My mother and I were on our way to a 3 p.m. Sunday church service. She was the musican for one of the guest choirs. So we arrived about 3:30. The church is in a high crime part of town. But it's Sunday afternoon and most violence tends to occur at night.
We parked our car, got out and proceeded toward the church. All of a sudden there is a *!?*! crash. We look and notice a car accident, a woman is sitting in the car that got hit. She wasn't doing too much moving, but visually the accident wasn't that bad. I can't remember what happened to the car that hit the woman, but perhaps he was also stalled.
So my mother hurries over to the car. I quickly survey the situation and advise her not to go. She looks at me like I'm crazy and says, "this woman may need help. I want to make sure none of these guys steal her purse." So she saw the guys and thought thief, I saw the guys and got another feeling. I walked slowly in the opposite direction and yelled for her to come on.
As soon as she got to the car, this big ni**a, swerves and jumps out of his car and starts yelling at another guy that is standing around. I'm thinking the guy that just pulled up must be the son of the woman that got hit and wants to fight the guy that caused the accident.
So when I saw this guy swerve and make that ghetto stop, I began to run and made one last yell for my mother to come on. At the point I began to run about 30 feet seperate me from my mother.
The guy he is after is running right behind me. I never looked around but I knew the guy that was doing the chasing had a large gun. Don't ask me how I knew, but probably from the way the crowd around him took off when he jumped out the car.
But I could almost feel the gun shots hitting me. (although no shots were fired) I was praying the guy he was after would cross the street, so I wouldn't get caught in the cross fire.
When the gunman had got out his car, the person who got the best look at his gun was my mother. She said it was huge. If you ask her she'll describe it for you.
So when my mother saw the gun she also took off running. Now recall I said when I started running she was about 30 feet distant from me? Well she ran past the guy with the gun,past the guy he was chasing and past me.
When we got to the church lot, the kids at the church who happened to see the whole thing said "Sis Bonnie, we didn't know you could run like that."
So I turned into the church lot barefoot. I had run out of my clogs.
So my mother told me to go inside and call the police. All I could do was collapse when I got inside. I called them but I could barely speak.
The pastor went out and got my shoes and brought them to me as I laid on the floor of the church office. I was on the floor because I imagined gunfire whizzing past my head.
When I saw my mother again, I told her, "I told you not to go over there." I also told her that she should have went the way everyone else ran, instead of running with the gunman.
But for about 3 weeks before this incident my mother had had a kink in her back that wouldn't go away. She could barely wear heels. As a matter of fact on that very day she was walking tender like because the pain of the kink. But since the day of the run, which is over 5 years ago, she hasn't had that problem with her back again.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Thursday, January 06, 2005
The battle is not yours. That simple statement says so much. Once we stop fighting our own battles things get so much better. I mean there are some things that you can handle on you own, but there is so much other stuff that lacks any impact and just serves to upset us. So why battle? Usually when the battle is done, we don’t feel any better, we just have a story about how petty we behaved.
I’m trying not to let the inconsequential things upset me because 1.) that’s what the other person wants, or 2). that’s not what they want and they are just socially inept and mean no harm. or 3). they just have an mean personality. In either situation getting upset is foolish and perhaps harmful.
Momentarily things may still get me, perhaps that’s just my nature but once I think about it, I realize, “it ain’t that serious.”
Once I was in a deposition and my client got crazy with the opposing counsel. That woman got black. I had to ask for a break. The counsel took me outside and said “Nicole, you better talk to your client because if he wants to go there I will take it there. I don’t know how you deal with that man.”
I’m thinking, “your client is probably paying you $250+ an hour, let him act stupid.”
So I take my client outside and tell him to behave. He was giddy almost skipping. The fact that he was able to upset her, put him on a super high. After that he kept telling me that she couldn’t handle him.
Another work story is a white lawyer that practically cursed me out, outside of court. This was my first solo lawsuit and I was making multiple motions that required him to do extra work on short notice. For one of the motions, we were in the clerks office and he said “I had to stay up all night and spend my weekend responding to this crap, I don’t appreciate all the time I have to spend for this sh*t.” He said a whole lot more but I can’t recall the details.
I said “Don’t they pay you over at "High-Brow" law firm? What are you whining about, I’m helping your firm get billables.” (his client was an insurance company. If my client is an insurance company, please drag that thing out at make it last forever)
He replied “oh they pay me very well, but I bet you aren’t getting paid.” I just looked at him. I wasn’t getting paid, but I didn’t share that with him. I was representing the plaintiff on a contingency basis.
Anyway I realized that the man was stressed out so I kept giving him motions, and yes the settlement happened shortly thereafter. I did however bring my father to court each time after that, I felt the need for a male presence just in case the man went postal. But I didn’t let him know I was fearful of bodily harm or that I was totally shocked by his tone and comments.
Never let them see you sweat, in fact don’t sweat. It ain’t that serious.
I’m trying not to let the inconsequential things upset me because 1.) that’s what the other person wants, or 2). that’s not what they want and they are just socially inept and mean no harm. or 3). they just have an mean personality. In either situation getting upset is foolish and perhaps harmful.
Momentarily things may still get me, perhaps that’s just my nature but once I think about it, I realize, “it ain’t that serious.”
Once I was in a deposition and my client got crazy with the opposing counsel. That woman got black. I had to ask for a break. The counsel took me outside and said “Nicole, you better talk to your client because if he wants to go there I will take it there. I don’t know how you deal with that man.”
I’m thinking, “your client is probably paying you $250+ an hour, let him act stupid.”
So I take my client outside and tell him to behave. He was giddy almost skipping. The fact that he was able to upset her, put him on a super high. After that he kept telling me that she couldn’t handle him.
Another work story is a white lawyer that practically cursed me out, outside of court. This was my first solo lawsuit and I was making multiple motions that required him to do extra work on short notice. For one of the motions, we were in the clerks office and he said “I had to stay up all night and spend my weekend responding to this crap, I don’t appreciate all the time I have to spend for this sh*t.” He said a whole lot more but I can’t recall the details.
I said “Don’t they pay you over at "High-Brow" law firm? What are you whining about, I’m helping your firm get billables.” (his client was an insurance company. If my client is an insurance company, please drag that thing out at make it last forever)
He replied “oh they pay me very well, but I bet you aren’t getting paid.” I just looked at him. I wasn’t getting paid, but I didn’t share that with him. I was representing the plaintiff on a contingency basis.
Anyway I realized that the man was stressed out so I kept giving him motions, and yes the settlement happened shortly thereafter. I did however bring my father to court each time after that, I felt the need for a male presence just in case the man went postal. But I didn’t let him know I was fearful of bodily harm or that I was totally shocked by his tone and comments.
Never let them see you sweat, in fact don’t sweat. It ain’t that serious.
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
Answered Prayer
I didn't hear myself pray
But I guess he really does know the heart
An inner yearning so deep and suppressed even to the one in need
The prayer was answered
Without my assistance
Without my interference
Some things I have been given the strength to do
Every thing else I have turned over
I didn't realize I had turned this over
I knew I had let it go
He gave it back in a way better than my understanding
Positivity and love has been my gift
A gift greater than any I could have requested
or known to request
It's amazing what he'll do if we let him
I finally know what that means
But I guess he really does know the heart
An inner yearning so deep and suppressed even to the one in need
The prayer was answered
Without my assistance
Without my interference
Some things I have been given the strength to do
Every thing else I have turned over
I didn't realize I had turned this over
I knew I had let it go
He gave it back in a way better than my understanding
Positivity and love has been my gift
A gift greater than any I could have requested
or known to request
It's amazing what he'll do if we let him
I finally know what that means
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Note to Self
Are you tripping off the trivial sh*t?
Come on now how long does that crap last?
Were you briefly offended?
What the ****?
Move the **** on.
If you think about it, it's amusing
Laugh and I bet you'll catch on
The humour is.....it's silly
And if has no effect on your soul
They could even steal you life
But didn't you say you believed in God?
That's not the end
It only sped up the inevitable
It's unfortunate that you were mometarily caught off guard
But now you are on your guard
Knowledge is your power
The world isn't a horrible place
It's the place you let it be
If the joy is yours no one can steal it
No one can erase that inside smile
Mere words can be piercing
but don't let them harden your shell
Stay soft, someone needs it
Don't let the past control your present nor future
If you do, the person who did this to you wins
Do you really want such trifling behavior to change who you are?
Can you handle knowing that yout life, your love, you
has been reset by someone who never meant you any good?
Um, but you don't have to be stupid to be smart
Come on now how long does that crap last?
Were you briefly offended?
What the ****?
Move the **** on.
If you think about it, it's amusing
Laugh and I bet you'll catch on
The humour is.....it's silly
And if has no effect on your soul
They could even steal you life
But didn't you say you believed in God?
That's not the end
It only sped up the inevitable
It's unfortunate that you were mometarily caught off guard
But now you are on your guard
Knowledge is your power
The world isn't a horrible place
It's the place you let it be
If the joy is yours no one can steal it
No one can erase that inside smile
Mere words can be piercing
but don't let them harden your shell
Stay soft, someone needs it
Don't let the past control your present nor future
If you do, the person who did this to you wins
Do you really want such trifling behavior to change who you are?
Can you handle knowing that yout life, your love, you
has been reset by someone who never meant you any good?
Um, but you don't have to be stupid to be smart
Monday, January 03, 2005
Beautiful Day
Laid back and chill
Of course you can call
Intelligent with edge
Holla at your girl
Social yet private
Great mix
Name brand educated and still real
Yum
Modest with reason & room to brag
Thank you Lord for an unvain man
Loves his family in deed and word
A heart of gold
Attentive without the smother
A necessary balance
Proper etiquette and manly with it
Sexy
Beautiful dichotomy
A blend of spice with nice
A gentleman that can let the woman be strong
Whoa. Why are you single? Oh- you’re not.
Of course you can call
Intelligent with edge
Holla at your girl
Social yet private
Great mix
Name brand educated and still real
Yum
Modest with reason & room to brag
Thank you Lord for an unvain man
Loves his family in deed and word
A heart of gold
Attentive without the smother
A necessary balance
Proper etiquette and manly with it
Sexy
Beautiful dichotomy
A blend of spice with nice
A gentleman that can let the woman be strong
Whoa. Why are you single? Oh- you’re not.
Friday, December 31, 2004
Need to Impress
Well a particular "friend" (I'll call her Ms. Chick) in my life has begun to show her true colors. She's always shown them but now she seems to have lost control of how to manage them. She acts so bougie. Notice I say act. I enjoy true bougie, but fake is awful. But I never hate on her, I allow her to be who and how she wants to be. She tries to portray a cultured image. But folks can cultivate the type of persona they want.
In law school, I wondered why she didn't get along with any of the other black people and years later I realized its because she is super competitive and has to be the most fabulous. My personality allows people to be as fabulous as they want. I even will encourage an ego. I'm happy with who I am, so why would I begrudge someone the joy of pretending to be who they want to be? Practice makes perfect and maybe one day she'll be that person. I'm realizing that these type of personalites are bred of insecurity.
Well Ms. Chick is getting on edge with me. I think she is trying to test my finances. But I won't let them be tested. I'll happily get out her mix. I know how much money I've got, I know how much I can spend and I feel no need to attempt to live beyond my means just to make someone think how I'm living is in my means.
Well for years Ms. Chick had been extolling to me the greatness of her boyfriend. I never doubted anything she told me. Why the heck would she need to lie, and especially to me. For the length of time I've known her, almost 9 years now, I've just now got a serious relationship. So why lie to the single girl? The fact that she had a man was more than I had, so why make up stories about his wealth, and business prowess.
Just this past year she lied to me about his office space. Yes ya'll something that trivial. The lie she told was 100% voluntary. I didn't ask her anything about her man. Liars are bad, but I think they are worse when they volunteer a lie. If you lie for protection, you can feign justification, but when you volunteer, folks know you lack somethings.
So today I found out this grand office space her boyfriend has is virtual office space. But this lie let me know that what the hairdresser said was correct. "Ms. Chick is trying to impress you, she is jealous, negative, not professional and your business will do better if she's not around." It's some other stuff going on too.
Ms. Chick always tells me how much she makes. I don't care, I can't spend her money. She has spent the year telling me she was going to buy a house because she made so much and needed the deduction. Well I happened to fall into a house that exceeds the purchase price she had set for herself. I think that upset her, because like I said, now she is trying to test my finances. I had to tell her my mortgage comes first.
So I'm moving on, saving some money and perhaps with the money I save I'll do something nice for myself. Ms. Chick has unknowingly done me a money saving, comfort giving favor.
In law school, I wondered why she didn't get along with any of the other black people and years later I realized its because she is super competitive and has to be the most fabulous. My personality allows people to be as fabulous as they want. I even will encourage an ego. I'm happy with who I am, so why would I begrudge someone the joy of pretending to be who they want to be? Practice makes perfect and maybe one day she'll be that person. I'm realizing that these type of personalites are bred of insecurity.
Well Ms. Chick is getting on edge with me. I think she is trying to test my finances. But I won't let them be tested. I'll happily get out her mix. I know how much money I've got, I know how much I can spend and I feel no need to attempt to live beyond my means just to make someone think how I'm living is in my means.
Well for years Ms. Chick had been extolling to me the greatness of her boyfriend. I never doubted anything she told me. Why the heck would she need to lie, and especially to me. For the length of time I've known her, almost 9 years now, I've just now got a serious relationship. So why lie to the single girl? The fact that she had a man was more than I had, so why make up stories about his wealth, and business prowess.
Just this past year she lied to me about his office space. Yes ya'll something that trivial. The lie she told was 100% voluntary. I didn't ask her anything about her man. Liars are bad, but I think they are worse when they volunteer a lie. If you lie for protection, you can feign justification, but when you volunteer, folks know you lack somethings.
So today I found out this grand office space her boyfriend has is virtual office space. But this lie let me know that what the hairdresser said was correct. "Ms. Chick is trying to impress you, she is jealous, negative, not professional and your business will do better if she's not around." It's some other stuff going on too.
Ms. Chick always tells me how much she makes. I don't care, I can't spend her money. She has spent the year telling me she was going to buy a house because she made so much and needed the deduction. Well I happened to fall into a house that exceeds the purchase price she had set for herself. I think that upset her, because like I said, now she is trying to test my finances. I had to tell her my mortgage comes first.
So I'm moving on, saving some money and perhaps with the money I save I'll do something nice for myself. Ms. Chick has unknowingly done me a money saving, comfort giving favor.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Romance
The rain is romance
It brings its own lighting
No need to close the blinds in the daytime
It inspires a cuddle
As I listen to the sound of the rain and hear his heartbeat
The rain is my permission to wear my comfortable clothes
Romance doesn't feel like silk
It feels like flannel, warm and comforting
It feels like cashmere, smooth and soft
When it rains I want flannel, I want cashmere
I want him
The rain wants me to slow things down
That's romance, no rush
Time to savor the warmth, the joy, the peace
Each raindrop is like a kiss
Perfect
It brings its own lighting
No need to close the blinds in the daytime
It inspires a cuddle
As I listen to the sound of the rain and hear his heartbeat
The rain is my permission to wear my comfortable clothes
Romance doesn't feel like silk
It feels like flannel, warm and comforting
It feels like cashmere, smooth and soft
When it rains I want flannel, I want cashmere
I want him
The rain wants me to slow things down
That's romance, no rush
Time to savor the warmth, the joy, the peace
Each raindrop is like a kiss
Perfect
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Married Life
I'm not married but I am on day 6 of my guy's week visit. It's been fun, we've had some disagreements, we've conquered them and his presence hasn't annoyed me nor has it made me think living with a man and him in particular would be unbearable. Mostly its been very enjoyable. The strangest part for me is the bathroom situation. I had always assumed that I would need a minimum of 2 bathrooms to have a successful marriage. I only have one bathroom and except for the shock of seeing the toilet seat up, I haven't been disgusted by what I imagined a man's bathroom habits to be.
Although whenever I'm at his house, I've never noticed the seat being left up. I question this? No - I don't think he is harboring a woman in his home but I know that the toilet seat is always down. Things that make me go hmmm?
We've even managed to get along with just one t.v. He loves football and sports and we have found a happy medium between my shows and his. In fact my soap opera just came on and he seems intent to shower for the entire hour.
Well I've actually been cooking, and enjoying it. My domestic tendencies are showing. I like preparing meals and since he's a better cook than myself, I've learned to make a couple things.
Perhaps this is the honeymoon phase. Whatever it is I'm going with and enjoying the flow.
Although whenever I'm at his house, I've never noticed the seat being left up. I question this? No - I don't think he is harboring a woman in his home but I know that the toilet seat is always down. Things that make me go hmmm?
We've even managed to get along with just one t.v. He loves football and sports and we have found a happy medium between my shows and his. In fact my soap opera just came on and he seems intent to shower for the entire hour.
Well I've actually been cooking, and enjoying it. My domestic tendencies are showing. I like preparing meals and since he's a better cook than myself, I've learned to make a couple things.
Perhaps this is the honeymoon phase. Whatever it is I'm going with and enjoying the flow.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Getting Up Early
Is the time you wake an indicator of success? I don't know Oprah, Donald Trump or Bill Gates but I bet they get up very early. The few people that I do know that have amazing success at a young age, barely sleep and they are loving what they do.
I always intend to start my day at 6:30 and on many mornings I'm up by that time, but getting out the house before 9:30 is another story.
I hear "A" list celebrities talk about their early morning calls and leaving home at 3 a.m. so they can be ready to film at 8 or 9 a.m.
I'm thinking I need to get up early and actually get things done. Plus, I'm thinking if I'm enjoying what I do it won't be a drag to get up, as Dr. Phil said about doing what you love, I'd want to sleep fast, so I could start the day again.
I always intend to start my day at 6:30 and on many mornings I'm up by that time, but getting out the house before 9:30 is another story.
I hear "A" list celebrities talk about their early morning calls and leaving home at 3 a.m. so they can be ready to film at 8 or 9 a.m.
I'm thinking I need to get up early and actually get things done. Plus, I'm thinking if I'm enjoying what I do it won't be a drag to get up, as Dr. Phil said about doing what you love, I'd want to sleep fast, so I could start the day again.
Spreading the Word
Many of my thoughts center around work. I'm self employed and doing my best to start a second venture that has been my dream for more than 10 years now.
So I've been spreading the word. At first I didn't want to share my dream (outisde of my family) because if it didn't work out I didn't want folks asking me what happened. But as I've began to share, most people want to help or be a part of it, or recommend me to someone that has some assistance to offer to me.
Well at a house party thrown by my mother this Sunday, I asked my aunt if she knew a woman who owns a very successful ad agency. I have been trying to find a connection to this lady for a couple of months. I've also been trying to find a connection to anyone in the advertising world.
Well I don't know if this ad lady is a Delta, (a couple years back our newspaper had an article about the deb ball her daughter was in and I knew it wasn't the AKA affair and I thought it was Delta) and since my aunt is a Delta and around her age I thought perhaps their paths may have crossed somewhere. My aunt didn't personally know her and couldn't provide me with a direct link to her.
So I was telling my brother the story about my search for this woman and how our aunt didn't know her. He posseses a photographic memory and recalled that the deb ball was put on by the Links, so the woman might not be a Delta. He also told me he knew the woman. She had contacted him regarding some business relating to the company he works for, told her she knew him and he assisted her.
He promised to send her an email with the request that she have a conversation with me about my business venture.
I'm super excited and realizing that in business spreading the word can sometimes be beneficial and spreading the word to the correct people is even better. I was asking the wrong people.
So I've been spreading the word. At first I didn't want to share my dream (outisde of my family) because if it didn't work out I didn't want folks asking me what happened. But as I've began to share, most people want to help or be a part of it, or recommend me to someone that has some assistance to offer to me.
Well at a house party thrown by my mother this Sunday, I asked my aunt if she knew a woman who owns a very successful ad agency. I have been trying to find a connection to this lady for a couple of months. I've also been trying to find a connection to anyone in the advertising world.
Well I don't know if this ad lady is a Delta, (a couple years back our newspaper had an article about the deb ball her daughter was in and I knew it wasn't the AKA affair and I thought it was Delta) and since my aunt is a Delta and around her age I thought perhaps their paths may have crossed somewhere. My aunt didn't personally know her and couldn't provide me with a direct link to her.
So I was telling my brother the story about my search for this woman and how our aunt didn't know her. He posseses a photographic memory and recalled that the deb ball was put on by the Links, so the woman might not be a Delta. He also told me he knew the woman. She had contacted him regarding some business relating to the company he works for, told her she knew him and he assisted her.
He promised to send her an email with the request that she have a conversation with me about my business venture.
I'm super excited and realizing that in business spreading the word can sometimes be beneficial and spreading the word to the correct people is even better. I was asking the wrong people.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Magical Date
Okay this blog is about a date I had, my guy reads my blog so he's gonna have to read about himself in this one.
Well this date was magical because it consisted of my favorite things and my guy didn't even know they were my favorite things.
So I'm there visiting ( almost 300 miles seperate us) this was probably our first couple outing, first time without family and/or friends.
The conversation went something like this
Him: So what do you want to do?
Me: Anything is fine. (I know guys actually want an answer when they ask that)
Him: Do you want to see a movie?
Me: Nope, we can't talk during the movie.
Him: Do you like Jamba Juice?
Me: Yes, I do (super excited, I lu-uvvv Jamba Juice , I drink them when I want to treat myself)
Him: Well I thought we could go to Jamba Juice and my favorite Sushi bar is right next to it, so we could go there
Me: Sushi? you eat sushi? What kind?
Ladies I wanted to jump with glee. Sushi is what I eat when I want to treat myself . Sushi for me is like my permission to relax and just enjoy. Jamba Juice is the same thing. Plus both are so expensive cuz it takes much Sushi to get full. This man was offering me three of my favorite things without even realizing it. Him, sushi and Jamba Juice. Ya'll I had to tell him.
Me: I usually only eat sushi when I get paid, it's how I treat myself.
Him: smile
Me: And I love Jamba Juice, I drink it when I want to treat myself. I never imagined that I'd ever have a man that I really like, sushi and Jamba Juice all together. It's like my fairytale.
The small pleasures in life really mean so much. This is not some fru fru guy either, he isn't petite nor does he drink tea with his pinky out. He's like a football kinda dude, which makes it all the better. A man with a liking for delicacies.
The day was beautiful, there was an art festival and we walked along and looked at the various sidewalk art and yes, he held my hand.
I sigh just thinking about it.
Side note: the best thing about my building is that it is across the street from my brother's building. In the middle of writing this blog we took a walk to the bank. I didn't want to go to the bank but being self employed I sometimes have to work on my clients cash schedule. We have lunch together on lots of days and sometimes we run errands together. It's fun. END SIDENOTE.
Well this date was magical because it consisted of my favorite things and my guy didn't even know they were my favorite things.
So I'm there visiting ( almost 300 miles seperate us) this was probably our first couple outing, first time without family and/or friends.
The conversation went something like this
Him: So what do you want to do?
Me: Anything is fine. (I know guys actually want an answer when they ask that)
Him: Do you want to see a movie?
Me: Nope, we can't talk during the movie.
Him: Do you like Jamba Juice?
Me: Yes, I do (super excited, I lu-uvvv Jamba Juice , I drink them when I want to treat myself)
Him: Well I thought we could go to Jamba Juice and my favorite Sushi bar is right next to it, so we could go there
Me: Sushi? you eat sushi? What kind?
Ladies I wanted to jump with glee. Sushi is what I eat when I want to treat myself . Sushi for me is like my permission to relax and just enjoy. Jamba Juice is the same thing. Plus both are so expensive cuz it takes much Sushi to get full. This man was offering me three of my favorite things without even realizing it. Him, sushi and Jamba Juice. Ya'll I had to tell him.
Me: I usually only eat sushi when I get paid, it's how I treat myself.
Him: smile
Me: And I love Jamba Juice, I drink it when I want to treat myself. I never imagined that I'd ever have a man that I really like, sushi and Jamba Juice all together. It's like my fairytale.
The small pleasures in life really mean so much. This is not some fru fru guy either, he isn't petite nor does he drink tea with his pinky out. He's like a football kinda dude, which makes it all the better. A man with a liking for delicacies.
The day was beautiful, there was an art festival and we walked along and looked at the various sidewalk art and yes, he held my hand.
I sigh just thinking about it.
Side note: the best thing about my building is that it is across the street from my brother's building. In the middle of writing this blog we took a walk to the bank. I didn't want to go to the bank but being self employed I sometimes have to work on my clients cash schedule. We have lunch together on lots of days and sometimes we run errands together. It's fun. END SIDENOTE.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
SOCIAL HANDICAP
Those people who you just can't stand and who everyone else you know can't stand either.Many of us have met people that don't like us and whom we don't like for whatever reason or for no reason at all, I'm speaking of people who kill the comfort of a crowd. They may have other attributes like intelligence but were not blessed and never developed social graces.
Social handicap crosses gender lines, I've met a couple dudes I just couldn't stand and who seemed to make the room annoyed by their presence. I've only met one chick who has this handicap. I'm somewhat indifferent towards her for the most part but I get a kick from watching how strangers respond to her. It's not so much the attitude she has, but the actual words that come from her mouth. Always critical, seeking attention, trying to portray an image of class, quality and means and being one of the cheapest people, with no idea of quality you'd never wanna meet.
At social functions strangers from various regions of the country insult her, mostly men, women just hurry and move away. The funny thing is she thinks she doesn't like women and that women are too trifling for her to mingle with. It's actually the women who dread being in her prescence. But don't get it twisted she insults folks to their face, seeming to be oblivous of what she is saying. She looks at the guys in the club and negatively critiques them from head to toe. So when the odd guy takes out the time to break her down, everyone in earshot brims with glee.
A couple friends have analyzed critical chick and have come to the conclusion that she was probably unattractive and very unpopular during her formative years and now subconsciously has to get attention of any kind. No one has come up with any explanations as to why she's so mean and critical. Maybe it's because she doesn't like anyone, which she doesn't appear to.
Someone out there may think this blog is about them, but as the singer lady says "you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you." If you pay me 10k I'll cook you dinner and let you know who critical chick is.
Social handicap crosses gender lines, I've met a couple dudes I just couldn't stand and who seemed to make the room annoyed by their presence. I've only met one chick who has this handicap. I'm somewhat indifferent towards her for the most part but I get a kick from watching how strangers respond to her. It's not so much the attitude she has, but the actual words that come from her mouth. Always critical, seeking attention, trying to portray an image of class, quality and means and being one of the cheapest people, with no idea of quality you'd never wanna meet.
At social functions strangers from various regions of the country insult her, mostly men, women just hurry and move away. The funny thing is she thinks she doesn't like women and that women are too trifling for her to mingle with. It's actually the women who dread being in her prescence. But don't get it twisted she insults folks to their face, seeming to be oblivous of what she is saying. She looks at the guys in the club and negatively critiques them from head to toe. So when the odd guy takes out the time to break her down, everyone in earshot brims with glee.
A couple friends have analyzed critical chick and have come to the conclusion that she was probably unattractive and very unpopular during her formative years and now subconsciously has to get attention of any kind. No one has come up with any explanations as to why she's so mean and critical. Maybe it's because she doesn't like anyone, which she doesn't appear to.
Someone out there may think this blog is about them, but as the singer lady says "you're so vain, you probably think this song is about you." If you pay me 10k I'll cook you dinner and let you know who critical chick is.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Shout Out to My Girls
To my girlfriends (cousins included) thanks for being my friend and girl.
The older I get the more I realize that I am blessed to have girlfriends. If I want to shop at Target or any other store they'll be available and they'll look at the same things I'm looking at. We both say "uohou" at the same time over something really cute. They help me choose dishware, furniture, holiday cards, shoes (shoe shopping is much more fun with a girlfriend), razors, makeup, deodarant, underwear, and make knowlegable assessments when I want to buy a cute pair of underwear that I know won't fit. Anything that a girl at heart coo's over, we coo together.
If I feel wronged by a guy they are there to encourage me. They help pick me up and listen to me whine. They are available to go to the gym, dinner, movies, and just hang out.
If I'm having some strange physical occurence they will tell a story about themself or someone they know who had the same thing happen and the conclusion of that thing.
Ladies get a hard time sometimes and mostly by other women, but for me, my girlfriends have shared in some of the best experiences of my life. I've never been without them and I hope I always have them. When I reflect upon my most fun college days, they were events with the girls. Did someone say "to have a friend you have to be a friend" or did I make that up?
My girls are not trifling, they are not bitches, they are not jealous, they are not selfish and they accept me and love me even when I may portray some of those previously listed failings. They are there to give a hug and support, and emotions more useful then the logical advice a man always wants to provide.
Perhaps its from having a sister and lots of girl cousins but I've always preferred the company and conversation of my girls over the company and conversation of the guys. I trust that the things my girls tell me aren't from jealously nor because they are hating on me.
I'm realizing that I have developed strong female relationships. Although one of my oldest and best friends is a guy, (hopefully) soon he will get a wife and the terms of our friendship will have to change. I think it would be selfish of me to want things any other way. In fact it happened during his last serious relationship. But although we are great friends, its not as special and intimate as that between me and my girls. I don't need pretense with the ladies.
I'm looking forward to my bachleorette party, so the girls and I can have fun and be silly. But we will not have a stripper. Whoever is in on the planning, do not bring a stripper to my thang. Girls only.
Now that I have a great boyfriend, I'm even more grateful for the girls. When he sends me a poem, they will sigh with me, and when they see me smile when I talk to him, they are there to say "I like him" and make me remember to appreciate him all the more. Plus when he wants to hang out with the guys (as he did this weekend, when I wanted some of his time- yeah Mr. Man I'm talking about you) my girl/cousin Aaliyah talked to me on the phone, listened to me vent and helped me get my mind off my annoyance).
Can you beat having a true girlfriend?
The older I get the more I realize that I am blessed to have girlfriends. If I want to shop at Target or any other store they'll be available and they'll look at the same things I'm looking at. We both say "uohou" at the same time over something really cute. They help me choose dishware, furniture, holiday cards, shoes (shoe shopping is much more fun with a girlfriend), razors, makeup, deodarant, underwear, and make knowlegable assessments when I want to buy a cute pair of underwear that I know won't fit. Anything that a girl at heart coo's over, we coo together.
If I feel wronged by a guy they are there to encourage me. They help pick me up and listen to me whine. They are available to go to the gym, dinner, movies, and just hang out.
If I'm having some strange physical occurence they will tell a story about themself or someone they know who had the same thing happen and the conclusion of that thing.
Ladies get a hard time sometimes and mostly by other women, but for me, my girlfriends have shared in some of the best experiences of my life. I've never been without them and I hope I always have them. When I reflect upon my most fun college days, they were events with the girls. Did someone say "to have a friend you have to be a friend" or did I make that up?
My girls are not trifling, they are not bitches, they are not jealous, they are not selfish and they accept me and love me even when I may portray some of those previously listed failings. They are there to give a hug and support, and emotions more useful then the logical advice a man always wants to provide.
Perhaps its from having a sister and lots of girl cousins but I've always preferred the company and conversation of my girls over the company and conversation of the guys. I trust that the things my girls tell me aren't from jealously nor because they are hating on me.
I'm realizing that I have developed strong female relationships. Although one of my oldest and best friends is a guy, (hopefully) soon he will get a wife and the terms of our friendship will have to change. I think it would be selfish of me to want things any other way. In fact it happened during his last serious relationship. But although we are great friends, its not as special and intimate as that between me and my girls. I don't need pretense with the ladies.
I'm looking forward to my bachleorette party, so the girls and I can have fun and be silly. But we will not have a stripper. Whoever is in on the planning, do not bring a stripper to my thang. Girls only.
Now that I have a great boyfriend, I'm even more grateful for the girls. When he sends me a poem, they will sigh with me, and when they see me smile when I talk to him, they are there to say "I like him" and make me remember to appreciate him all the more. Plus when he wants to hang out with the guys (as he did this weekend, when I wanted some of his time- yeah Mr. Man I'm talking about you) my girl/cousin Aaliyah talked to me on the phone, listened to me vent and helped me get my mind off my annoyance).
Can you beat having a true girlfriend?
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Experience with God
I've been thinking about my relationship with God recently. I realized that I had lost my connection to God and allowed myself to become distant from him. My relationship with my guy made me consider this. I think the God in me was hidden and I don't think God can be hidden if he is truly in you. So based on some discussion and conflict with my guy I had to reevaluate exactly what God meant to me and how I was serving and honoring him.
I think I had been subconsciously ignoring God and his direction for my life. So although religion has caused some conflict in my relationship, my relationship has brought me an awareness of what I should be doing.
So on to my experience with God
Last night I woke up (although I don't know if I even went to sleep) and couldn't seem to get back to sleep, I wasn't feeling at peace. It was a hard to explain feeling that something was missing. A couple days ago I said a quick prayer that the Lord would help me get back to him. I think my heart had hardened toward God and I had lost conscience about doing things that normally would have been unthinkable to me. Nothing huge but I'm sure most people start small and progress.
Anyway I think the Lord was dealing with me during my attempt at sleep and not allowing me rest. As I laid there and figured out what I could do to tire myself, I thought about working, counting, making a phone call, anything, then I asked God to enter and fill the emptiness I felt. I soon felt a completeness like I had not felt in a long while. I felt like the Lord had heard me and worked on me. And the good feeling, the feeling of knowing is back in my life. I thank the boyfriend for making me realize that I needed to reconnect.
I think I had been subconsciously ignoring God and his direction for my life. So although religion has caused some conflict in my relationship, my relationship has brought me an awareness of what I should be doing.
So on to my experience with God
Last night I woke up (although I don't know if I even went to sleep) and couldn't seem to get back to sleep, I wasn't feeling at peace. It was a hard to explain feeling that something was missing. A couple days ago I said a quick prayer that the Lord would help me get back to him. I think my heart had hardened toward God and I had lost conscience about doing things that normally would have been unthinkable to me. Nothing huge but I'm sure most people start small and progress.
Anyway I think the Lord was dealing with me during my attempt at sleep and not allowing me rest. As I laid there and figured out what I could do to tire myself, I thought about working, counting, making a phone call, anything, then I asked God to enter and fill the emptiness I felt. I soon felt a completeness like I had not felt in a long while. I felt like the Lord had heard me and worked on me. And the good feeling, the feeling of knowing is back in my life. I thank the boyfriend for making me realize that I needed to reconnect.
Monday, November 01, 2004
The Family
My boyfriend met the family and JOY we are still together. They weren't as bad as I had feared. They actually weren't bad at all. He may not agree, but I know these people and they were well behaved. There were a couple questionable instances but because I know these people I know they were small events. He doesn't know them so he may feel differently.
But based upon how things went this weeeknd I know things will improve and I might actually have a happy and working situtation.
I haven't gotten any critiques, or complaints about my guy from the family, so I can breathe a deep sigh of relief.
I think most of my guys problems this weekend arose because of the rules I enforced upon him. Like "don't touch me" if my family is anywhere near. He's a very affectionate man so this created some stress.
But it was a great weekend spent with my guy.
But based upon how things went this weeeknd I know things will improve and I might actually have a happy and working situtation.
I haven't gotten any critiques, or complaints about my guy from the family, so I can breathe a deep sigh of relief.
I think most of my guys problems this weekend arose because of the rules I enforced upon him. Like "don't touch me" if my family is anywhere near. He's a very affectionate man so this created some stress.
But it was a great weekend spent with my guy.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Self-Employment
In the month of October I have had one client pay me. He is working on a payment plan. Even my corporate client has failed to send my check. If I don't get it by November 1, I will be sending a final bill and a letter ending our relationship. People seem to think that I like to work, that the mere existence of a client spells success. I would prefer no client than a non-paying one. The non-pay person creates more work because then I have to do work to get rid of them. They don't seem to grasp that I work for money.
I have no idea how I've had money this month, where in the heck did it come from? Having non-paying or slow-paying clientele is a budgeting nightmare. I'm horrible with money management. I know what happened. I gave my financial whiz mother my money, so each time I needed more she had it to give.
But my non/slow paying clients has led me to seek a different type of client. I want to move away from small scale/individual transactions and get into goverment contracting. Crazy, because sometimes I get easily discouraged but this month of everybody acting crazy with my bills has encouraged me to think larger than what I had been thinking.
I'm going to be the rainmaker and hire people to do the work. Then I can focus my energy on my creative endeavors. I'm getting to old to be just the worker. I think that I'm beginning to be serious about life, not about my future, but about living fully in the present. I consider living fully to be working smart and reaping and enjoying the benefits or that work.
I also need to start paying my tithes again. My finances and my business was extremely blessed and then for some reason without even realizing it, I got stingy with God's money. Note to self, gladly pay tithes each week.
I have no idea how I've had money this month, where in the heck did it come from? Having non-paying or slow-paying clientele is a budgeting nightmare. I'm horrible with money management. I know what happened. I gave my financial whiz mother my money, so each time I needed more she had it to give.
But my non/slow paying clients has led me to seek a different type of client. I want to move away from small scale/individual transactions and get into goverment contracting. Crazy, because sometimes I get easily discouraged but this month of everybody acting crazy with my bills has encouraged me to think larger than what I had been thinking.
I'm going to be the rainmaker and hire people to do the work. Then I can focus my energy on my creative endeavors. I'm getting to old to be just the worker. I think that I'm beginning to be serious about life, not about my future, but about living fully in the present. I consider living fully to be working smart and reaping and enjoying the benefits or that work.
I also need to start paying my tithes again. My finances and my business was extremely blessed and then for some reason without even realizing it, I got stingy with God's money. Note to self, gladly pay tithes each week.
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Meet my Family
My boyfriend is coming to visit me this weekend and he is going to meet my immediate family.
He met my mother briefly once and he's met the cool cousins and aunt but now he is going to meet the people that I dread him having to meet. My family are generally socially normal but in the past whenever I've brought I guy home I regret having done so. It generally always kills the relationship.
As a teen and young adult I tried to give instructions like don't ring the doorbell, stay in the car while I run in and get this, but every so often a brave one decides to enter the lair. I think people working on the assumption that most people are alike can't comprehend how different my family might actually be.
I haven't told the family he's my boyfriend as this is something I don't feel comfortable discussing with them.
Every guy but one that I introduced to my sister has said "I don't think she likes me." The worse part is not so much how they treat the person, if you don't mind being ignored and looked at funny, the worse part is the critique that follows.
The hell I feel I have to go through with my family just to be in a relationship makes me want to leave town and never have to introduce anyone to them.
My goal is to let him meet my mother and be done with it. But he wants to meet everyone. I've warned him although I don't he fully comprehends my concerns and fears. I guess I'll have to be strong and tell them to stop hating.
I've discussed my concerns with my mother and she said, "why would you think they would treat him mean?" I went through the history of my dating and she just laughed. Even she had to admit that her children can be difficult.
His family has been great to me, I'm hoping that mine will return the favor or at least be neutral. *sighing*
He met my mother briefly once and he's met the cool cousins and aunt but now he is going to meet the people that I dread him having to meet. My family are generally socially normal but in the past whenever I've brought I guy home I regret having done so. It generally always kills the relationship.
As a teen and young adult I tried to give instructions like don't ring the doorbell, stay in the car while I run in and get this, but every so often a brave one decides to enter the lair. I think people working on the assumption that most people are alike can't comprehend how different my family might actually be.
I haven't told the family he's my boyfriend as this is something I don't feel comfortable discussing with them.
Every guy but one that I introduced to my sister has said "I don't think she likes me." The worse part is not so much how they treat the person, if you don't mind being ignored and looked at funny, the worse part is the critique that follows.
The hell I feel I have to go through with my family just to be in a relationship makes me want to leave town and never have to introduce anyone to them.
My goal is to let him meet my mother and be done with it. But he wants to meet everyone. I've warned him although I don't he fully comprehends my concerns and fears. I guess I'll have to be strong and tell them to stop hating.
I've discussed my concerns with my mother and she said, "why would you think they would treat him mean?" I went through the history of my dating and she just laughed. Even she had to admit that her children can be difficult.
His family has been great to me, I'm hoping that mine will return the favor or at least be neutral. *sighing*
Monday, October 04, 2004
NEW FIGHT
Why in the world have I decided to post on a blogger. Is "blogger" the correct term?
Well I think I have plenty of profound thoughts so why not share them? What if someone I know comes across my page and develops an impression of me from my writings? Oh well, I guess that is the risk from joining the age of technology. But does posting on a blogger mean that I'm disconnecting myself from human forms of connection? Or does it mean I'm seeking a larger audience to be entertained by (what I perceive to be) my complex thoughts?
Whatever the reason, I like to write and after reading some of the blogs I see that the form some of the writers use is quite entertaining and easy to read. So my blog spot is my exploration into self/public exploration and my chance to give writing for entertainment a shot. Further I find that I can better and more concisely express my feelings/ideas if I put them in prose, so enjoy my unadorned writings.
I hope not to offend, annoy, harrass, molest, intimidate, frighten......... you guys have read those signs at the zoo.
Originally posted October 4, 2004
