Let this mind that be in Christ Jesus be in me.
That is the mind that rose Jesus up from the grave, that is the mind I need to be saved.
Last night one of my sorors sent pics of her lovely bridal shower/tea. I've been thinking of TR's shower. Everything together made me feel bitterness at a past situation. I called my mom and she encouraged me and told me not to let the devil have room in my mind. Then she said "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" and think on things of good report.
As my wedding got closer and closer, I discovered that none of my bridesmaids had planned a thing for my bridal shower. They had at least 8 months notice. At the time I was so focused and joyful about us being married that I didn't focus on it and was just happy that my mom stepped in and planned things with 2 weeks notice. The fact that I had two Maid of Honors, one being my sister and the other being my first cousin is what I think bothers me most. My sister had the nerve to tell me if I'd been in Oakland perhaps they would have known what I wanted. Wow.... brides to be who send emails about their bridal shower want bridal showers. My cousin told me she had taken a couple trips and with my big moms death things got hectic. If planning had been done it would have occurred before big mom left us. Again all they had to do was plan a menu and send invitations.
When we first got engaged and for months after I sent them emails with ideas for bridal showers, I gave my cousin/MOH a book with games, I got the location, so all they had to do was organize food and send invitations. One of my cousins had asked to plan it and have a fashion show. I told the others to work with her. A few months before the wedding that cousin told me she had nothing planned and started asking me where I wanted it to be, what food I wanted, etc... I think I hung up on her.
Anyway my mother did it all and I'm very grateful to have her. If not for her I would have not had a thing. I was super duper upset when they asked for my guest list a week before the event. The shower was two weekends before our wedding so there wasn't much time.
One of my sorors organized my bachleorette party and it was great. She offered to plan TR's shower, so I'm having her, my brother and mother handle it.
Anyway, I think I'm over the bitterness. I understand people have lives and busy schedules but I realize I need to accept that I wrongly assumed I had a certain value to some people that clearly I don't have.
My mother tried to tell me that some people can't even plan there own events and that it probably wasn't them not planning for me but not being planners. Well that works for two of my cousins but not the two MOH's. They plan when they want to.
I want TR's shower to be great. I'm sure its just mommy love speaking but my baby deserves thoughtful planning, even if he/she won't be outside the womb when it occurs. But TR is the guest of honor and the idea that those folks would do TR as dirty as they did me sets me off.
But I need to think of things of good report. As my mom pointed out, people lose their mind when they start focusing on and rehashing bad events or feelings of who did them wrong. She said I don't want TR to have to come visit me in the mental hospital so I need to focus on good things. I will but I figured I'd feel better if I shared this. I feel like I've been hesitant to post about because I don't want to cast anyone in a bad light. I probably need to let my sister know how greatly she let me down, at a time that was so extremely important to me, but I don't know if I will. Seems like she'd know. Heck I think she did it on purpose.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
We Don't Fight
I can't remember where I heard this but a couple was discussing a fight they'd had, another person said "well my husband and I are fortunate that we don't fight", the other person asked "do you speak to each other?"
Some couples don't fight because they don't talk or because they separate things that are important to them. Some don't fight because they've resigned themselves to never getting on the same page. What's the big deal about fighting, as long as no one is shanked at the end of it? I mean no one thinks its a sign of something ominous if friends fight, so why do people cower from a fight with your spouse? People grow through challenges, its a refining process not a weakening one.
I fight with my siblings and we were raised together so how could I expect never to disagree with my spouse? After years of me and my siblings fighting, the one thing I'm certain of is that we are strong as a family. We don't curse each other out or anything drastic, but that's probably because I don't curse and would be highly dismayed at being cursed out. There are too many words in the English language to use simple curse words to express emotions.
Babyface was on Oprah a while ago and said even his parents were shocked about his divorce because he and his wife NEVER argued. How can two thinking people live together and never have a disagreement and a discussion about that disagreement i.e an argument/fight?
The devil is usually in the details. When a couple tells you what they don't argue, and you get them to finish the story you might discover its because they keep parts of their lives so separated that they don't have to argue. Blu and I discussed in great detail our plan for raising children but I'm sure when TR gets here we'll have some arguments about choices for him. We were raised by two different families so its to be expected that we'll have different ideas on things. We've agreed to always present a united front in our childrens presence because we know kids don't mind dividing and conquering.
Some couples never fight over money and that's because what is hers is hers and what is his is his. Fights can only occur when you combine and share. If I had to work to pay my own cel phone bill why would we have an argument about me going over my minutes? It would have no impact on his financial status. If I bought my friends and family gifts out of my own separate savings, why would we have a disagreement over how much to spend? It doesn't effect his financial status. Mr A and I buy gifts for family and friends from joint funds so we do have to have discussions about what to spend.
If your spouse has no interest or knowledge about what is going on what is there to fight about.
My other peeve is instead of people saying they don't argue why don't they just explain how they handle the situation? I could easily list the things we don't argue about, but if someone was seeking guidance how does that help. I understand it would make me feel superior but needing to feel superior is a whole other set of issues. I just think some folks are destructive to relationships because they are in an invisible competition.
I generally provide a description of what we do to get on the same page and let the person know working the thing out and a willingness to work it out strengthens you and prepares you to reach higher levels in your relationship.
Some couples don't fight because they don't talk or because they separate things that are important to them. Some don't fight because they've resigned themselves to never getting on the same page. What's the big deal about fighting, as long as no one is shanked at the end of it? I mean no one thinks its a sign of something ominous if friends fight, so why do people cower from a fight with your spouse? People grow through challenges, its a refining process not a weakening one.
I fight with my siblings and we were raised together so how could I expect never to disagree with my spouse? After years of me and my siblings fighting, the one thing I'm certain of is that we are strong as a family. We don't curse each other out or anything drastic, but that's probably because I don't curse and would be highly dismayed at being cursed out. There are too many words in the English language to use simple curse words to express emotions.
Babyface was on Oprah a while ago and said even his parents were shocked about his divorce because he and his wife NEVER argued. How can two thinking people live together and never have a disagreement and a discussion about that disagreement i.e an argument/fight?
The devil is usually in the details. When a couple tells you what they don't argue, and you get them to finish the story you might discover its because they keep parts of their lives so separated that they don't have to argue. Blu and I discussed in great detail our plan for raising children but I'm sure when TR gets here we'll have some arguments about choices for him. We were raised by two different families so its to be expected that we'll have different ideas on things. We've agreed to always present a united front in our childrens presence because we know kids don't mind dividing and conquering.
Some couples never fight over money and that's because what is hers is hers and what is his is his. Fights can only occur when you combine and share. If I had to work to pay my own cel phone bill why would we have an argument about me going over my minutes? It would have no impact on his financial status. If I bought my friends and family gifts out of my own separate savings, why would we have a disagreement over how much to spend? It doesn't effect his financial status. Mr A and I buy gifts for family and friends from joint funds so we do have to have discussions about what to spend.
If your spouse has no interest or knowledge about what is going on what is there to fight about.
My other peeve is instead of people saying they don't argue why don't they just explain how they handle the situation? I could easily list the things we don't argue about, but if someone was seeking guidance how does that help. I understand it would make me feel superior but needing to feel superior is a whole other set of issues. I just think some folks are destructive to relationships because they are in an invisible competition.
I generally provide a description of what we do to get on the same page and let the person know working the thing out and a willingness to work it out strengthens you and prepares you to reach higher levels in your relationship.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I'm cute
Written Wednesday
Mr A read my blog today and asked me why he had to read it to know I wanted us to go to church this afternoon. Its wild, but he seems to know what I want/need most of the time so I think I've grown accustomed to that.
One morning I started singing a song in bed - I started in the middle of the song- and he asked me what made me start singing that song and right at that point. I told him it was just in my head at that point. He said he was singing the same song in his head and where I started was right where he was. We're in sync. I will start telling him things though, I must remember that he can't always know what I want to do.
While at church I took a bathroom break. I was smiling at a woman, she smiled back and told me I looked cute pregnant. I really cheesed it up then. I do look cute preggers. I was wearing one of my newest green sun dresses- not the same one as yesterday. An older woman at Trader Joe's asked me if I had a baby in there because she thought she saw a kick. I laughed and pulled my dress so the roundness would be clear. I'm enjoying being preggers- even with the occasional aches, inability to get as comfy as I want and inability to hold much water for long periods of time.
Service was very interesting. It gave us a lot to reflect on. Someone asked a question and Bishop Jone's answer got quite an uprising from some of the single women in the audience. The next 2 hours were spent in discussion and reviewing various scriptures. We've been to Wednesday service before when we missed Sunday service. Mr A said we'll probably go on Wednesday more often. At one point Bishop Jones gave the stats on percentage of men and women in black churches, he said he had a bit more men that most and explained why. The reasons he gave were the reasons Mr. A told me he prefers him over the church closer to home. Quite interesting.
After church I dropped Mr. A off at his friend's house and they met up with another friend to go night skiing. The mountain has lights and the lift tickets are priced lower. Mr. A said it was great, the mountain didn't have a lot of people and there was snow
this past weekend so it was good skiing. Tonight was supposed to be the last run of the season, so he was very excited to go.
Written Today
Tonight, we're hosting a small dinner party for the girlfriend of Mr. A's best friend. Last week when we were hanging out the girl seemed shocked that I remembered her birthday. I sent her a text this week to ask what her plans were and again she seemed surprised I remembered. I met her soon after Mr A and I first began dating, and her b-day comes the same date every year, plus my gf from law school has the same b-day- how could I forget. Mr A said it's because the people she deals with (namely her bf) don't do much for it. Not caring and not remembering are 2 different things. Not caring can lead to forgetting or just not caring to remember.
When they were travelling home from the mountain, Mr. A asked his friend what he was doing for her birthday and the response was "she has a $500 phone bill." I guess he figured payment was enough. Mr A gave him ideas on thoughtful gifts and told him to bring her over and he'd make dinner and we'd have cake. I'm looking forward to it, because the girl is lots of fun.
Plus she loves babies and doesn't mind discussing what to get for newborns. I'm having a baby and the thought of what to get and what not to get, what the baby needs makes me need a nap. Onesies, diapsers and bibs are easy. Choosing the other stuff is the challenge. There are so many opinions and ideas. So far the biggest thing I've decided on is a co-sleeper. It will only be useable until the baby can pull up but when the baby cries or wakes we'll just be able to reach over and handle things.
I spent a couple hours trying to figure out what type of infant car seat to get. We had picked out that massive car seat/ stroller but then I read that infants should be able to lay down in the stroller and the one we chose didn't have that so .......... anyway, I'm thinking we'll get an infant seat and the baby will just have to get used to Mr A carting him/her around in the bjorn. Plus I can't stand those cadillac strollers they are too huge.
Mr A read my blog today and asked me why he had to read it to know I wanted us to go to church this afternoon. Its wild, but he seems to know what I want/need most of the time so I think I've grown accustomed to that.
One morning I started singing a song in bed - I started in the middle of the song- and he asked me what made me start singing that song and right at that point. I told him it was just in my head at that point. He said he was singing the same song in his head and where I started was right where he was. We're in sync. I will start telling him things though, I must remember that he can't always know what I want to do.
While at church I took a bathroom break. I was smiling at a woman, she smiled back and told me I looked cute pregnant. I really cheesed it up then. I do look cute preggers. I was wearing one of my newest green sun dresses- not the same one as yesterday. An older woman at Trader Joe's asked me if I had a baby in there because she thought she saw a kick. I laughed and pulled my dress so the roundness would be clear. I'm enjoying being preggers- even with the occasional aches, inability to get as comfy as I want and inability to hold much water for long periods of time.
Service was very interesting. It gave us a lot to reflect on. Someone asked a question and Bishop Jone's answer got quite an uprising from some of the single women in the audience. The next 2 hours were spent in discussion and reviewing various scriptures. We've been to Wednesday service before when we missed Sunday service. Mr A said we'll probably go on Wednesday more often. At one point Bishop Jones gave the stats on percentage of men and women in black churches, he said he had a bit more men that most and explained why. The reasons he gave were the reasons Mr. A told me he prefers him over the church closer to home. Quite interesting.
After church I dropped Mr. A off at his friend's house and they met up with another friend to go night skiing. The mountain has lights and the lift tickets are priced lower. Mr. A said it was great, the mountain didn't have a lot of people and there was snow
this past weekend so it was good skiing. Tonight was supposed to be the last run of the season, so he was very excited to go.
Written Today
Tonight, we're hosting a small dinner party for the girlfriend of Mr. A's best friend. Last week when we were hanging out the girl seemed shocked that I remembered her birthday. I sent her a text this week to ask what her plans were and again she seemed surprised I remembered. I met her soon after Mr A and I first began dating, and her b-day comes the same date every year, plus my gf from law school has the same b-day- how could I forget. Mr A said it's because the people she deals with (namely her bf) don't do much for it. Not caring and not remembering are 2 different things. Not caring can lead to forgetting or just not caring to remember.
When they were travelling home from the mountain, Mr. A asked his friend what he was doing for her birthday and the response was "she has a $500 phone bill." I guess he figured payment was enough. Mr A gave him ideas on thoughtful gifts and told him to bring her over and he'd make dinner and we'd have cake. I'm looking forward to it, because the girl is lots of fun.
Plus she loves babies and doesn't mind discussing what to get for newborns. I'm having a baby and the thought of what to get and what not to get, what the baby needs makes me need a nap. Onesies, diapsers and bibs are easy. Choosing the other stuff is the challenge. There are so many opinions and ideas. So far the biggest thing I've decided on is a co-sleeper. It will only be useable until the baby can pull up but when the baby cries or wakes we'll just be able to reach over and handle things.
I spent a couple hours trying to figure out what type of infant car seat to get. We had picked out that massive car seat/ stroller but then I read that infants should be able to lay down in the stroller and the one we chose didn't have that so .......... anyway, I'm thinking we'll get an infant seat and the baby will just have to get used to Mr A carting him/her around in the bjorn. Plus I can't stand those cadillac strollers they are too huge.
It's a Family Reunion
Why did someone just suggest L.A. as a potential spot for our 2008 reunion? Last time I checked I'm the only person from my maternal great-grandfathers offspring that live here. Now if they want to expand and include my maternal great-great grandfather or my maternal great-grandmother that's good because a bunch of them are here.
But with the current configuration I'd be the one having to search out and book venues. I don't even know any caterers in L.A. Goodness, I'm about to become a new mom, how would I have time to plan things for September? Even if someone helped I would still be the one expected to look at places. Is this how people destroy reunions?
I just heard about the hospital that took out the wrong kidney.
A few years ago my sis had surgery on her arm and they put her under. My mom taped a sign on one of her arms. It said "this arm." She wrote with a marker on her other arm telling them "not this arm."
People have to do that. I told Mr A not to let them do anything to my baby beyond clearing the throat, smacking the bottom and cutting the cord. He can wipe the slime off. I don't want any injections. I also told him to be down there watching. I had a bad dream last night, I need him to keep a watchful eye. I'll squeeze my mom's hand during delivery. Or maybe I should have my mom down there? I can envision them asking her to leave the room as she issued instructions, asked questions and told me to stop all the hollering.
But with the current configuration I'd be the one having to search out and book venues. I don't even know any caterers in L.A. Goodness, I'm about to become a new mom, how would I have time to plan things for September? Even if someone helped I would still be the one expected to look at places. Is this how people destroy reunions?
I just heard about the hospital that took out the wrong kidney.
A few years ago my sis had surgery on her arm and they put her under. My mom taped a sign on one of her arms. It said "this arm." She wrote with a marker on her other arm telling them "not this arm."
People have to do that. I told Mr A not to let them do anything to my baby beyond clearing the throat, smacking the bottom and cutting the cord. He can wipe the slime off. I don't want any injections. I also told him to be down there watching. I had a bad dream last night, I need him to keep a watchful eye. I'll squeeze my mom's hand during delivery. Or maybe I should have my mom down there? I can envision them asking her to leave the room as she issued instructions, asked questions and told me to stop all the hollering.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
SAHWW/SAHWM
I consider myself to be a stay home working wife. Soon I'll be a stay at home working wife and mom.
As far as the working wife part goes I believe I have the best of all words. Don't tell me I can't have it all. I'm fortunate to have Mr. A, without him I'd probably consider having it all to be an impossibility. With him I can see how we can both ascend to be achieve our greatest potential. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, we first have to discuss what 'all' is to me but that's a long story, for another post.
Boy to man- "Only some people get what they want."
Man to boy- "Yes, the ones that show up to get it"
I still haven't figured out how a woman spends a full day at work then, grocery shops, cooks, cleans, does laundry, makes sure the home stays stocked with the little things men may overlook, makes the bed in the morning, keeps snacks, handle doctor appointments (because unless the wife makes the appt. I don't know that men go), all that a wife does. I mean the role of a wife is a full time job. I also sorta like going to the store everyday- if I can go early and well before its time to cook dinner.
Taking care of your family is also enjoyable. Heck at this point I'm hard pressed to find a greater joy than taking care of your family. It's the daily stuff that makes life valuable. Coming home everyday or being home and just enjoying the moments and the life you have at home.
Today I went to Trader Joe's, I left home at 11:08 and arrived around 11:15. I found myself back home after 1 p.m. Trader Joe's isn't huge but I must have checked out every item, on every aisle (not the liquor) and considered how I could use it, either now or in the future. I love stores with interesting products. After I left Trader Joe's I headed across the street to Ralph's where I picked up a few other items and had a leisurely stroll through the aisles.
I got home and told Mr A I'd had fun. I meant it, it was fun just grocery shopping, so I could make snacks and dinner for us. Shopping so that in the future I could make something interesting for Mr. A to try and perhaps we could have guests and they could enjoy a meal with us.
I did nearly pass out at the conclusion of my journey, so that extended the shopping trip. Mr. A usually comes with me and drives and I knew I couldn't get behind the wheel in that state. This was the first time I've gotten faint. I had on a light sweater jacket and sun dress, so I think I might have done too much and caused myself to overheat. I think I'm in the slow it down months. I had someone bring me a chair while I recovered. I must have looked like death because the manager offered me an ice pack and ice water. I had a juice so I was cool.
I don't assume every women likes to browse through the aisles of the grocery store checking out new and potentially tasty products. My grandmother used to do that, cooking was her hobby. But its nice to have the option and the time. Its not fun to leave work, hit the grocery store and/or come home and prepare a meal.
In other things my girlfriend told me her 1.5 year old is potty trained. She thinks it has something to do with the cloth diapers. I told her we planned to use them. She said when she used to change his diaper he never pee'd on her and seemed to have control of his bladder. If we could get TR potty trained by that age, we'd probably save thousands and I'm sure it would make him more attractive to babysit.
As far as the working wife part goes I believe I have the best of all words. Don't tell me I can't have it all. I'm fortunate to have Mr. A, without him I'd probably consider having it all to be an impossibility. With him I can see how we can both ascend to be achieve our greatest potential. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, we first have to discuss what 'all' is to me but that's a long story, for another post.
Boy to man- "Only some people get what they want."
Man to boy- "Yes, the ones that show up to get it"
I still haven't figured out how a woman spends a full day at work then, grocery shops, cooks, cleans, does laundry, makes sure the home stays stocked with the little things men may overlook, makes the bed in the morning, keeps snacks, handle doctor appointments (because unless the wife makes the appt. I don't know that men go), all that a wife does. I mean the role of a wife is a full time job. I also sorta like going to the store everyday- if I can go early and well before its time to cook dinner.
Taking care of your family is also enjoyable. Heck at this point I'm hard pressed to find a greater joy than taking care of your family. It's the daily stuff that makes life valuable. Coming home everyday or being home and just enjoying the moments and the life you have at home.
Today I went to Trader Joe's, I left home at 11:08 and arrived around 11:15. I found myself back home after 1 p.m. Trader Joe's isn't huge but I must have checked out every item, on every aisle (not the liquor) and considered how I could use it, either now or in the future. I love stores with interesting products. After I left Trader Joe's I headed across the street to Ralph's where I picked up a few other items and had a leisurely stroll through the aisles.
I got home and told Mr A I'd had fun. I meant it, it was fun just grocery shopping, so I could make snacks and dinner for us. Shopping so that in the future I could make something interesting for Mr. A to try and perhaps we could have guests and they could enjoy a meal with us.
I did nearly pass out at the conclusion of my journey, so that extended the shopping trip. Mr. A usually comes with me and drives and I knew I couldn't get behind the wheel in that state. This was the first time I've gotten faint. I had on a light sweater jacket and sun dress, so I think I might have done too much and caused myself to overheat. I think I'm in the slow it down months. I had someone bring me a chair while I recovered. I must have looked like death because the manager offered me an ice pack and ice water. I had a juice so I was cool.
I don't assume every women likes to browse through the aisles of the grocery store checking out new and potentially tasty products. My grandmother used to do that, cooking was her hobby. But its nice to have the option and the time. Its not fun to leave work, hit the grocery store and/or come home and prepare a meal.
In other things my girlfriend told me her 1.5 year old is potty trained. She thinks it has something to do with the cloth diapers. I told her we planned to use them. She said when she used to change his diaper he never pee'd on her and seemed to have control of his bladder. If we could get TR potty trained by that age, we'd probably save thousands and I'm sure it would make him more attractive to babysit.
On Our Way
Sooo....... I was thinking of how well TR seems to have timed his arrival. Or shall I give credit where credit is due, God allowed his arrival to be well timed. I don't mean the fact that his due date is also our anniversary date. I'm counting on the fact that due dates tend to be off, so we don't have to share a birthdate and anniversary.
I was considering a post I'd written saying I think our child would time their arrival to a time when things were comfy.
I realize that if TR had arrived before we had a good view that our business was promising Mr. A would have gone back to the corporate world and TR wouldn't get to arrive in a setting with both of his parents available to him at home.
Today Mr. A won his first city contract. I bought a cake to celebrate. We're subcontractors, so his prime actually won it. He was the sub on both firms that were invited to interview so it appeared either way we'd be getting our first city bite. Our foot is now in the door. It's been nearly a year since we first started submitting and we've been blessed to get this and to have steady business while we pursued this. Mr A's persistence is paying off. I told my mother and she is so excited, she's very proud of Mr. A for staying motivated and continuing to go after these things. My mom used to always tell me "don't be weary in well-doing" she doesn't have to tell me that anymore because I figured out what she meant. There were times that I would get weary in well-doing.
You have to keep trying and pursuing things even if the situation doesn't look promising. Failure is redirection, figure out a new strategy. You can't give up- you are doing well, so don't be weary.
My practice is going well. I've gotten linked in with a network that I wanted to link up with and my client base is steady. I can have almost as much work as I'm willing to take.
Can you imagine last March folks were calling to ask him if he'd given up and started looking for another job. It's amazing. I'm sure they were attempting to be helpful and realistic but we're optimistic over here and promise is our realism. I don't even know if those folks are still calling. If they are I guess the conversation changed. I think preserverance is a lost art and the willingness to take a risks to design the life you want is often confused with being a fool.
I won't even pretend that we have not had to make sacrifices but we were willing to make them to design the life we wanted. I just get annoyed by people who focus on what you can't or shouldn't do. Everyone doesn't, won't and can't have your vision but you have to keep moving towards it. All the naysayers need to do is move out the way.
I was considering a post I'd written saying I think our child would time their arrival to a time when things were comfy.
I realize that if TR had arrived before we had a good view that our business was promising Mr. A would have gone back to the corporate world and TR wouldn't get to arrive in a setting with both of his parents available to him at home.
Today Mr. A won his first city contract. I bought a cake to celebrate. We're subcontractors, so his prime actually won it. He was the sub on both firms that were invited to interview so it appeared either way we'd be getting our first city bite. Our foot is now in the door. It's been nearly a year since we first started submitting and we've been blessed to get this and to have steady business while we pursued this. Mr A's persistence is paying off. I told my mother and she is so excited, she's very proud of Mr. A for staying motivated and continuing to go after these things. My mom used to always tell me "don't be weary in well-doing" she doesn't have to tell me that anymore because I figured out what she meant. There were times that I would get weary in well-doing.
You have to keep trying and pursuing things even if the situation doesn't look promising. Failure is redirection, figure out a new strategy. You can't give up- you are doing well, so don't be weary.
My practice is going well. I've gotten linked in with a network that I wanted to link up with and my client base is steady. I can have almost as much work as I'm willing to take.
Can you imagine last March folks were calling to ask him if he'd given up and started looking for another job. It's amazing. I'm sure they were attempting to be helpful and realistic but we're optimistic over here and promise is our realism. I don't even know if those folks are still calling. If they are I guess the conversation changed. I think preserverance is a lost art and the willingness to take a risks to design the life you want is often confused with being a fool.
I won't even pretend that we have not had to make sacrifices but we were willing to make them to design the life we wanted. I just get annoyed by people who focus on what you can't or shouldn't do. Everyone doesn't, won't and can't have your vision but you have to keep moving towards it. All the naysayers need to do is move out the way.
Monday, March 17, 2008
The Word
We went back to Cit.y of Re.fuge yesterday. It was great.
I was excited to get back. In anticipation of our return I bought a journal which has been dedicated to messages I hear that I want to keep in one place. I usually have a journal in my purse that I takes notes in, but that journal is mainly for work related stuff and my goal is effective organization.
The Bishop spoke on "Let It Go" and how in life we will all be offended by someone and we will all offend someone. It's a part of living and that is why we forgive each other and are forgiven. Then he said God reserves his judgement for those who go out of their way to offend folks. It's not our purpose to judge them or seek to gain vengance because we've all done something to offend.
He said when we confront people it should be with the purpose of reconciliation, not to set them straight, insult them or hurt their feelings.
Then he said how some of us hold on to a wrong from folks who are dead or who have gone on living and enjoying their life and we are stuck angry. If we can't forgive ourselves we are unable to forgive others.
There was more and it was all great.
I feel like we need to double up and maybe go Wednesday afternoon. I'll have to see if Mr A is on board with that. It feels great to hear some good, life applicable Word and since we deprived ourselves for 3 straight weeks, I want more.
I was excited to get back. In anticipation of our return I bought a journal which has been dedicated to messages I hear that I want to keep in one place. I usually have a journal in my purse that I takes notes in, but that journal is mainly for work related stuff and my goal is effective organization.
The Bishop spoke on "Let It Go" and how in life we will all be offended by someone and we will all offend someone. It's a part of living and that is why we forgive each other and are forgiven. Then he said God reserves his judgement for those who go out of their way to offend folks. It's not our purpose to judge them or seek to gain vengance because we've all done something to offend.
He said when we confront people it should be with the purpose of reconciliation, not to set them straight, insult them or hurt their feelings.
Then he said how some of us hold on to a wrong from folks who are dead or who have gone on living and enjoying their life and we are stuck angry. If we can't forgive ourselves we are unable to forgive others.
There was more and it was all great.
I feel like we need to double up and maybe go Wednesday afternoon. I'll have to see if Mr A is on board with that. It feels great to hear some good, life applicable Word and since we deprived ourselves for 3 straight weeks, I want more.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
$10K Mortgage
I suggested to Mr. A that we move somewhere where we have to pay $10k mortgage/rent. Mr. A asked me why would we want to do that. Here is my theory.
I've blogged about how we made sure to keep our expenses low when we moved. Right now we pay a little under $2k, and we don't have too many expenses. For 2 folks that's not much. My thought is perhaps we've set the barr too low. People rise to meet what is required. If we had to pay $10k a month -especially since we're self employed, then our level of output would be greater. If we had to pay that each month, we'd have higher to reach.
Years ago I got an AmEx card. I'd spend a few hundred and pay it off. One month I spent over $1000- I had clearly lost my mind. I got on the move and made the money to pay it off. My need forced my output to increase.
When I first moved to L.A. some years ago, it was literally an overnight decision. I stayed with my cousin for a couple of weeks and then found an apt I loved. I didn't have first and last month but within a week I had made it. My cousin was amazed.
The $10k mortgage is just my way to take the limits or minimums off.
In other things.......
We finally made it to Crustaceans for "Lucky Hour" it was wonderful. I had my garlic noodles and salt and pepper calamari. The calamari was good but not as salty as Le Cheval. Mr. A also got Sashimi and an Organic Margarita. When he took the first sip it was apparent it had quite a kick. I had a tasty virgin strawberry daiquire. After that we walked to Sprinkles. Yummy in the tummy. Mr. A told the waiter that we had mainly come for the noodles and the man said he understood because they were addictive. A couple years ago I googled the recipe and discovered there are many people out there trying to figure it out and discussing those noodles.
I'm supposed to spend much of my tommorow doing someone's taxes and Mr A will be doing their finacial statement. We're only charging them a couple hundred dollars. I charged them $200 last year just to do the taxes and forgot- so I didn't increase price enough this year. It seems weird to charge someone nearly $300 to do their tax and not feel like its enough. Perhaps its the effect of inflation. They have their own business and we actually calculate their expenses and income, so it really is a low price we charged. This is why we need that $10k mortgage. If we don't increase our expenses what desire will we really have to increase our means? If we had a $10k mortage I'd have said $1k and not blinked.
I've blogged about how we made sure to keep our expenses low when we moved. Right now we pay a little under $2k, and we don't have too many expenses. For 2 folks that's not much. My thought is perhaps we've set the barr too low. People rise to meet what is required. If we had to pay $10k a month -especially since we're self employed, then our level of output would be greater. If we had to pay that each month, we'd have higher to reach.
Years ago I got an AmEx card. I'd spend a few hundred and pay it off. One month I spent over $1000- I had clearly lost my mind. I got on the move and made the money to pay it off. My need forced my output to increase.
When I first moved to L.A. some years ago, it was literally an overnight decision. I stayed with my cousin for a couple of weeks and then found an apt I loved. I didn't have first and last month but within a week I had made it. My cousin was amazed.
The $10k mortgage is just my way to take the limits or minimums off.
In other things.......
We finally made it to Crustaceans for "Lucky Hour" it was wonderful. I had my garlic noodles and salt and pepper calamari. The calamari was good but not as salty as Le Cheval. Mr. A also got Sashimi and an Organic Margarita. When he took the first sip it was apparent it had quite a kick. I had a tasty virgin strawberry daiquire. After that we walked to Sprinkles. Yummy in the tummy. Mr. A told the waiter that we had mainly come for the noodles and the man said he understood because they were addictive. A couple years ago I googled the recipe and discovered there are many people out there trying to figure it out and discussing those noodles.
I'm supposed to spend much of my tommorow doing someone's taxes and Mr A will be doing their finacial statement. We're only charging them a couple hundred dollars. I charged them $200 last year just to do the taxes and forgot- so I didn't increase price enough this year. It seems weird to charge someone nearly $300 to do their tax and not feel like its enough. Perhaps its the effect of inflation. They have their own business and we actually calculate their expenses and income, so it really is a low price we charged. This is why we need that $10k mortgage. If we don't increase our expenses what desire will we really have to increase our means? If we had a $10k mortage I'd have said $1k and not blinked.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
TR and me are growing
Here are some photos of TR growing. It's amazing how it starts out gradual then you wake up and you are huge. I'm bigger than I was last Friday.
What a side profile of my belly used to look like. Sept/Oct 2007 - I think
Me focused on food at Christmas
January 2008
Late February 2008
Today March 11, 2008
Edit: My cousin commented on my pink and green skirt and I realized that in all but one photo I have on either pink or green. I accept that I need an intervention.
What a side profile of my belly used to look like. Sept/Oct 2007 - I think
Me focused on food at Christmas
January 2008
Late February 2008
Today March 11, 2008
Edit: My cousin commented on my pink and green skirt and I realized that in all but one photo I have on either pink or green. I accept that I need an intervention.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Spice Up Your Life
I've been feeling very excited lately. My spirit is happy and expecting wonderful things. I feel like the kid who has been promised a trip to Disney, I'm bubbling with excitement and anticipation.
Perhaps its the sun, I do better when the sun is out and its warm. Perhaps its just that feeling of promise I feel. As Mary J. sings "I appreciate life, I'm so glad that its mine."
There is no particular reason I'm feeling good about life, its the cumulative of all things and God's goodness upon us.
I'm currently adoring, "It's too late to apologize" by Timbaland/One Republic, I think it got in my head while watching "The Hills."
Mr A made us lunch this afternoon and we walked to the park with our chairs, sat out and enjoyed the hot day and sunshine. We were discussing our birthing plan, so we'll probably get that printed out this week. I enjoy our lives. Sometimes I think 'wow' we are fortunate. I can't wait until TR is old enough to join us at the park/beach, wherever. We'll get a blanket, snacks and enjoy our little family. That's my main dilemna about moving back to Oakland. I'll hate leave these tempatures.
We ended up spending the day relaxing. Tomorrow work will be done. We might try to find a few sun dresses for me. I had convinced myself that I'd only have to spend a month pregnant in hot weather. Today was so warm and I realized L.A. has its spring weather in December, March is like summer to a bay area girl.
We're trying to figure out who put our baby on a schedule. He's up kicking around 7 a.m. If I'm focused on work TR will be still during the afternoon. Without fail TR gets to doing lots of movement at 10:30 p.m. until 11 or so. TR moves around 10 a.m. as well.
Mr A often makes us sundaes or banana splits to eat in bed. If I eat the ice cream 15 minutes later TR is up and busy.
That is all.
Perhaps its the sun, I do better when the sun is out and its warm. Perhaps its just that feeling of promise I feel. As Mary J. sings "I appreciate life, I'm so glad that its mine."
There is no particular reason I'm feeling good about life, its the cumulative of all things and God's goodness upon us.
I'm currently adoring, "It's too late to apologize" by Timbaland/One Republic, I think it got in my head while watching "The Hills."
Mr A made us lunch this afternoon and we walked to the park with our chairs, sat out and enjoyed the hot day and sunshine. We were discussing our birthing plan, so we'll probably get that printed out this week. I enjoy our lives. Sometimes I think 'wow' we are fortunate. I can't wait until TR is old enough to join us at the park/beach, wherever. We'll get a blanket, snacks and enjoy our little family. That's my main dilemna about moving back to Oakland. I'll hate leave these tempatures.
We ended up spending the day relaxing. Tomorrow work will be done. We might try to find a few sun dresses for me. I had convinced myself that I'd only have to spend a month pregnant in hot weather. Today was so warm and I realized L.A. has its spring weather in December, March is like summer to a bay area girl.
We're trying to figure out who put our baby on a schedule. He's up kicking around 7 a.m. If I'm focused on work TR will be still during the afternoon. Without fail TR gets to doing lots of movement at 10:30 p.m. until 11 or so. TR moves around 10 a.m. as well.
Mr A often makes us sundaes or banana splits to eat in bed. If I eat the ice cream 15 minutes later TR is up and busy.
That is all.
For the Love of the Kids
Sunday Mr. A and I went to the 8 a.m. service at West Angeles. There was a guest speaker. The church has now earned its 3rd strike. I wanted to go to our usual church but we had plans wayout in Orange County later in the day so we didn't want to drive to the East Side back to the West Side and then back again.
After church we hit the Larchmont Farmer's Market, got our fruits and veggies, came home for chili cheese hot dogs and headed to the Grove to take my laptops to the mac store. I had an appointment for 12 noon.
So my laptop repair will only be $327. The other mac is going back.
We were scheduled to meet Mr A's other best friend at his house at 1 so we could drive out to O.C. It might even be in Riverside. His friend's sister and her husband were having a bbq at their house. The sister had a baby Jan. 19, 2008 and has a 7 year old and a 2 year old and I was shocked that she'd be hosting so quickly. I guess with this being their 3rd child, she has it on lock. The girl and her husband are just 28 and I'm always envious of the folks that get married and have their families young. It's so cute. They have a nice big house out there and its lovely to see. She also works for her father, the guy who owns all the franchises and real estate- so I'm sure that helps.
After they diagnosed my laptops I got Mr. A to go to American Girl Place with me. He did not want to do it. I had told him there were 0 men on Saturday -except for the one running the movie theater- and he thought it should stay that way. But I explained that I wanted him to see what I thought was so amazing and since he's the person closest to me, its most important that he have an idea what I'm speaking of. Mr. A had wanted to take his goddaughter there for Christmas but I told him it was crazy expensive so we never went. I think he just saw the store in the mall but didn't know the specifics of it.
We got as far as the doll beauty salon. He saw the chairs and the dolls getting their hair done and asked if we could take the upper levels in stages.
We left but it was fun. The store will be celebrating the dolls birthdays soon and I'm planning to take our goddaughter for dinner or something- if I can convince myself to pay $40+ just because I want to go there and feel like I need to take a child to justify the excursion. I'll still take her even if we don't eat because they have free activities.
We went and checked out an open house and a duplex. When we went into the duplex the owner said " you're having a baby, oh boy." I smiled. As we were leaving, we checked out the room they had made into an office and he gave us a card about immunizations and vaccines. He told us it was just something he was interested in. We told him we had already been discussing not doing it. One night I was falling asleep and I instructed Mr A not to let them give the baby any eye drops and some other injection they give newborns, which has less risk when given orally. After they slap my baby and suck the fluid out, they need to hand TR over, I'm not in support of all that extra stuff.
We arrived at Mr. A's friends house and once his girlfriend arrived, we got in the car and headed to our distant destination.
When I walked in and informed some of the women how far along I was, they were like "wow, you are tiny." I've been thinking I'm pretty big. There were lots of kids there. There was another pregnant girl, she was 29 and 3 months pregnant. This is her 3rd child and her belly was as big as mine. I've read that you tend to be smaller with your first child because you maintain those stomach muscles.
At my mediation on Friday, my client kept telling me to feed my baby. Then she implied I wasn't eating and when the baby arrived he/she wouldn't be used to food. I told her I'd gained 16 lbs and the dr. said the baby and I were doing well. She even 'said eating for two is just a rumor.'
I think larger black women think if you aren't huge and pregnant something you are anorexic. Had they seen me before I was preggers they would know that I have put on weight.
Later in the evening I ended up alone with the 2 month old and it appeared to be waking up. I was a frightened. I called my mother and asked her what I was supposed to do. She asked me how I got left with the baby. I told her the others were watching the Wire or in the backyard playing dominoes. She said if she woke up and just laid there, to let it lay and if she cried, pick her up. I was relieved when her mother returned.
The baby was so small and she made me feel a little more confident that a baby could exit my body. Mr A is actually familiar with newborns and infants and my mother is coming to help, so I'm sure by the time the babe is a couple weeks I'll feel confident about having a baby.
The weekend was fun and we are heading to the park now because its a beautiful day. Garlic noodles are on the agenda for later this afternoon.
Blessings.
After church we hit the Larchmont Farmer's Market, got our fruits and veggies, came home for chili cheese hot dogs and headed to the Grove to take my laptops to the mac store. I had an appointment for 12 noon.
So my laptop repair will only be $327. The other mac is going back.
We were scheduled to meet Mr A's other best friend at his house at 1 so we could drive out to O.C. It might even be in Riverside. His friend's sister and her husband were having a bbq at their house. The sister had a baby Jan. 19, 2008 and has a 7 year old and a 2 year old and I was shocked that she'd be hosting so quickly. I guess with this being their 3rd child, she has it on lock. The girl and her husband are just 28 and I'm always envious of the folks that get married and have their families young. It's so cute. They have a nice big house out there and its lovely to see. She also works for her father, the guy who owns all the franchises and real estate- so I'm sure that helps.
After they diagnosed my laptops I got Mr. A to go to American Girl Place with me. He did not want to do it. I had told him there were 0 men on Saturday -except for the one running the movie theater- and he thought it should stay that way. But I explained that I wanted him to see what I thought was so amazing and since he's the person closest to me, its most important that he have an idea what I'm speaking of. Mr. A had wanted to take his goddaughter there for Christmas but I told him it was crazy expensive so we never went. I think he just saw the store in the mall but didn't know the specifics of it.
We got as far as the doll beauty salon. He saw the chairs and the dolls getting their hair done and asked if we could take the upper levels in stages.
We left but it was fun. The store will be celebrating the dolls birthdays soon and I'm planning to take our goddaughter for dinner or something- if I can convince myself to pay $40+ just because I want to go there and feel like I need to take a child to justify the excursion. I'll still take her even if we don't eat because they have free activities.
We went and checked out an open house and a duplex. When we went into the duplex the owner said " you're having a baby, oh boy." I smiled. As we were leaving, we checked out the room they had made into an office and he gave us a card about immunizations and vaccines. He told us it was just something he was interested in. We told him we had already been discussing not doing it. One night I was falling asleep and I instructed Mr A not to let them give the baby any eye drops and some other injection they give newborns, which has less risk when given orally. After they slap my baby and suck the fluid out, they need to hand TR over, I'm not in support of all that extra stuff.
We arrived at Mr. A's friends house and once his girlfriend arrived, we got in the car and headed to our distant destination.
When I walked in and informed some of the women how far along I was, they were like "wow, you are tiny." I've been thinking I'm pretty big. There were lots of kids there. There was another pregnant girl, she was 29 and 3 months pregnant. This is her 3rd child and her belly was as big as mine. I've read that you tend to be smaller with your first child because you maintain those stomach muscles.
At my mediation on Friday, my client kept telling me to feed my baby. Then she implied I wasn't eating and when the baby arrived he/she wouldn't be used to food. I told her I'd gained 16 lbs and the dr. said the baby and I were doing well. She even 'said eating for two is just a rumor.'
I think larger black women think if you aren't huge and pregnant something you are anorexic. Had they seen me before I was preggers they would know that I have put on weight.
Later in the evening I ended up alone with the 2 month old and it appeared to be waking up. I was a frightened. I called my mother and asked her what I was supposed to do. She asked me how I got left with the baby. I told her the others were watching the Wire or in the backyard playing dominoes. She said if she woke up and just laid there, to let it lay and if she cried, pick her up. I was relieved when her mother returned.
The baby was so small and she made me feel a little more confident that a baby could exit my body. Mr A is actually familiar with newborns and infants and my mother is coming to help, so I'm sure by the time the babe is a couple weeks I'll feel confident about having a baby.
The weekend was fun and we are heading to the park now because its a beautiful day. Garlic noodles are on the agenda for later this afternoon.
Blessings.
Sleepy Heads
I'm usually up (not during the cold dark days) before 6:30 a.m. The sun shines through our window, the birds chirp and I get up to enjoy my work day.
Today I didn't wake up until nearly 8 a.m. Mr. A was up but he has gone back to sleep. I usually wake up and ask him if he's awake. That bugs him, but I love pillow talk. He prefers to finish sleeping. If I don't get up before 7, chances are my day will be spent in bed. I have to get up and get going.
Saturday we got up pretty early and cleaned, had breakfast and then Amber came over. We hung around the house for a bit and hit The Grove. When Mr. A and I go we tend to have a specific purpose, there isn't a lot of browsing. When my brother goes with me its usually to eat, when I go by myself I usually am directed and don't spend lots of time there.
When we arrived I made an appointment with the Mac Genuis which was scheduled for 4:15. The Grove has a concierge so I left my laptops with them as we browsed. That mall makes you feel like you are at a hotel.
Amber and I browsed and took the trolley from the Farmer's Market back to Midtown (middle of the outdoor mall). We went into American Girl Place and that experience was a whole lot. This is the only store California has and its such a disgusting display of waste. You can get your dolls hair done water misted, detangled and braided for $20. You could buy rollers for your doll for $22 and outfits for your little girl that matches what her dolls wears. They had a little book with recipes to make doll sized edible treats.
Amber had never heard of the store but for some reason I got a magazine some years ago and read about it in NYT and I've been wanting to have tea there since then.
When I got home I told Mr. A we must have at least one girl so I can take her there and participate in that disgusting display of waste. I saw one attractive young black woman about my age buying her little girl things. By the time my little girl is that old, I'll be pushing 40. Oh well, such is life.
Amber and I had snacks and enjoyed the day. At some point her guy called and told her we should try to get to the beach by 5 so we could catch the sunset. That meant my dear macs would have to defer their technical support. I picked them up from concierge, while she got the car from Valet (we were running late and tried to multi-task) and we headed out.
We stopped in Larchmont for pizza (my treat), which Amber loved and then went home. So we wasted quite a bit of time there and as we were leaving the garage with the beach chairs, they called and said the beach was full and to stay where we were. I was really looking forward to the bonfire. We'd gotten white peach bellini, the guys had gotten club soda, we had books, magazines and were ready.
So the guys came home, Mr. A made a cake, we drank the white peach and club soda, it was great and by the time they left, we fell into bed and to sleep.
Sunday was a full day unto itself which I will blog about later. It was really interesting. We're still in recuperating from burning the candle at both ends.
We didn't go to Crustaceans and I no longer have a taste for the garlic noodles. I am interested in going out though, so we may go just to enjoy the lovely environment and 1/2 price tapas.
I'll also have to blog about Amber calling us dual income. I gasped- never that! I guess if you follow the standard meaning- two people earning- we qualify but our life is so much different than what I envision a typical dual income couple to be. I'll be blogging about that conversation and my attempt to explain to her why we don't really fit the dual income model.
Today I didn't wake up until nearly 8 a.m. Mr. A was up but he has gone back to sleep. I usually wake up and ask him if he's awake. That bugs him, but I love pillow talk. He prefers to finish sleeping. If I don't get up before 7, chances are my day will be spent in bed. I have to get up and get going.
Saturday we got up pretty early and cleaned, had breakfast and then Amber came over. We hung around the house for a bit and hit The Grove. When Mr. A and I go we tend to have a specific purpose, there isn't a lot of browsing. When my brother goes with me its usually to eat, when I go by myself I usually am directed and don't spend lots of time there.
When we arrived I made an appointment with the Mac Genuis which was scheduled for 4:15. The Grove has a concierge so I left my laptops with them as we browsed. That mall makes you feel like you are at a hotel.
Amber and I browsed and took the trolley from the Farmer's Market back to Midtown (middle of the outdoor mall). We went into American Girl Place and that experience was a whole lot. This is the only store California has and its such a disgusting display of waste. You can get your dolls hair done water misted, detangled and braided for $20. You could buy rollers for your doll for $22 and outfits for your little girl that matches what her dolls wears. They had a little book with recipes to make doll sized edible treats.
Amber had never heard of the store but for some reason I got a magazine some years ago and read about it in NYT and I've been wanting to have tea there since then.
When I got home I told Mr. A we must have at least one girl so I can take her there and participate in that disgusting display of waste. I saw one attractive young black woman about my age buying her little girl things. By the time my little girl is that old, I'll be pushing 40. Oh well, such is life.
Amber and I had snacks and enjoyed the day. At some point her guy called and told her we should try to get to the beach by 5 so we could catch the sunset. That meant my dear macs would have to defer their technical support. I picked them up from concierge, while she got the car from Valet (we were running late and tried to multi-task) and we headed out.
We stopped in Larchmont for pizza (my treat), which Amber loved and then went home. So we wasted quite a bit of time there and as we were leaving the garage with the beach chairs, they called and said the beach was full and to stay where we were. I was really looking forward to the bonfire. We'd gotten white peach bellini, the guys had gotten club soda, we had books, magazines and were ready.
So the guys came home, Mr. A made a cake, we drank the white peach and club soda, it was great and by the time they left, we fell into bed and to sleep.
Sunday was a full day unto itself which I will blog about later. It was really interesting. We're still in recuperating from burning the candle at both ends.
We didn't go to Crustaceans and I no longer have a taste for the garlic noodles. I am interested in going out though, so we may go just to enjoy the lovely environment and 1/2 price tapas.
I'll also have to blog about Amber calling us dual income. I gasped- never that! I guess if you follow the standard meaning- two people earning- we qualify but our life is so much different than what I envision a typical dual income couple to be. I'll be blogging about that conversation and my attempt to explain to her why we don't really fit the dual income model.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Dang Budget
I awoke this morning with garlic noodles on my mind. I pulled up the menu for Crustaceans and saw that garlic noodles are now on the menu, priced at $11.50. They used to be $9.50. I used to go there once a week for the noodles and felt that at under $10 before tax the price was reasonable. Those noodles are amazing.
So I calculated that we could go for lunch and get noodles and tapas and be under $30. I've got Mr. A on board with our budget and here I am eating into it. My settlements come from the gov't so they usually take 60 days, but Mr. A's clients pay up front and his newest one paid him on Friday and someone else paid him and I'm doing someone's taxes sooooooooo......... heck I'll admit it, clothes, purses, shoes, fancy cars, things other people can look at aren't where I have my budget dilemnas.
Salt and Pepper Calamari from LeCheval, Garlic Noodles from Crustaceans, casual sidewalk brunches, Ethiopian, Indian or Japanese for lunch, impromptu dinners (never at chains), breakfast at the many family owned diners, a cannister of tea for $15, cute little shops with interesting journals, pretty jars of exotic sounding olive oil (gifts) that's where I get weak.
I called Crustaceans to see what time they open for lunch. It was 8 a.m so they were closed but the message said "Lucky Hour" is 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Monday-Friday, with 1/2 price tapas. Garlic noodles would still be $11.50. I told Mr A and he said "do you want to go Monday, it would be better for our budget?" I could have said no, I want noodles today but I'm the one who has been promoting a real budget so I will support our plan.
So I kept looking at the menu and said "since the tapas are 1/2 off we can have more." This is why 1/2 off probably makes money for businesses. Instead of buying the same amount you would have, you think its a deal and buy more and maybe more.
So the gf of one of Mr. A's friends just called and she and I are going to hang out today. Mr A is pleased because now he won't have to be tortured as I window shop at the Grove. I got a new mac laptop and can't get the thing to turn on. So I'll take my new one and my old one and see if they can offer help to my babies.
Then we're going to the beach for a bonfire. We're taking a blanket this time.
The day should not be a budget buster. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.
So I calculated that we could go for lunch and get noodles and tapas and be under $30. I've got Mr. A on board with our budget and here I am eating into it. My settlements come from the gov't so they usually take 60 days, but Mr. A's clients pay up front and his newest one paid him on Friday and someone else paid him and I'm doing someone's taxes sooooooooo......... heck I'll admit it, clothes, purses, shoes, fancy cars, things other people can look at aren't where I have my budget dilemnas.
Salt and Pepper Calamari from LeCheval, Garlic Noodles from Crustaceans, casual sidewalk brunches, Ethiopian, Indian or Japanese for lunch, impromptu dinners (never at chains), breakfast at the many family owned diners, a cannister of tea for $15, cute little shops with interesting journals, pretty jars of exotic sounding olive oil (gifts) that's where I get weak.
I called Crustaceans to see what time they open for lunch. It was 8 a.m so they were closed but the message said "Lucky Hour" is 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Monday-Friday, with 1/2 price tapas. Garlic noodles would still be $11.50. I told Mr A and he said "do you want to go Monday, it would be better for our budget?" I could have said no, I want noodles today but I'm the one who has been promoting a real budget so I will support our plan.
So I kept looking at the menu and said "since the tapas are 1/2 off we can have more." This is why 1/2 off probably makes money for businesses. Instead of buying the same amount you would have, you think its a deal and buy more and maybe more.
So the gf of one of Mr. A's friends just called and she and I are going to hang out today. Mr A is pleased because now he won't have to be tortured as I window shop at the Grove. I got a new mac laptop and can't get the thing to turn on. So I'll take my new one and my old one and see if they can offer help to my babies.
Then we're going to the beach for a bonfire. We're taking a blanket this time.
The day should not be a budget buster. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.
Friday, March 07, 2008
My Day My Day
A couple days before our wedding, I told me A "this is MY DAY, MY DAY." His friends had come into town and he picked a couple of them up and it annoyed me because I didn't want him so busy running them around that he was late. As usual I was late and he was early.
This post is about My Day.
Earlier this week I posted that I had settled a case. Well as has happened many times before the settlement sorta fell apart. This type of thing used to burn me up but now I just continue on. The first time it happened I fired the client, sent her a letter, her files and was done. People get greedy. First they may want to protect their right then suddenly they think the deserve some big pay out.
My special ed clients don't pay me so they don't have the financial incentive of a high bill to settle.
Today we proceeded to mediation and it was the most pleasant mediation I have ever experienced. The mediator was fabulous. We agreed very quickly and got what the parent wanted and I got to increase my bill. I'm sending kisses to my client for being difficult because her difficulty increased my bill- which again she doesn't have to pay.
The mediator had been a managing partner in a large law firm in L.A. & S.F He had worked there for 25 years. He said he looked at his life and decided he didn't want to spend the rest of it not really enjoying his work. He went into private practice, said he and his wife made changes sold their house and downsized and he has loved each day. He works as an administrative law judge in addition to his private practice. He said he had also taught public speaking to the 7th and 8th grade class at his the private school his wife runs. I'm sure he's still well off but it probably took time to get there in private practice.
He was much better than the judges who don't enjoy the work and see it as just work. I usually have a light and cheery spirit when I'm working because I enjoy what I do and how I do it. I interact with some attorneys and just wonder why they stay so angry, so miserable. It's crazy. The ones who love what they do are so jolly. It's unfortunate people can't figure out that money and status aren't the most important things. People shouldn't be so focused on the freedom of retirement that they sacrifice 5 days as week, 8 hours a day, for 20 years with a unfulfilled spirit and salivating over the next vacation period. Do what you love.
He said he wished he'd made the changes earlier. He made me realize I am truly a forward thinker Yes I am patting my back. Mr. A and I downsized in the beginning- at my suggestion. Mr A is so much happier now then when he was making a high salary in a job he didn't love, just so he and later we could enjoy some life we could really only have on weekends.
I still plan for us to own that house in Bel Air (or at least be able to afford it if we wanted) but I know that personal fulfillment doesn't have to be deferred to acquire the good life.
Now I'm gonna have to sing Kanye West song- Good Life.
I'll keep you posted on how this strategy of personal/career fulfillment and wealth works out for us.
This post is about My Day.
Earlier this week I posted that I had settled a case. Well as has happened many times before the settlement sorta fell apart. This type of thing used to burn me up but now I just continue on. The first time it happened I fired the client, sent her a letter, her files and was done. People get greedy. First they may want to protect their right then suddenly they think the deserve some big pay out.
My special ed clients don't pay me so they don't have the financial incentive of a high bill to settle.
Today we proceeded to mediation and it was the most pleasant mediation I have ever experienced. The mediator was fabulous. We agreed very quickly and got what the parent wanted and I got to increase my bill. I'm sending kisses to my client for being difficult because her difficulty increased my bill- which again she doesn't have to pay.
The mediator had been a managing partner in a large law firm in L.A. & S.F He had worked there for 25 years. He said he looked at his life and decided he didn't want to spend the rest of it not really enjoying his work. He went into private practice, said he and his wife made changes sold their house and downsized and he has loved each day. He works as an administrative law judge in addition to his private practice. He said he had also taught public speaking to the 7th and 8th grade class at his the private school his wife runs. I'm sure he's still well off but it probably took time to get there in private practice.
He was much better than the judges who don't enjoy the work and see it as just work. I usually have a light and cheery spirit when I'm working because I enjoy what I do and how I do it. I interact with some attorneys and just wonder why they stay so angry, so miserable. It's crazy. The ones who love what they do are so jolly. It's unfortunate people can't figure out that money and status aren't the most important things. People shouldn't be so focused on the freedom of retirement that they sacrifice 5 days as week, 8 hours a day, for 20 years with a unfulfilled spirit and salivating over the next vacation period. Do what you love.
He said he wished he'd made the changes earlier. He made me realize I am truly a forward thinker Yes I am patting my back. Mr. A and I downsized in the beginning- at my suggestion. Mr A is so much happier now then when he was making a high salary in a job he didn't love, just so he and later we could enjoy some life we could really only have on weekends.
I still plan for us to own that house in Bel Air (or at least be able to afford it if we wanted) but I know that personal fulfillment doesn't have to be deferred to acquire the good life.
Now I'm gonna have to sing Kanye West song- Good Life.
I'll keep you posted on how this strategy of personal/career fulfillment and wealth works out for us.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Loving the Wife Life
This morning I dropped Mr. A off at the airport. It was a lovely and warm day and I enjoyed the drive. The sunshine of L.A. would mean nothing without my sweetums.
I stopped by the banks on my way home and as I pulled out to head home, I realized that Mr A wouldn't be there. My first thought was there was no purpose in going. I don't have an aversion to being alone and since I've got my little passenger I'm not technically alone, but Mr. A's presence adds vroom vroom to my life.
Yesterday we were walking out the door and I looked back at the trees through the picture window and told Mr. A that I love where we live, I love home. I always tell him that I love our lives and I love L.A. and I love all that we are able to do.
Today as I headed to our space knowing he was out of town, I realized he is the reason why I love everything. I would love life without him, but having him adds an intangible I can't find words to describe.
It was quite a realization for me- realizing home wasn't home without him and with him out of town. I guess its the reason I don't have an exit clause for our relationship. Well if he tried to kill me I'd go. I figure its better to be alive and miss him than die trying to be with him.
Its easy to feel great about the relationship when we can have a spur of the moment meals at Crustaceans, Stevies Creole Cafe and Bar, spend $32 at the Sprinkles Bakery or take a trip somewhere. But I can feel great about the relationship when the budget says Chinese food or pizza, and thats a reminder to me that its our relationsip I love. I love the man even when he gets on my nerves.
In other good news I just settled a case and didn't have to get up off the couch to do it. That's one down and about 5 more settlements to go. I hope to have them all finished by April.
I've gained 16 pounds since I've been preggers. During my morning (all day) sickness I actually lost weight but I'm back on track. So far my belly is sticking out and my thighs have picked up a couple of inches. My nose and other parts are still normal and I can still wear most of my clothes. I can't button or zip anything. I eat non stop so I guess our walks are helping keep things tight. I do eat lots of fruit so that might help. I'm actually getting tired of fruit and most food. I'm tired of chewing.
My maternal grandmother once told me that when my paternal grandmother was pregnant (my grandmother knew bigmom for 6 of her 9 pregnancies) she maintained her nice figure. Perhaps I'm blessed with good genes. Big mom had a flat tummy even at 90+.
I digress. I've already located my post-pregancy trainer and that's part of what the cushion will go for. I'm also pondering on a nice big truck, a saab or 650. I want a car that won't crumble when I'm transporting my baby. TR is going to be a summer baby living in L.A. so his main articles of clothing will be onesies. He'll have other clothes for when we're in the Bay and its cooler. I plan to wait until he/she arrives to get the bulk of the clothes. I gotta know who I'm shopping for, she the personality.
Yesterday people kept smiling at, speaking to and touching my belly. They said nothing or very little to me. I actually like it. Maybe it will get on my nerves later but I like it when TR is acknowledged.
I think giving the baby a name has also helped. My mother calls and asks me what he's doing and my brother keeps offering his opinions on what we need to do for TR. I think my sister is sad because she and I had planned to go to Boule. I want to go but I'm not sure I'll want to leave my infant. I don't want to put the baby on a plane so soon either. My plan had been to be preggers for Boule and have a winter baby. I had mentally prepared for months and months of trying, then a visit to to the gyn have things checked out. I guess we were doing the rhythmn method correctly because the first time we switched up TR arrived. That maybe TMI for some, if it is- OH WELL.
Mr A is on his way home, can't wait till he gets here. I've missed my sweetlumps.
I stopped by the banks on my way home and as I pulled out to head home, I realized that Mr A wouldn't be there. My first thought was there was no purpose in going. I don't have an aversion to being alone and since I've got my little passenger I'm not technically alone, but Mr. A's presence adds vroom vroom to my life.
Yesterday we were walking out the door and I looked back at the trees through the picture window and told Mr. A that I love where we live, I love home. I always tell him that I love our lives and I love L.A. and I love all that we are able to do.
Today as I headed to our space knowing he was out of town, I realized he is the reason why I love everything. I would love life without him, but having him adds an intangible I can't find words to describe.
It was quite a realization for me- realizing home wasn't home without him and with him out of town. I guess its the reason I don't have an exit clause for our relationship. Well if he tried to kill me I'd go. I figure its better to be alive and miss him than die trying to be with him.
Its easy to feel great about the relationship when we can have a spur of the moment meals at Crustaceans, Stevies Creole Cafe and Bar, spend $32 at the Sprinkles Bakery or take a trip somewhere. But I can feel great about the relationship when the budget says Chinese food or pizza, and thats a reminder to me that its our relationsip I love. I love the man even when he gets on my nerves.
In other good news I just settled a case and didn't have to get up off the couch to do it. That's one down and about 5 more settlements to go. I hope to have them all finished by April.
I've gained 16 pounds since I've been preggers. During my morning (all day) sickness I actually lost weight but I'm back on track. So far my belly is sticking out and my thighs have picked up a couple of inches. My nose and other parts are still normal and I can still wear most of my clothes. I can't button or zip anything. I eat non stop so I guess our walks are helping keep things tight. I do eat lots of fruit so that might help. I'm actually getting tired of fruit and most food. I'm tired of chewing.
My maternal grandmother once told me that when my paternal grandmother was pregnant (my grandmother knew bigmom for 6 of her 9 pregnancies) she maintained her nice figure. Perhaps I'm blessed with good genes. Big mom had a flat tummy even at 90+.
I digress. I've already located my post-pregancy trainer and that's part of what the cushion will go for. I'm also pondering on a nice big truck, a saab or 650. I want a car that won't crumble when I'm transporting my baby. TR is going to be a summer baby living in L.A. so his main articles of clothing will be onesies. He'll have other clothes for when we're in the Bay and its cooler. I plan to wait until he/she arrives to get the bulk of the clothes. I gotta know who I'm shopping for, she the personality.
Yesterday people kept smiling at, speaking to and touching my belly. They said nothing or very little to me. I actually like it. Maybe it will get on my nerves later but I like it when TR is acknowledged.
I think giving the baby a name has also helped. My mother calls and asks me what he's doing and my brother keeps offering his opinions on what we need to do for TR. I think my sister is sad because she and I had planned to go to Boule. I want to go but I'm not sure I'll want to leave my infant. I don't want to put the baby on a plane so soon either. My plan had been to be preggers for Boule and have a winter baby. I had mentally prepared for months and months of trying, then a visit to to the gyn have things checked out. I guess we were doing the rhythmn method correctly because the first time we switched up TR arrived. That maybe TMI for some, if it is- OH WELL.
Mr A is on his way home, can't wait till he gets here. I've missed my sweetlumps.
Recovering Financially & the Weekend
I made the choice to relax while Mr. A handled our financial situation.
I did say a little prayer and we have both learned lessons.
The head coach where Mr. A coaches put Mr A on the payroll last summer but we never received anything. Apparently God knew the best time to release it to us and allowed it to be delayed for this time. We're back on track and will be re-instituting our budget meetings. I'm sure Mr A will be tortured by the detail which I intend to share but if we are going to continue doing this joint finance thing he needs to be more involved. Mr A had also contacted one of his clients that owed him and was able to get a check from them. My brother paid him for some help he gave him when we were in Oakland last week and help he'll be providing on Monday.
I also made a little money. We should be able to rebuild our cushion during March and go into April in comfort. I have a couple of cases that should settle soon, as well as other paid work. I'm trying to build a huge maternity leave cushion. Mr A's contract with the city should be paying before TR arrives.
I don't have any spectacular advice on recovering financially. Keep the faith, don't give up, expect things will work out and move as if you know things will work out. The fact is many businesses have financial setbacks. Ours was self-induced but crumbling, giving up or borrowing in difficult times isn't a solution. We're adjusting our strategy.
THE WEEKEND
I can't remember Friday. I think I did some work and we went somewhere. We had a prenatal visit. All is well. I did discover that Mr A doesn't like the idea of me driving while preggers. The nurse tried to schedule an appt to do a TB screen but she tried to schedule it on a day Mr. A will be out of town. He declined that date. I told him I could get myself to the doctor and discovered that he prefers that I not drive. He seems to think if I got a pain I might wreck. I guess I have over done my screaming and moaning- the pains and aches have never been that bad.
Saturday Mr A and a couple of his friends took an at risk group of boys skiing. One of the kids was a gang banger with an ankle bracelet. Mr A said on the drive up that boy was talking like a hardened adult and had so much fun on the trip that he dropped the hard image and turned into an excited kid on the drive back.
Mr. A was able to go free. His friend had gotten a grant to fund the trip and since Mr A owns his board and boots he didn't incur any expense. He even packed a lunch for the trip. My sweetums is trying to be frugal.
That was the first time any of the kids had been skiing/boarding and they were able to get lessons so they had lots of fun and were ecposed to something different.
On Saturday, I attempted to go to the bank but the lines were too long, so I just browsed CVS and went home to rest.
We went to West Angeles again. We got there late. It's amazing that we can be timely to the church 20 miles away butt be late to the one just a few miles away. We arrived mid-message and Mr A told me this was strike 2- he wasn't feeling the message. He likes Noel Jones better and I do to, he inspires me to take notes and I remember the stuff he says. This may be a battle of flesh v. spirit because my spirit likes the word Bishop Jones brings but my flesh wants the environment of West A.
After church we went to the Farmer's Market in Larchmont for veggies and then the Farmer's Market by the Grove for meat. It was a lovely day to be outside. Then we headed to a taping of the Michael Baisden show. We took another couple but they left before the taping began. They were supposed to come home with us for dinner but didn't have the patience to wait. They had nothing else to do and just hung out in Hollywood. They were trying to stay in our neighborhood so they could come for dinner but we stayed at the taping longer than they expected.
The show was lots of fun. Mr A and I got there on time and were first in line. They had us sit in a tent while we waited to enter the taping. We ended up at the back of the line because the other folks stood outside so when it was time to line up they were already there.
As we stood in line, I had to go to the bathroom. When I got out everyone was inside the studio except for Mr. A who was standing there waiting for me. They had told him he could go in but he didn't. As we stood there one of the folks said they needed two people and we were two people so we got to sit front row center stage.
Emily King who I love performed my fav song from her album- You and I. Angie Stone also performed a bit later. She was great and she sang her way off the stage. The Baisden show has a hillarious warm up guy. 90% of everyone working there was young and black, they even had two black camera men and that was great to see.
The cost of living L.A. may be high but with so much free and cheap entertainment in close proximity, you can enjoy the recreation without feeling pinched. And this is a better area to be in if you have to gather up money quickly. There are lots of legal and moral ways to make money here.
I did say a little prayer and we have both learned lessons.
The head coach where Mr. A coaches put Mr A on the payroll last summer but we never received anything. Apparently God knew the best time to release it to us and allowed it to be delayed for this time. We're back on track and will be re-instituting our budget meetings. I'm sure Mr A will be tortured by the detail which I intend to share but if we are going to continue doing this joint finance thing he needs to be more involved. Mr A had also contacted one of his clients that owed him and was able to get a check from them. My brother paid him for some help he gave him when we were in Oakland last week and help he'll be providing on Monday.
I also made a little money. We should be able to rebuild our cushion during March and go into April in comfort. I have a couple of cases that should settle soon, as well as other paid work. I'm trying to build a huge maternity leave cushion. Mr A's contract with the city should be paying before TR arrives.
I don't have any spectacular advice on recovering financially. Keep the faith, don't give up, expect things will work out and move as if you know things will work out. The fact is many businesses have financial setbacks. Ours was self-induced but crumbling, giving up or borrowing in difficult times isn't a solution. We're adjusting our strategy.
THE WEEKEND
I can't remember Friday. I think I did some work and we went somewhere. We had a prenatal visit. All is well. I did discover that Mr A doesn't like the idea of me driving while preggers. The nurse tried to schedule an appt to do a TB screen but she tried to schedule it on a day Mr. A will be out of town. He declined that date. I told him I could get myself to the doctor and discovered that he prefers that I not drive. He seems to think if I got a pain I might wreck. I guess I have over done my screaming and moaning- the pains and aches have never been that bad.
Saturday Mr A and a couple of his friends took an at risk group of boys skiing. One of the kids was a gang banger with an ankle bracelet. Mr A said on the drive up that boy was talking like a hardened adult and had so much fun on the trip that he dropped the hard image and turned into an excited kid on the drive back.
Mr. A was able to go free. His friend had gotten a grant to fund the trip and since Mr A owns his board and boots he didn't incur any expense. He even packed a lunch for the trip. My sweetums is trying to be frugal.
That was the first time any of the kids had been skiing/boarding and they were able to get lessons so they had lots of fun and were ecposed to something different.
On Saturday, I attempted to go to the bank but the lines were too long, so I just browsed CVS and went home to rest.
We went to West Angeles again. We got there late. It's amazing that we can be timely to the church 20 miles away butt be late to the one just a few miles away. We arrived mid-message and Mr A told me this was strike 2- he wasn't feeling the message. He likes Noel Jones better and I do to, he inspires me to take notes and I remember the stuff he says. This may be a battle of flesh v. spirit because my spirit likes the word Bishop Jones brings but my flesh wants the environment of West A.
After church we went to the Farmer's Market in Larchmont for veggies and then the Farmer's Market by the Grove for meat. It was a lovely day to be outside. Then we headed to a taping of the Michael Baisden show. We took another couple but they left before the taping began. They were supposed to come home with us for dinner but didn't have the patience to wait. They had nothing else to do and just hung out in Hollywood. They were trying to stay in our neighborhood so they could come for dinner but we stayed at the taping longer than they expected.
The show was lots of fun. Mr A and I got there on time and were first in line. They had us sit in a tent while we waited to enter the taping. We ended up at the back of the line because the other folks stood outside so when it was time to line up they were already there.
As we stood in line, I had to go to the bathroom. When I got out everyone was inside the studio except for Mr. A who was standing there waiting for me. They had told him he could go in but he didn't. As we stood there one of the folks said they needed two people and we were two people so we got to sit front row center stage.
Emily King who I love performed my fav song from her album- You and I. Angie Stone also performed a bit later. She was great and she sang her way off the stage. The Baisden show has a hillarious warm up guy. 90% of everyone working there was young and black, they even had two black camera men and that was great to see.
The cost of living L.A. may be high but with so much free and cheap entertainment in close proximity, you can enjoy the recreation without feeling pinched. And this is a better area to be in if you have to gather up money quickly. There are lots of legal and moral ways to make money here.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
A song for TR
I think this will be TR's lullaby, sang by Mr. A and I.
I've been playing various versions from youtube. TR kicked a couple of times during the Billie Holiday version. I like the Fantasia and Jill Scott Version. I love Ella but not her version.
I've been playing various versions from youtube. TR kicked a couple of times during the Billie Holiday version. I like the Fantasia and Jill Scott Version. I love Ella but not her version.
Inspire and Admire
This past weekend I met with one of my aunts at her office. This aunt is my father's eldest sister. Aunt M.
Aunt M. is probably nearing 70 and is retired from the job that gives her a pension. I believe she went to work at about 18 and retired at 48. I know she was fairly young when she retired. While she worked that job she also worked for a realtor.
She told me the story last weekend. The owner of the real estate firm used to pay the staff and the office rent late. One day while she working in the realtors office, the owner of the building came in and told the owner to just buy the building. He gave the realtor time but she couldn't come up with the money. My aunt said there were about 20 white folks working in that office and none had the money to purchase the building.
She was young and asked the man what about her. She said he seemed surprised. She told him she had a deal, she owned a vacant lot in a nice part of town and would trade him that lot for the property. The deal was done.
She said she cried everyday after that trying to figure out what she'd gotten herself into. Back then the going rents were only about $100 and she had taxes and upkeep to maintain on the property. The building sits on a corner space and has a parking lot, it is dircely across the street from the court house and some county buildings. She eventually opened a real estate firm in that space and said a lot of her business came from the foot traffic of the county workers going from their offices to the restaurant near her.
When she bought it, it was priced in the $100k's, now its in the millions. She rents out the other spaces and operates her businesses from a large suite inside the building. I told her I wanted office space- but I wanted to own the building. She said that is the only way to go.
Aunt M has a lot of other businesses and at least 13 real estate properties that she rents out. She's owned them all since the 80's and all are paid off. She is a tycoon and a business woman. She doesn't play. If a family members tries to borrow money from her she produces a contract that sets out the interest rate and she may make you give her a lien on your property as collateral. People who make money also know how to keep it- so I'm not mad at her.
After our meeting Aunt M. dropped me off at bigmom's house (bigmom is gone but her house is still the meeting place for the family, there is still love there) and she was looking at my sister's car.
Aunt M mentioned that she admired us because we all had advanced degrees and how that opened doors and how she wished she'd been able to do that. She said we were all smart. I looked at her in major surprise, she's the smart one with the business acumen. Her success didn't need a degree.
I told her how many of us cousins looked up to her as a model for what we can do. We always say "I wanna be like Aunt M. Aunt M is about the business." I told her how much we all admire her and look up to her as an example. She seemed very surprised.
Could she really not know how impressed her neices, nephews and cousins are with her?
It's amazing how you can look at someone and think what they have accomplished and are accomplishing is spectacular and they might be looking at the things you do- which seem like nothing to you- and think you are amazing?
So beyond the business story one lesson is to tell people when they inspire you and when you admire them because they may not know how their existence encourages your life.
Aunt M. is probably nearing 70 and is retired from the job that gives her a pension. I believe she went to work at about 18 and retired at 48. I know she was fairly young when she retired. While she worked that job she also worked for a realtor.
She told me the story last weekend. The owner of the real estate firm used to pay the staff and the office rent late. One day while she working in the realtors office, the owner of the building came in and told the owner to just buy the building. He gave the realtor time but she couldn't come up with the money. My aunt said there were about 20 white folks working in that office and none had the money to purchase the building.
She was young and asked the man what about her. She said he seemed surprised. She told him she had a deal, she owned a vacant lot in a nice part of town and would trade him that lot for the property. The deal was done.
She said she cried everyday after that trying to figure out what she'd gotten herself into. Back then the going rents were only about $100 and she had taxes and upkeep to maintain on the property. The building sits on a corner space and has a parking lot, it is dircely across the street from the court house and some county buildings. She eventually opened a real estate firm in that space and said a lot of her business came from the foot traffic of the county workers going from their offices to the restaurant near her.
When she bought it, it was priced in the $100k's, now its in the millions. She rents out the other spaces and operates her businesses from a large suite inside the building. I told her I wanted office space- but I wanted to own the building. She said that is the only way to go.
Aunt M has a lot of other businesses and at least 13 real estate properties that she rents out. She's owned them all since the 80's and all are paid off. She is a tycoon and a business woman. She doesn't play. If a family members tries to borrow money from her she produces a contract that sets out the interest rate and she may make you give her a lien on your property as collateral. People who make money also know how to keep it- so I'm not mad at her.
After our meeting Aunt M. dropped me off at bigmom's house (bigmom is gone but her house is still the meeting place for the family, there is still love there) and she was looking at my sister's car.
Aunt M mentioned that she admired us because we all had advanced degrees and how that opened doors and how she wished she'd been able to do that. She said we were all smart. I looked at her in major surprise, she's the smart one with the business acumen. Her success didn't need a degree.
I told her how many of us cousins looked up to her as a model for what we can do. We always say "I wanna be like Aunt M. Aunt M is about the business." I told her how much we all admire her and look up to her as an example. She seemed very surprised.
Could she really not know how impressed her neices, nephews and cousins are with her?
It's amazing how you can look at someone and think what they have accomplished and are accomplishing is spectacular and they might be looking at the things you do- which seem like nothing to you- and think you are amazing?
So beyond the business story one lesson is to tell people when they inspire you and when you admire them because they may not know how their existence encourages your life.
Challenges in Building
I think the biggest challenge- for me- of Mr. A trying to build a business are his expectations.
He expects income just because someone said they were sending it, and expects people to be instantly receptive to his business proposals. These are things I didn't think to prepare him for because after some years of dealing with it, it has become natural to me. I don't expect the check to come when the person says. The larger the client the more likely it is to be late. I think his expectations are the remnants of working in business for so long.
Mr. A left his job in November 2006. We spent quite a few months just enjoying the freedom and enjoying life without the fetters of a 9 to 5. Then Mr. A got involved volunteering for a high school football team. That time commitment was major and I believe that is a challenge to pursuing self-employment, especially in these incubator stages.
When I started working for myself as an adult, I was subbing and then working to build my business, not enjoying the freedom to exercise my passions. My hobbies had to get enjoyed after 7 p.m. Part of the reason I subbed- beyond income- was to have something and somewhere to go to every morning. I enjoyed subbing but not enough to want teaching to be my career. Being there always reminded me of my goal. I looked forward to letting my credential lapse and not returning.
Football doesn't pay Mr. A, and he loves coaching those kids. Unlike me while he is there, he probably isn't thinking about building a business so he can get away. He would love to do coaching or something to help kids on a full time, everyday basis. You would think he'd want to adopt but he doesn't. I've actually been encouraging him to get some of these rich kids and coach them. Parents are paying for that type of thing because they want their kids to be very well-rounded on college applications.
When we first began in earnest to build our joint business, Mr. A notified everyone and described what we did. We got our first client fairly quick. My cousin here in L.A. retired from nursing and she and some of her colleagues opened a nursing school. They hired us. Then Mr. A went deep sea fishing with his childhood friend's family and got a new client. The friend's father owns a lot of fast food franchises in L.A. and surrounding cities, so he hired Mr. A to make his business more efficient. Mr. A created a program onto the locations computers and trains the store managers how to use it. He has saved everyone from top to bottom hours a day.
Mr. A is still working on that project and has acquired other jobs. All of this occurred by word of mouth and networking.
In the meantime Mr. A continued to submit bids and proposals for government contracting. I know its "our" business but he is the one who works at it. I act as a second pair of eyes on the proposals.
Mr. A's degrees are in engineering management and civil engineering. Engineering management is a degree that enables engineers to operate in the business environment. His post college/post military job was in management at a division of Pepsi Co where part of his duties were to develop processes for the company to become more efficient (save money and time) each year. Mr A was probably 23 when he entered his career in corporate management, so with his military background and his entire career spent in management he has a huge amount of skills.
This skill in helping business and government agencies, develop standards and track systems to become more efficient seems to be the one that is sought after. This is the skill that has large firms contacting him asking him to work as sub consultant.
It's been year or so and we are just now getting the foot into the door we'd been trying to get open for some time. It all happens in stages and we've been patient and steady. Soon enough we'll be the prime and hiring sub-consultants. I don't expect the challenges to end, but I do expect they will change as we grow.
This has taken time, it has required strategy and sacrifice. But its all worth it to us. I think the sacrifice has been more of a struggle for Mr. A. He isn't used to depriving himself. I guess going from a salary that is comfortable in L.A. to having to budget diligently- but still in L.A.- is tough.
The thing that is super confusing is Mr. A can help business track their efficiency and figure out ways to help them save money but when left to manage our household finances, I have to pray for the strength not to attack him.
Soon I will blog about what a business owner does when you had at least a 5 month expense cushion and the bulk of it gets spent in under 2 months but no bills are paid. How to recover financially and build again without cutting the person who was in charge of the management. Then I will write about why it is of major importance to maintain a financial cushion when self-employed.
He expects income just because someone said they were sending it, and expects people to be instantly receptive to his business proposals. These are things I didn't think to prepare him for because after some years of dealing with it, it has become natural to me. I don't expect the check to come when the person says. The larger the client the more likely it is to be late. I think his expectations are the remnants of working in business for so long.
Mr. A left his job in November 2006. We spent quite a few months just enjoying the freedom and enjoying life without the fetters of a 9 to 5. Then Mr. A got involved volunteering for a high school football team. That time commitment was major and I believe that is a challenge to pursuing self-employment, especially in these incubator stages.
When I started working for myself as an adult, I was subbing and then working to build my business, not enjoying the freedom to exercise my passions. My hobbies had to get enjoyed after 7 p.m. Part of the reason I subbed- beyond income- was to have something and somewhere to go to every morning. I enjoyed subbing but not enough to want teaching to be my career. Being there always reminded me of my goal. I looked forward to letting my credential lapse and not returning.
Football doesn't pay Mr. A, and he loves coaching those kids. Unlike me while he is there, he probably isn't thinking about building a business so he can get away. He would love to do coaching or something to help kids on a full time, everyday basis. You would think he'd want to adopt but he doesn't. I've actually been encouraging him to get some of these rich kids and coach them. Parents are paying for that type of thing because they want their kids to be very well-rounded on college applications.
When we first began in earnest to build our joint business, Mr. A notified everyone and described what we did. We got our first client fairly quick. My cousin here in L.A. retired from nursing and she and some of her colleagues opened a nursing school. They hired us. Then Mr. A went deep sea fishing with his childhood friend's family and got a new client. The friend's father owns a lot of fast food franchises in L.A. and surrounding cities, so he hired Mr. A to make his business more efficient. Mr. A created a program onto the locations computers and trains the store managers how to use it. He has saved everyone from top to bottom hours a day.
Mr. A is still working on that project and has acquired other jobs. All of this occurred by word of mouth and networking.
In the meantime Mr. A continued to submit bids and proposals for government contracting. I know its "our" business but he is the one who works at it. I act as a second pair of eyes on the proposals.
Mr. A's degrees are in engineering management and civil engineering. Engineering management is a degree that enables engineers to operate in the business environment. His post college/post military job was in management at a division of Pepsi Co where part of his duties were to develop processes for the company to become more efficient (save money and time) each year. Mr A was probably 23 when he entered his career in corporate management, so with his military background and his entire career spent in management he has a huge amount of skills.
This skill in helping business and government agencies, develop standards and track systems to become more efficient seems to be the one that is sought after. This is the skill that has large firms contacting him asking him to work as sub consultant.
It's been year or so and we are just now getting the foot into the door we'd been trying to get open for some time. It all happens in stages and we've been patient and steady. Soon enough we'll be the prime and hiring sub-consultants. I don't expect the challenges to end, but I do expect they will change as we grow.
This has taken time, it has required strategy and sacrifice. But its all worth it to us. I think the sacrifice has been more of a struggle for Mr. A. He isn't used to depriving himself. I guess going from a salary that is comfortable in L.A. to having to budget diligently- but still in L.A.- is tough.
The thing that is super confusing is Mr. A can help business track their efficiency and figure out ways to help them save money but when left to manage our household finances, I have to pray for the strength not to attack him.
Soon I will blog about what a business owner does when you had at least a 5 month expense cushion and the bulk of it gets spent in under 2 months but no bills are paid. How to recover financially and build again without cutting the person who was in charge of the management. Then I will write about why it is of major importance to maintain a financial cushion when self-employed.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
The Business
Since I've been working for myself for so long I don't often consider some of the ways I made it work in the beginning. We spoke at a career day last week and I realized a lot of people may not realize the level of work, financial committment and sacrifice self-employment requires.
- When I initially started my business, I worked as a substitute teacher because it was flexible and enjoyable. I'd try to do kindergarten classes because they are 1/2 a day, or special education classes because they had shorter days and aides. Since my mother is a special ed teacher, she put the word out among her colleagues that I was available. Most subs avoid special ed classes but I knew that was the most relaxed and pleasant day a sub could have. I'd bring my laptop to school and do my work when the kids weren't there. That worked well for me because it was either do my work or stare at a wall.
I realized that clients would not be knocking just because I spread the word that I was in business, so I didn't take on any expenses that were built around expected income. I think that was the main thing that enabled me to be self-employed. If I'd had a car note or rent to pay, then I wouldn't have had the flexibility to take the self-employment journey.
I learned how to use the money I had. I couldn't rely on expected income. When I first got an office space (that I had to pay for), I remember one month having earned quite a bit of money. No one paid me, not even my corporate clients( just re-read one client paid). Back then my mother managed my money and she's great with money, so I was able to meet all expenses and remain comfortable. I blogged about it back then here is the link
Eventually I took on more things, my brother and I did a lease/purchase option and I took his house. He had purchased a new and more expensive home and told me that I needed to pay on time or else he'd have to pay. I had over a year of expenses saved at that time, so I was always able to pay him early. When I moved into that house, I also had the office space. Only looking back do I realize I was doing pretty well, I was gaining momentum. When you are in the moment its hard to notice the moment- at least that is true for me.
I eventually got engaged, moved to L.A. and had to start over. I worked for a firm for a while and learned alot about special education law and attracting clients in this area. I had a hard time separating myself from that firm because I was fearful. I didn't know if I'd be able to build a strong business here. I probably would have stayed but I got tired of getting a percentage of what I was billing at. As they say, if your boss is paying you $100k, you are making them a million.
Now the only folks I have to share the proceeds of my earnings with are the IRS, CA FTB, Social Security and the rest of them abbreviations.
Next post, I'll try to tell about how Mr. A has built his/our business. When we started that, the goal was to get gov't contracts. We started out working for private businesses and now his phone and email are ringing off the hook with companies asking him to sign on as their subconsultant for government projects.
Building a business does take a while and we were in a unique position to both quit our full time jobs and pursue self-employment. So I'll probably blog later about those challenges.
TR is currently kicking me A LOT. I usually eat my first morning meal by 7:30 a.m. its 8 a.m and I think my baby is protesting the meal delay. Must end now.
- When I initially started my business, I worked as a substitute teacher because it was flexible and enjoyable. I'd try to do kindergarten classes because they are 1/2 a day, or special education classes because they had shorter days and aides. Since my mother is a special ed teacher, she put the word out among her colleagues that I was available. Most subs avoid special ed classes but I knew that was the most relaxed and pleasant day a sub could have. I'd bring my laptop to school and do my work when the kids weren't there. That worked well for me because it was either do my work or stare at a wall.
I realized that clients would not be knocking just because I spread the word that I was in business, so I didn't take on any expenses that were built around expected income. I think that was the main thing that enabled me to be self-employed. If I'd had a car note or rent to pay, then I wouldn't have had the flexibility to take the self-employment journey.
I learned how to use the money I had. I couldn't rely on expected income. When I first got an office space (that I had to pay for), I remember one month having earned quite a bit of money. No one paid me, not even my corporate clients( just re-read one client paid). Back then my mother managed my money and she's great with money, so I was able to meet all expenses and remain comfortable. I blogged about it back then here is the link
Eventually I took on more things, my brother and I did a lease/purchase option and I took his house. He had purchased a new and more expensive home and told me that I needed to pay on time or else he'd have to pay. I had over a year of expenses saved at that time, so I was always able to pay him early. When I moved into that house, I also had the office space. Only looking back do I realize I was doing pretty well, I was gaining momentum. When you are in the moment its hard to notice the moment- at least that is true for me.
I eventually got engaged, moved to L.A. and had to start over. I worked for a firm for a while and learned alot about special education law and attracting clients in this area. I had a hard time separating myself from that firm because I was fearful. I didn't know if I'd be able to build a strong business here. I probably would have stayed but I got tired of getting a percentage of what I was billing at. As they say, if your boss is paying you $100k, you are making them a million.
Now the only folks I have to share the proceeds of my earnings with are the IRS, CA FTB, Social Security and the rest of them abbreviations.
Next post, I'll try to tell about how Mr. A has built his/our business. When we started that, the goal was to get gov't contracts. We started out working for private businesses and now his phone and email are ringing off the hook with companies asking him to sign on as their subconsultant for government projects.
Building a business does take a while and we were in a unique position to both quit our full time jobs and pursue self-employment. So I'll probably blog later about those challenges.
TR is currently kicking me A LOT. I usually eat my first morning meal by 7:30 a.m. its 8 a.m and I think my baby is protesting the meal delay. Must end now.
Monday, February 18, 2008
An L.A. Day for $1.50
We spent our day at the L.A. County museum and our entire outing was a mere $1.50. We refrained from buying $10 snacks at the museum so that is good for us.
We took the bus to the museum, and paid $1.50. The bus ride was super quick and we didn't have to hassle with or pay for parking. The museum was free and on the way back the thing you put your money in on the bus was broken, so we paid nothing.
The museum has an Egyptian section. It never fails that whatever musuem I go to, the noses of the statues are always rubbed or chipped off, when its a broad nose. I mean folks who discovered Egyptianhistory really tried to do all they could to rid all remnants of the broad noses. There was one statute and the lips had been rubbed down. I realize these items are extremely old but if the skinny noses can make it, why not the broad ones?
One of the buildings held an American History gallery. It was quite pitiful. I realize the history of America is short compared with others and the only true telling of that history has to include the long held institution of slavery. The gallery apparently didn't want to get into slavery and without that the story of America doesn't begin until the late 1800's. Can you imagine being in a museum with furniture from the 1960's as a representation of history? There was a bit more but not much. We finished that building in under 10 minutes and it took that long because I was moving a bit slow. Carrying an extra person can slow you down.
I enjoyed our day. Next museum we plan to tour is the Getty. It's always free (except for parking) and they have picnic grounds so we'll be packing a lunch.
We took the bus to the museum, and paid $1.50. The bus ride was super quick and we didn't have to hassle with or pay for parking. The museum was free and on the way back the thing you put your money in on the bus was broken, so we paid nothing.
The museum has an Egyptian section. It never fails that whatever musuem I go to, the noses of the statues are always rubbed or chipped off, when its a broad nose. I mean folks who discovered Egyptianhistory really tried to do all they could to rid all remnants of the broad noses. There was one statute and the lips had been rubbed down. I realize these items are extremely old but if the skinny noses can make it, why not the broad ones?
One of the buildings held an American History gallery. It was quite pitiful. I realize the history of America is short compared with others and the only true telling of that history has to include the long held institution of slavery. The gallery apparently didn't want to get into slavery and without that the story of America doesn't begin until the late 1800's. Can you imagine being in a museum with furniture from the 1960's as a representation of history? There was a bit more but not much. We finished that building in under 10 minutes and it took that long because I was moving a bit slow. Carrying an extra person can slow you down.
I enjoyed our day. Next museum we plan to tour is the Getty. It's always free (except for parking) and they have picnic grounds so we'll be packing a lunch.
Holiday Weekend
I had a work thing on Friday out in Long Beach. It was my plan to go to Chic-Fil-A while on that side of the world but I forgot and just wanted to get home. Seems like bloggers are always mentioning that place.
I've gotten out of the practice of driving so the 30 minute trip and the traffic coming back to L.A. proper had me exhausted. Mr. A had some work stuff to do and then a h.s. basketball game but he came home and made dinner since he figured I'd be too tired to function.
I have much respect for those people who can drive to work, work a full day, drive back home and then cook or do household stuff. When I was in Oakland, I rarely worked a full day outside home and on those days that I did, I had my mother who had dinner prepared.
I spent Saturday at home and Mr. A went to his friend's house to watch a fight. We had planned to hit the L.A. County Museum that afternoon- it just finished being remodeled and looks very beautiful- but it seems like today is a free admission day, so I figured we'd wait. So that is our plan for today.
I've spent a few weeks lobbying for us to go to church at West Angeles. I'd been thinking about it, but that Bill Clinton incident set me on a path of change. Then I've been reading S30's post about her church and West Angeles is one that has lots and lots going on and lots to be involved with.
On Sunday, Mr. A was supposed to go with the ski club to help the kids learn to snowboard. They were going to Mount High, which is cool for a quick inexpensive excursion. Because it was a holiday weekend the lift ticket price was raised to $50 or $60. It's usually $40, because it really isn't much of a mountain. The better mountains are cheaper so he decided not to go. I totally supported that budget decision.
Because Mr. A had planned to go to the mountain I was going to go to West Angeles. When he decided not to go, the plan was still to go to West A. We did our pre-marital there and he loved it but he has been oppposed to going to there for church. I admit much of it is my fault. I had told him how "Hollywood" West A is. The church we attend is almost 20 miles away and West A is super close.
So Mr. A kept singing "One Night Only" to let me know he was giving the church one shot. I think Bishop Blake is great but it can feel like an award show sometimes. It's a great place to go when you don't live in L.A. But if you live here and see celebs at the grocery store, nursery, Roscoe Chicken and Waffle, then the excitement will fade.
So yesterday the church did a tribute to the officer who was killed in the line of duty last week. Then Bishop Blake announced that Judge Mathis was going to be our speaker. Yes, Judge Mathis. It was too late to go to the other church by that point. I mean maybe its not meant for us to move to West A for Sundady. Maybe we'll just be involved in the stuff there. I also prefer Bishop Jones messages so maybe we need to be stable.
So Judge Mathis just spoke. Mr. A said he thought he was doing a sort of stand up.
Then after that, Bishop Blake gave a shout out to Natalie Cole (who I see pretty often at Roscoe Chicken and Waffled on Pico and La Brea) and they put a pic of her on the big screen. She looked great.
A lot of celebs attend the church we go to but they are never put them on the big screen or given a shout out. They have to find a seat just like everyone else. Although there was that one time he called Keyshia Cole and Angie Stone out the audience and forced them to sing. But usually they treated like everyone else.
I wish L.A. and Oakland were closer so I could enjoy the best of both worlds without having to travel a long distance. But its probably for the best. If the Bay was close to L.A., there would be smog and then I'd have nowhere to go when I wanted to leave L.A. and enjoy air that has been cooled by the bay breeze.
I've gotten out of the practice of driving so the 30 minute trip and the traffic coming back to L.A. proper had me exhausted. Mr. A had some work stuff to do and then a h.s. basketball game but he came home and made dinner since he figured I'd be too tired to function.
I have much respect for those people who can drive to work, work a full day, drive back home and then cook or do household stuff. When I was in Oakland, I rarely worked a full day outside home and on those days that I did, I had my mother who had dinner prepared.
I spent Saturday at home and Mr. A went to his friend's house to watch a fight. We had planned to hit the L.A. County Museum that afternoon- it just finished being remodeled and looks very beautiful- but it seems like today is a free admission day, so I figured we'd wait. So that is our plan for today.
I've spent a few weeks lobbying for us to go to church at West Angeles. I'd been thinking about it, but that Bill Clinton incident set me on a path of change. Then I've been reading S30's post about her church and West Angeles is one that has lots and lots going on and lots to be involved with.
On Sunday, Mr. A was supposed to go with the ski club to help the kids learn to snowboard. They were going to Mount High, which is cool for a quick inexpensive excursion. Because it was a holiday weekend the lift ticket price was raised to $50 or $60. It's usually $40, because it really isn't much of a mountain. The better mountains are cheaper so he decided not to go. I totally supported that budget decision.
Because Mr. A had planned to go to the mountain I was going to go to West Angeles. When he decided not to go, the plan was still to go to West A. We did our pre-marital there and he loved it but he has been oppposed to going to there for church. I admit much of it is my fault. I had told him how "Hollywood" West A is. The church we attend is almost 20 miles away and West A is super close.
So Mr. A kept singing "One Night Only" to let me know he was giving the church one shot. I think Bishop Blake is great but it can feel like an award show sometimes. It's a great place to go when you don't live in L.A. But if you live here and see celebs at the grocery store, nursery, Roscoe Chicken and Waffle, then the excitement will fade.
So yesterday the church did a tribute to the officer who was killed in the line of duty last week. Then Bishop Blake announced that Judge Mathis was going to be our speaker. Yes, Judge Mathis. It was too late to go to the other church by that point. I mean maybe its not meant for us to move to West A for Sundady. Maybe we'll just be involved in the stuff there. I also prefer Bishop Jones messages so maybe we need to be stable.
So Judge Mathis just spoke. Mr. A said he thought he was doing a sort of stand up.
Then after that, Bishop Blake gave a shout out to Natalie Cole (who I see pretty often at Roscoe Chicken and Waffled on Pico and La Brea) and they put a pic of her on the big screen. She looked great.
A lot of celebs attend the church we go to but they are never put them on the big screen or given a shout out. They have to find a seat just like everyone else. Although there was that one time he called Keyshia Cole and Angie Stone out the audience and forced them to sing. But usually they treated like everyone else.
I wish L.A. and Oakland were closer so I could enjoy the best of both worlds without having to travel a long distance. But its probably for the best. If the Bay was close to L.A., there would be smog and then I'd have nowhere to go when I wanted to leave L.A. and enjoy air that has been cooled by the bay breeze.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Free Financial Book.
Suze Orman is allowing a FREE download of her book "Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny" until February 14, 2008 at 5 pm CST (I think it's CST).
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200802/tows_past_20080213.jhtml?promocode=HP14
I guess this is true. I hope its not a virus. Use at your own risk.
http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200802/tows_past_20080213.jhtml?promocode=HP14
I guess this is true. I hope its not a virus. Use at your own risk.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Our Weekend
Mr. A and I had a nice weekend.
On Friday Mr. A and his friend went to Big Bear to board. I've never been there but he went to Snow Summit and told me the mountain was huge. He was home by 2:30 p.m. and had a great time. They got to do about 10 runs
I plan to brave a snowboard once TR has finished cooking. I just know falling is painful and unless you have some experience on a skateboard it can be quite challenging.
On Saturday we walked to our neighborhood park- with our lawn chairs. Mr. A was reading his book and I had a bit of an attitude but I did enjoy the sun. We went out to dinner because I wanted to get out of the house. Mr. A said it wasn't a date because no one had asked the other out. He said just because you are married doesn't mean you can't court. So I'll probably ask him out on a date soon. How much notice does a lady give a gentleman when asking him out?
During my walk to the park I had an epiphany of sorts. I may blog about it.
On Sunday we went to the 8 o'clock service, got there at 9 as usual- time to hear the word. I made a pancake breakfast before we left home. I usually snack before church and on the way home we grab something for me to eat.
I think I'll arise early more often to do breakfast. Makes the day go much better.
We came back home, relaxed a bit, had pizza and Mr. A made strawberry smoothies. He should open up a business because his concotions are great. At one point I tasted something tart. I love tart. I told him to tell me what it was. It was vitamin C. He's been sneaking vitamins in my smoothies!! Then he said "why do you think I don't mind making them. Mr. A is already taking great care of TR and me too.
We went to the grocery store for our dinner meat and a few items. After the grocery store we went to the farmers market and got a huge amount of incredibly sweet strawberries for $5 and I also got pomegrante seeds. Yummy. The fruit was crazy expensive at the grocery store and I knew our neighborhood farmers market would be much better with the quality and pricing.
After dinner we relaxed and Mr. A went to our neighbors house to play chess and chat. Our neighbor is a late 50's plastic surgeon with the cutest dog. One day the man and the dog were walking down the street and I just stopped and started cooing over the dog. Mr A was with me and started talking to the man.
I later realized that just like kids get lured with candy, I allowed myself to be lured by a cute and obedient toy dog. The guy walks at night, and I always hear women stopping outside (in the dark) to talk to the dog.
One day I saw the guy taking a phot of his dog and the neighborhood cat. This is major a pet and baby walking neighborhood.
Now its Monday and time to return to the world of work and dealing with my adversaries. Do people tell young aspiring law students that part of your work day will be spent dealing with adversaries? I don't mind the court stuff, but I hate the phone calls. I don't mind dealing with older lawyers, I prefer them. They understand that its better to be cordial because who wants to spend their day battling about nonsense like dates. Its those fresh new young male attorneys who annoy me. Law firms always give them to me- at first. They look at my bar number, which at this point isnt' that fresh and assign one witha similiar number.
So annoying.
In other great things. I'm more than 1/2 through the cooking of TR and I must say that TR is an excellent passenger. He is laying just right so my pregnant belly looks cute. If a person didn't know me they might wonder if I have a small gut. I love the way my belly looks (most days). I walk around the house in my shortest workout shorts and a tank. Mr. A seems to love this pregnant body. I love it too, so he is not alone. I'm hoping these hips of mine serve me as well in childbirth as they are in child carrying.
I'm feeling soooo much better.
EDIT:
In Networking things:
During the writers strike my brother and Mr. A were discussing ways to enter that arena. Mr. A had an idea for a reality show. Being the supportive spouse and great sis that I am I set out to find a connection to help him figure out who to pitch his idea to.
I called my sister who used to work in t.v. and she called a couple folks and now I have the number of an old friend of mine, who just produced a successful reality seriers for a major network.
Gosh I have a great family. Someone just called me the other week and told me they are glad to know my family because we cover so much. We've got media, law, education and politics covered. With Mr. A and we cover military and science/engineering too.
On Friday Mr. A and his friend went to Big Bear to board. I've never been there but he went to Snow Summit and told me the mountain was huge. He was home by 2:30 p.m. and had a great time. They got to do about 10 runs
I plan to brave a snowboard once TR has finished cooking. I just know falling is painful and unless you have some experience on a skateboard it can be quite challenging.
On Saturday we walked to our neighborhood park- with our lawn chairs. Mr. A was reading his book and I had a bit of an attitude but I did enjoy the sun. We went out to dinner because I wanted to get out of the house. Mr. A said it wasn't a date because no one had asked the other out. He said just because you are married doesn't mean you can't court. So I'll probably ask him out on a date soon. How much notice does a lady give a gentleman when asking him out?
During my walk to the park I had an epiphany of sorts. I may blog about it.
On Sunday we went to the 8 o'clock service, got there at 9 as usual- time to hear the word. I made a pancake breakfast before we left home. I usually snack before church and on the way home we grab something for me to eat.
I think I'll arise early more often to do breakfast. Makes the day go much better.
We came back home, relaxed a bit, had pizza and Mr. A made strawberry smoothies. He should open up a business because his concotions are great. At one point I tasted something tart. I love tart. I told him to tell me what it was. It was vitamin C. He's been sneaking vitamins in my smoothies!! Then he said "why do you think I don't mind making them. Mr. A is already taking great care of TR and me too.
We went to the grocery store for our dinner meat and a few items. After the grocery store we went to the farmers market and got a huge amount of incredibly sweet strawberries for $5 and I also got pomegrante seeds. Yummy. The fruit was crazy expensive at the grocery store and I knew our neighborhood farmers market would be much better with the quality and pricing.
After dinner we relaxed and Mr. A went to our neighbors house to play chess and chat. Our neighbor is a late 50's plastic surgeon with the cutest dog. One day the man and the dog were walking down the street and I just stopped and started cooing over the dog. Mr A was with me and started talking to the man.
I later realized that just like kids get lured with candy, I allowed myself to be lured by a cute and obedient toy dog. The guy walks at night, and I always hear women stopping outside (in the dark) to talk to the dog.
One day I saw the guy taking a phot of his dog and the neighborhood cat. This is major a pet and baby walking neighborhood.
Now its Monday and time to return to the world of work and dealing with my adversaries. Do people tell young aspiring law students that part of your work day will be spent dealing with adversaries? I don't mind the court stuff, but I hate the phone calls. I don't mind dealing with older lawyers, I prefer them. They understand that its better to be cordial because who wants to spend their day battling about nonsense like dates. Its those fresh new young male attorneys who annoy me. Law firms always give them to me- at first. They look at my bar number, which at this point isnt' that fresh and assign one witha similiar number.
So annoying.
In other great things. I'm more than 1/2 through the cooking of TR and I must say that TR is an excellent passenger. He is laying just right so my pregnant belly looks cute. If a person didn't know me they might wonder if I have a small gut. I love the way my belly looks (most days). I walk around the house in my shortest workout shorts and a tank. Mr. A seems to love this pregnant body. I love it too, so he is not alone. I'm hoping these hips of mine serve me as well in childbirth as they are in child carrying.
I'm feeling soooo much better.
EDIT:
In Networking things:
During the writers strike my brother and Mr. A were discussing ways to enter that arena. Mr. A had an idea for a reality show. Being the supportive spouse and great sis that I am I set out to find a connection to help him figure out who to pitch his idea to.
I called my sister who used to work in t.v. and she called a couple folks and now I have the number of an old friend of mine, who just produced a successful reality seriers for a major network.
Gosh I have a great family. Someone just called me the other week and told me they are glad to know my family because we cover so much. We've got media, law, education and politics covered. With Mr. A and we cover military and science/engineering too.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Barrack in California
All I can say is Alameda County- where Oakland lies and San Francisco County chose Obama by over 50%. He also won counties where the electorate is more educated and less Latino.
If Hillary wins (by some choice of evil) I'm choosing the lesser of two devils and will be walking for McCain.
Edit:
I'm hopeful Obama will gain a larger vote count and Hillary will drop below 50 percent. She is at 51.9 and when the count of absentee ballots is done, it could happen.
If Hillary wins (by some choice of evil) I'm choosing the lesser of two devils and will be walking for McCain.
Edit:
I'm hopeful Obama will gain a larger vote count and Hillary will drop below 50 percent. She is at 51.9 and when the count of absentee ballots is done, it could happen.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Leave me Be
I voted weeks ago, by absentee ballot. I voted for OBAMA!
I voted prior to South Carolina and prior to Bill Clinton acting a fool.
We tried to get our church on but Bill Clinton disturbed those plans. I'm not against a minister allowing candidates or their supporters to come to church and have a word. I am strongly opposed to a minister that allows a candidate- or that candidates husband to come into the church and talk for a lengthy period and then cause the minister to try to deliver a message in 10-15 minutes.
I will be writing Bishop Noel Jones and his church administration a letter. I needed a word, some scriptures, not a message from Bill Clinton. I pray for the president- whoever that person may be- and I realize God reigns supreme. Because God reigns supreme and people come to church for a word, a politician on the campaign trail should not trump the reason we go to church.
Hmmm, we left that church early because after being bombarded with election stuff when I was trying to get a word, we ended up leaving early. It just destroyed the vibe. I went to West Angeles where the purpose of church was not set aside for a few votes.
I want to thank the Obama people for not polluting the purpose of church.
Sending Bill to a black church that he has never been too, is akin to sending the overseer to the slave house to reminding the slaves that he was good to them and gave them those chitterlings and to dance on cue at the watermelon seed spitting contest.
Oh and Bill wasn't getting cheers as I'm sure he probably expected. It was quite calm. HA HA HA. When he said Hillary as president he got very little. Just those few die hards who tried to clap really hard. As we were walking in, there were news crews outside and people kept asking excitedly "is Obama here" when they heard it was Bill the consensus was no one wants to hear him. Lots of deflation when it was discovered to be Bill.
I'm not against Hillary or Bill but I do recall how hard they made it for democrats as they departed office. They made the country yearn for a change from the filth of the Billary years. Sure the economy was good but the white house had to be disinfected and the Clintons vandalized the place and stole things. Lets not forget that they were charging to allow folks to spend the night in various rooms in the white house.
I DO NOT want to go back. If Billary gets back in the democratic party may never recover.
I am grateful to my California residents for making Hillary worry. She thought she had us on lock. She thought she could ride on Bill's coattails. I remember the days of Bill stopping by to raise money. They other politicians would ask him to stop because he was taking all the money. Hill isn't earning those dollars. She can't even leave this state because Obama's numbers are surging. There are elections in 21 other states but she is here pandering to the Latinos, and stealing Barracks stump speech.
Had Bill Clinton not showed up at church and spoke for so long- as if he has a right to stop church- then I wouldn't be upset. I'm upset at the minister too. What type of religious leader allows this type of thing to happen? I've been to church many times on the Sunday before an election- NEVER- in life have I seen the pulpit turned over. Is this an L.A. thing?
I voted prior to South Carolina and prior to Bill Clinton acting a fool.
We tried to get our church on but Bill Clinton disturbed those plans. I'm not against a minister allowing candidates or their supporters to come to church and have a word. I am strongly opposed to a minister that allows a candidate- or that candidates husband to come into the church and talk for a lengthy period and then cause the minister to try to deliver a message in 10-15 minutes.
I will be writing Bishop Noel Jones and his church administration a letter. I needed a word, some scriptures, not a message from Bill Clinton. I pray for the president- whoever that person may be- and I realize God reigns supreme. Because God reigns supreme and people come to church for a word, a politician on the campaign trail should not trump the reason we go to church.
Hmmm, we left that church early because after being bombarded with election stuff when I was trying to get a word, we ended up leaving early. It just destroyed the vibe. I went to West Angeles where the purpose of church was not set aside for a few votes.
I want to thank the Obama people for not polluting the purpose of church.
Sending Bill to a black church that he has never been too, is akin to sending the overseer to the slave house to reminding the slaves that he was good to them and gave them those chitterlings and to dance on cue at the watermelon seed spitting contest.
Oh and Bill wasn't getting cheers as I'm sure he probably expected. It was quite calm. HA HA HA. When he said Hillary as president he got very little. Just those few die hards who tried to clap really hard. As we were walking in, there were news crews outside and people kept asking excitedly "is Obama here" when they heard it was Bill the consensus was no one wants to hear him. Lots of deflation when it was discovered to be Bill.
I'm not against Hillary or Bill but I do recall how hard they made it for democrats as they departed office. They made the country yearn for a change from the filth of the Billary years. Sure the economy was good but the white house had to be disinfected and the Clintons vandalized the place and stole things. Lets not forget that they were charging to allow folks to spend the night in various rooms in the white house.
I DO NOT want to go back. If Billary gets back in the democratic party may never recover.
I am grateful to my California residents for making Hillary worry. She thought she had us on lock. She thought she could ride on Bill's coattails. I remember the days of Bill stopping by to raise money. They other politicians would ask him to stop because he was taking all the money. Hill isn't earning those dollars. She can't even leave this state because Obama's numbers are surging. There are elections in 21 other states but she is here pandering to the Latinos, and stealing Barracks stump speech.
Had Bill Clinton not showed up at church and spoke for so long- as if he has a right to stop church- then I wouldn't be upset. I'm upset at the minister too. What type of religious leader allows this type of thing to happen? I've been to church many times on the Sunday before an election- NEVER- in life have I seen the pulpit turned over. Is this an L.A. thing?
Friday, February 01, 2008
Holding My Peace
So......
A school district is suing my client. It's an educational issue and all administrative. My client decided not to mediate, we're giubg straight to hearing.
The attorney for the district called me and fussed at me and grilled me about why my client won't mediate. I told her she is tired of the district- long story but I'm tired of them too. The parent doesn't want her kid in that school because she doesn't like how they manhandle the kids.
So we're on the phone and she tells me that she knows what I'm doing, that I'm trying to build another civil suit. I had to look at the phone. I guess she forgot they were the ones suing my parent. They are suing my parent and she's accusing me of trying to build a case. I had to tell her goodbye.
I guess I made her sue my client.
A school district is suing my client. It's an educational issue and all administrative. My client decided not to mediate, we're giubg straight to hearing.
The attorney for the district called me and fussed at me and grilled me about why my client won't mediate. I told her she is tired of the district- long story but I'm tired of them too. The parent doesn't want her kid in that school because she doesn't like how they manhandle the kids.
So we're on the phone and she tells me that she knows what I'm doing, that I'm trying to build another civil suit. I had to look at the phone. I guess she forgot they were the ones suing my parent. They are suing my parent and she's accusing me of trying to build a case. I had to tell her goodbye.
I guess I made her sue my client.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Marriage and Money
One of the major sources of marital conflict is money. Some couples devise countless ways to split income/expenses, with the intent to maintain peace and a sense of equity in their relationship. And as quiet as its kept to protect themselves from potential financial harm from the other spouse. Mr A and I share it all. We combine our income, expenses, savings, etc. The only thing he could do that I probably wouldn't forgive is to kill me or allow me around the potential bringer of my death.
I had shut down and turned the finances over to Mr. A. There was a brief strategy session but beyond that I didn't want to be bothered. Since we've been married- like since the return from our honeymoon, I've been the one to manage our finances and he has liked what I've done. I can't say I'm satisfied with how it turned out under his management. I'm feeling better physically and we are returning to our prior system. We both learned a couple of important lessons. I also recognized seperate lessons.
One lesson is that although he is a math mind, I'm better at managing our finances. He's an engineer and can make a complicated spreadsheet in like 3 seconds so I sorta expected him to just ease into it after a bit of adjustment. I did a budget with our fixed expenses, its written in our black book that he doesn't seem to like looking at, but because our monthly income fluctuates I can't really create a defined budget. I will figure something out that works . This past year was his first experience with self-employment so I'm cutting him some slack and going with his defense that he has never had to manage lump sums- he was used to getting salary.
My personal lesson is, I'm not so attached to money that I'll get upset or argue about it. Now there are other things that I will throw a fit and roar about, but money is not one of those thing. There are various reasons for Mr. A not getting heat from me about money. I trust Mr. A. I know that he would give his last penny if there was something I wanted for a penny. When we were dating he always paid for our excursions and all dates, and when he saw that I had a credit card balance he gave me the money to pay it off- he wanted me to be debt free. When we were dating he told me that my bills/expenses would be his responsibility when/if we got married (I told him they would not be but I really loved it that he felt that way). He doesn't have any money that is not my money. When we got married and I stopped working he was happy. I allocated a spending amount to him and a spending amount for me. His income paid all expenses including regular contributions to my retirement accounts. When I started working again he was just as happy. When I decided to stop doing work for that firm he supported me. I cannot get mad at him about money because he has always shown me that he'd give all that he had if it was used to give me what I want or make my life more comfortable. I'd give my last penny for him as well. So I can't get mad at him for managing money in a way I don't like.
I wonder if that makes sense. So I guess what this has shown me beyond I need to stick with managing our finances is that I love Mr. A more than I love any material thing or what money can buy. For anyone who thought I may have been a gold-digger, -you're a fool- I'm all about the love. Love is free but it costs everything. (you'll have to figure that out) I also know God is our provider and makes us able to provide for ourselves.
Now Mr. A did have to undergo some of my fussing. We went on a walk yesterday morning and it flew by for me because most of it was spent with me fussing at him. He is now reading the Richest Man in Babylon and enjoying it. He refused to read it last year but at this current time I have leverage. When I told him he had to read a book his immediate response was "Automatic Millionaire?" Nope that is 2nd.
Perhaps I'll blog about the strategies I devise. Automatic deductions are easy when you are employeed, but when you are self-employed and you get the check, nothing is deducted. Its easy for me to pretend I have no excess money. Mr. A isn't used to this yet. I guess this new way could be a huge adjustment for someone who had spent 10 years used to drawing a salary.
In baby news:
We saw the dr. this week and I think TR must play around 10 a.m. or 10:30. When the doctor put the dopplar on my belly, she had to search all around for the heart beat. When she found it, we got to hear for a few seconds. You could tell the kid was in motion and she was trying to follow but who can keep up with a baby that is hidden in his mothers womb.
When we got the ultra sound earlier this week it was around the same time of morning and we could see the kid zooming around. The tech told me she had to chase him. I'm wondering who put my baby on a schedule?
I have get up before 7 a.m. because I'm hungry. This baby has already taken over.
The first topic was written with the permission of Mr. A. Content is all mine.
I had shut down and turned the finances over to Mr. A. There was a brief strategy session but beyond that I didn't want to be bothered. Since we've been married- like since the return from our honeymoon, I've been the one to manage our finances and he has liked what I've done. I can't say I'm satisfied with how it turned out under his management. I'm feeling better physically and we are returning to our prior system. We both learned a couple of important lessons. I also recognized seperate lessons.
One lesson is that although he is a math mind, I'm better at managing our finances. He's an engineer and can make a complicated spreadsheet in like 3 seconds so I sorta expected him to just ease into it after a bit of adjustment. I did a budget with our fixed expenses, its written in our black book that he doesn't seem to like looking at, but because our monthly income fluctuates I can't really create a defined budget. I will figure something out that works . This past year was his first experience with self-employment so I'm cutting him some slack and going with his defense that he has never had to manage lump sums- he was used to getting salary.
My personal lesson is, I'm not so attached to money that I'll get upset or argue about it. Now there are other things that I will throw a fit and roar about, but money is not one of those thing. There are various reasons for Mr. A not getting heat from me about money. I trust Mr. A. I know that he would give his last penny if there was something I wanted for a penny. When we were dating he always paid for our excursions and all dates, and when he saw that I had a credit card balance he gave me the money to pay it off- he wanted me to be debt free. When we were dating he told me that my bills/expenses would be his responsibility when/if we got married (I told him they would not be but I really loved it that he felt that way). He doesn't have any money that is not my money. When we got married and I stopped working he was happy. I allocated a spending amount to him and a spending amount for me. His income paid all expenses including regular contributions to my retirement accounts. When I started working again he was just as happy. When I decided to stop doing work for that firm he supported me. I cannot get mad at him about money because he has always shown me that he'd give all that he had if it was used to give me what I want or make my life more comfortable. I'd give my last penny for him as well. So I can't get mad at him for managing money in a way I don't like.
I wonder if that makes sense. So I guess what this has shown me beyond I need to stick with managing our finances is that I love Mr. A more than I love any material thing or what money can buy. For anyone who thought I may have been a gold-digger, -you're a fool- I'm all about the love. Love is free but it costs everything. (you'll have to figure that out) I also know God is our provider and makes us able to provide for ourselves.
Now Mr. A did have to undergo some of my fussing. We went on a walk yesterday morning and it flew by for me because most of it was spent with me fussing at him. He is now reading the Richest Man in Babylon and enjoying it. He refused to read it last year but at this current time I have leverage. When I told him he had to read a book his immediate response was "Automatic Millionaire?" Nope that is 2nd.
Perhaps I'll blog about the strategies I devise. Automatic deductions are easy when you are employeed, but when you are self-employed and you get the check, nothing is deducted. Its easy for me to pretend I have no excess money. Mr. A isn't used to this yet. I guess this new way could be a huge adjustment for someone who had spent 10 years used to drawing a salary.
In baby news:
We saw the dr. this week and I think TR must play around 10 a.m. or 10:30. When the doctor put the dopplar on my belly, she had to search all around for the heart beat. When she found it, we got to hear for a few seconds. You could tell the kid was in motion and she was trying to follow but who can keep up with a baby that is hidden in his mothers womb.
When we got the ultra sound earlier this week it was around the same time of morning and we could see the kid zooming around. The tech told me she had to chase him. I'm wondering who put my baby on a schedule?
I have get up before 7 a.m. because I'm hungry. This baby has already taken over.
The first topic was written with the permission of Mr. A. Content is all mine.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
My Baby Prays
I know I promised Mr. A I will not be one of the mothers who goes around saying my child will be a rocket scientist or best selling author. But allow me a little bit of wonder at my fabulous child.
TR had a photo shoot today aka ultra sound. Because I was laying on the bed I missed most of it and had to watch Mr. A's face to know what was being shown. During the last 10 minutes the tech turned the screen to me and I got to see TR move.
TR is active. Baby was in constant movement. I guess TR knew I wanted to look and make sure everything was there and TR made it easy. TR streched and turned and let us see every part. Baby is laying down in my belly and at one point he kicked his legs up toward my belly and let us see his legs and knee caps. We even saw the bottom of his feet. He appears to have great arches. He let mommy see that things were working.
We got a pic of TR's face and baby seems to have my eyes. Mr. A has large eyes too, so I figured the eyes would be large. When I saw the pic I remembered that my gramps told me when I was a babe I barely had any white in my eye. The black part was huge. From the photos it appears TR shares that trait.
So I'm sharing two photos.
In the first TR is chilling. In the 2nd I am convinced my baby is praying. Both arms were up and since his fingers aren't bent, I don't think TR was sucking his thumb.
Mr. A has already emailed the photos to family and friends and I instructed my mother to get wallet size made so she can show TR off.
When I told my mother TR was praying she laughed, her voice changed when I told her we had photos of it. She asked me if he had a drivers license in his hand. She also suggested that we talk to Obama because perhaps TR can be his runnning mate. I know she's hoping I won't be one of those mothers.
I promise I will not be one of those mothers but I think TR was praying. When the photo shoot was near its end, TR waved at us. He put his hand up and waved it. I think he knew mommy was wondering how he was getting along, so he made the tech chase him around my womb just so I'd know he was chilling.
I don't know how to save the pics to make them rotate on the blog, but TR is on his back in both pics.
Look at my baby praying.
In other things the history of Mr. A's paternal family is one of big head babies. It's early but this kids head looks average. My goal is to avoid any surgery and for TR to ease out. I'll ask the dr.s opinion at my next appt.
TR had a photo shoot today aka ultra sound. Because I was laying on the bed I missed most of it and had to watch Mr. A's face to know what was being shown. During the last 10 minutes the tech turned the screen to me and I got to see TR move.
TR is active. Baby was in constant movement. I guess TR knew I wanted to look and make sure everything was there and TR made it easy. TR streched and turned and let us see every part. Baby is laying down in my belly and at one point he kicked his legs up toward my belly and let us see his legs and knee caps. We even saw the bottom of his feet. He appears to have great arches. He let mommy see that things were working.
We got a pic of TR's face and baby seems to have my eyes. Mr. A has large eyes too, so I figured the eyes would be large. When I saw the pic I remembered that my gramps told me when I was a babe I barely had any white in my eye. The black part was huge. From the photos it appears TR shares that trait.
So I'm sharing two photos.
In the first TR is chilling. In the 2nd I am convinced my baby is praying. Both arms were up and since his fingers aren't bent, I don't think TR was sucking his thumb.
Mr. A has already emailed the photos to family and friends and I instructed my mother to get wallet size made so she can show TR off.
When I told my mother TR was praying she laughed, her voice changed when I told her we had photos of it. She asked me if he had a drivers license in his hand. She also suggested that we talk to Obama because perhaps TR can be his runnning mate. I know she's hoping I won't be one of those mothers.
I promise I will not be one of those mothers but I think TR was praying. When the photo shoot was near its end, TR waved at us. He put his hand up and waved it. I think he knew mommy was wondering how he was getting along, so he made the tech chase him around my womb just so I'd know he was chilling.
I don't know how to save the pics to make them rotate on the blog, but TR is on his back in both pics.
Look at my baby praying.In other things the history of Mr. A's paternal family is one of big head babies. It's early but this kids head looks average. My goal is to avoid any surgery and for TR to ease out. I'll ask the dr.s opinion at my next appt.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Meal Assembly
I saw one of these establishments on t.v. a year or so ago. You don't have to grocery shop or use your pots and pans. You go prepare your meals for the week, take them home freeze and eat when ready.
When I first searched I couldn't locate one in L.A. Now I have found one. Dream Dinners http://dreamdinners.com/ Yippee.
When I first searched I couldn't locate one in L.A. Now I have found one. Dream Dinners http://dreamdinners.com/ Yippee.
Whoo Hooo
This sounds great. I think this is where I'll deliver. Just the description is relaxing me.
The XXXXXXXXX features labor/delivery rooms designed to look and feel like home, with a warm decor, flat-screen televisions, wireless capabilities and fold-out chairs and couches for new fathers and other family members to sleep. The rooms are more spacious and contain private bathrooms, allowing mothers to give birth and recover in one place.
After delivery, mothers are moved to the postpartum unit where they recover and spend time with their newborn, all in the privacy of their own room at no extra charge. There are deluxe rooms available for those who want extra space and comfort.
Some people can stay here for up to four months before delivery and we encourage them to bring a lot of stuff from home to make it as cozy as possible.
Is there room service?
My mother has advised me to let the nurse do the changing while I'm in the hospital because we have forever to do it, once TR gets home. I'll have to investigate how that works. I also want to stay a few days. They try to send folks home day 2 now a days.
The XXXXXXXXX features labor/delivery rooms designed to look and feel like home, with a warm decor, flat-screen televisions, wireless capabilities and fold-out chairs and couches for new fathers and other family members to sleep. The rooms are more spacious and contain private bathrooms, allowing mothers to give birth and recover in one place.
After delivery, mothers are moved to the postpartum unit where they recover and spend time with their newborn, all in the privacy of their own room at no extra charge. There are deluxe rooms available for those who want extra space and comfort.
Some people can stay here for up to four months before delivery and we encourage them to bring a lot of stuff from home to make it as cozy as possible.
Is there room service?
My mother has advised me to let the nurse do the changing while I'm in the hospital because we have forever to do it, once TR gets home. I'll have to investigate how that works. I also want to stay a few days. They try to send folks home day 2 now a days.
Dwelling
Is it just me or are there people that need others to dwell in spots of darkness? I understand that some people like to remain, remember and re-live the dark moments of their life, but why do they want others to do the same? Some don't allow past moments of difficulty to be an experience they overcame and grow from, they need it to be a defining moment that negatively impacts aspects of their life.
There are people who would have us believe that if your parents divorced your likelihood of divorce increases. That you are battling a generational curse. My parents divorced and my mother told me as a child to ignore that madness because YOU don't have to get divorced. People with their single mother statistics. God defies statistics.
My maternal and paternal grandparents were married, each of their parents were married and each of their parents were married until death parted them. Now if I said that was a generational blessing that my marriage was under, folks would get annoyed, but people would be favorable if I spoke of a curse.
My mother raised a Ph.D pyschologist/politician/entrepenuer, executive/politician/entrepreneur lawyer/entrepreneur. In his 20's my brother was 3rd from the top at a large quasi-governmental agency, in his 20's he was the youngest elected person in the state. He had 3 different jobs in 2007, each one paid more than the last. My sister earns more than all of us and she isn't a lawyer or a MD. I'm the least successful and standing alone people think I'm pretty successful. My mother didn't raise any crack heads, jail birds, lazy, underemployed folks or children she couldn't boast about. When people ask her what she did, she tells them she didn't know how to raise kids, God helped her. A person can grow up with 0 parents but if God is in the mix, they will be blessed.
I believe I have led an extremely blessed life. The greatest blessing is that I come from a lineage of people that understand God's gift of peace. I truly believe my family has been granted the gift of generational blessings. If you ask me I will share all of my blessings. If you ask me to tell you who did me wrong at any time in life, I will tell you God has blessed me with peace and not the spirit of dwelling in unhappiness. People like to say "we all have one of those relatives." No, I don't have any of them because both sides of my family are blessed and we exist in the belief that God delivers.
Sorry if my happiness and hope doesn't make people feel better about their misery and strife but all I can recommend is Jesus. Try him. Marx said religion is the opiot of the people. Let that be your opiot. Let it sooth you and pacify you. Let it give you hope that your past and mistakes are forgiven that you don't have to dwell in that bad place because God heals and delivers, minds, bodies, emotions, whatever else. Let it provide hope that even if you only have -$10 to your name, your needs will be met. If God is loving you, you won't get focused on the earthly trappings people fight to hold onto, in the quest for calm.
God has kept me in good health and even during my times of sickness, I said I am well, I am healed. In my times of sadness I have sad I am happy. My mom always said so a man thinketh so is he. I think I am wealthy, therefore I am. God has met all my needs, financial, health wise and everything else.
If all I ever give my kids is the gift of where to find peace and how to keep hope, I think I'll have made them wealthy.
P.S. if anyone is ever looking for a hard luck, woe is me story it won't be found here. As long as I believe God has not abandoned me, I will always find the positive in my life.
There are people who would have us believe that if your parents divorced your likelihood of divorce increases. That you are battling a generational curse. My parents divorced and my mother told me as a child to ignore that madness because YOU don't have to get divorced. People with their single mother statistics. God defies statistics.
My maternal and paternal grandparents were married, each of their parents were married and each of their parents were married until death parted them. Now if I said that was a generational blessing that my marriage was under, folks would get annoyed, but people would be favorable if I spoke of a curse.
My mother raised a Ph.D pyschologist/politician/entrepenuer, executive/politician/entrepreneur lawyer/entrepreneur. In his 20's my brother was 3rd from the top at a large quasi-governmental agency, in his 20's he was the youngest elected person in the state. He had 3 different jobs in 2007, each one paid more than the last. My sister earns more than all of us and she isn't a lawyer or a MD. I'm the least successful and standing alone people think I'm pretty successful. My mother didn't raise any crack heads, jail birds, lazy, underemployed folks or children she couldn't boast about. When people ask her what she did, she tells them she didn't know how to raise kids, God helped her. A person can grow up with 0 parents but if God is in the mix, they will be blessed.
I believe I have led an extremely blessed life. The greatest blessing is that I come from a lineage of people that understand God's gift of peace. I truly believe my family has been granted the gift of generational blessings. If you ask me I will share all of my blessings. If you ask me to tell you who did me wrong at any time in life, I will tell you God has blessed me with peace and not the spirit of dwelling in unhappiness. People like to say "we all have one of those relatives." No, I don't have any of them because both sides of my family are blessed and we exist in the belief that God delivers.
Sorry if my happiness and hope doesn't make people feel better about their misery and strife but all I can recommend is Jesus. Try him. Marx said religion is the opiot of the people. Let that be your opiot. Let it sooth you and pacify you. Let it give you hope that your past and mistakes are forgiven that you don't have to dwell in that bad place because God heals and delivers, minds, bodies, emotions, whatever else. Let it provide hope that even if you only have -$10 to your name, your needs will be met. If God is loving you, you won't get focused on the earthly trappings people fight to hold onto, in the quest for calm.
God has kept me in good health and even during my times of sickness, I said I am well, I am healed. In my times of sadness I have sad I am happy. My mom always said so a man thinketh so is he. I think I am wealthy, therefore I am. God has met all my needs, financial, health wise and everything else.
If all I ever give my kids is the gift of where to find peace and how to keep hope, I think I'll have made them wealthy.
P.S. if anyone is ever looking for a hard luck, woe is me story it won't be found here. As long as I believe God has not abandoned me, I will always find the positive in my life.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Husbands Mothers and Nipples
Last night my nipple began tingling, a painful tingle. I checked it out and it appears that one was ripping apart. I showed Mr A and his response was not satisfactory. He said something like they are growing. He's a man- so he has a handicap.
Last night when we went to bed I told him I didn't know what to do about my dilemna. He told me it isn't a dilemna. I tried to role play to show him the correct way to respond to my cries but he refused. He believes its his job to remain calm as I go overboard. I think there are times when he should join me in over that board and when my nipple is shredding, than thats the time.
This morning as I was carrying my morning snack (not breakfast) into the kitchen I began screaming to my mother that my nipple was broken. After she snatched my tray telling me I was gonna drop it (gotta make sure the carpets aren't stained) she inspected it. Pregnancy has seen me reintroduce my various body parts to my mother. She groaned a bit in exasperation and told me to moisturize it, put some vaseline on it.
I did and it worked. She told me the vaseline works better than the tears. I think anyone would cry if the fabric rubbing against their nipple was causing pain. She knows I'm a crybaby anyway.
I'm going to put vaseline in my purse. That stuff is good for everything.
In other good things I was reading about my trimester of pregnancy and it said round ligament pain was one of the things to look forward to. Sharp, stabbing pain was one of the treats, as various things stretched. Too bad I read that after spending a couple hours in ER.
Mr. A has a young cousin (early 20's) who is due a month or so before me and she has been to ER 4 times. She said every time she goes they tell her "you are pregnant." I personally appreciate reasons, tell me what is going on. On my first visit to the doctor, when I told my doctor I was feeling awful like someone had beat me up and all about my aches and what not, she said that was normal. I had to ask her again, 'its normal to feel miserable?'
I've been feeling pretty good lately. I entered my 2nd trimester while in the Bay and if I go back to L.A. and start feeling crappy then I'll attribute it to the air.
We were supposed to go back after Mr. A's ski trip, but snow in the grapevine has required us to reschedule. I have an appearance on Friday that I'm hoping I don't have to reschedule.
I also want Mr. and his friend to paint the living room when we return. I already know the color, I'll be copying off my brothers living room. I think I might rearrange the furniture. I haven't done that in a while. I'm in a domestic type of mood. Blame it on HGTV.
Last night when we went to bed I told him I didn't know what to do about my dilemna. He told me it isn't a dilemna. I tried to role play to show him the correct way to respond to my cries but he refused. He believes its his job to remain calm as I go overboard. I think there are times when he should join me in over that board and when my nipple is shredding, than thats the time.
This morning as I was carrying my morning snack (not breakfast) into the kitchen I began screaming to my mother that my nipple was broken. After she snatched my tray telling me I was gonna drop it (gotta make sure the carpets aren't stained) she inspected it. Pregnancy has seen me reintroduce my various body parts to my mother. She groaned a bit in exasperation and told me to moisturize it, put some vaseline on it.
I did and it worked. She told me the vaseline works better than the tears. I think anyone would cry if the fabric rubbing against their nipple was causing pain. She knows I'm a crybaby anyway.
I'm going to put vaseline in my purse. That stuff is good for everything.
In other good things I was reading about my trimester of pregnancy and it said round ligament pain was one of the things to look forward to. Sharp, stabbing pain was one of the treats, as various things stretched. Too bad I read that after spending a couple hours in ER.
Mr. A has a young cousin (early 20's) who is due a month or so before me and she has been to ER 4 times. She said every time she goes they tell her "you are pregnant." I personally appreciate reasons, tell me what is going on. On my first visit to the doctor, when I told my doctor I was feeling awful like someone had beat me up and all about my aches and what not, she said that was normal. I had to ask her again, 'its normal to feel miserable?'
I've been feeling pretty good lately. I entered my 2nd trimester while in the Bay and if I go back to L.A. and start feeling crappy then I'll attribute it to the air.
We were supposed to go back after Mr. A's ski trip, but snow in the grapevine has required us to reschedule. I have an appearance on Friday that I'm hoping I don't have to reschedule.
I also want Mr. and his friend to paint the living room when we return. I already know the color, I'll be copying off my brothers living room. I think I might rearrange the furniture. I haven't done that in a while. I'm in a domestic type of mood. Blame it on HGTV.
