The various things going on with my body are often confusing or surprising and sometimes frightening.
I can't tell if the baby is kicking me, adjusting itself or if I'm being pinched from the inside i.e. pain. My mom said baby movement doesn't hurt, its more of a tickle.
Tuesday night I think the baby was kicking, but the sensation was weird. Mr. A put his hand on the spot and could feel the hits.
Wednesday I tooka CPR class and learned infant CPR, it was great. We had a lunch break and Mr. A and I went to Jamba Juice. I began drinking my drink and felt like TR was protesting. When I was leaving class a couple of hours later, I started feeling pain in my right side. We stopped by Burger King and I felt better. On our way to Burger King I called my Dr. in L.A. and the nurse said if I'm feeling pain and am out of town I should go to ER. She also said if I was bleeding. I wasn't bleeding but I was hurting and it was a constant hurt so I went to ER. The length of the pain was maybe 8 minutes, but it didn't feel good and I was nervous of what was occuring.
We went to ER and waited for a while and I realized the hospital couldn't do anything for me anyway so I left. They don't even have an OB/GYN department there anymore, its now at the sister hospital in Berkeley. I would have liked an IV but I wasn't willing to wait hours for that. The hospital was having a busy time because the trauma hospital was diverting people. They had all types of codes and life threatening situations.
People use ER for their doctor and the system wasn't built for that. We also live in Oakland where people get shot and have major injuries on a regular basis. We're also the closet trauma center for folks in a bunch of nearby citites, so if the trauma center diverts people, it can create a mess. I digress.
The pain had ended before we got to the hospital and I was getting hungry as we waited.
When we get back to L.A. I have an appt with my doctor. I asked the nurse at ER if they could put the dopplar on me so I could hear TR's heartbeat. They didn't have that piece of equipment.
Being an unborn baby and an old person is tough. The medical community and lots of other people seem to think that your life is less valuable either because you haven't begun to "live" or because you've lived long enough.
I've read that unborn babies feel pain and will move away from the aminiocentis needle and even that during late term abortions they have been heard to cry, they have developed taste buds and recognize language. They know their moms voice at birth and recognize specific sentences they have heard their father repeat. The fact that they can't hold their head up and wear a diaper makes folks think they are barely there.
Babies are people too. Babies in the womb are people too.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Baby A has a NAME!!!...... Kinda
I told Mr. A that we need to figure out what to call Baby A because we've been calling the baby 'he'or Baby A. We don't know that its a boy but since the men in Mr. A's family seem predisposed to producing male children the likelihood that we''ll get a boy is great. Plus Mr. A says he needs a son first, otherwise he'll go to jail beating up the little boys that mess with his girl. So to save him from prison I'm willing to defer my girl. I don't want to call the baby "he" if Baby A is a girl. What if baby arrives with gender confusion?
Mr. A is from a family of 3 boys, his father is from a family of 4 boys and 1 girl, his paternal male cousins have boys. I do expect a girl in the future because I need a cutie that I can dress up in cute little clothes, and do all the fun mom-daughter things with and have that mother daugther drama that you get through and grow together after. When she's an adult she'll tell her own children about that teenage beatdown her sweet mommy gave her when R forgot who was really grown. Ohhhh, I look forward to those times.
Today Mr. A announced Baby A's temporary name. It's TR, the potential initials of a boy or a girl. TR won't recieve a permanent name until its arrival and we see the gender and the type of disposition TR possesses. I'm trying to remain cheery so the baby pops out joyful and friendly- if sleepy.
I'm very pleased that Mr. A figured out something more personal that we can call Baby A.
In other things, I am willing to do this pregnancy thing 9-10 months because I want TR to arrive healthy and fully developed, but if I'd had a say in how babies are made, I'd have made it a much quicker process. Maybe some people need 9 months to get used to the idea, but I'm ready to put this passenger in a crib.
Mr. A is from a family of 3 boys, his father is from a family of 4 boys and 1 girl, his paternal male cousins have boys. I do expect a girl in the future because I need a cutie that I can dress up in cute little clothes, and do all the fun mom-daughter things with and have that mother daugther drama that you get through and grow together after. When she's an adult she'll tell her own children about that teenage beatdown her sweet mommy gave her when R forgot who was really grown. Ohhhh, I look forward to those times.
Today Mr. A announced Baby A's temporary name. It's TR, the potential initials of a boy or a girl. TR won't recieve a permanent name until its arrival and we see the gender and the type of disposition TR possesses. I'm trying to remain cheery so the baby pops out joyful and friendly- if sleepy.
I'm very pleased that Mr. A figured out something more personal that we can call Baby A.
In other things, I am willing to do this pregnancy thing 9-10 months because I want TR to arrive healthy and fully developed, but if I'd had a say in how babies are made, I'd have made it a much quicker process. Maybe some people need 9 months to get used to the idea, but I'm ready to put this passenger in a crib.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
HMMM....Ramble ramble
I know some folks were quite disturbed back during my engagement when I blogged almost daily about love and such. Well, if your stomach is weak you might want to stay away from this blog because I'm in the mood to share pregnancy stories.
My mom and I had plans for yesterday morning. We were going to be out and about by 8:30 a.m. That was too early for me but I was going to suffer through. She happened to call her cousin and the cousin had a dr.s appt. that required her to have a ride back home. My cousin's original ride couldn't drop her off, so my mom and I did. We delayed our departure time because the stuff we were going to do was in the same area. I was able to grab few more hours of sleep- praises.
We had breakfast and I made the eggs. My mother doesn't use salt. She spent a lot of time growing up with her grandmother who didn't use salt- therefore she lacks a taste for it. I spent a lot of time growing up with my grandmother who loved salt- therefore I crave it.
When the eggs were done, I dashed salt in my palm and my mother told me about the wife of a family friend who got toximia (sp) from eating so much salt. I put the salt in the sink. A few weeks ago- one of the church members saw me devouring a bag of spicy pork skins. She asked me if I had a taste for spicy things. I told her I was just hungry. She told me she ate so much spicy food with her first child that when the bby was born her eyes were watering and red and she needed glasses.
I gave my pork skins to my brother. He happily finished them. Mr. A encourages me to avoid artificially colored drinks. I try to listen because I'm carrying the kid and I don't want him to feel helpless about what I swallow and what his kid then gets, but sometimes I crave a strawberry Fanta. He doesn't drink colored soda- and actually neither did I, but he'll share one with me. That's a great strategy to reduce my intake but give me what I crave. That was just a story about how folks will get in your food when pregnant.
So when my mother and I were dropping my cousin off, I had my head in my bucket losing breakfast. My mom's cousin sorta looked at me, mentioned morning sickness and said bye to my mother. She was moving very quickly. No one ever told me that if you heaving, your bladder muscle might relax causing some leakage. Ohhhhh, the trauma. My mother told me to carry extra panties. So while vomitting I ran to the bathroom.
Actually I have an even more traumatic story about sitting down to pee and then having to vomit and how the vomit muscle will win and how painful that experience is. So I guess the leakage only occurs when you don't want it to and perhaps if standing.
After all was handled, we walked back to the car. One of our planned stops was Emeryville so I could get some pregnancy pops. They help calm morning sickness. I was sucking one when I vomitted. They work but I guess at some point, it just has to come up.
We got the pops and stopped by my mom's office. We were there for while and I started feeling sick and hungry. My mom agreed to go back to the hoagie shop so that helped me feel better. She's not certain if my cravings are baby related or me. Well the baby is making me hungry but except for strawberries and meat, its not too picky. It's clear who her friend is. If I say the baby is making me crave something then she's all over it. I'm okay with that. My grandparents always gave us what we wanted, even if we didn't need it.
When we got to the hoagie shop I was throwing up liquid. People told me about morning sickness but what they don't tell you is if you allow your tummy to get empty the reflex does not cease. I'd lost my breakfast causing my tummy to be empty.
Mr. A and I were at church in L.A. one day and I was trying to hold things in until I got to the restroom. I had a bag and right before I got to the door of the bathroom I had to go in the bag. As I continued my run into the restroom, a guy asked Mr. A if I was preggers. I was pleased because he could have thought I was drunk.
The guy told Mr. A that he and his wife were on a bus going to the beach once- while she was pregnant. She had to vomit and they hadn't brought any bags. He said he used the only thing he had, he cupped his hands and she went. Now I'd just as soon do it on the floor of the bus but I appreciate that the man took that type of responsibility for his wife and unborn child.
My mom and I had plans for yesterday morning. We were going to be out and about by 8:30 a.m. That was too early for me but I was going to suffer through. She happened to call her cousin and the cousin had a dr.s appt. that required her to have a ride back home. My cousin's original ride couldn't drop her off, so my mom and I did. We delayed our departure time because the stuff we were going to do was in the same area. I was able to grab few more hours of sleep- praises.
We had breakfast and I made the eggs. My mother doesn't use salt. She spent a lot of time growing up with her grandmother who didn't use salt- therefore she lacks a taste for it. I spent a lot of time growing up with my grandmother who loved salt- therefore I crave it.
When the eggs were done, I dashed salt in my palm and my mother told me about the wife of a family friend who got toximia (sp) from eating so much salt. I put the salt in the sink. A few weeks ago- one of the church members saw me devouring a bag of spicy pork skins. She asked me if I had a taste for spicy things. I told her I was just hungry. She told me she ate so much spicy food with her first child that when the bby was born her eyes were watering and red and she needed glasses.
I gave my pork skins to my brother. He happily finished them. Mr. A encourages me to avoid artificially colored drinks. I try to listen because I'm carrying the kid and I don't want him to feel helpless about what I swallow and what his kid then gets, but sometimes I crave a strawberry Fanta. He doesn't drink colored soda- and actually neither did I, but he'll share one with me. That's a great strategy to reduce my intake but give me what I crave. That was just a story about how folks will get in your food when pregnant.
So when my mother and I were dropping my cousin off, I had my head in my bucket losing breakfast. My mom's cousin sorta looked at me, mentioned morning sickness and said bye to my mother. She was moving very quickly. No one ever told me that if you heaving, your bladder muscle might relax causing some leakage. Ohhhhh, the trauma. My mother told me to carry extra panties. So while vomitting I ran to the bathroom.
Actually I have an even more traumatic story about sitting down to pee and then having to vomit and how the vomit muscle will win and how painful that experience is. So I guess the leakage only occurs when you don't want it to and perhaps if standing.
After all was handled, we walked back to the car. One of our planned stops was Emeryville so I could get some pregnancy pops. They help calm morning sickness. I was sucking one when I vomitted. They work but I guess at some point, it just has to come up.
We got the pops and stopped by my mom's office. We were there for while and I started feeling sick and hungry. My mom agreed to go back to the hoagie shop so that helped me feel better. She's not certain if my cravings are baby related or me. Well the baby is making me hungry but except for strawberries and meat, its not too picky. It's clear who her friend is. If I say the baby is making me crave something then she's all over it. I'm okay with that. My grandparents always gave us what we wanted, even if we didn't need it.
When we got to the hoagie shop I was throwing up liquid. People told me about morning sickness but what they don't tell you is if you allow your tummy to get empty the reflex does not cease. I'd lost my breakfast causing my tummy to be empty.
Mr. A and I were at church in L.A. one day and I was trying to hold things in until I got to the restroom. I had a bag and right before I got to the door of the bathroom I had to go in the bag. As I continued my run into the restroom, a guy asked Mr. A if I was preggers. I was pleased because he could have thought I was drunk.
The guy told Mr. A that he and his wife were on a bus going to the beach once- while she was pregnant. She had to vomit and they hadn't brought any bags. He said he used the only thing he had, he cupped his hands and she went. Now I'd just as soon do it on the floor of the bus but I appreciate that the man took that type of responsibility for his wife and unborn child.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Financing A Baby
It's well known that having a baby and raising that baby securely into adulthood is expensive. Why no one ever told me that pregnancy is expensive is a mystery.
I'm not speaking of maternity clothes, I am speaking about food. I have developed a love for strawberries. I've always loved tart tastes, like the former Jamba Juice Cranberry Craze and now the Pomegrante Paradise, but now I need virgin strawberry daiquiris with just the appropriate mix of sweet and sour. I have Mr. A bring me one home nearly every day. One day I had 3 through out the day.
Yesterday my mom and I were out and I saw strawberries and she refused to indulge me. She told me I had strawberries at home and to eat them. I sent Mr. A a text and told him and he told me he was going to call her and promised me strawberries when he saw me. Well I don't know what happened but my mom went to her appt. and I waited in the car. When she was done she took me to Safeway and got me a Berry salad. It was wonderful, sliced strawberries and raspberries- sweet and tart.
I don't usually carry a purse so whomever I am with has to feed me. Usually I'm with Mr. A and that might be why I developed my non cash having behavior.
Later that day, I was hungry again and I rubbed my belly and told my passenger that I'd get him food soon because I knew he was starving. We were looking for a particular food but times got tough and we stopped for a hoagie. I got a dry salami with everything. It was so good, I nearly cried. I've been hinting since we left that we should go back, but so far my mom has ignored the hints. I tell you I am blessed to have Mr. A, if I have craving he gets it satisfied.
Today my mom wanted to get a pair of boots for me. She said I need to stay well because if I get sick my passenger (that's Baby A) gets sick. We're swimming in rain here in the Bay and all my boots have heels.
After we got my boots, I wanted a Jamba Juice- the pomegrante (sp). As we were walking there my mother told me I need to get my baby a job. I told her I planned to get him a job once he arrived and she said he needed one now. I asked her who would hire him since he didn't have a work permit or i.d. She said she would. She said since my little person has all these particular cravings, he should have a job to support them.
Last time I came to the Bay without Mr. A, he sent my brother an email instructing him to take great care of me. We were at church and I told my brother to make a hot dog for me and he looked at me crazy. I laid down on the couch and reminded him of the email. Mr. A had said he'd be like a lion in the jungle if Baby A and I didn't get the best of care. My brother made the best hot dog ever. I would have made my own food but I was too hungry to move.
I'm a romantic but I didn't realize how extensive my romantic notions of the effect pregnancy would have on my relationship were. Mr. A. supersedes all of my romantic imaginations. I could start a list of all the ways he make me feel so loved as carrier of our kid, but I won't- here. I am glad that I chose him, I know he'll be a great father but he's a fabulous husband to a pregnant, sometimes moody, always hungry, occasionally vomiting, slightly lazy, cuddle plus kisses loving and strawberry craving woman.
January 9, 2008 aka 1-9-08 is very special day for Mr. A and me.
It's 1-9-08 the year Alpha Kappa Alpha was founded. It's also 1-9-08 Phi Beta Sigma Founder's Day. I asked Mr. A why the men of Sigma copied off of us but I don't think he wanted to talk about it. Happy 1908 to Alpha Kappa Alpha and happy 1-9-08 to Phi Beta Sigma.
I'm not speaking of maternity clothes, I am speaking about food. I have developed a love for strawberries. I've always loved tart tastes, like the former Jamba Juice Cranberry Craze and now the Pomegrante Paradise, but now I need virgin strawberry daiquiris with just the appropriate mix of sweet and sour. I have Mr. A bring me one home nearly every day. One day I had 3 through out the day.
Yesterday my mom and I were out and I saw strawberries and she refused to indulge me. She told me I had strawberries at home and to eat them. I sent Mr. A a text and told him and he told me he was going to call her and promised me strawberries when he saw me. Well I don't know what happened but my mom went to her appt. and I waited in the car. When she was done she took me to Safeway and got me a Berry salad. It was wonderful, sliced strawberries and raspberries- sweet and tart.
I don't usually carry a purse so whomever I am with has to feed me. Usually I'm with Mr. A and that might be why I developed my non cash having behavior.
Later that day, I was hungry again and I rubbed my belly and told my passenger that I'd get him food soon because I knew he was starving. We were looking for a particular food but times got tough and we stopped for a hoagie. I got a dry salami with everything. It was so good, I nearly cried. I've been hinting since we left that we should go back, but so far my mom has ignored the hints. I tell you I am blessed to have Mr. A, if I have craving he gets it satisfied.
Today my mom wanted to get a pair of boots for me. She said I need to stay well because if I get sick my passenger (that's Baby A) gets sick. We're swimming in rain here in the Bay and all my boots have heels.
After we got my boots, I wanted a Jamba Juice- the pomegrante (sp). As we were walking there my mother told me I need to get my baby a job. I told her I planned to get him a job once he arrived and she said he needed one now. I asked her who would hire him since he didn't have a work permit or i.d. She said she would. She said since my little person has all these particular cravings, he should have a job to support them.
Last time I came to the Bay without Mr. A, he sent my brother an email instructing him to take great care of me. We were at church and I told my brother to make a hot dog for me and he looked at me crazy. I laid down on the couch and reminded him of the email. Mr. A had said he'd be like a lion in the jungle if Baby A and I didn't get the best of care. My brother made the best hot dog ever. I would have made my own food but I was too hungry to move.
I'm a romantic but I didn't realize how extensive my romantic notions of the effect pregnancy would have on my relationship were. Mr. A. supersedes all of my romantic imaginations. I could start a list of all the ways he make me feel so loved as carrier of our kid, but I won't- here. I am glad that I chose him, I know he'll be a great father but he's a fabulous husband to a pregnant, sometimes moody, always hungry, occasionally vomiting, slightly lazy, cuddle plus kisses loving and strawberry craving woman.
January 9, 2008 aka 1-9-08 is very special day for Mr. A and me.
It's 1-9-08 the year Alpha Kappa Alpha was founded. It's also 1-9-08 Phi Beta Sigma Founder's Day. I asked Mr. A why the men of Sigma copied off of us but I don't think he wanted to talk about it. Happy 1908 to Alpha Kappa Alpha and happy 1-9-08 to Phi Beta Sigma.
Fleas in a Jar
This is supposed to be true based on an experiment.
You can place some fleas in a jar with a lid on it. The fleas will begin to jump, repeatedly hitting the lid in their attempt to escape.
After about 20 minutes, the fleas begin to learn that they cannot escape and stop jumping as high as they did to begin with, to avoid smacking their head on the lid.
Once they become accustomed to the fact that they cannot escape, you can remove the lid and the fleas will continue to jump at the same height, never escaping the jar. Since the fleas BELIEVE they cannot escape the confines of the jar, they stop trying. Because of their experience with smacking their heads repeatedly, every time they tried to escape, they never even bother looking up to see that the lid is no longer there.
If you introduce a new flea it will jump up and out and the others will then believe they have a shot out of the jar.
I think Obama is the new flea.
You can place some fleas in a jar with a lid on it. The fleas will begin to jump, repeatedly hitting the lid in their attempt to escape.
After about 20 minutes, the fleas begin to learn that they cannot escape and stop jumping as high as they did to begin with, to avoid smacking their head on the lid.
Once they become accustomed to the fact that they cannot escape, you can remove the lid and the fleas will continue to jump at the same height, never escaping the jar. Since the fleas BELIEVE they cannot escape the confines of the jar, they stop trying. Because of their experience with smacking their heads repeatedly, every time they tried to escape, they never even bother looking up to see that the lid is no longer there.
If you introduce a new flea it will jump up and out and the others will then believe they have a shot out of the jar.
I think Obama is the new flea.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
All Belongs to You
Today the choir sang "I Just Want to Praise You"
The lyrics in part are:
I just want to thank You
forever and ever and ever
for all You done for me.
Blessings and glory, and honor,
they all belong to You;
thank You Jesus for blessing me.
I have always understand that all of my blessings come from God. If for no other reason than that he allows me my health and strength, all of my blessings are from him.
We were singing that song today and I was focusing on the words. The lyrics are so simple but very true, very meaningful. The song spoke to my heart and I was grateful and had to acknowledge all God has done for me. All of the glory and all the honor belong to Him.
I've never thought that anything was totally in my control. I've always believed God was in control and things would therefore work out. I think that allows me to exist in the bright side of life. God is in control so I don't need to worry.
I was thinking about how God has blessed Mr. A and I. How he quit his job more than a year ago and God has met all of our needs and wants. We didn't quit based on our belief in our own power to make things happen but by the belief that God can give us what we need and the desires of our heart. That God would open doors and give us the strength and wisdom to walk through them. He did just that. It's amazing when I think about it because had we given it thought from the earthly perspective we probably couldn't have done it. When I look back, I realize we were brave perhaps dangerously so. Had we relied on our own understanding, we would have limited ourselves. We acted in faith.
When it is said that if you take care of His business then He will take care of yours, I know that to be true from generations of family stories and from my own experience.
There is really no reason on earth that Mr. A and I should be doing this well. It has to be blessings from God. It is God taking care of our business as we work to take care of His.
The lyrics in part are:
I just want to thank You
forever and ever and ever
for all You done for me.
Blessings and glory, and honor,
they all belong to You;
thank You Jesus for blessing me.
I have always understand that all of my blessings come from God. If for no other reason than that he allows me my health and strength, all of my blessings are from him.
We were singing that song today and I was focusing on the words. The lyrics are so simple but very true, very meaningful. The song spoke to my heart and I was grateful and had to acknowledge all God has done for me. All of the glory and all the honor belong to Him.
I've never thought that anything was totally in my control. I've always believed God was in control and things would therefore work out. I think that allows me to exist in the bright side of life. God is in control so I don't need to worry.
I was thinking about how God has blessed Mr. A and I. How he quit his job more than a year ago and God has met all of our needs and wants. We didn't quit based on our belief in our own power to make things happen but by the belief that God can give us what we need and the desires of our heart. That God would open doors and give us the strength and wisdom to walk through them. He did just that. It's amazing when I think about it because had we given it thought from the earthly perspective we probably couldn't have done it. When I look back, I realize we were brave perhaps dangerously so. Had we relied on our own understanding, we would have limited ourselves. We acted in faith.
When it is said that if you take care of His business then He will take care of yours, I know that to be true from generations of family stories and from my own experience.
There is really no reason on earth that Mr. A and I should be doing this well. It has to be blessings from God. It is God taking care of our business as we work to take care of His.
C2A Loves Love
I love love, truly I do. I enjoy people who share the story of their love and I'm interested in folks who choose to share their love tragedies and disasters.
I don't understand the analysis of other folks conduct in relationships by folks in relationships. Who the heck has the time? It's all giving me an ulcer. Or maybe that's hunger, ya'll know my body has been taken over by a parasite. The doctor told me not to worry if I vomit because babies are excellent parasites who will get their nutrition. I love my little parasite and can't wait to meet them. Hopefully they will have a name by then as Mr. A requested/demanded the naming privilege during our dating. He is being very considerate in regards to the name this kid will carry throughout life. So currently we refer to our child as Baby A******.
Any-ty-way. Back when I cared about how other folks conducted their relationship- it wasn't so much that I cared but that I felt like I had the ideal marriage so I thought I'd point out how anything different was wrong. I realize now that I'm happy and that folks questioned our strategy for happiness, but we knew/know what was best for us. If folks create their own path and it leads them to happiness, than who am I and why would I attempt to tell them that the way for me is the way for them. As Mr. A often tells me when I'm trying to get him to critique folks choices, "that's how they choose to run their program. I may choose something different but I'm not going to say they need to do it my way because they do what works for them."
How can a uniquely and thoughtfully designed individual gain success in life or in love by following the map created by others? Sure its a good guide, but you gotta first figure out if the person is trying to get where you are and what rest stops and detours will benefit them along the way. We are all here to gain a different experience. Just because I enjoyed my experiences doesn't mean others will or even want to.
I was not born an original just to spend my life becoming a copy. I don't want to force anyone to become a copy. Hopefully I can instill in my children the understanding that they have to find and walk in their own path and not live according to group think. If someone critiques you for something that brings you joy and does not harm you or them or anyone else, than that person should be ignored. Life is gift given to each individual, don't spend it living it for other folks satisfaction- they still won't be satisfied. Happy people enjoy your happiness.
What I really think- when people are negatively opining on what I do and telling me how they do it- they need validation. They need someone else to do it their way to make them feel like they are doing it correctly.
This was quite random but I know what I'm talking about and really since I live in my world 24 hours each day, its more important that I understand what I mean.
I don't understand the analysis of other folks conduct in relationships by folks in relationships. Who the heck has the time? It's all giving me an ulcer. Or maybe that's hunger, ya'll know my body has been taken over by a parasite. The doctor told me not to worry if I vomit because babies are excellent parasites who will get their nutrition. I love my little parasite and can't wait to meet them. Hopefully they will have a name by then as Mr. A requested/demanded the naming privilege during our dating. He is being very considerate in regards to the name this kid will carry throughout life. So currently we refer to our child as Baby A******.
Any-ty-way. Back when I cared about how other folks conducted their relationship- it wasn't so much that I cared but that I felt like I had the ideal marriage so I thought I'd point out how anything different was wrong. I realize now that I'm happy and that folks questioned our strategy for happiness, but we knew/know what was best for us. If folks create their own path and it leads them to happiness, than who am I and why would I attempt to tell them that the way for me is the way for them. As Mr. A often tells me when I'm trying to get him to critique folks choices, "that's how they choose to run their program. I may choose something different but I'm not going to say they need to do it my way because they do what works for them."
How can a uniquely and thoughtfully designed individual gain success in life or in love by following the map created by others? Sure its a good guide, but you gotta first figure out if the person is trying to get where you are and what rest stops and detours will benefit them along the way. We are all here to gain a different experience. Just because I enjoyed my experiences doesn't mean others will or even want to.
I was not born an original just to spend my life becoming a copy. I don't want to force anyone to become a copy. Hopefully I can instill in my children the understanding that they have to find and walk in their own path and not live according to group think. If someone critiques you for something that brings you joy and does not harm you or them or anyone else, than that person should be ignored. Life is gift given to each individual, don't spend it living it for other folks satisfaction- they still won't be satisfied. Happy people enjoy your happiness.
What I really think- when people are negatively opining on what I do and telling me how they do it- they need validation. They need someone else to do it their way to make them feel like they are doing it correctly.
This was quite random but I know what I'm talking about and really since I live in my world 24 hours each day, its more important that I understand what I mean.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Greetings & Reflections
Happy New Year to everyone.
In the words of Mary J. "I appreciate life, I’m so glad that it's mine." Something about the end of the year (and flying) makes me reflect on how fragile life is. To enter a new year is a blessing, to complete a year is a blessing. To complete a day of life is a blessing, each second is a gift. I realize this and live with that in mind. I will not be the one looking back and saying I should have pursued this goal. Nope, I'm in constant pursuit. I'd rather fail in the attempt than to never have made the attempt. Failure is merely instruction on what not to do the next time you try. I don't make the resolutions because I know each day is a blessing in which I can begin again and finish what I began.
We had a wonderful Christmas Holiday. We are in the Bay Area and got nice cold Christmas weather. We've spent a few days in San Francisco hanging out, dining and enjoying the chilly yet very clear (no fog) days. I had a deposition near the wharf, and Mr A. surprised me with Clam Chowder from Fisherman's Wharf. He also drove me that morning and waited in the city until I was done. He's fabulous and I am thankful God has let me share in his life. After the deposition we went to the Embarcadero and Mr. A spotted a maternity Gap. I was able to pick up a few things and we walked to the Holding Company where I had my most favored virgin Strawberry Daiquiri and we watched the game and had appetizers. Later than evening the family came to the city and we dined at the House of Prime Rib and enjoyed ourselves tremendously. This place is said to be the best prime rib in the Bay Area. We spent the afternoon after Christmas shopping in Palo Alto and pushed my great aunt around in a mall issued wheel chair. I love that mall.
Mr. A went to hit a few golf balls this morning and was just invited to attend the Rose Bowl- but we're still in Oakland. He's had to turn down quite a few L.A. invitations, but we've been able to pick and choose from Bay Area choices. I love L.A. and all it offers, but I feel like I rejoin the social world when we are in the Bay. In L.A. I mix in with his buddies, but all his buddies are men so I don't hang out with them without him. I have a preference for hanging out with family and long time family friends. As I get older I'm less willing to add new folks to my friendship circle. I'm lazy and new people are work. I don't really have the desire to get to know folks. Give me the people I know, so I can relax and do me and appreciate them for who they are. Heck, by the time I get done reading blogs and read bloggers people trash folks they just meet, and use them as fodder to entertain, I'm even more resolved to stick with the folks I'm used to. Maybe I need to stop reading blogs.
The end of our Oakland visit will conclude with the family attending a Warriors game and having a suite at the Coliseum. Suite means our own box with food and drinks included. The only thing about watching a game from the suite is social engagement occurs more than game watching. Fortunately a few of my cousins plus the siblings will be there with us, so we'll get to run the suite. The perks of life in the Bay Area- banquets, formal lunches, plays, sporting events, parties galore, and more are always readily offered and free. I'm pleased to have gotten to spend this time here enjoying the Bay.
I'm also pleased because I've been feeling much much better. My energy has picked up and I feel like I've rejoined the land of the living. My belly has been rubbed and sang too and spoken too. I've gotten hug after hug after hug. It's nice to know others are also excitedly awaiting the arrival of Baby A.
I enjoy the opportunity to reflect through the blog, but I'm running out of things to reflect on. I think that's growth. I can't spend forever in the planning/reflection stage. Life is for living. I welcome 2008. Mr. A and I will have a new addition to our family, business is going well and looking bright for the future. I'm motivated about the work I'm doing. We have a couple of trips planned with my cousins and siblings. And I'll get to cuddle my own brand spanking new baby and raise him with the man I instinctively knew would be a fabulous, loving and hands on father. I appreciate life I'm so glad that its mine.
Is this just a California thing? Out here I see more men with baby bjorns, riding their baby on bikes, being the one to drop and pick up from school, grocery shopping with baby and being hands fathers. My own grandfather used to have my mother at work with them. She was driving his buses- full of people- at 4 years old. My oldest sister would go to work with my grandparents as well, but they didn't let her drive any bus. As a result my mother has always ran her own business and raised kids who also run their own business. 100% of her children have a business and she has encouraged and supported that and helped us organize them.
There I go reflecting. Happy 2008!
In the words of Mary J. "I appreciate life, I’m so glad that it's mine." Something about the end of the year (and flying) makes me reflect on how fragile life is. To enter a new year is a blessing, to complete a year is a blessing. To complete a day of life is a blessing, each second is a gift. I realize this and live with that in mind. I will not be the one looking back and saying I should have pursued this goal. Nope, I'm in constant pursuit. I'd rather fail in the attempt than to never have made the attempt. Failure is merely instruction on what not to do the next time you try. I don't make the resolutions because I know each day is a blessing in which I can begin again and finish what I began.
We had a wonderful Christmas Holiday. We are in the Bay Area and got nice cold Christmas weather. We've spent a few days in San Francisco hanging out, dining and enjoying the chilly yet very clear (no fog) days. I had a deposition near the wharf, and Mr A. surprised me with Clam Chowder from Fisherman's Wharf. He also drove me that morning and waited in the city until I was done. He's fabulous and I am thankful God has let me share in his life. After the deposition we went to the Embarcadero and Mr. A spotted a maternity Gap. I was able to pick up a few things and we walked to the Holding Company where I had my most favored virgin Strawberry Daiquiri and we watched the game and had appetizers. Later than evening the family came to the city and we dined at the House of Prime Rib and enjoyed ourselves tremendously. This place is said to be the best prime rib in the Bay Area. We spent the afternoon after Christmas shopping in Palo Alto and pushed my great aunt around in a mall issued wheel chair. I love that mall.
Mr. A went to hit a few golf balls this morning and was just invited to attend the Rose Bowl- but we're still in Oakland. He's had to turn down quite a few L.A. invitations, but we've been able to pick and choose from Bay Area choices. I love L.A. and all it offers, but I feel like I rejoin the social world when we are in the Bay. In L.A. I mix in with his buddies, but all his buddies are men so I don't hang out with them without him. I have a preference for hanging out with family and long time family friends. As I get older I'm less willing to add new folks to my friendship circle. I'm lazy and new people are work. I don't really have the desire to get to know folks. Give me the people I know, so I can relax and do me and appreciate them for who they are. Heck, by the time I get done reading blogs and read bloggers people trash folks they just meet, and use them as fodder to entertain, I'm even more resolved to stick with the folks I'm used to. Maybe I need to stop reading blogs.
The end of our Oakland visit will conclude with the family attending a Warriors game and having a suite at the Coliseum. Suite means our own box with food and drinks included. The only thing about watching a game from the suite is social engagement occurs more than game watching. Fortunately a few of my cousins plus the siblings will be there with us, so we'll get to run the suite. The perks of life in the Bay Area- banquets, formal lunches, plays, sporting events, parties galore, and more are always readily offered and free. I'm pleased to have gotten to spend this time here enjoying the Bay.
I'm also pleased because I've been feeling much much better. My energy has picked up and I feel like I've rejoined the land of the living. My belly has been rubbed and sang too and spoken too. I've gotten hug after hug after hug. It's nice to know others are also excitedly awaiting the arrival of Baby A.
I enjoy the opportunity to reflect through the blog, but I'm running out of things to reflect on. I think that's growth. I can't spend forever in the planning/reflection stage. Life is for living. I welcome 2008. Mr. A and I will have a new addition to our family, business is going well and looking bright for the future. I'm motivated about the work I'm doing. We have a couple of trips planned with my cousins and siblings. And I'll get to cuddle my own brand spanking new baby and raise him with the man I instinctively knew would be a fabulous, loving and hands on father. I appreciate life I'm so glad that its mine.
Is this just a California thing? Out here I see more men with baby bjorns, riding their baby on bikes, being the one to drop and pick up from school, grocery shopping with baby and being hands fathers. My own grandfather used to have my mother at work with them. She was driving his buses- full of people- at 4 years old. My oldest sister would go to work with my grandparents as well, but they didn't let her drive any bus. As a result my mother has always ran her own business and raised kids who also run their own business. 100% of her children have a business and she has encouraged and supported that and helped us organize them.
There I go reflecting. Happy 2008!
Thursday, December 13, 2007
True Story
I'm feeling a bit better. This will be brief. Don't expect much in the future.
A few mornings ago I was feeling trapped in my sleep. What I mean by that is I was awake but I was so fatigued that I just couldn't complete the process to get awake. I don't know if I'm the only one that has ever needed help pulling out of my sleep. That was the first time it had happened to me, but it was weird. Almost like you might slip into a coma if someone doesn't get you right then.
I was wondering where Mr. A was, but struggled to muster the energy to actually call his name. There was a risk that a door was shut or he wasn't in the next room and would not hear my call. I didn't have the energy to take that risk because I needed what I had to try to get myself awake.
I laid there and just began calling his name in my head. I was moaning it in my head. It was urgent. After a few moments of mentally calling his name in a pleading type of way, I heard him coming into the room and saying in an incredulous voice, "are you calling me?"
I needed that. His voice pulled me out of whatever state I was in. I told him I was calling him in my head. He asked if I was serious. I told him I was. I told him I couldn't call out. He said internally he kept hearing his name repeated and didn't know what it was. It was me.
Mr. A says no one will believe this story. But its true! I don't know what was happening with my body that morning, but I needed the rescue. I needed to get pulled from whatever I was stuck in. I'm sure we've all had the experience of feeling like our name is being called, and later learning that someone we love needed us.
Fortunately for me, Mr. A responded to my silent call.
A few mornings ago I was feeling trapped in my sleep. What I mean by that is I was awake but I was so fatigued that I just couldn't complete the process to get awake. I don't know if I'm the only one that has ever needed help pulling out of my sleep. That was the first time it had happened to me, but it was weird. Almost like you might slip into a coma if someone doesn't get you right then.
I was wondering where Mr. A was, but struggled to muster the energy to actually call his name. There was a risk that a door was shut or he wasn't in the next room and would not hear my call. I didn't have the energy to take that risk because I needed what I had to try to get myself awake.
I laid there and just began calling his name in my head. I was moaning it in my head. It was urgent. After a few moments of mentally calling his name in a pleading type of way, I heard him coming into the room and saying in an incredulous voice, "are you calling me?"
I needed that. His voice pulled me out of whatever state I was in. I told him I was calling him in my head. He asked if I was serious. I told him I was. I told him I couldn't call out. He said internally he kept hearing his name repeated and didn't know what it was. It was me.
Mr. A says no one will believe this story. But its true! I don't know what was happening with my body that morning, but I needed the rescue. I needed to get pulled from whatever I was stuck in. I'm sure we've all had the experience of feeling like our name is being called, and later learning that someone we love needed us.
Fortunately for me, Mr. A responded to my silent call.
Thoughts
I would love to write a post over here, but its too much work.
I can read blogs, even comment but the effort to complete a blog is pushing my morning- through out the day- sickness.
I have lots of work to do, but I've just been laying on the sofa. I made it to Whole Foods today for fruit for breakfast. It was yummy.
I know other women push their way through and go to work and raise families, and I could if I had to. But doggonit I don't have to.
Thank God for Mr. A. If I didn't have him, I have no idea what I'd do. I guess I'd have to get up and get busy. But on the bright side the books seem to say that next month I should be done with the morning sickness. And in other bright things, the sickness didn't start until after Thanksgiving. So I'm pretty fortunate.
Be back when the churning ceases.
I can read blogs, even comment but the effort to complete a blog is pushing my morning- through out the day- sickness.
I have lots of work to do, but I've just been laying on the sofa. I made it to Whole Foods today for fruit for breakfast. It was yummy.
I know other women push their way through and go to work and raise families, and I could if I had to. But doggonit I don't have to.
Thank God for Mr. A. If I didn't have him, I have no idea what I'd do. I guess I'd have to get up and get busy. But on the bright side the books seem to say that next month I should be done with the morning sickness. And in other bright things, the sickness didn't start until after Thanksgiving. So I'm pretty fortunate.
Be back when the churning ceases.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Future Baby Mama
I like this song. There is one part that says: To build a house together the thing that matters more, Is under the floor
A strong foundation that last forever more.
(written Friday)
Today we heard our baby's heart beat. It was AMAZING. I started laughing because it was such a joyful sound. I was in slight awe. That sound made me realize its REAL! There is a life, a person with its own life using my womb for warm shelter until ready to make a debut. We're the vessels.
Mr A and I have already decided what type of foundation we want to give our kids. A positive foundation and prayer, that's our strategy.
(written Sunday)
I MAKE PEOPLE
Today at church the minister Christened a child and said that the greatest gift we can give the world is a person. A person who is raised with a good foundation (he didn't say foundation but neither Mr. A or I can remember the exact word). A person who uses their talents and gifts to make a difference or a change in the world- it is the greatest gift.
That's my goal, to show our children they have a specially designed purpose. We'll do our best to make sure the kid knows that thoughts rule the world and thoughts rule him. Mr A has already been talking to the baby and telling him to THINK. So a man thinketh so is he. "Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force; that thoughts rule the world." –Ralph Waldo Emerson
They'll know the power of words."In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
-- John 1
I know we'll learn lots of things along the way.
Planning for Eco-friendly Babies
In other great things, we'll both be staying home with the kid- working from home. This should prove very interesting. I'll probably hire someone to come help out a few days. I'm sure we can't get real work done and care for an infant. I used to naively think I'd maintain a flexible at home work schedule so that when kids arrived the transition would be simple. I'm realizing that I get very caught up in work. Too caught up to combine work with a baby. Maybe I'll be able to structure things so I only work 1 day a week. We have some months to figure it out but the baby gets top priority.
I've found diaper services in both Oakland and L.A. that will pick up the soiled cloth diapers and deliver clean ones. Baby A is trying to be eco-friendly. I've also heard babies can be potty trained faster when they feel the moisture and the cloth diapers allow them to feel the moisture and be better able to make the transition from diaper to potty.
A strong foundation that last forever more.
(written Friday)
Today we heard our baby's heart beat. It was AMAZING. I started laughing because it was such a joyful sound. I was in slight awe. That sound made me realize its REAL! There is a life, a person with its own life using my womb for warm shelter until ready to make a debut. We're the vessels.
Mr A and I have already decided what type of foundation we want to give our kids. A positive foundation and prayer, that's our strategy.
(written Sunday)
I MAKE PEOPLE
Today at church the minister Christened a child and said that the greatest gift we can give the world is a person. A person who is raised with a good foundation (he didn't say foundation but neither Mr. A or I can remember the exact word). A person who uses their talents and gifts to make a difference or a change in the world- it is the greatest gift.
That's my goal, to show our children they have a specially designed purpose. We'll do our best to make sure the kid knows that thoughts rule the world and thoughts rule him. Mr A has already been talking to the baby and telling him to THINK. So a man thinketh so is he. "Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force; that thoughts rule the world." –Ralph Waldo Emerson
They'll know the power of words."In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
-- John 1
I know we'll learn lots of things along the way.
Planning for Eco-friendly Babies
In other great things, we'll both be staying home with the kid- working from home. This should prove very interesting. I'll probably hire someone to come help out a few days. I'm sure we can't get real work done and care for an infant. I used to naively think I'd maintain a flexible at home work schedule so that when kids arrived the transition would be simple. I'm realizing that I get very caught up in work. Too caught up to combine work with a baby. Maybe I'll be able to structure things so I only work 1 day a week. We have some months to figure it out but the baby gets top priority.
I've found diaper services in both Oakland and L.A. that will pick up the soiled cloth diapers and deliver clean ones. Baby A is trying to be eco-friendly. I've also heard babies can be potty trained faster when they feel the moisture and the cloth diapers allow them to feel the moisture and be better able to make the transition from diaper to potty.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Midnite is the only time
that I can hear from you. Oh how I wish you'd call me when your skies are blue.
Those are part of the lyrics in a song performed by now gospel artist Coco of SWV aka Cheryl Gamble. The title is Midnite and is by Brent Jones. It's saying how we tell God we love him but only call him when we need him. That God has so much more to offer us than helping us out of distress. That song brings me near tears each time I hear it. I don't want to be the person that only calls God's name in times of distress.
Sometimes our friends and family treat us that way. You see their number and you know they want you to help them out with something. I take it personally and sometimes won't answer. I'm always ready to help my family but I realize there is a difference between helping out, being a resource and being used.
I'm so much more than an emergency resource. Luckily for folks God ain't like me because there are calls I won't return. If you can't call each blue moon to say what's up, DO NOT call to ask for help. My time is reserved for folks who pay me or who love me on a regular basis. I'm more inclined to help a person I don't know before I help someone I know but only pops up in times of need.
Those are part of the lyrics in a song performed by now gospel artist Coco of SWV aka Cheryl Gamble. The title is Midnite and is by Brent Jones. It's saying how we tell God we love him but only call him when we need him. That God has so much more to offer us than helping us out of distress. That song brings me near tears each time I hear it. I don't want to be the person that only calls God's name in times of distress.
Sometimes our friends and family treat us that way. You see their number and you know they want you to help them out with something. I take it personally and sometimes won't answer. I'm always ready to help my family but I realize there is a difference between helping out, being a resource and being used.
I'm so much more than an emergency resource. Luckily for folks God ain't like me because there are calls I won't return. If you can't call each blue moon to say what's up, DO NOT call to ask for help. My time is reserved for folks who pay me or who love me on a regular basis. I'm more inclined to help a person I don't know before I help someone I know but only pops up in times of need.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Missing Child- UPDATE HOME SAFE
Please post it anywhere and to everyone:
Her name is
Jazlyn Alexandria Patton
Chicago, Illinois - last seen on 51st & King Drive (#3 bus)
Age 13
BD 1/6/94
She is 5'6 160 lbs and she was last seen wearing Baby Phat jeans (indigo color) a black long sleeved shirt crew neck a black coat with a pink fur lining and black air force ones.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Things Mr. A has Taught Me
During our engagement I'd ocassionally be annoyed at folks. I'd be annoyed for silly reasons like I thought they were lying on themselves or bragging or being competitive. I'd be in Mr. A's ear sharing my complaints.
One day he stopped, looked at me and asked, "why do you care? What impact do these people have on your life that makes you care what they do?" He said it in such a way that I felt a tug of ........ shame. I said something like "they think I'm too stupid to know the truth." He told me their lies had nothing to do with me. I had to ask myself "why do I care?", I had no reason. I just had too much free time and was letting my mind be idle and giving the devil room to get comfy. I decided to let it all go. I did.
It's good when your mate won't let you dwell in crazy. I told him about my little blog spat and he was quite disappointed. I tried to explain the reason but he was like "you can't let folks control you and when you get into that and allow yourself to respond you are letting people in cyber world who you will never meet, control you." Again its good when folks don't let you pretend your mess doesn't exist. He will not let me dwell in madness. I appreciate that.
Mr. A has taught me I don't need to fight other folks battles. This is actually a work in progress. As we can see from the burglarly post he has this issue too. He was trying to stop a thief on gp and not because he thought he was taking our stuff. We're both into service. I think my desire to get involved is a hazzard of my profession. I feel like I can protect people. If I see what I think is injustice (but who am I to judge) I want to jump in and defend. I don't want to see someone be mistreated if I can maybe stop it.
I take that stuff more personally then I would a personal injustice. I feel like I can handle stuff, beat me down but I will always recover.
The amazing thing is when I saw someone doing the same stuff I used to do- being overly concerned and focused about stuff that didn't matter to their own life- I realized the madness of it. Its good to be able to see the mess you espcaped and knowing why your really don't want to go back into. I was even more grateful to Mr. A for being strong.
If I'm satisfied with my own life and living it to the fullest I won't have time or desire to pause to focus on others. So when I get too interested in what others are doing- in a way that isn't positive- I find something to do.
Once you get free- stay free.
Okay, I think that was the end, I'm watching this red lobster commercial and feeling hungry and I can write no more.
One day he stopped, looked at me and asked, "why do you care? What impact do these people have on your life that makes you care what they do?" He said it in such a way that I felt a tug of ........ shame. I said something like "they think I'm too stupid to know the truth." He told me their lies had nothing to do with me. I had to ask myself "why do I care?", I had no reason. I just had too much free time and was letting my mind be idle and giving the devil room to get comfy. I decided to let it all go. I did.
It's good when your mate won't let you dwell in crazy. I told him about my little blog spat and he was quite disappointed. I tried to explain the reason but he was like "you can't let folks control you and when you get into that and allow yourself to respond you are letting people in cyber world who you will never meet, control you." Again its good when folks don't let you pretend your mess doesn't exist. He will not let me dwell in madness. I appreciate that.
Mr. A has taught me I don't need to fight other folks battles. This is actually a work in progress. As we can see from the burglarly post he has this issue too. He was trying to stop a thief on gp and not because he thought he was taking our stuff. We're both into service. I think my desire to get involved is a hazzard of my profession. I feel like I can protect people. If I see what I think is injustice (but who am I to judge) I want to jump in and defend. I don't want to see someone be mistreated if I can maybe stop it.
I take that stuff more personally then I would a personal injustice. I feel like I can handle stuff, beat me down but I will always recover.
The amazing thing is when I saw someone doing the same stuff I used to do- being overly concerned and focused about stuff that didn't matter to their own life- I realized the madness of it. Its good to be able to see the mess you espcaped and knowing why your really don't want to go back into. I was even more grateful to Mr. A for being strong.
If I'm satisfied with my own life and living it to the fullest I won't have time or desire to pause to focus on others. So when I get too interested in what others are doing- in a way that isn't positive- I find something to do.
Once you get free- stay free.
Okay, I think that was the end, I'm watching this red lobster commercial and feeling hungry and I can write no more.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Crackhead Thieves
I just finished reading about the fright Honest had with some likely crackhead. I skimmed over our run in with a crackhead thief some weeks ago. I was gonna blog about it but then I hesitated because I don't want my stalkers/haters to have too much info on me.They'd be over there trying to help out the defense and probably trying to get our address so they can come look through my underwear drawer and sniff my toilet. Its a shame when crazy people get internet. They just mess up a good thing. This is the post where I mentioned the criminal activity. 
What has happened was....... abbreviated version.....
We've been on notice that thieves have been on the prowl in our neighborhood. One sunny afternoon, Mr. A saw a crackhead pushing a cart outside our garage. He didn't know whose stuff was in the cart but he knew a crackhead bum did not live around these parts and he wouldn't let the guy take the stuff. He also knew the cart he was pushing (it wasnt't ours) looked familiar. We later realized it belonged to a neighbor.
Mr. A knew the crackhead had likely stolen the stuff which he'd covered in a garbage bag, and he was being kind just to let him pass. I was on the phone while this was occuring and listening to the conversation. The crackhead left after putting up a minimal stance of resistance and Mr A pulled the cart into the garage. He then saw that our car window had been broken. He started chasing the criminal. A woman from down the street saw Mr. A, took her dogs in the house, got in her car and proceeded to chase the thief with Mr. A as a passenger. They saw him again and Mr A demanded to be let out.
Again Mr. A is military trained so he was on the guy. These guys are trained to fight guerillas in the jungle so a crackhead in the city isn't that great of a challenge. They rounded a corner and Mr. A couldn't hit the corner without looking to ensure the guy wasn't on the other side waiting to surprise attack. This is where Mr. A lost visual. By this time I was outside looking and on the phone with the Po-Po. I wasn't worried about Mr. A's safety I was worried that he might kill the guy.
I know that if he had got him immediately then we'd have self-defense but if he chased him and beat him to death, then we might have some jail time. The woman who had used her car to pursue the suspect (yeah I watch too many cop shows) came and had me get in the car. She was also concerned that Mr. A might kill the guy. I guess she thought I could stop it? Pul....leeeze. I am not that idiot. I'd be over there screaming for Mr. A to stop and distracting him and allow the crackhead a advantage. Nope. Not me. I know how these things work. Let men be men. Emotional wrecks need to back away.
We saw Mr. A and I got out of her car to walk with him. The police arrived a little while later, took a report and within 15 minutes they had Mr. A come around to i.d. the rogue. Good ol' L.A.P.D. who I had 0 confidence in actually went and found the criminal. I didn't even think they'd look. Then they sent out a finger print guy and another investigator.
Fortunately the thief didn't get away with any of our stuff because Mr. A being a good samaritan wasn't gonna let him steal anyone's stuff. What are the odds of stopping a crime and discovering that you were protecting your own self?
So hopefully we will get to trial because Mr. A and the other neighbors are ready to testify.
By the time the police arrived swarms of neighbors had gathered. I had to sneak away from them. It's good to live around folks that care what goes on in their area, but they will put you to work if you let them.
One woman had a bundle of emails listing various thefts. The teens who commit crimes in the afternoon. The crackhead who was trying to victimize us was a grown adult, so he didn't fit that profile. He also had the nerve to remove his sweatshirt while he was running from Mr. A. I guess he thought taking it off made him invisible.
Crack is wack and will wack up a brain.
What has happened was....... abbreviated version.....
We've been on notice that thieves have been on the prowl in our neighborhood. One sunny afternoon, Mr. A saw a crackhead pushing a cart outside our garage. He didn't know whose stuff was in the cart but he knew a crackhead bum did not live around these parts and he wouldn't let the guy take the stuff. He also knew the cart he was pushing (it wasnt't ours) looked familiar. We later realized it belonged to a neighbor.
Mr. A knew the crackhead had likely stolen the stuff which he'd covered in a garbage bag, and he was being kind just to let him pass. I was on the phone while this was occuring and listening to the conversation. The crackhead left after putting up a minimal stance of resistance and Mr A pulled the cart into the garage. He then saw that our car window had been broken. He started chasing the criminal. A woman from down the street saw Mr. A, took her dogs in the house, got in her car and proceeded to chase the thief with Mr. A as a passenger. They saw him again and Mr A demanded to be let out.
Again Mr. A is military trained so he was on the guy. These guys are trained to fight guerillas in the jungle so a crackhead in the city isn't that great of a challenge. They rounded a corner and Mr. A couldn't hit the corner without looking to ensure the guy wasn't on the other side waiting to surprise attack. This is where Mr. A lost visual. By this time I was outside looking and on the phone with the Po-Po. I wasn't worried about Mr. A's safety I was worried that he might kill the guy.
I know that if he had got him immediately then we'd have self-defense but if he chased him and beat him to death, then we might have some jail time. The woman who had used her car to pursue the suspect (yeah I watch too many cop shows) came and had me get in the car. She was also concerned that Mr. A might kill the guy. I guess she thought I could stop it? Pul....leeeze. I am not that idiot. I'd be over there screaming for Mr. A to stop and distracting him and allow the crackhead a advantage. Nope. Not me. I know how these things work. Let men be men. Emotional wrecks need to back away.
We saw Mr. A and I got out of her car to walk with him. The police arrived a little while later, took a report and within 15 minutes they had Mr. A come around to i.d. the rogue. Good ol' L.A.P.D. who I had 0 confidence in actually went and found the criminal. I didn't even think they'd look. Then they sent out a finger print guy and another investigator.
Fortunately the thief didn't get away with any of our stuff because Mr. A being a good samaritan wasn't gonna let him steal anyone's stuff. What are the odds of stopping a crime and discovering that you were protecting your own self?
So hopefully we will get to trial because Mr. A and the other neighbors are ready to testify.
By the time the police arrived swarms of neighbors had gathered. I had to sneak away from them. It's good to live around folks that care what goes on in their area, but they will put you to work if you let them.
One woman had a bundle of emails listing various thefts. The teens who commit crimes in the afternoon. The crackhead who was trying to victimize us was a grown adult, so he didn't fit that profile. He also had the nerve to remove his sweatshirt while he was running from Mr. A. I guess he thought taking it off made him invisible.
Crack is wack and will wack up a brain.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Game Recognize Game
Everynow and again I have to remember the devil is Lie. You can't let him in your head. For a minimal second I almost let myself believe the devil.
I'm sure ya'll saw the interactions over at The Next Big Thing.
Sometimes people will try to run game on you but its good to be able to pause and think on it. Stop the game. Imagine someone saying "one" of your friends ain't your friend. Then there you are investigating, doubting and suspecting all your friends because of what someone who is nowhere near a friend said. That type of mess must be ignored. It could be true but its still a mind game. Instead of saying "one" ain't your friend, the person that wasn't trying to mess with your head would tell you who it is. I mean if I said all that, then I'd finish the sentence and say who and why.
I don't suspect anyone I know to be my friend but I have been suspecting this nutty stalker I attracted. I can't control other people's mouths, minds or fingers. I've decided to leave even that suspicion alone. I can't worry about folks I don't know who think we're friends. Although I will be on guard if I ever see this person in person again- which I shouldn't. If someone needs to focus on me to get through their life then all I can do is support them. Hopefully their behavior doesn't progress.
The bright side and there is always a bright side: I am clearly fascinating to some.
We were listening to the radio this weekend and a woman was on talking about her book. The book was about being thankful. It was a different spin on the secret. She said people who are thankful recover faster from things. If tragedy strikes their life the skill of being thankful for all that went right before that tragedy helps them through. She said people look at those thankful people and wonder what it is you have that makes you able to stand through storms.
I remember after my Grandmother's funeral one of my mom's cousins called her up talking foolish and balling on the phone. She said she didn't know how we held up so well and she didn't think she could survive the death of her mother. Now this cousin is a fool because just because we weren't laid out in the floor kicking and screaming doens't mean we aren't mourning and doesn't mean you should call talking foolishness or doing insensitive stuff. We just knew we'd been blessed to have loan of her for the years we did, she was blessed to have a good and long life- of course we would have like her to be 100+ but we were grateful for the gift of her in our life. You can't wallow in self-pity when you realize you have reason to be grateful.
I blame my ability to be grateful on God. When you know God is in control of everything you don't have to wallow in your troubles. Some people look at me and can't understand why my life seems so charmed, so blessed. Its because all I see are the blessings. If all I see are the blessings then when you look at me, all you see is a blessed person. I see a blessing in everything. I see the hope and promise in everything.
People get mad at you and want to disparage you because you stay happy but I realize how God has blessed me and how he continues to bless me and I have no reason to stay down over things.
I remember dealing with this in college. My first week at school one of the older seniors told my sisters best friend that he hoped I didn't lose my sunshine. He seemed to think some boy would come along and still (used that word on purpose) the pep in my step. But my pep isn't that fragile, it isn't built around temporal stuff and people. I told one of my friends who also had joy like me and she said when you have sunshine people think you must be dumb and ditzy. They think you are too dumb to see problems and therefore you can stay cheery.
I can't count the times someone has implied or outright said I'm naive or perhaps optimistic. Its not naivety, perhaps it resembles optimism, because its hope and trust in that God can make a way for me. Faith in God gives you hope and a belief that even if things go bad, if I'm alive they can get better and if I'm dead its straight to glory.
There are many situations in life that hurt. Its how you rise from the hurt that makes the difference.
I realize this post may look a bit odd after I just finished battling with folks on other blogs but this is what I'm talking about. In situations that might have folks dwelling and angry and angsty, I instinctively focus on how God has been good to me. I focus on my blessings. It always makes me see things in a good and new perspective.
I'm sure ya'll saw the interactions over at The Next Big Thing.
Sometimes people will try to run game on you but its good to be able to pause and think on it. Stop the game. Imagine someone saying "one" of your friends ain't your friend. Then there you are investigating, doubting and suspecting all your friends because of what someone who is nowhere near a friend said. That type of mess must be ignored. It could be true but its still a mind game. Instead of saying "one" ain't your friend, the person that wasn't trying to mess with your head would tell you who it is. I mean if I said all that, then I'd finish the sentence and say who and why.
I don't suspect anyone I know to be my friend but I have been suspecting this nutty stalker I attracted. I can't control other people's mouths, minds or fingers. I've decided to leave even that suspicion alone. I can't worry about folks I don't know who think we're friends. Although I will be on guard if I ever see this person in person again- which I shouldn't. If someone needs to focus on me to get through their life then all I can do is support them. Hopefully their behavior doesn't progress.
The bright side and there is always a bright side: I am clearly fascinating to some.
We were listening to the radio this weekend and a woman was on talking about her book. The book was about being thankful. It was a different spin on the secret. She said people who are thankful recover faster from things. If tragedy strikes their life the skill of being thankful for all that went right before that tragedy helps them through. She said people look at those thankful people and wonder what it is you have that makes you able to stand through storms.
I remember after my Grandmother's funeral one of my mom's cousins called her up talking foolish and balling on the phone. She said she didn't know how we held up so well and she didn't think she could survive the death of her mother. Now this cousin is a fool because just because we weren't laid out in the floor kicking and screaming doens't mean we aren't mourning and doesn't mean you should call talking foolishness or doing insensitive stuff. We just knew we'd been blessed to have loan of her for the years we did, she was blessed to have a good and long life- of course we would have like her to be 100+ but we were grateful for the gift of her in our life. You can't wallow in self-pity when you realize you have reason to be grateful.
I blame my ability to be grateful on God. When you know God is in control of everything you don't have to wallow in your troubles. Some people look at me and can't understand why my life seems so charmed, so blessed. Its because all I see are the blessings. If all I see are the blessings then when you look at me, all you see is a blessed person. I see a blessing in everything. I see the hope and promise in everything.
People get mad at you and want to disparage you because you stay happy but I realize how God has blessed me and how he continues to bless me and I have no reason to stay down over things.
I remember dealing with this in college. My first week at school one of the older seniors told my sisters best friend that he hoped I didn't lose my sunshine. He seemed to think some boy would come along and still (used that word on purpose) the pep in my step. But my pep isn't that fragile, it isn't built around temporal stuff and people. I told one of my friends who also had joy like me and she said when you have sunshine people think you must be dumb and ditzy. They think you are too dumb to see problems and therefore you can stay cheery.
I can't count the times someone has implied or outright said I'm naive or perhaps optimistic. Its not naivety, perhaps it resembles optimism, because its hope and trust in that God can make a way for me. Faith in God gives you hope and a belief that even if things go bad, if I'm alive they can get better and if I'm dead its straight to glory.
There are many situations in life that hurt. Its how you rise from the hurt that makes the difference.
I realize this post may look a bit odd after I just finished battling with folks on other blogs but this is what I'm talking about. In situations that might have folks dwelling and angry and angsty, I instinctively focus on how God has been good to me. I focus on my blessings. It always makes me see things in a good and new perspective.
Airplanes, buses and trains
As much as I hate to fly I am always en route via airplane.
On Sunday morning I flew into Oakland. We took the coastal route so the flight was extremely smooth. As we got close to landing we began our descent into the fog. Having faced this fog before and having seen the pilots instruments that help in land in that visibility, I closed my eyes, relaxed and asked the Lord to either help him use the instruments or let a break of sun shine a path for us.
I couldn't see the ground until we were a few feet above the water. Then we hit the pavement. Planes in Oakland touch down just small distance from the water. One little misstep and we'd be in the Bay.
I sent Mr. A a text and told him no more morning flights. I always forget that Bay fog. My brother picked me up and I told him and he said as he was driving to the airport and saw how low the fog was he knew how I'd be feeling. I was grateful to live in L.A. where the fog doesn't hang like that. My brother mentioned how he loves flying into L.A. because its always so sunny.
I flew back to L.A. on Monday night. The flight was delayed 47 minutes due to the Marine Layer a.k.a. fog. We took the valley/mountain route so it was quite bumpy. This fog was super low as we came into LA. It was so low and thick that I didn't see the ground AT ALL. We landed, touched down and I could still not see the ground. It was eerie.
How did I end up with fog in both directions? The flight from Oak to LAX was fast. Maybe 45 minutes from take off to landing. I think the pilot knew I wanted to watch the Game.
On Sunday morning I flew into Oakland. We took the coastal route so the flight was extremely smooth. As we got close to landing we began our descent into the fog. Having faced this fog before and having seen the pilots instruments that help in land in that visibility, I closed my eyes, relaxed and asked the Lord to either help him use the instruments or let a break of sun shine a path for us.
I couldn't see the ground until we were a few feet above the water. Then we hit the pavement. Planes in Oakland touch down just small distance from the water. One little misstep and we'd be in the Bay.
I sent Mr. A a text and told him no more morning flights. I always forget that Bay fog. My brother picked me up and I told him and he said as he was driving to the airport and saw how low the fog was he knew how I'd be feeling. I was grateful to live in L.A. where the fog doesn't hang like that. My brother mentioned how he loves flying into L.A. because its always so sunny.
I flew back to L.A. on Monday night. The flight was delayed 47 minutes due to the Marine Layer a.k.a. fog. We took the valley/mountain route so it was quite bumpy. This fog was super low as we came into LA. It was so low and thick that I didn't see the ground AT ALL. We landed, touched down and I could still not see the ground. It was eerie.
How did I end up with fog in both directions? The flight from Oak to LAX was fast. Maybe 45 minutes from take off to landing. I think the pilot knew I wanted to watch the Game.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
How Much Is Money Worth?
I've been trying to limit my work to the city of L.A. L.A. is large enough that I don't need to go outside the boundaries. There is money to be made - I guess - outside the city but if I have to get up early to go out to get it or get in traffic then I lose a bit of enthusiasm.
I took a case 40 miles away. I truly debated if I should do it. There was a time I considered driving 100 miles to make far less. Traffic usually comes into L.A. so if I schedule stuff for the morning it should be okay. Hopefully traffic coming back to L.A. won't be so bad. My mother suggested I take the bus or train or have Mr. A drive me.
I don't think she thinks I drive that well. I'm not sure where these doubts about my driving ability come from. Mr. A. also thinks I'm a questionable driver. He's an L.A. native which means 80 is moving too slow. I think 70 is pretty cool. The only place I speed is the on the windy Oakland Hill roads. I like being a passenger. I'm like the little old lady who waits for her husband to drive her everywhere. Those days of being 15 and just itching to drive are long long gone. Unless its the Hills. I love driving in the hills with nothing but the trees and the views around me.
The wild thing about my reluctance to take this case is I know I have the potential to make a good sum of money in a couple of months. Now if I was making 6 figures a month I could see myself being finnicky but not being willing to drive 40 miles to get this, is what makes me know how much money is worth to me.
It's not worth giving up my comfort. I have court 300 miles away next week and I don't mind that trip like I mind that 40 mile trip to nowhere. At least when I get off the plane I'll be somewhere worth being. Sorry to the city 40 miles away, but you must know you're a boring place.
I'm one of those people that doesn't like to be in suburbs. I like the city. I feel like I'm leaving life behind when I go outside city limits. I realize its odd but the older I get the less willing I am to spend time in burbs. I like fast paced activity. I like outdoor shopping areas. I haven't been to an indoor mall, outside San Francisco, in over 6 months.
Mr. A and I are planning to go to a store to pick out some things but I can't bring myself to go to the 'burbs where the nearest store is. We're going to wait until we get to the Bay Area so we can go to Emeryville.
It's okay though, I know people that hate the city. They can't wait to get back to the peace and quiet of their area. My great-grandfather didn't want to move back to Pasadena because it was too big. My great-aunt always said she would never live in some big city. Sadly for her, her small town became one of the fastest growing places in CA and now the population is larger than Oakland. But it still isn't a city. Just a lot of houses and a couple of malls with chain restaurants and movie theaters.
I took a case 40 miles away. I truly debated if I should do it. There was a time I considered driving 100 miles to make far less. Traffic usually comes into L.A. so if I schedule stuff for the morning it should be okay. Hopefully traffic coming back to L.A. won't be so bad. My mother suggested I take the bus or train or have Mr. A drive me.
I don't think she thinks I drive that well. I'm not sure where these doubts about my driving ability come from. Mr. A. also thinks I'm a questionable driver. He's an L.A. native which means 80 is moving too slow. I think 70 is pretty cool. The only place I speed is the on the windy Oakland Hill roads. I like being a passenger. I'm like the little old lady who waits for her husband to drive her everywhere. Those days of being 15 and just itching to drive are long long gone. Unless its the Hills. I love driving in the hills with nothing but the trees and the views around me.
The wild thing about my reluctance to take this case is I know I have the potential to make a good sum of money in a couple of months. Now if I was making 6 figures a month I could see myself being finnicky but not being willing to drive 40 miles to get this, is what makes me know how much money is worth to me.
It's not worth giving up my comfort. I have court 300 miles away next week and I don't mind that trip like I mind that 40 mile trip to nowhere. At least when I get off the plane I'll be somewhere worth being. Sorry to the city 40 miles away, but you must know you're a boring place.
I'm one of those people that doesn't like to be in suburbs. I like the city. I feel like I'm leaving life behind when I go outside city limits. I realize its odd but the older I get the less willing I am to spend time in burbs. I like fast paced activity. I like outdoor shopping areas. I haven't been to an indoor mall, outside San Francisco, in over 6 months.
Mr. A and I are planning to go to a store to pick out some things but I can't bring myself to go to the 'burbs where the nearest store is. We're going to wait until we get to the Bay Area so we can go to Emeryville.
It's okay though, I know people that hate the city. They can't wait to get back to the peace and quiet of their area. My great-grandfather didn't want to move back to Pasadena because it was too big. My great-aunt always said she would never live in some big city. Sadly for her, her small town became one of the fastest growing places in CA and now the population is larger than Oakland. But it still isn't a city. Just a lot of houses and a couple of malls with chain restaurants and movie theaters.
Some Strategy
I've always liked my life and what I was blessed with. I've always been confident and proud of who my family and extended family are and what my ancestors accomplished.
I'm always on a continuous path of improvement but no one can make me feel bad about what I have, don't have or what I'm doing. Well, my mother can but that's a whole other post. If my mother says I'm slacking it isn't because I'm not doing what she wants, its because I'm not doing what I have the potential to do.
I digress.........
I've never had the keep up syndrome. I've never had the "let me prove it" problem. The idea that I would allow others to control my behavior is offensive to me. I like to be sure I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to do it. God made me unique, it would be a dishonor to spend my life becoming a copy.
I can look at what other people have and think its wonderful. I can part from their wonder and not spin my wheels with how to top it or match it. I can look at my own life and think its wonderful but not think any observer wished they had it. Just like I'm happy with my life, I assume others are happy with their own life. Well I do think most people would love to live in L.A. or the Bay but that's the region not my house. I'd love to live in NYC and I figure most people would want to as well. I guess maybe its easy to think stuff that is desirable to you would be desirable to others. It's a blessing that people want different things. The natural resources and space are dispersed for a reason.
Anyway........ I believe going into business was made easier for us because we don't have a strong attraction to things or a need to Keep Up. We're both competitive. We compete to be our very best, not to best other people or other entities. Had Mr. A kept his job and if I had even worked part time, we'd have been rolling in things that go bling bling- L.A. style- the day we wed. But shining and blinging so others could see us shine and bling was not our thing.
Here we are now..... we chose to start out with a more moderate lifestyle, we sacrificed a little, were cautious in our spending, and we chose to focus on each other and our business. We've spent this first 1.5 years living the retirement life and enjoying our full time together. The financial changes were especially drastic for Mr. A. He went from a stable income that was high by L.A. standards to having a wife who likes sushi and Crusteceans, and a bank account that needed to last while we built a business and still got enjoyment from the area we live in.
God has blessed us. When we started working to build our business in earnest he allowed the phone to start ringing. People were calling us to hire us. God allowed us to be in the right places and the right times and be prepared. And today God blessed us both even more greatly- business wise.
In the words of the Jefferson theme song. "We're Moving on Up!" Moving closer to my Bay Area home with a view. That's not a literal move. Business is going well here in L.A. When we have a stock pile of cash we'll go back to the bay and get my Bay Views. The Bay is more expensive than L.A. so we'll need more money to buy land with views.
I'm always on a continuous path of improvement but no one can make me feel bad about what I have, don't have or what I'm doing. Well, my mother can but that's a whole other post. If my mother says I'm slacking it isn't because I'm not doing what she wants, its because I'm not doing what I have the potential to do.
I digress.........
I've never had the keep up syndrome. I've never had the "let me prove it" problem. The idea that I would allow others to control my behavior is offensive to me. I like to be sure I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to do it. God made me unique, it would be a dishonor to spend my life becoming a copy.
I can look at what other people have and think its wonderful. I can part from their wonder and not spin my wheels with how to top it or match it. I can look at my own life and think its wonderful but not think any observer wished they had it. Just like I'm happy with my life, I assume others are happy with their own life. Well I do think most people would love to live in L.A. or the Bay but that's the region not my house. I'd love to live in NYC and I figure most people would want to as well. I guess maybe its easy to think stuff that is desirable to you would be desirable to others. It's a blessing that people want different things. The natural resources and space are dispersed for a reason.
Anyway........ I believe going into business was made easier for us because we don't have a strong attraction to things or a need to Keep Up. We're both competitive. We compete to be our very best, not to best other people or other entities. Had Mr. A kept his job and if I had even worked part time, we'd have been rolling in things that go bling bling- L.A. style- the day we wed. But shining and blinging so others could see us shine and bling was not our thing.
Here we are now..... we chose to start out with a more moderate lifestyle, we sacrificed a little, were cautious in our spending, and we chose to focus on each other and our business. We've spent this first 1.5 years living the retirement life and enjoying our full time together. The financial changes were especially drastic for Mr. A. He went from a stable income that was high by L.A. standards to having a wife who likes sushi and Crusteceans, and a bank account that needed to last while we built a business and still got enjoyment from the area we live in.
God has blessed us. When we started working to build our business in earnest he allowed the phone to start ringing. People were calling us to hire us. God allowed us to be in the right places and the right times and be prepared. And today God blessed us both even more greatly- business wise.
In the words of the Jefferson theme song. "We're Moving on Up!" Moving closer to my Bay Area home with a view. That's not a literal move. Business is going well here in L.A. When we have a stock pile of cash we'll go back to the bay and get my Bay Views. The Bay is more expensive than L.A. so we'll need more money to buy land with views.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Back to My Roots
Thanks for stopping by. I wish I could move those two years of posts at Blogsome over here to Blogspot.
Life is changing everyday. I'm excited. Stay tuned for the exciting times of C2A- a California Cutie.
Life is changing everyday. I'm excited. Stay tuned for the exciting times of C2A- a California Cutie.
