Marriage and Money

One of the major sources of marital conflict is money. Some couples devise countless ways to split income/expenses, with the intent to maintain peace and a sense of equity in their relationship. And as quiet as its kept to protect themselves from potential financial harm from the other spouse. Mr A and I share it all. We combine our income, expenses, savings, etc. The only thing he could do that I probably wouldn't forgive is to kill me or allow me around the potential bringer of my death.

I had shut down and turned the finances over to Mr. A. There was a brief strategy session but beyond that I didn't want to be bothered. Since we've been married- like since the return from our honeymoon, I've been the one to manage our finances and he has liked what I've done. I can't say I'm satisfied with how it turned out under his management. I'm feeling better physically and we are returning to our prior system. We both learned a couple of important lessons. I also recognized seperate lessons.

One lesson is that although he is a math mind, I'm better at managing our finances. He's an engineer and can make a complicated spreadsheet in like 3 seconds so I sorta expected him to just ease into it after a bit of adjustment. I did a budget with our fixed expenses, its written in our black book that he doesn't seem to like looking at, but because our monthly income fluctuates I can't really create a defined budget. I will figure something out that works . This past year was his first experience with self-employment so I'm cutting him some slack and going with his defense that he has never had to manage lump sums- he was used to getting salary.

My personal lesson is, I'm not so attached to money that I'll get upset or argue about it. Now there are other things that I will throw a fit and roar about, but money is not one of those thing. There are various reasons for Mr. A not getting heat from me about money. I trust Mr. A. I know that he would give his last penny if there was something I wanted for a penny. When we were dating he always paid for our excursions and all dates, and when he saw that I had a credit card balance he gave me the money to pay it off- he wanted me to be debt free. When we were dating he told me that my bills/expenses would be his responsibility when/if we got married (I told him they would not be but I really loved it that he felt that way). He doesn't have any money that is not my money. When we got married and I stopped working he was happy. I allocated a spending amount to him and a spending amount for me. His income paid all expenses including regular contributions to my retirement accounts. When I started working again he was just as happy. When I decided to stop doing work for that firm he supported me. I cannot get mad at him about money because he has always shown me that he'd give all that he had if it was used to give me what I want or make my life more comfortable. I'd give my last penny for him as well. So I can't get mad at him for managing money in a way I don't like.

I wonder if that makes sense. So I guess what this has shown me beyond I need to stick with managing our finances is that I love Mr. A more than I love any material thing or what money can buy. For anyone who thought I may have been a gold-digger, -you're a fool- I'm all about the love. Love is free but it costs everything. (you'll have to figure that out) I also know God is our provider and makes us able to provide for ourselves.

Now Mr. A did have to undergo some of my fussing. We went on a walk yesterday morning and it flew by for me because most of it was spent with me fussing at him. He is now reading the Richest Man in Babylon and enjoying it. He refused to read it last year but at this current time I have leverage. When I told him he had to read a book his immediate response was "Automatic Millionaire?" Nope that is 2nd.

Perhaps I'll blog about the strategies I devise. Automatic deductions are easy when you are employeed, but when you are self-employed and you get the check, nothing is deducted. Its easy for me to pretend I have no excess money. Mr. A isn't used to this yet. I guess this new way could be a huge adjustment for someone who had spent 10 years used to drawing a salary.

In baby news:

We saw the dr. this week and I think TR must play around 10 a.m. or 10:30. When the doctor put the dopplar on my belly, she had to search all around for the heart beat. When she found it, we got to hear for a few seconds. You could tell the kid was in motion and she was trying to follow but who can keep up with a baby that is hidden in his mothers womb.

When we got the ultra sound earlier this week it was around the same time of morning and we could see the kid zooming around. The tech told me she had to chase him. I'm wondering who put my baby on a schedule?

I have get up before 7 a.m. because I'm hungry. This baby has already taken over.

The first topic was written with the permission of Mr. A. Content is all mine.

My Baby Prays

I know I promised Mr. A I will not be one of the mothers who goes around saying my child will be a rocket scientist or best selling author. But allow me a little bit of wonder at my fabulous child.

TR had a photo shoot today aka ultra sound. Because I was laying on the bed I missed most of it and had to watch Mr. A's face to know what was being shown. During the last 10 minutes the tech turned the screen to me and I got to see TR move.

TR is active. Baby was in constant movement. I guess TR knew I wanted to look and make sure everything was there and TR made it easy. TR streched and turned and let us see every part. Baby is laying down in my belly and at one point he kicked his legs up toward my belly and let us see his legs and knee caps. We even saw the bottom of his feet. He appears to have great arches. He let mommy see that things were working.

We got a pic of TR's face and baby seems to have my eyes. Mr. A has large eyes too, so I figured the eyes would be large. When I saw the pic I remembered that my gramps told me when I was a babe I barely had any white in my eye. The black part was huge. From the photos it appears TR shares that trait.

So I'm sharing two photos.

In the first TR is chilling. In the 2nd I am convinced my baby is praying. Both arms were up and since his fingers aren't bent, I don't think TR was sucking his thumb.

Mr. A has already emailed the photos to family and friends and I instructed my mother to get wallet size made so she can show TR off.

When I told my mother TR was praying she laughed, her voice changed when I told her we had photos of it. She asked me if he had a drivers license in his hand. She also suggested that we talk to Obama because perhaps TR can be his runnning mate. I know she's hoping I won't be one of those mothers.

I promise I will not be one of those mothers but I think TR was praying. When the photo shoot was near its end, TR waved at us. He put his hand up and waved it. I think he knew mommy was wondering how he was getting along, so he made the tech chase him around my womb just so I'd know he was chilling.

I don't know how to save the pics to make them rotate on the blog, but TR is on his back in both pics.



Look at my baby praying.

In other things the history of Mr. A's paternal family is one of big head babies. It's early but this kids head looks average. My goal is to avoid any surgery and for TR to ease out. I'll ask the dr.s opinion at my next appt.

Meal Assembly

I saw one of these establishments on t.v. a year or so ago. You don't have to grocery shop or use your pots and pans. You go prepare your meals for the week, take them home freeze and eat when ready.

When I first searched I couldn't locate one in L.A. Now I have found one. Dream Dinners http://dreamdinners.com/ Yippee.

Whoo Hooo

This sounds great. I think this is where I'll deliver. Just the description is relaxing me.

The XXXXXXXXX features labor/delivery rooms designed to look and feel like home, with a warm decor, flat-screen televisions, wireless capabilities and fold-out chairs and couches for new fathers and other family members to sleep. The rooms are more spacious and contain private bathrooms, allowing mothers to give birth and recover in one place.

After delivery, mothers are moved to the postpartum unit where they recover and spend time with their newborn, all in the privacy of their own room at no extra charge. There are deluxe rooms available for those who want extra space and comfort.

Some people can stay here for up to four months before delivery and we encourage them to bring a lot of stuff from home to make it as cozy as possible.

Is there room service?

My mother has advised me to let the nurse do the changing while I'm in the hospital because we have forever to do it, once TR gets home. I'll have to investigate how that works. I also want to stay a few days. They try to send folks home day 2 now a days.

Dwelling

Is it just me or are there people that need others to dwell in spots of darkness? I understand that some people like to remain, remember and re-live the dark moments of their life, but why do they want others to do the same? Some don't allow past moments of difficulty to be an experience they overcame and grow from, they need it to be a defining moment that negatively impacts aspects of their life.

There are people who would have us believe that if your parents divorced your likelihood of divorce increases. That you are battling a generational curse. My parents divorced and my mother told me as a child to ignore that madness because YOU don't have to get divorced. People with their single mother statistics. God defies statistics.

My maternal and paternal grandparents were married, each of their parents were married and each of their parents were married until death parted them. Now if I said that was a generational blessing that my marriage was under, folks would get annoyed, but people would be favorable if I spoke of a curse.

My mother raised a Ph.D pyschologist/politician/entrepenuer, executive/politician/entrepreneur lawyer/entrepreneur. In his 20's my brother was 3rd from the top at a large quasi-governmental agency, in his 20's he was the youngest elected person in the state. He had 3 different jobs in 2007, each one paid more than the last. My sister earns more than all of us and she isn't a lawyer or a MD. I'm the least successful and standing alone people think I'm pretty successful. My mother didn't raise any crack heads, jail birds, lazy, underemployed folks or children she couldn't boast about. When people ask her what she did, she tells them she didn't know how to raise kids, God helped her. A person can grow up with 0 parents but if God is in the mix, they will be blessed.

I believe I have led an extremely blessed life. The greatest blessing is that I come from a lineage of people that understand God's gift of peace. I truly believe my family has been granted the gift of generational blessings. If you ask me I will share all of my blessings. If you ask me to tell you who did me wrong at any time in life, I will tell you God has blessed me with peace and not the spirit of dwelling in unhappiness. People like to say "we all have one of those relatives." No, I don't have any of them because both sides of my family are blessed and we exist in the belief that God delivers.

Sorry if my happiness and hope doesn't make people feel better about their misery and strife but all I can recommend is Jesus. Try him. Marx said religion is the opiot of the people. Let that be your opiot. Let it sooth you and pacify you. Let it give you hope that your past and mistakes are forgiven that you don't have to dwell in that bad place because God heals and delivers, minds, bodies, emotions, whatever else. Let it provide hope that even if you only have -$10 to your name, your needs will be met. If God is loving you, you won't get focused on the earthly trappings people fight to hold onto, in the quest for calm.

God has kept me in good health and even during my times of sickness, I said I am well, I am healed. In my times of sadness I have sad I am happy. My mom always said so a man thinketh so is he. I think I am wealthy, therefore I am. God has met all my needs, financial, health wise and everything else.

If all I ever give my kids is the gift of where to find peace and how to keep hope, I think I'll have made them wealthy.

P.S. if anyone is ever looking for a hard luck, woe is me story it won't be found here. As long as I believe God has not abandoned me, I will always find the positive in my life.

Husbands Mothers and Nipples

Last night my nipple began tingling, a painful tingle. I checked it out and it appears that one was ripping apart. I showed Mr A and his response was not satisfactory. He said something like they are growing. He's a man- so he has a handicap.

Last night when we went to bed I told him I didn't know what to do about my dilemna. He told me it isn't a dilemna. I tried to role play to show him the correct way to respond to my cries but he refused. He believes its his job to remain calm as I go overboard. I think there are times when he should join me in over that board and when my nipple is shredding, than thats the time.

This morning as I was carrying my morning snack (not breakfast) into the kitchen I began screaming to my mother that my nipple was broken. After she snatched my tray telling me I was gonna drop it (gotta make sure the carpets aren't stained) she inspected it. Pregnancy has seen me reintroduce my various body parts to my mother. She groaned a bit in exasperation and told me to moisturize it, put some vaseline on it.

I did and it worked. She told me the vaseline works better than the tears. I think anyone would cry if the fabric rubbing against their nipple was causing pain. She knows I'm a crybaby anyway.

I'm going to put vaseline in my purse. That stuff is good for everything.

In other good things I was reading about my trimester of pregnancy and it said round ligament pain was one of the things to look forward to. Sharp, stabbing pain was one of the treats, as various things stretched. Too bad I read that after spending a couple hours in ER.

Mr. A has a young cousin (early 20's) who is due a month or so before me and she has been to ER 4 times. She said every time she goes they tell her "you are pregnant." I personally appreciate reasons, tell me what is going on. On my first visit to the doctor, when I told my doctor I was feeling awful like someone had beat me up and all about my aches and what not, she said that was normal. I had to ask her again, 'its normal to feel miserable?'

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I entered my 2nd trimester while in the Bay and if I go back to L.A. and start feeling crappy then I'll attribute it to the air.

We were supposed to go back after Mr. A's ski trip, but snow in the grapevine has required us to reschedule. I have an appearance on Friday that I'm hoping I don't have to reschedule.

I also want Mr. and his friend to paint the living room when we return. I already know the color, I'll be copying off my brothers living room. I think I might rearrange the furniture. I haven't done that in a while. I'm in a domestic type of mood. Blame it on HGTV.

Old Mama

My grandmother used to say and my mother agreed that women that had their first baby later in life tend to be overprotective and act as if the baby will break.

Now I know there are a lot of people who say having your kids young means you have less but both of my grandmothers were married and having kids at 19. Both lived in California and left inheritance and income for their grandchildren. You make yourself poor, not children. None of their offspring have to be homeless or move to cheaper areas because they left provisions.

My maternal family is having a reunion this summer and I mentioned to Mr. A that I might leave TR with my paternal aunt. I told him the baby would only be 2 months and people might try to pick baby up, not know how to hold the head and overwhelm the baby. Mr. A said if its warm he'd like the baby to come and people who don't know to hold a babies head wouldn't be picking baby up.

So I'm thinking that theory on older mamas is true. I'm going to do my best not to be that over the top mother but not ignore basic safety and mother instinct.

Even though I'll be an old momma, I'm not one who will claim that its better that I waited to have kids. I would have loved to be a young mother. I was asking my mother if she had a pregnancy as uncomfortable as mine and she said no. I figured she didn't otherwise she probably wouldn't have had 4 kids.

The unfortunate thing is that with educated black people deferring children into their infertility (I know they are waiting for marriage and once married income enough to allow them to be SAHM) my kids might have to go to another country to find a mate. Am I the only one that read the stats that have black folks as a single digit percentage of the population in the next 20 or so years?

Is it great that we are doing things so right that we aren't doing them at all?

Money and Marriage

I was randomly calculating numbers and realized that after taxes and retirement contributions (I added those in to reduce income and lower taxes) a couple that works and has a combined income of $160k a year isn't much better off financially than a couple with only one working spouse that makes 100k a year. Clearly I have too much time on my hands, but I read about that couple on S30's blog and started running numbers. I only calculated based on federal tax.

My calculations assumed the couples had similar expenses. Once children and child care enters, and depending on the cost of child care, you realize that the dual income couple may be losing money. Is working really worth it when your increase as a family is only 20k or so.


But that is boring stuff.


I had more but we're having family time, I need to join it.

update:

HERE I GO AGAIN

I told Mr A about my post. He disagrees with me. He'll have to guest appear on his position. His reading of this blog has decreased so who knows when he'll read and post. I think I have too many blogs for him to read them each regularly. I think we black folks need to work on populating the earth not allowing ourselves to become extinct. I also think we should be building wonderful families. I don't know what's happening that we aren't doing the family creation in large numbers.

I asked him who will our children marry and he said he prays they will marry a person raised by a well-balanced couple.

So I told Mr. A that maybe we can start meeting other parents so we can build a network of potential marriage candidates for our children. Mr. A's response made me suspect I'm acting like the old mother. I'm trying to marry off my unborn children. I will step away from the ledge- sorta. I still think its a good idea to make sure they mingle at an early age, but I won't push.

The Sky is more Beautiful

Nervous Nelly

The various things going on with my body are often confusing or surprising and sometimes frightening.

I can't tell if the baby is kicking me, adjusting itself or if I'm being pinched from the inside i.e. pain. My mom said baby movement doesn't hurt, its more of a tickle.

Tuesday night I think the baby was kicking, but the sensation was weird. Mr. A put his hand on the spot and could feel the hits.

Wednesday I tooka CPR class and learned infant CPR, it was great. We had a lunch break and Mr. A and I went to Jamba Juice. I began drinking my drink and felt like TR was protesting. When I was leaving class a couple of hours later, I started feeling pain in my right side. We stopped by Burger King and I felt better. On our way to Burger King I called my Dr. in L.A. and the nurse said if I'm feeling pain and am out of town I should go to ER. She also said if I was bleeding. I wasn't bleeding but I was hurting and it was a constant hurt so I went to ER. The length of the pain was maybe 8 minutes, but it didn't feel good and I was nervous of what was occuring.

We went to ER and waited for a while and I realized the hospital couldn't do anything for me anyway so I left. They don't even have an OB/GYN department there anymore, its now at the sister hospital in Berkeley. I would have liked an IV but I wasn't willing to wait hours for that. The hospital was having a busy time because the trauma hospital was diverting people. They had all types of codes and life threatening situations.

People use ER for their doctor and the system wasn't built for that. We also live in Oakland where people get shot and have major injuries on a regular basis. We're also the closet trauma center for folks in a bunch of nearby citites, so if the trauma center diverts people, it can create a mess. I digress.

The pain had ended before we got to the hospital and I was getting hungry as we waited.

When we get back to L.A. I have an appt with my doctor. I asked the nurse at ER if they could put the dopplar on me so I could hear TR's heartbeat. They didn't have that piece of equipment.

Being an unborn baby and an old person is tough. The medical community and lots of other people seem to think that your life is less valuable either because you haven't begun to "live" or because you've lived long enough.

I've read that unborn babies feel pain and will move away from the aminiocentis needle and even that during late term abortions they have been heard to cry, they have developed taste buds and recognize language. They know their moms voice at birth and recognize specific sentences they have heard their father repeat. The fact that they can't hold their head up and wear a diaper makes folks think they are barely there.

Babies are people too. Babies in the womb are people too.

Baby A has a NAME!!!...... Kinda

I told Mr. A that we need to figure out what to call Baby A because we've been calling the baby 'he'or Baby A. We don't know that its a boy but since the men in Mr. A's family seem predisposed to producing male children the likelihood that we''ll get a boy is great. Plus Mr. A says he needs a son first, otherwise he'll go to jail beating up the little boys that mess with his girl. So to save him from prison I'm willing to defer my girl. I don't want to call the baby "he" if Baby A is a girl. What if baby arrives with gender confusion?

Mr. A is from a family of 3 boys, his father is from a family of 4 boys and 1 girl, his paternal male cousins have boys. I do expect a girl in the future because I need a cutie that I can dress up in cute little clothes, and do all the fun mom-daughter things with and have that mother daugther drama that you get through and grow together after. When she's an adult she'll tell her own children about that teenage beatdown her sweet mommy gave her when R forgot who was really grown. Ohhhh, I look forward to those times.

Today Mr. A announced Baby A's temporary name. It's TR, the potential initials of a boy or a girl. TR won't recieve a permanent name until its arrival and we see the gender and the type of disposition TR possesses. I'm trying to remain cheery so the baby pops out joyful and friendly- if sleepy.

I'm very pleased that Mr. A figured out something more personal that we can call Baby A.

In other things, I am willing to do this pregnancy thing 9-10 months because I want TR to arrive healthy and fully developed, but if I'd had a say in how babies are made, I'd have made it a much quicker process. Maybe some people need 9 months to get used to the idea, but I'm ready to put this passenger in a crib.

HMMM....Ramble ramble

I know some folks were quite disturbed back during my engagement when I blogged almost daily about love and such. Well, if your stomach is weak you might want to stay away from this blog because I'm in the mood to share pregnancy stories.

My mom and I had plans for yesterday morning. We were going to be out and about by 8:30 a.m. That was too early for me but I was going to suffer through. She happened to call her cousin and the cousin had a dr.s appt. that required her to have a ride back home. My cousin's original ride couldn't drop her off, so my mom and I did. We delayed our departure time because the stuff we were going to do was in the same area. I was able to grab few more hours of sleep- praises.

We had breakfast and I made the eggs. My mother doesn't use salt. She spent a lot of time growing up with her grandmother who didn't use salt- therefore she lacks a taste for it. I spent a lot of time growing up with my grandmother who loved salt- therefore I crave it.

When the eggs were done, I dashed salt in my palm and my mother told me about the wife of a family friend who got toximia (sp) from eating so much salt. I put the salt in the sink. A few weeks ago- one of the church members saw me devouring a bag of spicy pork skins. She asked me if I had a taste for spicy things. I told her I was just hungry. She told me she ate so much spicy food with her first child that when the bby was born her eyes were watering and red and she needed glasses.

I gave my pork skins to my brother. He happily finished them. Mr. A encourages me to avoid artificially colored drinks. I try to listen because I'm carrying the kid and I don't want him to feel helpless about what I swallow and what his kid then gets, but sometimes I crave a strawberry Fanta. He doesn't drink colored soda- and actually neither did I, but he'll share one with me. That's a great strategy to reduce my intake but give me what I crave. That was just a story about how folks will get in your food when pregnant.

So when my mother and I were dropping my cousin off, I had my head in my bucket losing breakfast. My mom's cousin sorta looked at me, mentioned morning sickness and said bye to my mother. She was moving very quickly. No one ever told me that if you heaving, your bladder muscle might relax causing some leakage. Ohhhhh, the trauma. My mother told me to carry extra panties. So while vomitting I ran to the bathroom.

Actually I have an even more traumatic story about sitting down to pee and then having to vomit and how the vomit muscle will win and how painful that experience is. So I guess the leakage only occurs when you don't want it to and perhaps if standing.

After all was handled, we walked back to the car. One of our planned stops was Emeryville so I could get some pregnancy pops. They help calm morning sickness. I was sucking one when I vomitted. They work but I guess at some point, it just has to come up.

We got the pops and stopped by my mom's office. We were there for while and I started feeling sick and hungry. My mom agreed to go back to the hoagie shop so that helped me feel better. She's not certain if my cravings are baby related or me. Well the baby is making me hungry but except for strawberries and meat, its not too picky. It's clear who her friend is. If I say the baby is making me crave something then she's all over it. I'm okay with that. My grandparents always gave us what we wanted, even if we didn't need it.

When we got to the hoagie shop I was throwing up liquid. People told me about morning sickness but what they don't tell you is if you allow your tummy to get empty the reflex does not cease. I'd lost my breakfast causing my tummy to be empty.

Mr. A and I were at church in L.A. one day and I was trying to hold things in until I got to the restroom. I had a bag and right before I got to the door of the bathroom I had to go in the bag. As I continued my run into the restroom, a guy asked Mr. A if I was preggers. I was pleased because he could have thought I was drunk.

The guy told Mr. A that he and his wife were on a bus going to the beach once- while she was pregnant. She had to vomit and they hadn't brought any bags. He said he used the only thing he had, he cupped his hands and she went. Now I'd just as soon do it on the floor of the bus but I appreciate that the man took that type of responsibility for his wife and unborn child.

Financing A Baby

It's well known that having a baby and raising that baby securely into adulthood is expensive. Why no one ever told me that pregnancy is expensive is a mystery.

I'm not speaking of maternity clothes, I am speaking about food. I have developed a love for strawberries. I've always loved tart tastes, like the former Jamba Juice Cranberry Craze and now the Pomegrante Paradise, but now I need virgin strawberry daiquiris with just the appropriate mix of sweet and sour. I have Mr. A bring me one home nearly every day. One day I had 3 through out the day.

Yesterday my mom and I were out and I saw strawberries and she refused to indulge me. She told me I had strawberries at home and to eat them. I sent Mr. A a text and told him and he told me he was going to call her and promised me strawberries when he saw me. Well I don't know what happened but my mom went to her appt. and I waited in the car. When she was done she took me to Safeway and got me a Berry salad. It was wonderful, sliced strawberries and raspberries- sweet and tart.

I don't usually carry a purse so whomever I am with has to feed me. Usually I'm with Mr. A and that might be why I developed my non cash having behavior.

Later that day, I was hungry again and I rubbed my belly and told my passenger that I'd get him food soon because I knew he was starving. We were looking for a particular food but times got tough and we stopped for a hoagie. I got a dry salami with everything. It was so good, I nearly cried. I've been hinting since we left that we should go back, but so far my mom has ignored the hints. I tell you I am blessed to have Mr. A, if I have craving he gets it satisfied.

Today my mom wanted to get a pair of boots for me. She said I need to stay well because if I get sick my passenger (that's Baby A) gets sick. We're swimming in rain here in the Bay and all my boots have heels.

After we got my boots, I wanted a Jamba Juice- the pomegrante (sp). As we were walking there my mother told me I need to get my baby a job. I told her I planned to get him a job once he arrived and she said he needed one now. I asked her who would hire him since he didn't have a work permit or i.d. She said she would. She said since my little person has all these particular cravings, he should have a job to support them.

Last time I came to the Bay without Mr. A, he sent my brother an email instructing him to take great care of me. We were at church and I told my brother to make a hot dog for me and he looked at me crazy. I laid down on the couch and reminded him of the email. Mr. A had said he'd be like a lion in the jungle if Baby A and I didn't get the best of care. My brother made the best hot dog ever. I would have made my own food but I was too hungry to move.

I'm a romantic but I didn't realize how extensive my romantic notions of the effect pregnancy would have on my relationship were. Mr. A. supersedes all of my romantic imaginations. I could start a list of all the ways he make me feel so loved as carrier of our kid, but I won't- here. I am glad that I chose him, I know he'll be a great father but he's a fabulous husband to a pregnant, sometimes moody, always hungry, occasionally vomiting, slightly lazy, cuddle plus kisses loving and strawberry craving woman.

January 9, 2008 aka 1-9-08 is very special day for Mr. A and me.
It's 1-9-08 the year Alpha Kappa Alpha was founded. It's also 1-9-08 Phi Beta Sigma Founder's Day. I asked Mr. A why the men of Sigma copied off of us but I don't think he wanted to talk about it. Happy 1908 to Alpha Kappa Alpha and happy 1-9-08 to Phi Beta Sigma.

Fleas in a Jar

This is supposed to be true based on an experiment.

You can place some fleas in a jar with a lid on it. The fleas will begin to jump, repeatedly hitting the lid in their attempt to escape.

After about 20 minutes, the fleas begin to learn that they cannot escape and stop jumping as high as they did to begin with, to avoid smacking their head on the lid.

Once they become accustomed to the fact that they cannot escape, you can remove the lid and the fleas will continue to jump at the same height, never escaping the jar. Since the fleas BELIEVE they cannot escape the confines of the jar, they stop trying. Because of their experience with smacking their heads repeatedly, every time they tried to escape, they never even bother looking up to see that the lid is no longer there.

If you introduce a new flea it will jump up and out and the others will then believe they have a shot out of the jar.

I think Obama is the new flea.

All Belongs to You

Today the choir sang "I Just Want to Praise You"

The lyrics in part are:

I just want to thank You
forever and ever and ever
for all You done for me.
Blessings and glory, and honor,
they all belong to You;
thank You Jesus for blessing me.

I have always understand that all of my blessings come from God. If for no other reason than that he allows me my health and strength, all of my blessings are from him.

We were singing that song today and I was focusing on the words. The lyrics are so simple but very true, very meaningful. The song spoke to my heart and I was grateful and had to acknowledge all God has done for me. All of the glory and all the honor belong to Him.

I've never thought that anything was totally in my control. I've always believed God was in control and things would therefore work out. I think that allows me to exist in the bright side of life. God is in control so I don't need to worry.

I was thinking about how God has blessed Mr. A and I. How he quit his job more than a year ago and God has met all of our needs and wants. We didn't quit based on our belief in our own power to make things happen but by the belief that God can give us what we need and the desires of our heart. That God would open doors and give us the strength and wisdom to walk through them. He did just that. It's amazing when I think about it because had we given it thought from the earthly perspective we probably couldn't have done it. When I look back, I realize we were brave perhaps dangerously so. Had we relied on our own understanding, we would have limited ourselves. We acted in faith.

When it is said that if you take care of His business then He will take care of yours, I know that to be true from generations of family stories and from my own experience.

There is really no reason on earth that Mr. A and I should be doing this well. It has to be blessings from God. It is God taking care of our business as we work to take care of His.

C2A Loves Love

I love love, truly I do. I enjoy people who share the story of their love and I'm interested in folks who choose to share their love tragedies and disasters.

I don't understand the analysis of other folks conduct in relationships by folks in relationships. Who the heck has the time? It's all giving me an ulcer. Or maybe that's hunger, ya'll know my body has been taken over by a parasite. The doctor told me not to worry if I vomit because babies are excellent parasites who will get their nutrition. I love my little parasite and can't wait to meet them. Hopefully they will have a name by then as Mr. A requested/demanded the naming privilege during our dating. He is being very considerate in regards to the name this kid will carry throughout life. So currently we refer to our child as Baby A******.

Any-ty-way. Back when I cared about how other folks conducted their relationship- it wasn't so much that I cared but that I felt like I had the ideal marriage so I thought I'd point out how anything different was wrong. I realize now that I'm happy and that folks questioned our strategy for happiness, but we knew/know what was best for us. If folks create their own path and it leads them to happiness, than who am I and why would I attempt to tell them that the way for me is the way for them. As Mr. A often tells me when I'm trying to get him to critique folks choices, "that's how they choose to run their program. I may choose something different but I'm not going to say they need to do it my way because they do what works for them."

How can a uniquely and thoughtfully designed individual gain success in life or in love by following the map created by others? Sure its a good guide, but you gotta first figure out if the person is trying to get where you are and what rest stops and detours will benefit them along the way. We are all here to gain a different experience. Just because I enjoyed my experiences doesn't mean others will or even want to.

I was not born an original just to spend my life becoming a copy. I don't want to force anyone to become a copy. Hopefully I can instill in my children the understanding that they have to find and walk in their own path and not live according to group think. If someone critiques you for something that brings you joy and does not harm you or them or anyone else, than that person should be ignored. Life is gift given to each individual, don't spend it living it for other folks satisfaction- they still won't be satisfied. Happy people enjoy your happiness.

What I really think- when people are negatively opining on what I do and telling me how they do it- they need validation. They need someone else to do it their way to make them feel like they are doing it correctly.

This was quite random but I know what I'm talking about and really since I live in my world 24 hours each day, its more important that I understand what I mean.