Marriage and Money

One of the major sources of marital conflict is money. Some couples devise countless ways to split income/expenses, with the intent to maintain peace and a sense of equity in their relationship. And as quiet as its kept to protect themselves from potential financial harm from the other spouse. Mr A and I share it all. We combine our income, expenses, savings, etc. The only thing he could do that I probably wouldn't forgive is to kill me or allow me around the potential bringer of my death.

I had shut down and turned the finances over to Mr. A. There was a brief strategy session but beyond that I didn't want to be bothered. Since we've been married- like since the return from our honeymoon, I've been the one to manage our finances and he has liked what I've done. I can't say I'm satisfied with how it turned out under his management. I'm feeling better physically and we are returning to our prior system. We both learned a couple of important lessons. I also recognized seperate lessons.

One lesson is that although he is a math mind, I'm better at managing our finances. He's an engineer and can make a complicated spreadsheet in like 3 seconds so I sorta expected him to just ease into it after a bit of adjustment. I did a budget with our fixed expenses, its written in our black book that he doesn't seem to like looking at, but because our monthly income fluctuates I can't really create a defined budget. I will figure something out that works . This past year was his first experience with self-employment so I'm cutting him some slack and going with his defense that he has never had to manage lump sums- he was used to getting salary.

My personal lesson is, I'm not so attached to money that I'll get upset or argue about it. Now there are other things that I will throw a fit and roar about, but money is not one of those thing. There are various reasons for Mr. A not getting heat from me about money. I trust Mr. A. I know that he would give his last penny if there was something I wanted for a penny. When we were dating he always paid for our excursions and all dates, and when he saw that I had a credit card balance he gave me the money to pay it off- he wanted me to be debt free. When we were dating he told me that my bills/expenses would be his responsibility when/if we got married (I told him they would not be but I really loved it that he felt that way). He doesn't have any money that is not my money. When we got married and I stopped working he was happy. I allocated a spending amount to him and a spending amount for me. His income paid all expenses including regular contributions to my retirement accounts. When I started working again he was just as happy. When I decided to stop doing work for that firm he supported me. I cannot get mad at him about money because he has always shown me that he'd give all that he had if it was used to give me what I want or make my life more comfortable. I'd give my last penny for him as well. So I can't get mad at him for managing money in a way I don't like.

I wonder if that makes sense. So I guess what this has shown me beyond I need to stick with managing our finances is that I love Mr. A more than I love any material thing or what money can buy. For anyone who thought I may have been a gold-digger, -you're a fool- I'm all about the love. Love is free but it costs everything. (you'll have to figure that out) I also know God is our provider and makes us able to provide for ourselves.

Now Mr. A did have to undergo some of my fussing. We went on a walk yesterday morning and it flew by for me because most of it was spent with me fussing at him. He is now reading the Richest Man in Babylon and enjoying it. He refused to read it last year but at this current time I have leverage. When I told him he had to read a book his immediate response was "Automatic Millionaire?" Nope that is 2nd.

Perhaps I'll blog about the strategies I devise. Automatic deductions are easy when you are employeed, but when you are self-employed and you get the check, nothing is deducted. Its easy for me to pretend I have no excess money. Mr. A isn't used to this yet. I guess this new way could be a huge adjustment for someone who had spent 10 years used to drawing a salary.

In baby news:

We saw the dr. this week and I think TR must play around 10 a.m. or 10:30. When the doctor put the dopplar on my belly, she had to search all around for the heart beat. When she found it, we got to hear for a few seconds. You could tell the kid was in motion and she was trying to follow but who can keep up with a baby that is hidden in his mothers womb.

When we got the ultra sound earlier this week it was around the same time of morning and we could see the kid zooming around. The tech told me she had to chase him. I'm wondering who put my baby on a schedule?

I have get up before 7 a.m. because I'm hungry. This baby has already taken over.

The first topic was written with the permission of Mr. A. Content is all mine.