Holiday Weekend

I had a work thing on Friday out in Long Beach. It was my plan to go to Chic-Fil-A while on that side of the world but I forgot and just wanted to get home. Seems like bloggers are always mentioning that place.

I've gotten out of the practice of driving so the 30 minute trip and the traffic coming back to L.A. proper had me exhausted. Mr. A had some work stuff to do and then a h.s. basketball game but he came home and made dinner since he figured I'd be too tired to function.

I have much respect for those people who can drive to work, work a full day, drive back home and then cook or do household stuff. When I was in Oakland, I rarely worked a full day outside home and on those days that I did, I had my mother who had dinner prepared.

I spent Saturday at home and Mr. A went to his friend's house to watch a fight. We had planned to hit the L.A. County Museum that afternoon- it just finished being remodeled and looks very beautiful- but it seems like today is a free admission day, so I figured we'd wait. So that is our plan for today.

I've spent a few weeks lobbying for us to go to church at West Angeles. I'd been thinking about it, but that Bill Clinton incident set me on a path of change. Then I've been reading S30's post about her church and West Angeles is one that has lots and lots going on and lots to be involved with.

On Sunday, Mr. A was supposed to go with the ski club to help the kids learn to snowboard. They were going to Mount High, which is cool for a quick inexpensive excursion. Because it was a holiday weekend the lift ticket price was raised to $50 or $60. It's usually $40, because it really isn't much of a mountain. The better mountains are cheaper so he decided not to go. I totally supported that budget decision.

Because Mr. A had planned to go to the mountain I was going to go to West Angeles. When he decided not to go, the plan was still to go to West A. We did our pre-marital there and he loved it but he has been oppposed to going to there for church. I admit much of it is my fault. I had told him how "Hollywood" West A is. The church we attend is almost 20 miles away and West A is super close.

So Mr. A kept singing "One Night Only" to let me know he was giving the church one shot. I think Bishop Blake is great but it can feel like an award show sometimes. It's a great place to go when you don't live in L.A. But if you live here and see celebs at the grocery store, nursery, Roscoe Chicken and Waffle, then the excitement will fade.

So yesterday the church did a tribute to the officer who was killed in the line of duty last week. Then Bishop Blake announced that Judge Mathis was going to be our speaker. Yes, Judge Mathis. It was too late to go to the other church by that point. I mean maybe its not meant for us to move to West A for Sundady. Maybe we'll just be involved in the stuff there. I also prefer Bishop Jones messages so maybe we need to be stable.

So Judge Mathis just spoke. Mr. A said he thought he was doing a sort of stand up.
Then after that, Bishop Blake gave a shout out to Natalie Cole (who I see pretty often at Roscoe Chicken and Waffled on Pico and La Brea) and they put a pic of her on the big screen. She looked great.

A lot of celebs attend the church we go to but they are never put them on the big screen or given a shout out. They have to find a seat just like everyone else. Although there was that one time he called Keyshia Cole and Angie Stone out the audience and forced them to sing. But usually they treated like everyone else.

I wish L.A. and Oakland were closer so I could enjoy the best of both worlds without having to travel a long distance. But its probably for the best. If the Bay was close to L.A., there would be smog and then I'd have nowhere to go when I wanted to leave L.A. and enjoy air that has been cooled by the bay breeze.

Free Financial Book.

Suze Orman is allowing a FREE download of her book "Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny" until February 14, 2008 at 5 pm CST (I think it's CST).

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200802/tows_past_20080213.jhtml?promocode=HP14

I guess this is true. I hope its not a virus. Use at your own risk.

Our Weekend

Mr. A and I had a nice weekend.

On Friday Mr. A and his friend went to Big Bear to board. I've never been there but he went to Snow Summit and told me the mountain was huge. He was home by 2:30 p.m. and had a great time. They got to do about 10 runs

I plan to brave a snowboard once TR has finished cooking. I just know falling is painful and unless you have some experience on a skateboard it can be quite challenging.

On Saturday we walked to our neighborhood park- with our lawn chairs. Mr. A was reading his book and I had a bit of an attitude but I did enjoy the sun. We went out to dinner because I wanted to get out of the house. Mr. A said it wasn't a date because no one had asked the other out. He said just because you are married doesn't mean you can't court. So I'll probably ask him out on a date soon. How much notice does a lady give a gentleman when asking him out?

During my walk to the park I had an epiphany of sorts. I may blog about it.

On Sunday we went to the 8 o'clock service, got there at 9 as usual- time to hear the word. I made a pancake breakfast before we left home. I usually snack before church and on the way home we grab something for me to eat.

I think I'll arise early more often to do breakfast. Makes the day go much better.

We came back home, relaxed a bit, had pizza and Mr. A made strawberry smoothies. He should open up a business because his concotions are great. At one point I tasted something tart. I love tart. I told him to tell me what it was. It was vitamin C. He's been sneaking vitamins in my smoothies!! Then he said "why do you think I don't mind making them. Mr. A is already taking great care of TR and me too.

We went to the grocery store for our dinner meat and a few items. After the grocery store we went to the farmers market and got a huge amount of incredibly sweet strawberries for $5 and I also got pomegrante seeds. Yummy. The fruit was crazy expensive at the grocery store and I knew our neighborhood farmers market would be much better with the quality and pricing.

After dinner we relaxed and Mr. A went to our neighbors house to play chess and chat. Our neighbor is a late 50's plastic surgeon with the cutest dog. One day the man and the dog were walking down the street and I just stopped and started cooing over the dog. Mr A was with me and started talking to the man.

I later realized that just like kids get lured with candy, I allowed myself to be lured by a cute and obedient toy dog. The guy walks at night, and I always hear women stopping outside (in the dark) to talk to the dog.

One day I saw the guy taking a phot of his dog and the neighborhood cat. This is major a pet and baby walking neighborhood.

Now its Monday and time to return to the world of work and dealing with my adversaries. Do people tell young aspiring law students that part of your work day will be spent dealing with adversaries? I don't mind the court stuff, but I hate the phone calls. I don't mind dealing with older lawyers, I prefer them. They understand that its better to be cordial because who wants to spend their day battling about nonsense like dates. Its those fresh new young male attorneys who annoy me. Law firms always give them to me- at first. They look at my bar number, which at this point isnt' that fresh and assign one witha similiar number.

So annoying.

In other great things. I'm more than 1/2 through the cooking of TR and I must say that TR is an excellent passenger. He is laying just right so my pregnant belly looks cute. If a person didn't know me they might wonder if I have a small gut. I love the way my belly looks (most days). I walk around the house in my shortest workout shorts and a tank. Mr. A seems to love this pregnant body. I love it too, so he is not alone. I'm hoping these hips of mine serve me as well in childbirth as they are in child carrying.

I'm feeling soooo much better.

EDIT:

In Networking things:

During the writers strike my brother and Mr. A were discussing ways to enter that arena. Mr. A had an idea for a reality show. Being the supportive spouse and great sis that I am I set out to find a connection to help him figure out who to pitch his idea to.

I called my sister who used to work in t.v. and she called a couple folks and now I have the number of an old friend of mine, who just produced a successful reality seriers for a major network.

Gosh I have a great family. Someone just called me the other week and told me they are glad to know my family because we cover so much. We've got media, law, education and politics covered. With Mr. A and we cover military and science/engineering too.

Barrack in California

All I can say is Alameda County- where Oakland lies and San Francisco County chose Obama by over 50%. He also won counties where the electorate is more educated and less Latino.

If Hillary wins (by some choice of evil) I'm choosing the lesser of two devils and will be walking for McCain.

Edit:

I'm hopeful Obama will gain a larger vote count and Hillary will drop below 50 percent. She is at 51.9 and when the count of absentee ballots is done, it could happen.

Leave me Be

I voted weeks ago, by absentee ballot. I voted for OBAMA!

I voted prior to South Carolina and prior to Bill Clinton acting a fool.

We tried to get our church on but Bill Clinton disturbed those plans. I'm not against a minister allowing candidates or their supporters to come to church and have a word. I am strongly opposed to a minister that allows a candidate- or that candidates husband to come into the church and talk for a lengthy period and then cause the minister to try to deliver a message in 10-15 minutes.

I will be writing Bishop Noel Jones and his church administration a letter. I needed a word, some scriptures, not a message from Bill Clinton. I pray for the president- whoever that person may be- and I realize God reigns supreme. Because God reigns supreme and people come to church for a word, a politician on the campaign trail should not trump the reason we go to church.

Hmmm, we left that church early because after being bombarded with election stuff when I was trying to get a word, we ended up leaving early. It just destroyed the vibe. I went to West Angeles where the purpose of church was not set aside for a few votes.

I want to thank the Obama people for not polluting the purpose of church.

Sending Bill to a black church that he has never been too, is akin to sending the overseer to the slave house to reminding the slaves that he was good to them and gave them those chitterlings and to dance on cue at the watermelon seed spitting contest.

Oh and Bill wasn't getting cheers as I'm sure he probably expected. It was quite calm. HA HA HA. When he said Hillary as president he got very little. Just those few die hards who tried to clap really hard. As we were walking in, there were news crews outside and people kept asking excitedly "is Obama here" when they heard it was Bill the consensus was no one wants to hear him. Lots of deflation when it was discovered to be Bill.

I'm not against Hillary or Bill but I do recall how hard they made it for democrats as they departed office. They made the country yearn for a change from the filth of the Billary years. Sure the economy was good but the white house had to be disinfected and the Clintons vandalized the place and stole things. Lets not forget that they were charging to allow folks to spend the night in various rooms in the white house.

I DO NOT want to go back. If Billary gets back in the democratic party may never recover.

I am grateful to my California residents for making Hillary worry. She thought she had us on lock. She thought she could ride on Bill's coattails. I remember the days of Bill stopping by to raise money. They other politicians would ask him to stop because he was taking all the money. Hill isn't earning those dollars. She can't even leave this state because Obama's numbers are surging. There are elections in 21 other states but she is here pandering to the Latinos, and stealing Barracks stump speech.

Had Bill Clinton not showed up at church and spoke for so long- as if he has a right to stop church- then I wouldn't be upset. I'm upset at the minister too. What type of religious leader allows this type of thing to happen? I've been to church many times on the Sunday before an election- NEVER- in life have I seen the pulpit turned over. Is this an L.A. thing?

Holding My Peace

So......

A school district is suing my client. It's an educational issue and all administrative. My client decided not to mediate, we're giubg straight to hearing.

The attorney for the district called me and fussed at me and grilled me about why my client won't mediate. I told her she is tired of the district- long story but I'm tired of them too. The parent doesn't want her kid in that school because she doesn't like how they manhandle the kids.

So we're on the phone and she tells me that she knows what I'm doing, that I'm trying to build another civil suit. I had to look at the phone. I guess she forgot they were the ones suing my parent. They are suing my parent and she's accusing me of trying to build a case. I had to tell her goodbye.

I guess I made her sue my client.

Marriage and Money

One of the major sources of marital conflict is money. Some couples devise countless ways to split income/expenses, with the intent to maintain peace and a sense of equity in their relationship. And as quiet as its kept to protect themselves from potential financial harm from the other spouse. Mr A and I share it all. We combine our income, expenses, savings, etc. The only thing he could do that I probably wouldn't forgive is to kill me or allow me around the potential bringer of my death.

I had shut down and turned the finances over to Mr. A. There was a brief strategy session but beyond that I didn't want to be bothered. Since we've been married- like since the return from our honeymoon, I've been the one to manage our finances and he has liked what I've done. I can't say I'm satisfied with how it turned out under his management. I'm feeling better physically and we are returning to our prior system. We both learned a couple of important lessons. I also recognized seperate lessons.

One lesson is that although he is a math mind, I'm better at managing our finances. He's an engineer and can make a complicated spreadsheet in like 3 seconds so I sorta expected him to just ease into it after a bit of adjustment. I did a budget with our fixed expenses, its written in our black book that he doesn't seem to like looking at, but because our monthly income fluctuates I can't really create a defined budget. I will figure something out that works . This past year was his first experience with self-employment so I'm cutting him some slack and going with his defense that he has never had to manage lump sums- he was used to getting salary.

My personal lesson is, I'm not so attached to money that I'll get upset or argue about it. Now there are other things that I will throw a fit and roar about, but money is not one of those thing. There are various reasons for Mr. A not getting heat from me about money. I trust Mr. A. I know that he would give his last penny if there was something I wanted for a penny. When we were dating he always paid for our excursions and all dates, and when he saw that I had a credit card balance he gave me the money to pay it off- he wanted me to be debt free. When we were dating he told me that my bills/expenses would be his responsibility when/if we got married (I told him they would not be but I really loved it that he felt that way). He doesn't have any money that is not my money. When we got married and I stopped working he was happy. I allocated a spending amount to him and a spending amount for me. His income paid all expenses including regular contributions to my retirement accounts. When I started working again he was just as happy. When I decided to stop doing work for that firm he supported me. I cannot get mad at him about money because he has always shown me that he'd give all that he had if it was used to give me what I want or make my life more comfortable. I'd give my last penny for him as well. So I can't get mad at him for managing money in a way I don't like.

I wonder if that makes sense. So I guess what this has shown me beyond I need to stick with managing our finances is that I love Mr. A more than I love any material thing or what money can buy. For anyone who thought I may have been a gold-digger, -you're a fool- I'm all about the love. Love is free but it costs everything. (you'll have to figure that out) I also know God is our provider and makes us able to provide for ourselves.

Now Mr. A did have to undergo some of my fussing. We went on a walk yesterday morning and it flew by for me because most of it was spent with me fussing at him. He is now reading the Richest Man in Babylon and enjoying it. He refused to read it last year but at this current time I have leverage. When I told him he had to read a book his immediate response was "Automatic Millionaire?" Nope that is 2nd.

Perhaps I'll blog about the strategies I devise. Automatic deductions are easy when you are employeed, but when you are self-employed and you get the check, nothing is deducted. Its easy for me to pretend I have no excess money. Mr. A isn't used to this yet. I guess this new way could be a huge adjustment for someone who had spent 10 years used to drawing a salary.

In baby news:

We saw the dr. this week and I think TR must play around 10 a.m. or 10:30. When the doctor put the dopplar on my belly, she had to search all around for the heart beat. When she found it, we got to hear for a few seconds. You could tell the kid was in motion and she was trying to follow but who can keep up with a baby that is hidden in his mothers womb.

When we got the ultra sound earlier this week it was around the same time of morning and we could see the kid zooming around. The tech told me she had to chase him. I'm wondering who put my baby on a schedule?

I have get up before 7 a.m. because I'm hungry. This baby has already taken over.

The first topic was written with the permission of Mr. A. Content is all mine.

My Baby Prays

I know I promised Mr. A I will not be one of the mothers who goes around saying my child will be a rocket scientist or best selling author. But allow me a little bit of wonder at my fabulous child.

TR had a photo shoot today aka ultra sound. Because I was laying on the bed I missed most of it and had to watch Mr. A's face to know what was being shown. During the last 10 minutes the tech turned the screen to me and I got to see TR move.

TR is active. Baby was in constant movement. I guess TR knew I wanted to look and make sure everything was there and TR made it easy. TR streched and turned and let us see every part. Baby is laying down in my belly and at one point he kicked his legs up toward my belly and let us see his legs and knee caps. We even saw the bottom of his feet. He appears to have great arches. He let mommy see that things were working.

We got a pic of TR's face and baby seems to have my eyes. Mr. A has large eyes too, so I figured the eyes would be large. When I saw the pic I remembered that my gramps told me when I was a babe I barely had any white in my eye. The black part was huge. From the photos it appears TR shares that trait.

So I'm sharing two photos.

In the first TR is chilling. In the 2nd I am convinced my baby is praying. Both arms were up and since his fingers aren't bent, I don't think TR was sucking his thumb.

Mr. A has already emailed the photos to family and friends and I instructed my mother to get wallet size made so she can show TR off.

When I told my mother TR was praying she laughed, her voice changed when I told her we had photos of it. She asked me if he had a drivers license in his hand. She also suggested that we talk to Obama because perhaps TR can be his runnning mate. I know she's hoping I won't be one of those mothers.

I promise I will not be one of those mothers but I think TR was praying. When the photo shoot was near its end, TR waved at us. He put his hand up and waved it. I think he knew mommy was wondering how he was getting along, so he made the tech chase him around my womb just so I'd know he was chilling.

I don't know how to save the pics to make them rotate on the blog, but TR is on his back in both pics.



Look at my baby praying.

In other things the history of Mr. A's paternal family is one of big head babies. It's early but this kids head looks average. My goal is to avoid any surgery and for TR to ease out. I'll ask the dr.s opinion at my next appt.

Meal Assembly

I saw one of these establishments on t.v. a year or so ago. You don't have to grocery shop or use your pots and pans. You go prepare your meals for the week, take them home freeze and eat when ready.

When I first searched I couldn't locate one in L.A. Now I have found one. Dream Dinners http://dreamdinners.com/ Yippee.

Whoo Hooo

This sounds great. I think this is where I'll deliver. Just the description is relaxing me.

The XXXXXXXXX features labor/delivery rooms designed to look and feel like home, with a warm decor, flat-screen televisions, wireless capabilities and fold-out chairs and couches for new fathers and other family members to sleep. The rooms are more spacious and contain private bathrooms, allowing mothers to give birth and recover in one place.

After delivery, mothers are moved to the postpartum unit where they recover and spend time with their newborn, all in the privacy of their own room at no extra charge. There are deluxe rooms available for those who want extra space and comfort.

Some people can stay here for up to four months before delivery and we encourage them to bring a lot of stuff from home to make it as cozy as possible.

Is there room service?

My mother has advised me to let the nurse do the changing while I'm in the hospital because we have forever to do it, once TR gets home. I'll have to investigate how that works. I also want to stay a few days. They try to send folks home day 2 now a days.

Dwelling

Is it just me or are there people that need others to dwell in spots of darkness? I understand that some people like to remain, remember and re-live the dark moments of their life, but why do they want others to do the same? Some don't allow past moments of difficulty to be an experience they overcame and grow from, they need it to be a defining moment that negatively impacts aspects of their life.

There are people who would have us believe that if your parents divorced your likelihood of divorce increases. That you are battling a generational curse. My parents divorced and my mother told me as a child to ignore that madness because YOU don't have to get divorced. People with their single mother statistics. God defies statistics.

My maternal and paternal grandparents were married, each of their parents were married and each of their parents were married until death parted them. Now if I said that was a generational blessing that my marriage was under, folks would get annoyed, but people would be favorable if I spoke of a curse.

My mother raised a Ph.D pyschologist/politician/entrepenuer, executive/politician/entrepreneur lawyer/entrepreneur. In his 20's my brother was 3rd from the top at a large quasi-governmental agency, in his 20's he was the youngest elected person in the state. He had 3 different jobs in 2007, each one paid more than the last. My sister earns more than all of us and she isn't a lawyer or a MD. I'm the least successful and standing alone people think I'm pretty successful. My mother didn't raise any crack heads, jail birds, lazy, underemployed folks or children she couldn't boast about. When people ask her what she did, she tells them she didn't know how to raise kids, God helped her. A person can grow up with 0 parents but if God is in the mix, they will be blessed.

I believe I have led an extremely blessed life. The greatest blessing is that I come from a lineage of people that understand God's gift of peace. I truly believe my family has been granted the gift of generational blessings. If you ask me I will share all of my blessings. If you ask me to tell you who did me wrong at any time in life, I will tell you God has blessed me with peace and not the spirit of dwelling in unhappiness. People like to say "we all have one of those relatives." No, I don't have any of them because both sides of my family are blessed and we exist in the belief that God delivers.

Sorry if my happiness and hope doesn't make people feel better about their misery and strife but all I can recommend is Jesus. Try him. Marx said religion is the opiot of the people. Let that be your opiot. Let it sooth you and pacify you. Let it give you hope that your past and mistakes are forgiven that you don't have to dwell in that bad place because God heals and delivers, minds, bodies, emotions, whatever else. Let it provide hope that even if you only have -$10 to your name, your needs will be met. If God is loving you, you won't get focused on the earthly trappings people fight to hold onto, in the quest for calm.

God has kept me in good health and even during my times of sickness, I said I am well, I am healed. In my times of sadness I have sad I am happy. My mom always said so a man thinketh so is he. I think I am wealthy, therefore I am. God has met all my needs, financial, health wise and everything else.

If all I ever give my kids is the gift of where to find peace and how to keep hope, I think I'll have made them wealthy.

P.S. if anyone is ever looking for a hard luck, woe is me story it won't be found here. As long as I believe God has not abandoned me, I will always find the positive in my life.

Husbands Mothers and Nipples

Last night my nipple began tingling, a painful tingle. I checked it out and it appears that one was ripping apart. I showed Mr A and his response was not satisfactory. He said something like they are growing. He's a man- so he has a handicap.

Last night when we went to bed I told him I didn't know what to do about my dilemna. He told me it isn't a dilemna. I tried to role play to show him the correct way to respond to my cries but he refused. He believes its his job to remain calm as I go overboard. I think there are times when he should join me in over that board and when my nipple is shredding, than thats the time.

This morning as I was carrying my morning snack (not breakfast) into the kitchen I began screaming to my mother that my nipple was broken. After she snatched my tray telling me I was gonna drop it (gotta make sure the carpets aren't stained) she inspected it. Pregnancy has seen me reintroduce my various body parts to my mother. She groaned a bit in exasperation and told me to moisturize it, put some vaseline on it.

I did and it worked. She told me the vaseline works better than the tears. I think anyone would cry if the fabric rubbing against their nipple was causing pain. She knows I'm a crybaby anyway.

I'm going to put vaseline in my purse. That stuff is good for everything.

In other good things I was reading about my trimester of pregnancy and it said round ligament pain was one of the things to look forward to. Sharp, stabbing pain was one of the treats, as various things stretched. Too bad I read that after spending a couple hours in ER.

Mr. A has a young cousin (early 20's) who is due a month or so before me and she has been to ER 4 times. She said every time she goes they tell her "you are pregnant." I personally appreciate reasons, tell me what is going on. On my first visit to the doctor, when I told my doctor I was feeling awful like someone had beat me up and all about my aches and what not, she said that was normal. I had to ask her again, 'its normal to feel miserable?'

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I entered my 2nd trimester while in the Bay and if I go back to L.A. and start feeling crappy then I'll attribute it to the air.

We were supposed to go back after Mr. A's ski trip, but snow in the grapevine has required us to reschedule. I have an appearance on Friday that I'm hoping I don't have to reschedule.

I also want Mr. and his friend to paint the living room when we return. I already know the color, I'll be copying off my brothers living room. I think I might rearrange the furniture. I haven't done that in a while. I'm in a domestic type of mood. Blame it on HGTV.

Old Mama

My grandmother used to say and my mother agreed that women that had their first baby later in life tend to be overprotective and act as if the baby will break.

Now I know there are a lot of people who say having your kids young means you have less but both of my grandmothers were married and having kids at 19. Both lived in California and left inheritance and income for their grandchildren. You make yourself poor, not children. None of their offspring have to be homeless or move to cheaper areas because they left provisions.

My maternal family is having a reunion this summer and I mentioned to Mr. A that I might leave TR with my paternal aunt. I told him the baby would only be 2 months and people might try to pick baby up, not know how to hold the head and overwhelm the baby. Mr. A said if its warm he'd like the baby to come and people who don't know to hold a babies head wouldn't be picking baby up.

So I'm thinking that theory on older mamas is true. I'm going to do my best not to be that over the top mother but not ignore basic safety and mother instinct.

Even though I'll be an old momma, I'm not one who will claim that its better that I waited to have kids. I would have loved to be a young mother. I was asking my mother if she had a pregnancy as uncomfortable as mine and she said no. I figured she didn't otherwise she probably wouldn't have had 4 kids.

The unfortunate thing is that with educated black people deferring children into their infertility (I know they are waiting for marriage and once married income enough to allow them to be SAHM) my kids might have to go to another country to find a mate. Am I the only one that read the stats that have black folks as a single digit percentage of the population in the next 20 or so years?

Is it great that we are doing things so right that we aren't doing them at all?

Money and Marriage

I was randomly calculating numbers and realized that after taxes and retirement contributions (I added those in to reduce income and lower taxes) a couple that works and has a combined income of $160k a year isn't much better off financially than a couple with only one working spouse that makes 100k a year. Clearly I have too much time on my hands, but I read about that couple on S30's blog and started running numbers. I only calculated based on federal tax.

My calculations assumed the couples had similar expenses. Once children and child care enters, and depending on the cost of child care, you realize that the dual income couple may be losing money. Is working really worth it when your increase as a family is only 20k or so.


But that is boring stuff.


I had more but we're having family time, I need to join it.

update:

HERE I GO AGAIN

I told Mr A about my post. He disagrees with me. He'll have to guest appear on his position. His reading of this blog has decreased so who knows when he'll read and post. I think I have too many blogs for him to read them each regularly. I think we black folks need to work on populating the earth not allowing ourselves to become extinct. I also think we should be building wonderful families. I don't know what's happening that we aren't doing the family creation in large numbers.

I asked him who will our children marry and he said he prays they will marry a person raised by a well-balanced couple.

So I told Mr. A that maybe we can start meeting other parents so we can build a network of potential marriage candidates for our children. Mr. A's response made me suspect I'm acting like the old mother. I'm trying to marry off my unborn children. I will step away from the ledge- sorta. I still think its a good idea to make sure they mingle at an early age, but I won't push.

The Sky is more Beautiful

Nervous Nelly

The various things going on with my body are often confusing or surprising and sometimes frightening.

I can't tell if the baby is kicking me, adjusting itself or if I'm being pinched from the inside i.e. pain. My mom said baby movement doesn't hurt, its more of a tickle.

Tuesday night I think the baby was kicking, but the sensation was weird. Mr. A put his hand on the spot and could feel the hits.

Wednesday I tooka CPR class and learned infant CPR, it was great. We had a lunch break and Mr. A and I went to Jamba Juice. I began drinking my drink and felt like TR was protesting. When I was leaving class a couple of hours later, I started feeling pain in my right side. We stopped by Burger King and I felt better. On our way to Burger King I called my Dr. in L.A. and the nurse said if I'm feeling pain and am out of town I should go to ER. She also said if I was bleeding. I wasn't bleeding but I was hurting and it was a constant hurt so I went to ER. The length of the pain was maybe 8 minutes, but it didn't feel good and I was nervous of what was occuring.

We went to ER and waited for a while and I realized the hospital couldn't do anything for me anyway so I left. They don't even have an OB/GYN department there anymore, its now at the sister hospital in Berkeley. I would have liked an IV but I wasn't willing to wait hours for that. The hospital was having a busy time because the trauma hospital was diverting people. They had all types of codes and life threatening situations.

People use ER for their doctor and the system wasn't built for that. We also live in Oakland where people get shot and have major injuries on a regular basis. We're also the closet trauma center for folks in a bunch of nearby citites, so if the trauma center diverts people, it can create a mess. I digress.

The pain had ended before we got to the hospital and I was getting hungry as we waited.

When we get back to L.A. I have an appt with my doctor. I asked the nurse at ER if they could put the dopplar on me so I could hear TR's heartbeat. They didn't have that piece of equipment.

Being an unborn baby and an old person is tough. The medical community and lots of other people seem to think that your life is less valuable either because you haven't begun to "live" or because you've lived long enough.

I've read that unborn babies feel pain and will move away from the aminiocentis needle and even that during late term abortions they have been heard to cry, they have developed taste buds and recognize language. They know their moms voice at birth and recognize specific sentences they have heard their father repeat. The fact that they can't hold their head up and wear a diaper makes folks think they are barely there.

Babies are people too. Babies in the womb are people too.

Baby A has a NAME!!!...... Kinda

I told Mr. A that we need to figure out what to call Baby A because we've been calling the baby 'he'or Baby A. We don't know that its a boy but since the men in Mr. A's family seem predisposed to producing male children the likelihood that we''ll get a boy is great. Plus Mr. A says he needs a son first, otherwise he'll go to jail beating up the little boys that mess with his girl. So to save him from prison I'm willing to defer my girl. I don't want to call the baby "he" if Baby A is a girl. What if baby arrives with gender confusion?

Mr. A is from a family of 3 boys, his father is from a family of 4 boys and 1 girl, his paternal male cousins have boys. I do expect a girl in the future because I need a cutie that I can dress up in cute little clothes, and do all the fun mom-daughter things with and have that mother daugther drama that you get through and grow together after. When she's an adult she'll tell her own children about that teenage beatdown her sweet mommy gave her when R forgot who was really grown. Ohhhh, I look forward to those times.

Today Mr. A announced Baby A's temporary name. It's TR, the potential initials of a boy or a girl. TR won't recieve a permanent name until its arrival and we see the gender and the type of disposition TR possesses. I'm trying to remain cheery so the baby pops out joyful and friendly- if sleepy.

I'm very pleased that Mr. A figured out something more personal that we can call Baby A.

In other things, I am willing to do this pregnancy thing 9-10 months because I want TR to arrive healthy and fully developed, but if I'd had a say in how babies are made, I'd have made it a much quicker process. Maybe some people need 9 months to get used to the idea, but I'm ready to put this passenger in a crib.

HMMM....Ramble ramble

I know some folks were quite disturbed back during my engagement when I blogged almost daily about love and such. Well, if your stomach is weak you might want to stay away from this blog because I'm in the mood to share pregnancy stories.

My mom and I had plans for yesterday morning. We were going to be out and about by 8:30 a.m. That was too early for me but I was going to suffer through. She happened to call her cousin and the cousin had a dr.s appt. that required her to have a ride back home. My cousin's original ride couldn't drop her off, so my mom and I did. We delayed our departure time because the stuff we were going to do was in the same area. I was able to grab few more hours of sleep- praises.

We had breakfast and I made the eggs. My mother doesn't use salt. She spent a lot of time growing up with her grandmother who didn't use salt- therefore she lacks a taste for it. I spent a lot of time growing up with my grandmother who loved salt- therefore I crave it.

When the eggs were done, I dashed salt in my palm and my mother told me about the wife of a family friend who got toximia (sp) from eating so much salt. I put the salt in the sink. A few weeks ago- one of the church members saw me devouring a bag of spicy pork skins. She asked me if I had a taste for spicy things. I told her I was just hungry. She told me she ate so much spicy food with her first child that when the bby was born her eyes were watering and red and she needed glasses.

I gave my pork skins to my brother. He happily finished them. Mr. A encourages me to avoid artificially colored drinks. I try to listen because I'm carrying the kid and I don't want him to feel helpless about what I swallow and what his kid then gets, but sometimes I crave a strawberry Fanta. He doesn't drink colored soda- and actually neither did I, but he'll share one with me. That's a great strategy to reduce my intake but give me what I crave. That was just a story about how folks will get in your food when pregnant.

So when my mother and I were dropping my cousin off, I had my head in my bucket losing breakfast. My mom's cousin sorta looked at me, mentioned morning sickness and said bye to my mother. She was moving very quickly. No one ever told me that if you heaving, your bladder muscle might relax causing some leakage. Ohhhhh, the trauma. My mother told me to carry extra panties. So while vomitting I ran to the bathroom.

Actually I have an even more traumatic story about sitting down to pee and then having to vomit and how the vomit muscle will win and how painful that experience is. So I guess the leakage only occurs when you don't want it to and perhaps if standing.

After all was handled, we walked back to the car. One of our planned stops was Emeryville so I could get some pregnancy pops. They help calm morning sickness. I was sucking one when I vomitted. They work but I guess at some point, it just has to come up.

We got the pops and stopped by my mom's office. We were there for while and I started feeling sick and hungry. My mom agreed to go back to the hoagie shop so that helped me feel better. She's not certain if my cravings are baby related or me. Well the baby is making me hungry but except for strawberries and meat, its not too picky. It's clear who her friend is. If I say the baby is making me crave something then she's all over it. I'm okay with that. My grandparents always gave us what we wanted, even if we didn't need it.

When we got to the hoagie shop I was throwing up liquid. People told me about morning sickness but what they don't tell you is if you allow your tummy to get empty the reflex does not cease. I'd lost my breakfast causing my tummy to be empty.

Mr. A and I were at church in L.A. one day and I was trying to hold things in until I got to the restroom. I had a bag and right before I got to the door of the bathroom I had to go in the bag. As I continued my run into the restroom, a guy asked Mr. A if I was preggers. I was pleased because he could have thought I was drunk.

The guy told Mr. A that he and his wife were on a bus going to the beach once- while she was pregnant. She had to vomit and they hadn't brought any bags. He said he used the only thing he had, he cupped his hands and she went. Now I'd just as soon do it on the floor of the bus but I appreciate that the man took that type of responsibility for his wife and unborn child.

Financing A Baby

It's well known that having a baby and raising that baby securely into adulthood is expensive. Why no one ever told me that pregnancy is expensive is a mystery.

I'm not speaking of maternity clothes, I am speaking about food. I have developed a love for strawberries. I've always loved tart tastes, like the former Jamba Juice Cranberry Craze and now the Pomegrante Paradise, but now I need virgin strawberry daiquiris with just the appropriate mix of sweet and sour. I have Mr. A bring me one home nearly every day. One day I had 3 through out the day.

Yesterday my mom and I were out and I saw strawberries and she refused to indulge me. She told me I had strawberries at home and to eat them. I sent Mr. A a text and told him and he told me he was going to call her and promised me strawberries when he saw me. Well I don't know what happened but my mom went to her appt. and I waited in the car. When she was done she took me to Safeway and got me a Berry salad. It was wonderful, sliced strawberries and raspberries- sweet and tart.

I don't usually carry a purse so whomever I am with has to feed me. Usually I'm with Mr. A and that might be why I developed my non cash having behavior.

Later that day, I was hungry again and I rubbed my belly and told my passenger that I'd get him food soon because I knew he was starving. We were looking for a particular food but times got tough and we stopped for a hoagie. I got a dry salami with everything. It was so good, I nearly cried. I've been hinting since we left that we should go back, but so far my mom has ignored the hints. I tell you I am blessed to have Mr. A, if I have craving he gets it satisfied.

Today my mom wanted to get a pair of boots for me. She said I need to stay well because if I get sick my passenger (that's Baby A) gets sick. We're swimming in rain here in the Bay and all my boots have heels.

After we got my boots, I wanted a Jamba Juice- the pomegrante (sp). As we were walking there my mother told me I need to get my baby a job. I told her I planned to get him a job once he arrived and she said he needed one now. I asked her who would hire him since he didn't have a work permit or i.d. She said she would. She said since my little person has all these particular cravings, he should have a job to support them.

Last time I came to the Bay without Mr. A, he sent my brother an email instructing him to take great care of me. We were at church and I told my brother to make a hot dog for me and he looked at me crazy. I laid down on the couch and reminded him of the email. Mr. A had said he'd be like a lion in the jungle if Baby A and I didn't get the best of care. My brother made the best hot dog ever. I would have made my own food but I was too hungry to move.

I'm a romantic but I didn't realize how extensive my romantic notions of the effect pregnancy would have on my relationship were. Mr. A. supersedes all of my romantic imaginations. I could start a list of all the ways he make me feel so loved as carrier of our kid, but I won't- here. I am glad that I chose him, I know he'll be a great father but he's a fabulous husband to a pregnant, sometimes moody, always hungry, occasionally vomiting, slightly lazy, cuddle plus kisses loving and strawberry craving woman.

January 9, 2008 aka 1-9-08 is very special day for Mr. A and me.
It's 1-9-08 the year Alpha Kappa Alpha was founded. It's also 1-9-08 Phi Beta Sigma Founder's Day. I asked Mr. A why the men of Sigma copied off of us but I don't think he wanted to talk about it. Happy 1908 to Alpha Kappa Alpha and happy 1-9-08 to Phi Beta Sigma.

Fleas in a Jar

This is supposed to be true based on an experiment.

You can place some fleas in a jar with a lid on it. The fleas will begin to jump, repeatedly hitting the lid in their attempt to escape.

After about 20 minutes, the fleas begin to learn that they cannot escape and stop jumping as high as they did to begin with, to avoid smacking their head on the lid.

Once they become accustomed to the fact that they cannot escape, you can remove the lid and the fleas will continue to jump at the same height, never escaping the jar. Since the fleas BELIEVE they cannot escape the confines of the jar, they stop trying. Because of their experience with smacking their heads repeatedly, every time they tried to escape, they never even bother looking up to see that the lid is no longer there.

If you introduce a new flea it will jump up and out and the others will then believe they have a shot out of the jar.

I think Obama is the new flea.

All Belongs to You

Today the choir sang "I Just Want to Praise You"

The lyrics in part are:

I just want to thank You
forever and ever and ever
for all You done for me.
Blessings and glory, and honor,
they all belong to You;
thank You Jesus for blessing me.

I have always understand that all of my blessings come from God. If for no other reason than that he allows me my health and strength, all of my blessings are from him.

We were singing that song today and I was focusing on the words. The lyrics are so simple but very true, very meaningful. The song spoke to my heart and I was grateful and had to acknowledge all God has done for me. All of the glory and all the honor belong to Him.

I've never thought that anything was totally in my control. I've always believed God was in control and things would therefore work out. I think that allows me to exist in the bright side of life. God is in control so I don't need to worry.

I was thinking about how God has blessed Mr. A and I. How he quit his job more than a year ago and God has met all of our needs and wants. We didn't quit based on our belief in our own power to make things happen but by the belief that God can give us what we need and the desires of our heart. That God would open doors and give us the strength and wisdom to walk through them. He did just that. It's amazing when I think about it because had we given it thought from the earthly perspective we probably couldn't have done it. When I look back, I realize we were brave perhaps dangerously so. Had we relied on our own understanding, we would have limited ourselves. We acted in faith.

When it is said that if you take care of His business then He will take care of yours, I know that to be true from generations of family stories and from my own experience.

There is really no reason on earth that Mr. A and I should be doing this well. It has to be blessings from God. It is God taking care of our business as we work to take care of His.

C2A Loves Love

I love love, truly I do. I enjoy people who share the story of their love and I'm interested in folks who choose to share their love tragedies and disasters.

I don't understand the analysis of other folks conduct in relationships by folks in relationships. Who the heck has the time? It's all giving me an ulcer. Or maybe that's hunger, ya'll know my body has been taken over by a parasite. The doctor told me not to worry if I vomit because babies are excellent parasites who will get their nutrition. I love my little parasite and can't wait to meet them. Hopefully they will have a name by then as Mr. A requested/demanded the naming privilege during our dating. He is being very considerate in regards to the name this kid will carry throughout life. So currently we refer to our child as Baby A******.

Any-ty-way. Back when I cared about how other folks conducted their relationship- it wasn't so much that I cared but that I felt like I had the ideal marriage so I thought I'd point out how anything different was wrong. I realize now that I'm happy and that folks questioned our strategy for happiness, but we knew/know what was best for us. If folks create their own path and it leads them to happiness, than who am I and why would I attempt to tell them that the way for me is the way for them. As Mr. A often tells me when I'm trying to get him to critique folks choices, "that's how they choose to run their program. I may choose something different but I'm not going to say they need to do it my way because they do what works for them."

How can a uniquely and thoughtfully designed individual gain success in life or in love by following the map created by others? Sure its a good guide, but you gotta first figure out if the person is trying to get where you are and what rest stops and detours will benefit them along the way. We are all here to gain a different experience. Just because I enjoyed my experiences doesn't mean others will or even want to.

I was not born an original just to spend my life becoming a copy. I don't want to force anyone to become a copy. Hopefully I can instill in my children the understanding that they have to find and walk in their own path and not live according to group think. If someone critiques you for something that brings you joy and does not harm you or them or anyone else, than that person should be ignored. Life is gift given to each individual, don't spend it living it for other folks satisfaction- they still won't be satisfied. Happy people enjoy your happiness.

What I really think- when people are negatively opining on what I do and telling me how they do it- they need validation. They need someone else to do it their way to make them feel like they are doing it correctly.

This was quite random but I know what I'm talking about and really since I live in my world 24 hours each day, its more important that I understand what I mean.

Greetings & Reflections

Happy New Year to everyone.

In the words of Mary J. "I appreciate life, I’m so glad that it's mine." Something about the end of the year (and flying) makes me reflect on how fragile life is. To enter a new year is a blessing, to complete a year is a blessing. To complete a day of life is a blessing, each second is a gift. I realize this and live with that in mind. I will not be the one looking back and saying I should have pursued this goal. Nope, I'm in constant pursuit. I'd rather fail in the attempt than to never have made the attempt. Failure is merely instruction on what not to do the next time you try. I don't make the resolutions because I know each day is a blessing in which I can begin again and finish what I began.

We had a wonderful Christmas Holiday. We are in the Bay Area and got nice cold Christmas weather. We've spent a few days in San Francisco hanging out, dining and enjoying the chilly yet very clear (no fog) days. I had a deposition near the wharf, and Mr A. surprised me with Clam Chowder from Fisherman's Wharf. He also drove me that morning and waited in the city until I was done. He's fabulous and I am thankful God has let me share in his life. After the deposition we went to the Embarcadero and Mr. A spotted a maternity Gap. I was able to pick up a few things and we walked to the Holding Company where I had my most favored virgin Strawberry Daiquiri and we watched the game and had appetizers. Later than evening the family came to the city and we dined at the House of Prime Rib and enjoyed ourselves tremendously. This place is said to be the best prime rib in the Bay Area. We spent the afternoon after Christmas shopping in Palo Alto and pushed my great aunt around in a mall issued wheel chair. I love that mall.

Mr. A went to hit a few golf balls this morning and was just invited to attend the Rose Bowl- but we're still in Oakland. He's had to turn down quite a few L.A. invitations, but we've been able to pick and choose from Bay Area choices. I love L.A. and all it offers, but I feel like I rejoin the social world when we are in the Bay. In L.A. I mix in with his buddies, but all his buddies are men so I don't hang out with them without him. I have a preference for hanging out with family and long time family friends. As I get older I'm less willing to add new folks to my friendship circle. I'm lazy and new people are work. I don't really have the desire to get to know folks. Give me the people I know, so I can relax and do me and appreciate them for who they are. Heck, by the time I get done reading blogs and read bloggers people trash folks they just meet, and use them as fodder to entertain, I'm even more resolved to stick with the folks I'm used to. Maybe I need to stop reading blogs.

The end of our Oakland visit will conclude with the family attending a Warriors game and having a suite at the Coliseum. Suite means our own box with food and drinks included. The only thing about watching a game from the suite is social engagement occurs more than game watching. Fortunately a few of my cousins plus the siblings will be there with us, so we'll get to run the suite. The perks of life in the Bay Area- banquets, formal lunches, plays, sporting events, parties galore, and more are always readily offered and free. I'm pleased to have gotten to spend this time here enjoying the Bay.

I'm also pleased because I've been feeling much much better. My energy has picked up and I feel like I've rejoined the land of the living. My belly has been rubbed and sang too and spoken too. I've gotten hug after hug after hug. It's nice to know others are also excitedly awaiting the arrival of Baby A.

I enjoy the opportunity to reflect through the blog, but I'm running out of things to reflect on. I think that's growth. I can't spend forever in the planning/reflection stage. Life is for living. I welcome 2008. Mr. A and I will have a new addition to our family, business is going well and looking bright for the future. I'm motivated about the work I'm doing. We have a couple of trips planned with my cousins and siblings. And I'll get to cuddle my own brand spanking new baby and raise him with the man I instinctively knew would be a fabulous, loving and hands on father. I appreciate life I'm so glad that its mine.

Is this just a California thing? Out here I see more men with baby bjorns, riding their baby on bikes, being the one to drop and pick up from school, grocery shopping with baby and being hands fathers. My own grandfather used to have my mother at work with them. She was driving his buses- full of people- at 4 years old. My oldest sister would go to work with my grandparents as well, but they didn't let her drive any bus. As a result my mother has always ran her own business and raised kids who also run their own business. 100% of her children have a business and she has encouraged and supported that and helped us organize them.

There I go reflecting. Happy 2008!

True Story

I'm feeling a bit better. This will be brief. Don't expect much in the future.

A few mornings ago I was feeling trapped in my sleep. What I mean by that is I was awake but I was so fatigued that I just couldn't complete the process to get awake. I don't know if I'm the only one that has ever needed help pulling out of my sleep. That was the first time it had happened to me, but it was weird. Almost like you might slip into a coma if someone doesn't get you right then.

I was wondering where Mr. A was, but struggled to muster the energy to actually call his name. There was a risk that a door was shut or he wasn't in the next room and would not hear my call. I didn't have the energy to take that risk because I needed what I had to try to get myself awake.

I laid there and just began calling his name in my head. I was moaning it in my head. It was urgent. After a few moments of mentally calling his name in a pleading type of way, I heard him coming into the room and saying in an incredulous voice, "are you calling me?"

I needed that. His voice pulled me out of whatever state I was in. I told him I was calling him in my head. He asked if I was serious. I told him I was. I told him I couldn't call out. He said internally he kept hearing his name repeated and didn't know what it was. It was me.

Mr. A says no one will believe this story. But its true! I don't know what was happening with my body that morning, but I needed the rescue. I needed to get pulled from whatever I was stuck in. I'm sure we've all had the experience of feeling like our name is being called, and later learning that someone we love needed us.

Fortunately for me, Mr. A responded to my silent call.

Thoughts

I would love to write a post over here, but its too much work.

I can read blogs, even comment but the effort to complete a blog is pushing my morning- through out the day- sickness.

I have lots of work to do, but I've just been laying on the sofa. I made it to Whole Foods today for fruit for breakfast. It was yummy.

I know other women push their way through and go to work and raise families, and I could if I had to. But doggonit I don't have to.

Thank God for Mr. A. If I didn't have him, I have no idea what I'd do. I guess I'd have to get up and get busy. But on the bright side the books seem to say that next month I should be done with the morning sickness. And in other bright things, the sickness didn't start until after Thanksgiving. So I'm pretty fortunate.

Be back when the churning ceases.

Future Baby Mama

I like this song. There is one part that says: To build a house together the thing that matters more, Is under the floor
A strong foundation that last forever more.




(written Friday)
Today we heard our baby's heart beat. It was AMAZING. I started laughing because it was such a joyful sound. I was in slight awe. That sound made me realize its REAL! There is a life, a person with its own life using my womb for warm shelter until ready to make a debut. We're the vessels.

Mr A and I have already decided what type of foundation we want to give our kids. A positive foundation and prayer, that's our strategy.

(written Sunday)
I MAKE PEOPLE

Today at church the minister Christened a child and said that the greatest gift we can give the world is a person. A person who is raised with a good foundation (he didn't say foundation but neither Mr. A or I can remember the exact word). A person who uses their talents and gifts to make a difference or a change in the world- it is the greatest gift.

That's my goal, to show our children they have a specially designed purpose. We'll do our best to make sure the kid knows that thoughts rule the world and thoughts rule him. Mr A has already been talking to the baby and telling him to THINK. So a man thinketh so is he. "Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force; that thoughts rule the world." –Ralph Waldo Emerson

They'll know the power of words."In the beginning there was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."
-- John 1

I know we'll learn lots of things along the way.

Planning for Eco-friendly Babies

In other great things, we'll both be staying home with the kid- working from home. This should prove very interesting. I'll probably hire someone to come help out a few days. I'm sure we can't get real work done and care for an infant. I used to naively think I'd maintain a flexible at home work schedule so that when kids arrived the transition would be simple. I'm realizing that I get very caught up in work. Too caught up to combine work with a baby. Maybe I'll be able to structure things so I only work 1 day a week. We have some months to figure it out but the baby gets top priority.

I've found diaper services in both Oakland and L.A. that will pick up the soiled cloth diapers and deliver clean ones. Baby A is trying to be eco-friendly. I've also heard babies can be potty trained faster when they feel the moisture and the cloth diapers allow them to feel the moisture and be better able to make the transition from diaper to potty.

Midnite is the only time

that I can hear from you. Oh how I wish you'd call me when your skies are blue.



Those are part of the lyrics in a song performed by now gospel artist Coco of SWV aka Cheryl Gamble. The title is Midnite and is by Brent Jones. It's saying how we tell God we love him but only call him when we need him. That God has so much more to offer us than helping us out of distress. That song brings me near tears each time I hear it. I don't want to be the person that only calls God's name in times of distress.

Sometimes our friends and family treat us that way. You see their number and you know they want you to help them out with something. I take it personally and sometimes won't answer. I'm always ready to help my family but I realize there is a difference between helping out, being a resource and being used.

I'm so much more than an emergency resource. Luckily for folks God ain't like me because there are calls I won't return. If you can't call each blue moon to say what's up, DO NOT call to ask for help. My time is reserved for folks who pay me or who love me on a regular basis. I'm more inclined to help a person I don't know before I help someone I know but only pops up in times of need.

Missing Child- UPDATE HOME SAFE

Please post it anywhere and to everyone:

Her name is

Jazlyn Alexandria Patton
Chicago, Illinois - last seen on 51st & King Drive (#3 bus)
Age 13
BD 1/6/94
She is 5'6 160 lbs and she was last seen wearing Baby Phat jeans (indigo color) a black long sleeved shirt crew neck a black coat with a pink fur lining and black air force ones.

Things Mr. A has Taught Me

During our engagement I'd ocassionally be annoyed at folks. I'd be annoyed for silly reasons like I thought they were lying on themselves or bragging or being competitive. I'd be in Mr. A's ear sharing my complaints.

One day he stopped, looked at me and asked, "why do you care? What impact do these people have on your life that makes you care what they do?" He said it in such a way that I felt a tug of ........ shame. I said something like "they think I'm too stupid to know the truth." He told me their lies had nothing to do with me. I had to ask myself "why do I care?", I had no reason. I just had too much free time and was letting my mind be idle and giving the devil room to get comfy. I decided to let it all go. I did.

It's good when your mate won't let you dwell in crazy. I told him about my little blog spat and he was quite disappointed. I tried to explain the reason but he was like "you can't let folks control you and when you get into that and allow yourself to respond you are letting people in cyber world who you will never meet, control you." Again its good when folks don't let you pretend your mess doesn't exist. He will not let me dwell in madness. I appreciate that.

Mr. A has taught me I don't need to fight other folks battles. This is actually a work in progress. As we can see from the burglarly post he has this issue too. He was trying to stop a thief on gp and not because he thought he was taking our stuff. We're both into service. I think my desire to get involved is a hazzard of my profession. I feel like I can protect people. If I see what I think is injustice (but who am I to judge) I want to jump in and defend. I don't want to see someone be mistreated if I can maybe stop it.

I take that stuff more personally then I would a personal injustice. I feel like I can handle stuff, beat me down but I will always recover.

The amazing thing is when I saw someone doing the same stuff I used to do- being overly concerned and focused about stuff that didn't matter to their own life- I realized the madness of it. Its good to be able to see the mess you espcaped and knowing why your really don't want to go back into. I was even more grateful to Mr. A for being strong.

If I'm satisfied with my own life and living it to the fullest I won't have time or desire to pause to focus on others. So when I get too interested in what others are doing- in a way that isn't positive- I find something to do.

Once you get free- stay free.

Okay, I think that was the end, I'm watching this red lobster commercial and feeling hungry and I can write no more.

Crackhead Thieves

I just finished reading about the fright Honest had with some likely crackhead. I skimmed over our run in with a crackhead thief some weeks ago. I was gonna blog about it but then I hesitated because I don't want my stalkers/haters to have too much info on me.They'd be over there trying to help out the defense and probably trying to get our address so they can come look through my underwear drawer and sniff my toilet. Its a shame when crazy people get internet. They just mess up a good thing. This is the post where I mentioned the criminal activity.

What has happened was....... abbreviated version.....

We've been on notice that thieves have been on the prowl in our neighborhood. One sunny afternoon, Mr. A saw a crackhead pushing a cart outside our garage. He didn't know whose stuff was in the cart but he knew a crackhead bum did not live around these parts and he wouldn't let the guy take the stuff. He also knew the cart he was pushing (it wasnt't ours) looked familiar. We later realized it belonged to a neighbor.

Mr. A knew the crackhead had likely stolen the stuff which he'd covered in a garbage bag, and he was being kind just to let him pass. I was on the phone while this was occuring and listening to the conversation. The crackhead left after putting up a minimal stance of resistance and Mr A pulled the cart into the garage. He then saw that our car window had been broken. He started chasing the criminal. A woman from down the street saw Mr. A, took her dogs in the house, got in her car and proceeded to chase the thief with Mr. A as a passenger. They saw him again and Mr A demanded to be let out.

Again Mr. A is military trained so he was on the guy. These guys are trained to fight guerillas in the jungle so a crackhead in the city isn't that great of a challenge. They rounded a corner and Mr. A couldn't hit the corner without looking to ensure the guy wasn't on the other side waiting to surprise attack. This is where Mr. A lost visual. By this time I was outside looking and on the phone with the Po-Po. I wasn't worried about Mr. A's safety I was worried that he might kill the guy.

I know that if he had got him immediately then we'd have self-defense but if he chased him and beat him to death, then we might have some jail time. The woman who had used her car to pursue the suspect (yeah I watch too many cop shows) came and had me get in the car. She was also concerned that Mr. A might kill the guy. I guess she thought I could stop it? Pul....leeeze. I am not that idiot. I'd be over there screaming for Mr. A to stop and distracting him and allow the crackhead a advantage. Nope. Not me. I know how these things work. Let men be men. Emotional wrecks need to back away.

We saw Mr. A and I got out of her car to walk with him. The police arrived a little while later, took a report and within 15 minutes they had Mr. A come around to i.d. the rogue. Good ol' L.A.P.D. who I had 0 confidence in actually went and found the criminal. I didn't even think they'd look. Then they sent out a finger print guy and another investigator.

Fortunately the thief didn't get away with any of our stuff because Mr. A being a good samaritan wasn't gonna let him steal anyone's stuff. What are the odds of stopping a crime and discovering that you were protecting your own self?

So hopefully we will get to trial because Mr. A and the other neighbors are ready to testify.

By the time the police arrived swarms of neighbors had gathered. I had to sneak away from them. It's good to live around folks that care what goes on in their area, but they will put you to work if you let them.

One woman had a bundle of emails listing various thefts. The teens who commit crimes in the afternoon. The crackhead who was trying to victimize us was a grown adult, so he didn't fit that profile. He also had the nerve to remove his sweatshirt while he was running from Mr. A. I guess he thought taking it off made him invisible.

Crack is wack and will wack up a brain.

Game Recognize Game

Everynow and again I have to remember the devil is Lie. You can't let him in your head. For a minimal second I almost let myself believe the devil.

I'm sure ya'll saw the interactions over at The Next Big Thing.

Sometimes people will try to run game on you but its good to be able to pause and think on it. Stop the game. Imagine someone saying "one" of your friends ain't your friend. Then there you are investigating, doubting and suspecting all your friends because of what someone who is nowhere near a friend said. That type of mess must be ignored. It could be true but its still a mind game. Instead of saying "one" ain't your friend, the person that wasn't trying to mess with your head would tell you who it is. I mean if I said all that, then I'd finish the sentence and say who and why.

I don't suspect anyone I know to be my friend but I have been suspecting this nutty stalker I attracted. I can't control other people's mouths, minds or fingers. I've decided to leave even that suspicion alone. I can't worry about folks I don't know who think we're friends. Although I will be on guard if I ever see this person in person again- which I shouldn't. If someone needs to focus on me to get through their life then all I can do is support them. Hopefully their behavior doesn't progress.

The bright side and there is always a bright side: I am clearly fascinating to some.

We were listening to the radio this weekend and a woman was on talking about her book. The book was about being thankful. It was a different spin on the secret. She said people who are thankful recover faster from things. If tragedy strikes their life the skill of being thankful for all that went right before that tragedy helps them through. She said people look at those thankful people and wonder what it is you have that makes you able to stand through storms.

I remember after my Grandmother's funeral one of my mom's cousins called her up talking foolish and balling on the phone. She said she didn't know how we held up so well and she didn't think she could survive the death of her mother. Now this cousin is a fool because just because we weren't laid out in the floor kicking and screaming doens't mean we aren't mourning and doesn't mean you should call talking foolishness or doing insensitive stuff. We just knew we'd been blessed to have loan of her for the years we did, she was blessed to have a good and long life- of course we would have like her to be 100+ but we were grateful for the gift of her in our life. You can't wallow in self-pity when you realize you have reason to be grateful.

I blame my ability to be grateful on God. When you know God is in control of everything you don't have to wallow in your troubles. Some people look at me and can't understand why my life seems so charmed, so blessed. Its because all I see are the blessings. If all I see are the blessings then when you look at me, all you see is a blessed person. I see a blessing in everything. I see the hope and promise in everything.

People get mad at you and want to disparage you because you stay happy but I realize how God has blessed me and how he continues to bless me and I have no reason to stay down over things.

I remember dealing with this in college. My first week at school one of the older seniors told my sisters best friend that he hoped I didn't lose my sunshine. He seemed to think some boy would come along and still (used that word on purpose) the pep in my step. But my pep isn't that fragile, it isn't built around temporal stuff and people. I told one of my friends who also had joy like me and she said when you have sunshine people think you must be dumb and ditzy. They think you are too dumb to see problems and therefore you can stay cheery.

I can't count the times someone has implied or outright said I'm naive or perhaps optimistic. Its not naivety, perhaps it resembles optimism, because its hope and trust in that God can make a way for me. Faith in God gives you hope and a belief that even if things go bad, if I'm alive they can get better and if I'm dead its straight to glory.

There are many situations in life that hurt. Its how you rise from the hurt that makes the difference.

I realize this post may look a bit odd after I just finished battling with folks on other blogs but this is what I'm talking about. In situations that might have folks dwelling and angry and angsty, I instinctively focus on how God has been good to me. I focus on my blessings. It always makes me see things in a good and new perspective.

Airplanes, buses and trains

As much as I hate to fly I am always en route via airplane.

On Sunday morning I flew into Oakland. We took the coastal route so the flight was extremely smooth. As we got close to landing we began our descent into the fog. Having faced this fog before and having seen the pilots instruments that help in land in that visibility, I closed my eyes, relaxed and asked the Lord to either help him use the instruments or let a break of sun shine a path for us.

I couldn't see the ground until we were a few feet above the water. Then we hit the pavement. Planes in Oakland touch down just small distance from the water. One little misstep and we'd be in the Bay.

I sent Mr. A a text and told him no more morning flights. I always forget that Bay fog. My brother picked me up and I told him and he said as he was driving to the airport and saw how low the fog was he knew how I'd be feeling. I was grateful to live in L.A. where the fog doesn't hang like that. My brother mentioned how he loves flying into L.A. because its always so sunny.

I flew back to L.A. on Monday night. The flight was delayed 47 minutes due to the Marine Layer a.k.a. fog. We took the valley/mountain route so it was quite bumpy. This fog was super low as we came into LA. It was so low and thick that I didn't see the ground AT ALL. We landed, touched down and I could still not see the ground. It was eerie.

How did I end up with fog in both directions? The flight from Oak to LAX was fast. Maybe 45 minutes from take off to landing. I think the pilot knew I wanted to watch the Game.

How Much Is Money Worth?

I've been trying to limit my work to the city of L.A. L.A. is large enough that I don't need to go outside the boundaries. There is money to be made - I guess - outside the city but if I have to get up early to go out to get it or get in traffic then I lose a bit of enthusiasm.

I took a case 40 miles away. I truly debated if I should do it. There was a time I considered driving 100 miles to make far less. Traffic usually comes into L.A. so if I schedule stuff for the morning it should be okay. Hopefully traffic coming back to L.A. won't be so bad. My mother suggested I take the bus or train or have Mr. A drive me.

I don't think she thinks I drive that well. I'm not sure where these doubts about my driving ability come from. Mr. A. also thinks I'm a questionable driver. He's an L.A. native which means 80 is moving too slow. I think 70 is pretty cool. The only place I speed is the on the windy Oakland Hill roads. I like being a passenger. I'm like the little old lady who waits for her husband to drive her everywhere. Those days of being 15 and just itching to drive are long long gone. Unless its the Hills. I love driving in the hills with nothing but the trees and the views around me.

The wild thing about my reluctance to take this case is I know I have the potential to make a good sum of money in a couple of months. Now if I was making 6 figures a month I could see myself being finnicky but not being willing to drive 40 miles to get this, is what makes me know how much money is worth to me.

It's not worth giving up my comfort. I have court 300 miles away next week and I don't mind that trip like I mind that 40 mile trip to nowhere. At least when I get off the plane I'll be somewhere worth being. Sorry to the city 40 miles away, but you must know you're a boring place.

I'm one of those people that doesn't like to be in suburbs. I like the city. I feel like I'm leaving life behind when I go outside city limits. I realize its odd but the older I get the less willing I am to spend time in burbs. I like fast paced activity. I like outdoor shopping areas. I haven't been to an indoor mall, outside San Francisco, in over 6 months.

Mr. A and I are planning to go to a store to pick out some things but I can't bring myself to go to the 'burbs where the nearest store is. We're going to wait until we get to the Bay Area so we can go to Emeryville.

It's okay though, I know people that hate the city. They can't wait to get back to the peace and quiet of their area. My great-grandfather didn't want to move back to Pasadena because it was too big. My great-aunt always said she would never live in some big city. Sadly for her, her small town became one of the fastest growing places in CA and now the population is larger than Oakland. But it still isn't a city. Just a lot of houses and a couple of malls with chain restaurants and movie theaters.

Some Strategy

I've always liked my life and what I was blessed with. I've always been confident and proud of who my family and extended family are and what my ancestors accomplished.

I'm always on a continuous path of improvement but no one can make me feel bad about what I have, don't have or what I'm doing. Well, my mother can but that's a whole other post. If my mother says I'm slacking it isn't because I'm not doing what she wants, its because I'm not doing what I have the potential to do.

I digress.........

I've never had the keep up syndrome. I've never had the "let me prove it" problem. The idea that I would allow others to control my behavior is offensive to me. I like to be sure I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to do it. God made me unique, it would be a dishonor to spend my life becoming a copy.

I can look at what other people have and think its wonderful. I can part from their wonder and not spin my wheels with how to top it or match it. I can look at my own life and think its wonderful but not think any observer wished they had it. Just like I'm happy with my life, I assume others are happy with their own life. Well I do think most people would love to live in L.A. or the Bay but that's the region not my house. I'd love to live in NYC and I figure most people would want to as well. I guess maybe its easy to think stuff that is desirable to you would be desirable to others. It's a blessing that people want different things. The natural resources and space are dispersed for a reason.

Anyway........ I believe going into business was made easier for us because we don't have a strong attraction to things or a need to Keep Up. We're both competitive. We compete to be our very best, not to best other people or other entities. Had Mr. A kept his job and if I had even worked part time, we'd have been rolling in things that go bling bling- L.A. style- the day we wed. But shining and blinging so others could see us shine and bling was not our thing.

Here we are now..... we chose to start out with a more moderate lifestyle, we sacrificed a little, were cautious in our spending, and we chose to focus on each other and our business. We've spent this first 1.5 years living the retirement life and enjoying our full time together. The financial changes were especially drastic for Mr. A. He went from a stable income that was high by L.A. standards to having a wife who likes sushi and Crusteceans, and a bank account that needed to last while we built a business and still got enjoyment from the area we live in.

God has blessed us. When we started working to build our business in earnest he allowed the phone to start ringing. People were calling us to hire us. God allowed us to be in the right places and the right times and be prepared. And today God blessed us both even more greatly- business wise.

In the words of the Jefferson theme song. "We're Moving on Up!" Moving closer to my Bay Area home with a view. That's not a literal move. Business is going well here in L.A. When we have a stock pile of cash we'll go back to the bay and get my Bay Views. The Bay is more expensive than L.A. so we'll need more money to buy land with views.

Back to My Roots

Thanks for stopping by. I wish I could move those two years of posts at Blogsome over here to Blogspot.

Life is changing everyday. I'm excited. Stay tuned for the exciting times of C2A- a California Cutie.

Moving

I guess I'm moving to Blogsome Bay. I like the options to delete posts, spammers watch out, and I like the ability to password protect entries.

Check me out at Call2arms.blogsome.com

WHOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!

theplace,
originally uploaded by call2arms.

I think I have found the place, not only that but my cousins ex husband has offered to sponsor my use of this place. It's a country club. Their initiation fee $50k. Plus a hefty monthly fee. But in the price is use of the facilities and the ability to sponsor folks like me. YAAAAY. I don't have all the details yet, but I'm guessing moms will still have to cover the food costs.

Now if someone gives me a good dress, we might be able to have this event and only have to pay for flowers and invitations.


And why is the sweater/shawl/vest I got in NYC last summer for $50, now being sold at Neiman for a few hundred. Maybe I should be a buyer.

I'm back on blog vaca.

VACA

I'm on a blog vaca, I left some entries to remember me by. I didn't run of things to say but I must use my time differently. I'll be visiting your blog, so get to writing.

Coley asked me about my name C2A Call2Arms, a while ago. Another blogger did the abbreviation and I liked it and kept using it.

My blog is entitled Fighting For Something, so since I needed to be prepared for the fight I named myself C2A because I was making a call to myself to have my own weapons ready.

Things and Things

My guys tempature has gone down and his compliant behavior has disapppeared. When he was really sick, I'd give him ice, water, soup, any suggestion and he would comply. This morning I offered him water and he said "no." Then this morning he said, I can probably go back to work earlier than I thought.

Oh nooooooo. He stood up and realized he was weaker than he thought but his dominant nature is back. Yaaaaay. He's a great patient though.

Today I took a mini tour of Beverly Hills, homes and viewed an open house. It was great. The hot tub was built into the pool and was underneath two waterfalls.

The house was 3,993,000. So if anyone wants to deposit some cash into my pay pal account to get me closer to my home in the Hills, I promise to let you spend the night when you come to L.A.

My friends from Jr. High came by to visit, so I'm about to chat with them, because right about now I am being the total hermit.

Take care all, enjoy yourselves.

Friendships/Weddings

This past weekend, my family and I went to a wedding. The wedding was nice although 45 minutes late, the processional was quick, nothing strange happened. It was destroyed in my opinion, by the ministers. There were two, the main guy tried to bring a message that made no sense, then the second person wanted to tell us info they had discussed in premarital counseling. He was also long winded.

They never said I now pronounce you man and wife. They jumped the broom and the minister stood in front and the photographer was unable to get a photo and the audience couldn't see it.

The groom was the son of my mother's childhood friend from church and school.

My mom was telling me she had been friends with the woman, "B" for over 50 years.

We went to Jr high and high school with B's children and my mother and B live 4 houses away from each other. I also went to college with the daughter. All but 2 of the groomsmen went to jr high and high school with us, so I guess the son keeps his friends too. I thought that was very nice.

My mother has another friend C, C's parents and my mother's parents grew up together in Bakersfield. Both C's family and my mother's family moved to Oakland at the same time, went to the same church and C and my mother.

So C, and my mother met B at the same time at church, and they went to the same jr. high through high school. My mother always has really nice stories about her and B growing up and hanging out. Whenever my mom and B get together, they will talk for hours and hours and hours and have lots of fun.

A few years ago B had a retirement party. B and her husband did quite well for themselves, have a fab home and nice children. B's husband got a promotion and began working in D.C. They bought a home there. B travels back and forth between the two states.

C asked my mother why B needed a house in D.C. and Oakland. My mother told C because they could afford it.

C was invited to B's party but didn't show up, she was in town and after the party she called my grandmother and tried to get details. My grandmother wouldn't give any details, she told her she should have come if she wanted to know about it.

C didn't come to the wedding this weekend either. B paid for the reception. It was probably around 30k or 40k for about 300 guests.

My mother instructed us not to give her the phone if C called looking for information about the wedding. She told us when you have a happy event, you can tell who is jealous by their failure to attend.

My sister asked my mother if B had went to C's son wedding, my mother didn't go and didn't know. My brother is C's godchild, he went to the wedding and said B wasn't there. I asked my mother why I wasn't invited to the C's son wedding and she said, the bride had only given C 10 invites because the plates were $100 each. My brother said about 200 people were at the reception.

Which leads me to my next point. I know people have wedding budgets. I realize I don't have to pay for my reception so I won't have this issue, but why would a bride limit the guests her groom can have? Why would she want his family and friends to be overwhelmed by hers. It's one thing if they don't come, it's another not to invite them because of money. She could have spent $50 a plate and doubled the guests. If my mother wasn't covering the reception I would figure something out not to limit his guests in favor of mine.

My mother said at her wedding reception she was able to invite everyone and she told me for mine I could have however many people I want. My groom's mother can invite whoever she wants and so can he.

What the heck is wrong with folks? What the heck kind of marriage is that? I need to check and see if they are still together.

Song of Solomon 8

6 Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
like a mighty flame.

7 Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give
all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.


This love is some powerful love and its in the Bible.

Jealousy

I don't like to accuse people of being jealous of me because it begs the question "what is so good about you?" Therefore I will speak of those with jealous dispositions. It's not me they are jealous of, they are jealous of what they want that they think I have/am/do.

I think I am finally understanding jealously, someone who aspires to be or have what they think you are/have. Most jealous people probably pass for a pal, they are that pal that makes derogatory statements at every opportunity.

My dear older cousin and I had this discussion today. She told me that in life, when you are young you are basically on equal footing with your peers. Everyone is finding their way and doing similar things.

As you get older people find their path and branch out, some set themselves apart and seem to progress, that is when friendships end. Some will look at you and may begin to put down progress you appear to be making. You will make them feel inferior and they like to be above. That friendship won't work.

You are okay as long as you are from comparable backgrounds, and they are currently above you. If you seem to surpass what they want for themselves, you become competition and they must bring you down.

I told my cousin about a girl that told her best friend that I had a trust fund from my wealthy father, didn't have to work, lived a carefree life, and went to law school on a whim. I asked her why she told this lie and she said to make the girl jealous because that is what the girl would like for herself.

My cousin thought the things the girl was lying about were things she also wanted and that she had to uplift herself by leaving the other girl twisting in the wind. Both individuals were unhappy with their self. One felt the need to lie, the other felt hurt because she thought someone had what she didn't.

I have learned that the girl who told this lie seems to believe it. I have never told her anything about my father, in fact she told me she thought he was dead since I rarely mention him. She told me that I should have my father give me money for my wedding since he has all that money he isn't spending. I just looked at her.

First I don't need her, nor did I invite her into my wedding finances and second why is she trying to get into my parents finances? Is it normal for people to ask how much you are spending on a wedding? I've never thought to ask anyone that question. I just want to know if the cake is buttercream.

My cousin said she advises her kids to look at, how people are. Some people attach themselves to you based on something they want that you have, it could be social status, friends, etc. Don't get caught up in it.

It's okay to have these people as acquaintances but don't get too deep. You will have true friends but they can probably be counted on one hand.

I'm learning that lesson. People have told me that the girl is jealous and I've tried to figure out why she should be jealous. I am still building.

As I reflect on it the things she has done and say to me, I realize her goal was build an image. I never paid attention until recently and now she does her best to find a way to criticize anything surrounding me and uplift herseilf in words.

Fighting to Keep It All

I've been trying to think of creative ways to keep my house with the furniture in it and have an apartment and life in L.A. My house is too cute to let go.

I want to lease it to a friend but only certain friends, I don't want the place to become a den of iniquity because I may want to return to it sometime.

Today my mom informed me that my sister's best friend from high school is planning to return to the Bay. This best friend has been away for over 10 years, college in Atl, then life in Atl, then Texas, but she wants to return. YAAAYYYYY!! because I really like this girl, I was said when she left Ga. because she was the best tour guide and hostess ever, although she usually came and stayed in the hotel with us

So if I can rent my house to her for $500, I'll be able to maintain the house and she'll get a great deal because she won't find rent cheaper than that. My only requirement will be that I can leave my things in the house, which also helps her because she doesn't have to worry about furnishings.

Too many thoughts, if I can settle this case I have real quick then it also won't be an issue. Let's send positive thoughts that this case will settle with enough cash for me keep the house here, live there, eat and shop.

Provisions

My grandmother had a couple of birdbaths, my mother does too.

God uses people to help his people out. The birds could go to the lake or some other source to get water, but they can also stop by the house and help themselves.

When I look and see the birds making use of the baths at their leisure, I think that God used my grandmother and mother to help some of his creatures. Usually I don't pay attention to the birds but every so often one will catch my attention and I think if God can assist his bird, he'll certainly make provisions for me.

I used to have a neighbor that would feed the birds. The birds never pooped on his car, they didn't poop on ours either, although sometimes they'd get close, but perhaps when you help, you won't be hurt by the help you've given.

THE ONE

The ONE does exist.
The one that lifts my heart when I'm mad, sad, or blue.
The one that comforts me without saying a word.
The one whose existance makes me smile inside.
The one that gives hope to thoughts of my future.
The one whom money or beauty isn't an issue.

The one who seems to understand what I'm saying.
The one I love even when I'm upset.
The one who supports me when I feel wronged by others.
The one I want even when we don't agree.
The one who loves me with my imperfections.
The one who loves me when I think I'm right and they know I'm wrong.

The one that keeps me feeling special.
The one that keeps me feeling beautiful.
The one that makes me believe I can achieve anything.
The one whom being without seems unthinkable.
The one who seems to have always been there.

The one whom I want to please
The one whose pleasure is my joy
The one I want to honor and cherish
The one I want to tell and keep telling everyone about.

I have THE ONE.