously. They did not hold grudges or bitterness. They actually liked people and I'm realizing a lot of people don't really like people.

Warm Weather Plans

I'm fantasizing about warm weather days. I am one of those mammas that believes infants should be indoors on cold winter days.
I realize low and mid 60's may not qualify as cold to some, but I do better when the temps get closer to 70 and above. 98% of this is stuff I want to do with Mr A.

I'll come back to this list as I think of more things

- Visits to both Getty Museums
-Child & Parent Swim Class
-Mommy/Daddy/Baby Yoga
-Walks
-Bike Rides
-Kenneth Hahn park- its actually a dry looking park but it has a couple pretty spots
-Pretty Bay Area Park
-Lunch at Crustaceans- sidewalk
-Lunch at Toast- sidewalk
-Concert in Park at the Grove
- day at Griffith Park- this park is amazing. It's like a small city
-Walks on Beach
-Santa Monica pier
-Outdoor concerts
-Tea at American Girl Place. My mother said she'd take us. I realize this is more for me than TR and I am okay with that.
-Outdoor Book Club
-Winery Hopping
-Spa Day and lunch- the girl cousins do this yearly, I usually skip but this year I'll attend
-Gilroy Garlic Festival
-Greek Festival- in Oakland and L.A.
- graduations for little bro (have I ever blogged about my 10 year old brother?) and h.s. cousins. I would skip the cousins grad but they live way down south away from most family, so I want them to know we haven't forgotten about them.
-My first Mother's Day with the babe occupying her own space
-TR's 1st birthday bash
-Something grand for Mr A's birthday- food, friends and fun!
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Bitter Free Day 1

It's not yet 10 a.m. The morning is going well. I sent out an email the other day and I think expressing my angst helped a lot.
I also made a phone call to discuss some stuff. I thought the answer was weak and is not what I would have chosen to do, but its valid to them.

Sometimes you are upset with folks and they don't know why or what for.

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It's crazy to me how desperately people want to believe in the wisdom of someone else. I used to think people who earned and maintained real money would have some skill in holding on to it. This Madoff Ponzi Scheme has made me realize that is not the case. People really want to trust that someone has the Midas touch and that they'll give them the golden ticket.

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TR is growing so fast. I am trying to drink up and savor these moments. I love mommyhood. I love watching as my baby wakes up and stretches and smiles and then I move her to my bed and we cuddle. I enjoy watching how she changes, learns and develops.

My mom called me last week and randomly said she was very happy that I was able to stay home with TR. I am too, and sometimes I forget to appreciate that. I start thinking I'm depriving my babe of daycare and the opportunity to have daily interaction with other babies. When we hang out with other babies I can see how social she is and how she is intrigued by kids. When the weather gets warm and the germ season ends I'll take her back out and get in the mix with other kids.

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I'm getting better on the money/work front. In the past a nice settlement would see me slow down my work intake. I'm still moving at a good pace and still accepting new work. I think I'm motivated by 1) cost of private schools 2) the realization that with the market tanking it will take less cash to buy a house we a like in location we like 3) a bad economy is a good time to build wealth, this is the time building gets done.

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Those OC Real Housewives are much worse that the Atlanta ones. I do appreciate that the OC wives have real money.

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I have a conference call right now with the court and I am hopeful TR doesn't start talking in the middle of it. She used to be quiet when I was on business but it seems she likes to join in.

Bitter Black Woman

I am bitter about some things so I decided to make a list, then I decided to just highlight stuff, then I decided not to make a list. Maybe my lent sacrifice will be to let go of these hurts and be free of the bitterness.

One great thing is about a spouse is having someone that actually cares about my hurts and makes my feel like they matter and I'm not just whining. It is good to have a concerned ear but I have got to let it go. Sometimes my mother doesn't want to hear it and sometimes I'm upset with her and I don't feel like going through that whole mama complaint process.

I think bitterness turns into hate as a defense mechanism. I can't afford to hate anyone because I think hating folks makes you physically and mentally ill. Forgiveness is really the only cure.

I'll have to figure out what I will do each day to release the bitterness. Maybe I'll take time each morning and each afternoon to pray for the other person and for myself. It's hard to pray for folks you feel have wronged you but I hear you become better for that sacrifice.

Slideshow

I figured out what I needed to do to upload the slideshow. They are in reverse order and I'll eventually out how to correct that.

I like scenery. Oceans, lakes, rolling green hills, bridegs so we took photos of those things, plus our time share condo. Wine Country is extremely beautiful. I look forward to returning.

The Dark Side

I probably should complain more and about more things. I think if I spent more time complaining and being generally miserable people would feel like the sun was shining when I had a good day.

I think trying to stay positive about things has its down side. People keep wanting more.

The prospect of not having more children and TR having to live as an only child makes me sad. If there are no more kids, I'll make sure she is close to my cousins kids. My mom is an only child and I think there are moments in life that only your sibling can appreciate. TR currently has no first cousins either, that makes only child status even worse. For inheritance purposes she'd be cool but money and no family to love you is misery.

Smetimes I feel very inept. Being told that I am inept does not make me feel better. I think my mother and brother were capable of giving me the best pep talks. They didn't get mushy just factual.

My mother starts out with something like 'do not be weary in well doing'.

I feel my mother understands me. She is not sappy but she understands. Perhaps its what happens when someone raises you from birth to adulthood.

My mother has opened accounta for TR and is opening an annuity for TR so she can have retirement funds. I wonder if she does this because TR is the only grand or does she think she has to have a plan for my babe in case I mess up.

I do not have a fear of failure. I have a fear of letting my enemies be happy at my downtime. I think its foolish to stir in the failed in an effort to keep tongues silent. Better to announce the failure and move on to the next project and make it happen.

I don't have any enemies that matter. So

I'm watching The Doctors. The obgyn just said it is known that older sperm produces more deformities. I have been saying this forever. When I used to sub in special ed a lot of those kids had old daddies. Why do people need a study to figure out simple stuff?

I feel like I have a limited time, to have more kids because I don't want complications and I don't want the kid to have issues 'cause their momma has an old womb.

On this Valentine Day Eve, I would like to remind you readers to ignore the "its the thought that counts" line. It's a lie and will get you in trouble and make your boo feel unappreciated. It isn't the thought that counts, it is what the person wants. They don't care that you thought of them, they care if you do what they want.

I leave you with this jam by J. Sullivan- Lions, Tigers and Bears.

Why do we love Love,
When Love seems to hate us?

But if we never try, We'll never know
It's better to have loved then not to loved at all.
Not trying is worse than to stumble and fall
And if we do, I'd rather it be with you
Cause at least there will be sweet memories.
Oh I'm not scared

Are you scared of love?

Lions, Tigers & Bears - Jazmine Sullivan

That List

Sprinkles. These cakes are worth it. Maybe we can go soon. TR hasn't yet tasted these yummy treats. I want red velvet and perhaps a lemon. The cakes are so rich its hard for me to one whole cupcake. I have never tasted the ones you make yourself, but since a Sprinles is near us, I don't need to make 'em.







White Tea. I haven't had any of this stuff since TR was my passenger. I need it. I got my mom some last Valentine Day. Last year I made baskets and we sent V Day gifts to a select group of friends. This year I didn't even think about it. It tastes the same as tea in Chinese Restaurants. Its hard to drink Celestial Seasonings after this. Lipton tea is not even an option. If it wasn't so pricey I would serve it at my book club. I'm already sharing my wine and a girl has to have limits.

Mommy Days

I don't have any approaching deadlines so I've been chillaxing with the work and doing the mommy thing.

Yesterday Mr A had a meeting downtown, so TR and I hit the Grove. We went to story time at Barnes and Noble and then just hung out for a bit. We need to do that more often. She usually doesn't nap much, but I guess the activity of yesterday caused her to need rest. We both took a nap. I was tired too. We are used to being home, going to the park and just taking it easy.

I rearranged the furniture in her day nursery. I call it day because she doesn't sleep in there. It's just light and bright with Winne the Pooh wall appliques, and much of her baby gear. When my mom comes or Mr A's dad, that is their room.

Today was fun as well. I used to be concerned about how I would handle things if Mr A wasn't home but he was gone all day today and things went quite well. We started the morning with breakfast. TR had peach oatmeal banana. TR got a bath and she splashed and kicked and appeared to be quite interested in the water. I feared she might drop her head and try to drink it.

I did her hair. Baby oil and a baby brush. She has a natural mohawk so I brushed the curls and oiled her up. I found time to scrub the kitchen floor and mop the rest. I caught Oprah - thought it was a great segment- and change the sheets on our bed.

TR played on the bed while I changed it. At one point I made her up in the sheets and when I peeked she was under there laughing. We both got a kick out of that. She is not afraid of the dark or falling. I think she's gonna be a daredevil like her daddy.

Mr A does stunts on his snowboard and I envision TR doing them too when she gets out there.

I sat down to eat at one point and TR managed to grab my tray. She flipped it over and the food landed in my dress. I ate it anyway because I was hungry. As soon as the food was in my lap, she left the tray alone.

At this point I think I can handle baby 2. I would like a part time nanny though but it isn't mandatory.

I had a lovely day and managed to handle a little bit of business. Mostly I just did the mommy thing and I enjoyed it.

I have dinner ready so that when Mr. A comes home we can dine. I may not be June Cleaver but I'm getting good at this.

I think I have the balance I need. If I didn't work on something my mind would atrophy but I have the ability to slow it down and be June Cleaver. I think TR will see a balanced mother. I'm not a home body but I know how to enjoy home. I'm not a social butterfly but I enjoy being social.

5 a.m in the morning

I wanted to post pics of our weekend in Wine Country but can't remember how to embed the slide show. I guess it is not meant to be.

Children

I have heard people say children are bad on a marriage. I wonder if their parents felt that way and that is why they think that way. TR has placed within me an extra special feeling for her daddy.

I think parenting can give insight into how God loves us. For example, its hard for me to hear my baby wail but there are things that are not good for her and that she wants but does not need. I know what I am withholding is for her benefit but she is a babe and wants what she wants NOW.

It makes me think how we wail sometimes to God. Maybe others don't- I do. We beseech Him, we wail and He wants to swoop us up and comfort us and give us what we want, but He sees how it will end.

Before being a mommy my prayer was to remain in His perfect Will. Now that I am a mommy its become a bit more clear why that is the best place for me.

The Head

I wonder how the principle of husband as the head of the family became secular? Why folks go stealing religious principles. All they do is jack them up.

Gifts

At church the minister was talking about gifts. He said when someone gives you a gift you don't have to pay for it. He said if a man gives you a car, you won't have a car note. If you are paying the note, it isn't a gift. He went to say how many pastors tell their membership that God blesses them with stuff, like a Bentley, when its the contributions of the congregation making it happen. The members start feeling like they are doing something wrong and aren't being blessed because they don't have similiar things.

That idea seems to pervade so much. Everything is a blessing and if you don't get it you aren't blessed or you are broken or gasp cursed and maybe even cursed in generation. Some stuff requires work. I do think people forget the amount of work they put into stuff.

Some of the women I know who had to put up with so much or do so much manuervering to get their spouse are the main ones saying "I just sat back and waited because I knew God would bless me." They won't tell you how they showed up at his house on a regular basis with gifts of food, etc. I recently settled a case and while I am tempted to feel like that was some pure blessing, I have to remember it took 3 years for it to end. My blessing was the ability and strength to work.

Life is interesting when you have the patience to observe it.

Thought for the Morning

A marriage of love.

A marriage based in love is not entered into and does not survive and flourish because the parties are perfectly synced on every issue or on every major issue.

The marriage of love is built upon a commitment and a promise that we will work out each issue because we know what we share is something spectacular and will grow because of the effort we put into it. Its about honor, not greed.

The beauty of love is a well-earned gift.

Love does not proclaim- "oh well, do you." Love thinks of 'us', 'we', 'ours'.

Any questions?

so.....

Mr A and I got lower rent. Joy!! It feels good. We didn't want to move and unless we find something we adore or buy in L.A. we'll be here chilling.

Earlier today the realtor we'd sorta worked with - in 2007- called us.

I answered the phone and he had the nerve to tell me that we should buy now even if it was something we didn't like. He said we were at the bottom of the market and we would quadruple our money in a few years. Then we could sell and get what we wanted with the profit.

I'm not the math person but unless the increase in value is grand, the cost of the loan including interest, commissionsm property tax and other ownership expenses would eat into the gain. A home is not a savings account and if the rent paid is providing shelter the money isn't wasted.

I guess he doesn't care to remember but investment was not our purpose. We want location as well as a house we want to stay in. If investment had been our goal we would have bought back when we could have gotten the house for $1.5 million, with 0 down, and an adjustable rate. If we love the home then we won't be annoyed with price fluctuations.

These realtors are as nutty as some of the buyers were.

THE WEEKEND

The A family had a lovely weekend. I am still recuperating from it. It involved Disney and enjoying the superbowl with friends. TR attacked a one year old baby and made the baby cry. I think the two girls later made up because they were playing with each other later in the evening.

Debt is not Money

Debt is not money. Using OPM ( other people's money) to gain things makes you a slave to that other person. If I lend you money, even at a low interest rate, it is because I have the money to lend.

Money is power. If your life is based on debt (good debt or bad debt) then you are controlled by the one with the power to give you money to pay the debt and stay in the debt.

Anyway, I need to be a part of one of these 420 conversations. I sometimes feel like people have bought in. I'm glad everyone hasn't.

This recession is making people wake up. The U.S. doesn't have the power because we have the debt.