TR and me are growing

Here are some photos of TR growing. It's amazing how it starts out gradual then you wake up and you are huge. I'm bigger than I was last Friday.

What a side profile of my belly used to look like. Sept/Oct 2007 - I think




Me focused on food at Christmas



January 2008



Late February 2008



Today March 11, 2008




Edit: My cousin commented on my pink and green skirt and I realized that in all but one photo I have on either pink or green. I accept that I need an intervention.

Spice Up Your Life

I've been feeling very excited lately. My spirit is happy and expecting wonderful things. I feel like the kid who has been promised a trip to Disney, I'm bubbling with excitement and anticipation.

Perhaps its the sun, I do better when the sun is out and its warm. Perhaps its just that feeling of promise I feel. As Mary J. sings "I appreciate life, I'm so glad that its mine."

There is no particular reason I'm feeling good about life, its the cumulative of all things and God's goodness upon us.

I'm currently adoring, "It's too late to apologize" by Timbaland/One Republic, I think it got in my head while watching "The Hills."

Mr A made us lunch this afternoon and we walked to the park with our chairs, sat out and enjoyed the hot day and sunshine. We were discussing our birthing plan, so we'll probably get that printed out this week. I enjoy our lives. Sometimes I think 'wow' we are fortunate. I can't wait until TR is old enough to join us at the park/beach, wherever. We'll get a blanket, snacks and enjoy our little family. That's my main dilemna about moving back to Oakland. I'll hate leave these tempatures.

We ended up spending the day relaxing. Tomorrow work will be done. We might try to find a few sun dresses for me. I had convinced myself that I'd only have to spend a month pregnant in hot weather. Today was so warm and I realized L.A. has its spring weather in December, March is like summer to a bay area girl.

We're trying to figure out who put our baby on a schedule. He's up kicking around 7 a.m. If I'm focused on work TR will be still during the afternoon. Without fail TR gets to doing lots of movement at 10:30 p.m. until 11 or so. TR moves around 10 a.m. as well.

Mr A often makes us sundaes or banana splits to eat in bed. If I eat the ice cream 15 minutes later TR is up and busy.

That is all.

For the Love of the Kids

Sunday Mr. A and I went to the 8 a.m. service at West Angeles. There was a guest speaker. The church has now earned its 3rd strike. I wanted to go to our usual church but we had plans wayout in Orange County later in the day so we didn't want to drive to the East Side back to the West Side and then back again.

After church we hit the Larchmont Farmer's Market, got our fruits and veggies, came home for chili cheese hot dogs and headed to the Grove to take my laptops to the mac store. I had an appointment for 12 noon.

So my laptop repair will only be $327. The other mac is going back.

We were scheduled to meet Mr A's other best friend at his house at 1 so we could drive out to O.C. It might even be in Riverside. His friend's sister and her husband were having a bbq at their house. The sister had a baby Jan. 19, 2008 and has a 7 year old and a 2 year old and I was shocked that she'd be hosting so quickly. I guess with this being their 3rd child, she has it on lock. The girl and her husband are just 28 and I'm always envious of the folks that get married and have their families young. It's so cute. They have a nice big house out there and its lovely to see. She also works for her father, the guy who owns all the franchises and real estate- so I'm sure that helps.

After they diagnosed my laptops I got Mr. A to go to American Girl Place with me. He did not want to do it. I had told him there were 0 men on Saturday -except for the one running the movie theater- and he thought it should stay that way. But I explained that I wanted him to see what I thought was so amazing and since he's the person closest to me, its most important that he have an idea what I'm speaking of. Mr. A had wanted to take his goddaughter there for Christmas but I told him it was crazy expensive so we never went. I think he just saw the store in the mall but didn't know the specifics of it.

We got as far as the doll beauty salon. He saw the chairs and the dolls getting their hair done and asked if we could take the upper levels in stages.

We left but it was fun. The store will be celebrating the dolls birthdays soon and I'm planning to take our goddaughter for dinner or something- if I can convince myself to pay $40+ just because I want to go there and feel like I need to take a child to justify the excursion. I'll still take her even if we don't eat because they have free activities.

We went and checked out an open house and a duplex. When we went into the duplex the owner said " you're having a baby, oh boy." I smiled. As we were leaving, we checked out the room they had made into an office and he gave us a card about immunizations and vaccines. He told us it was just something he was interested in. We told him we had already been discussing not doing it. One night I was falling asleep and I instructed Mr A not to let them give the baby any eye drops and some other injection they give newborns, which has less risk when given orally. After they slap my baby and suck the fluid out, they need to hand TR over, I'm not in support of all that extra stuff.

We arrived at Mr. A's friends house and once his girlfriend arrived, we got in the car and headed to our distant destination.

When I walked in and informed some of the women how far along I was, they were like "wow, you are tiny." I've been thinking I'm pretty big. There were lots of kids there. There was another pregnant girl, she was 29 and 3 months pregnant. This is her 3rd child and her belly was as big as mine. I've read that you tend to be smaller with your first child because you maintain those stomach muscles.

At my mediation on Friday, my client kept telling me to feed my baby. Then she implied I wasn't eating and when the baby arrived he/she wouldn't be used to food. I told her I'd gained 16 lbs and the dr. said the baby and I were doing well. She even 'said eating for two is just a rumor.'

I think larger black women think if you aren't huge and pregnant something you are anorexic. Had they seen me before I was preggers they would know that I have put on weight.

Later in the evening I ended up alone with the 2 month old and it appeared to be waking up. I was a frightened. I called my mother and asked her what I was supposed to do. She asked me how I got left with the baby. I told her the others were watching the Wire or in the backyard playing dominoes. She said if she woke up and just laid there, to let it lay and if she cried, pick her up. I was relieved when her mother returned.

The baby was so small and she made me feel a little more confident that a baby could exit my body. Mr A is actually familiar with newborns and infants and my mother is coming to help, so I'm sure by the time the babe is a couple weeks I'll feel confident about having a baby.

The weekend was fun and we are heading to the park now because its a beautiful day. Garlic noodles are on the agenda for later this afternoon.

Blessings.

Sleepy Heads

I'm usually up (not during the cold dark days) before 6:30 a.m. The sun shines through our window, the birds chirp and I get up to enjoy my work day.

Today I didn't wake up until nearly 8 a.m. Mr. A was up but he has gone back to sleep. I usually wake up and ask him if he's awake. That bugs him, but I love pillow talk. He prefers to finish sleeping. If I don't get up before 7, chances are my day will be spent in bed. I have to get up and get going.

Saturday we got up pretty early and cleaned, had breakfast and then Amber came over. We hung around the house for a bit and hit The Grove. When Mr. A and I go we tend to have a specific purpose, there isn't a lot of browsing. When my brother goes with me its usually to eat, when I go by myself I usually am directed and don't spend lots of time there.

When we arrived I made an appointment with the Mac Genuis which was scheduled for 4:15. The Grove has a concierge so I left my laptops with them as we browsed. That mall makes you feel like you are at a hotel.

Amber and I browsed and took the trolley from the Farmer's Market back to Midtown (middle of the outdoor mall). We went into American Girl Place and that experience was a whole lot. This is the only store California has and its such a disgusting display of waste. You can get your dolls hair done water misted, detangled and braided for $20. You could buy rollers for your doll for $22 and outfits for your little girl that matches what her dolls wears. They had a little book with recipes to make doll sized edible treats.

Amber had never heard of the store but for some reason I got a magazine some years ago and read about it in NYT and I've been wanting to have tea there since then.

When I got home I told Mr. A we must have at least one girl so I can take her there and participate in that disgusting display of waste. I saw one attractive young black woman about my age buying her little girl things. By the time my little girl is that old, I'll be pushing 40. Oh well, such is life.

Amber and I had snacks and enjoyed the day. At some point her guy called and told her we should try to get to the beach by 5 so we could catch the sunset. That meant my dear macs would have to defer their technical support. I picked them up from concierge, while she got the car from Valet (we were running late and tried to multi-task) and we headed out.

We stopped in Larchmont for pizza (my treat), which Amber loved and then went home. So we wasted quite a bit of time there and as we were leaving the garage with the beach chairs, they called and said the beach was full and to stay where we were. I was really looking forward to the bonfire. We'd gotten white peach bellini, the guys had gotten club soda, we had books, magazines and were ready.

So the guys came home, Mr. A made a cake, we drank the white peach and club soda, it was great and by the time they left, we fell into bed and to sleep.

Sunday was a full day unto itself which I will blog about later. It was really interesting. We're still in recuperating from burning the candle at both ends.

We didn't go to Crustaceans and I no longer have a taste for the garlic noodles. I am interested in going out though, so we may go just to enjoy the lovely environment and 1/2 price tapas.

I'll also have to blog about Amber calling us dual income. I gasped- never that! I guess if you follow the standard meaning- two people earning- we qualify but our life is so much different than what I envision a typical dual income couple to be. I'll be blogging about that conversation and my attempt to explain to her why we don't really fit the dual income model.

Dang Budget

I awoke this morning with garlic noodles on my mind. I pulled up the menu for Crustaceans and saw that garlic noodles are now on the menu, priced at $11.50. They used to be $9.50. I used to go there once a week for the noodles and felt that at under $10 before tax the price was reasonable. Those noodles are amazing.

So I calculated that we could go for lunch and get noodles and tapas and be under $30. I've got Mr. A on board with our budget and here I am eating into it. My settlements come from the gov't so they usually take 60 days, but Mr. A's clients pay up front and his newest one paid him on Friday and someone else paid him and I'm doing someone's taxes sooooooooo......... heck I'll admit it, clothes, purses, shoes, fancy cars, things other people can look at aren't where I have my budget dilemnas.

Salt and Pepper Calamari from LeCheval, Garlic Noodles from Crustaceans, casual sidewalk brunches, Ethiopian, Indian or Japanese for lunch, impromptu dinners (never at chains), breakfast at the many family owned diners, a cannister of tea for $15, cute little shops with interesting journals, pretty jars of exotic sounding olive oil (gifts) that's where I get weak.

I called Crustaceans to see what time they open for lunch. It was 8 a.m so they were closed but the message said "Lucky Hour" is 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Monday-Friday, with 1/2 price tapas. Garlic noodles would still be $11.50. I told Mr A and he said "do you want to go Monday, it would be better for our budget?" I could have said no, I want noodles today but I'm the one who has been promoting a real budget so I will support our plan.

So I kept looking at the menu and said "since the tapas are 1/2 off we can have more." This is why 1/2 off probably makes money for businesses. Instead of buying the same amount you would have, you think its a deal and buy more and maybe more.

So the gf of one of Mr. A's friends just called and she and I are going to hang out today. Mr A is pleased because now he won't have to be tortured as I window shop at the Grove. I got a new mac laptop and can't get the thing to turn on. So I'll take my new one and my old one and see if they can offer help to my babies.

Then we're going to the beach for a bonfire. We're taking a blanket this time.

The day should not be a budget buster. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.

My Day My Day

A couple days before our wedding, I told me A "this is MY DAY, MY DAY." His friends had come into town and he picked a couple of them up and it annoyed me because I didn't want him so busy running them around that he was late. As usual I was late and he was early.

This post is about My Day.

Earlier this week I posted that I had settled a case. Well as has happened many times before the settlement sorta fell apart. This type of thing used to burn me up but now I just continue on. The first time it happened I fired the client, sent her a letter, her files and was done. People get greedy. First they may want to protect their right then suddenly they think the deserve some big pay out.

My special ed clients don't pay me so they don't have the financial incentive of a high bill to settle.

Today we proceeded to mediation and it was the most pleasant mediation I have ever experienced. The mediator was fabulous. We agreed very quickly and got what the parent wanted and I got to increase my bill. I'm sending kisses to my client for being difficult because her difficulty increased my bill- which again she doesn't have to pay.

The mediator had been a managing partner in a large law firm in L.A. & S.F He had worked there for 25 years. He said he looked at his life and decided he didn't want to spend the rest of it not really enjoying his work. He went into private practice, said he and his wife made changes sold their house and downsized and he has loved each day. He works as an administrative law judge in addition to his private practice. He said he had also taught public speaking to the 7th and 8th grade class at his the private school his wife runs. I'm sure he's still well off but it probably took time to get there in private practice.

He was much better than the judges who don't enjoy the work and see it as just work. I usually have a light and cheery spirit when I'm working because I enjoy what I do and how I do it. I interact with some attorneys and just wonder why they stay so angry, so miserable. It's crazy. The ones who love what they do are so jolly. It's unfortunate people can't figure out that money and status aren't the most important things. People shouldn't be so focused on the freedom of retirement that they sacrifice 5 days as week, 8 hours a day, for 20 years with a unfulfilled spirit and salivating over the next vacation period. Do what you love.

He said he wished he'd made the changes earlier. He made me realize I am truly a forward thinker Yes I am patting my back. Mr. A and I downsized in the beginning- at my suggestion. Mr A is so much happier now then when he was making a high salary in a job he didn't love, just so he and later we could enjoy some life we could really only have on weekends.

I still plan for us to own that house in Bel Air (or at least be able to afford it if we wanted) but I know that personal fulfillment doesn't have to be deferred to acquire the good life.

Now I'm gonna have to sing Kanye West song- Good Life.

I'll keep you posted on how this strategy of personal/career fulfillment and wealth works out for us.

Loving the Wife Life

This morning I dropped Mr. A off at the airport. It was a lovely and warm day and I enjoyed the drive. The sunshine of L.A. would mean nothing without my sweetums.

I stopped by the banks on my way home and as I pulled out to head home, I realized that Mr A wouldn't be there. My first thought was there was no purpose in going. I don't have an aversion to being alone and since I've got my little passenger I'm not technically alone, but Mr. A's presence adds vroom vroom to my life.

Yesterday we were walking out the door and I looked back at the trees through the picture window and told Mr. A that I love where we live, I love home. I always tell him that I love our lives and I love L.A. and I love all that we are able to do.

Today as I headed to our space knowing he was out of town, I realized he is the reason why I love everything. I would love life without him, but having him adds an intangible I can't find words to describe.

It was quite a realization for me- realizing home wasn't home without him and with him out of town. I guess its the reason I don't have an exit clause for our relationship. Well if he tried to kill me I'd go. I figure its better to be alive and miss him than die trying to be with him.

Its easy to feel great about the relationship when we can have a spur of the moment meals at Crustaceans, Stevies Creole Cafe and Bar, spend $32 at the Sprinkles Bakery or take a trip somewhere. But I can feel great about the relationship when the budget says Chinese food or pizza, and thats a reminder to me that its our relationsip I love. I love the man even when he gets on my nerves.

In other good news I just settled a case and didn't have to get up off the couch to do it. That's one down and about 5 more settlements to go. I hope to have them all finished by April.

I've gained 16 pounds since I've been preggers. During my morning (all day) sickness I actually lost weight but I'm back on track. So far my belly is sticking out and my thighs have picked up a couple of inches. My nose and other parts are still normal and I can still wear most of my clothes. I can't button or zip anything. I eat non stop so I guess our walks are helping keep things tight. I do eat lots of fruit so that might help. I'm actually getting tired of fruit and most food. I'm tired of chewing.

My maternal grandmother once told me that when my paternal grandmother was pregnant (my grandmother knew bigmom for 6 of her 9 pregnancies) she maintained her nice figure. Perhaps I'm blessed with good genes. Big mom had a flat tummy even at 90+.

I digress. I've already located my post-pregancy trainer and that's part of what the cushion will go for. I'm also pondering on a nice big truck, a saab or 650. I want a car that won't crumble when I'm transporting my baby. TR is going to be a summer baby living in L.A. so his main articles of clothing will be onesies. He'll have other clothes for when we're in the Bay and its cooler. I plan to wait until he/she arrives to get the bulk of the clothes. I gotta know who I'm shopping for, she the personality.

Yesterday people kept smiling at, speaking to and touching my belly. They said nothing or very little to me. I actually like it. Maybe it will get on my nerves later but I like it when TR is acknowledged.

I think giving the baby a name has also helped. My mother calls and asks me what he's doing and my brother keeps offering his opinions on what we need to do for TR. I think my sister is sad because she and I had planned to go to Boule. I want to go but I'm not sure I'll want to leave my infant. I don't want to put the baby on a plane so soon either. My plan had been to be preggers for Boule and have a winter baby. I had mentally prepared for months and months of trying, then a visit to to the gyn have things checked out. I guess we were doing the rhythmn method correctly because the first time we switched up TR arrived. That maybe TMI for some, if it is- OH WELL.

Mr A is on his way home, can't wait till he gets here. I've missed my sweetlumps.

Recovering Financially & the Weekend

I made the choice to relax while Mr. A handled our financial situation.
I did say a little prayer and we have both learned lessons.

The head coach where Mr. A coaches put Mr A on the payroll last summer but we never received anything. Apparently God knew the best time to release it to us and allowed it to be delayed for this time. We're back on track and will be re-instituting our budget meetings. I'm sure Mr A will be tortured by the detail which I intend to share but if we are going to continue doing this joint finance thing he needs to be more involved. Mr A had also contacted one of his clients that owed him and was able to get a check from them. My brother paid him for some help he gave him when we were in Oakland last week and help he'll be providing on Monday.

I also made a little money. We should be able to rebuild our cushion during March and go into April in comfort. I have a couple of cases that should settle soon, as well as other paid work. I'm trying to build a huge maternity leave cushion. Mr A's contract with the city should be paying before TR arrives.

I don't have any spectacular advice on recovering financially. Keep the faith, don't give up, expect things will work out and move as if you know things will work out. The fact is many businesses have financial setbacks. Ours was self-induced but crumbling, giving up or borrowing in difficult times isn't a solution. We're adjusting our strategy.


THE WEEKEND

I can't remember Friday. I think I did some work and we went somewhere. We had a prenatal visit. All is well. I did discover that Mr A doesn't like the idea of me driving while preggers. The nurse tried to schedule an appt to do a TB screen but she tried to schedule it on a day Mr. A will be out of town. He declined that date. I told him I could get myself to the doctor and discovered that he prefers that I not drive. He seems to think if I got a pain I might wreck. I guess I have over done my screaming and moaning- the pains and aches have never been that bad.

Saturday Mr A and a couple of his friends took an at risk group of boys skiing. One of the kids was a gang banger with an ankle bracelet. Mr A said on the drive up that boy was talking like a hardened adult and had so much fun on the trip that he dropped the hard image and turned into an excited kid on the drive back.

Mr. A was able to go free. His friend had gotten a grant to fund the trip and since Mr A owns his board and boots he didn't incur any expense. He even packed a lunch for the trip. My sweetums is trying to be frugal.

That was the first time any of the kids had been skiing/boarding and they were able to get lessons so they had lots of fun and were ecposed to something different.

On Saturday, I attempted to go to the bank but the lines were too long, so I just browsed CVS and went home to rest.

We went to West Angeles again. We got there late. It's amazing that we can be timely to the church 20 miles away butt be late to the one just a few miles away. We arrived mid-message and Mr A told me this was strike 2- he wasn't feeling the message. He likes Noel Jones better and I do to, he inspires me to take notes and I remember the stuff he says. This may be a battle of flesh v. spirit because my spirit likes the word Bishop Jones brings but my flesh wants the environment of West A.


After church we went to the Farmer's Market in Larchmont for veggies and then the Farmer's Market by the Grove for meat. It was a lovely day to be outside. Then we headed to a taping of the Michael Baisden show. We took another couple but they left before the taping began. They were supposed to come home with us for dinner but didn't have the patience to wait. They had nothing else to do and just hung out in Hollywood. They were trying to stay in our neighborhood so they could come for dinner but we stayed at the taping longer than they expected.

The show was lots of fun. Mr A and I got there on time and were first in line. They had us sit in a tent while we waited to enter the taping. We ended up at the back of the line because the other folks stood outside so when it was time to line up they were already there.

As we stood in line, I had to go to the bathroom. When I got out everyone was inside the studio except for Mr. A who was standing there waiting for me. They had told him he could go in but he didn't. As we stood there one of the folks said they needed two people and we were two people so we got to sit front row center stage.

Emily King who I love performed my fav song from her album- You and I. Angie Stone also performed a bit later. She was great and she sang her way off the stage. The Baisden show has a hillarious warm up guy. 90% of everyone working there was young and black, they even had two black camera men and that was great to see.

The cost of living L.A. may be high but with so much free and cheap entertainment in close proximity, you can enjoy the recreation without feeling pinched. And this is a better area to be in if you have to gather up money quickly. There are lots of legal and moral ways to make money here.

A song for TR

I think this will be TR's lullaby, sang by Mr. A and I.

I've been playing various versions from youtube. TR kicked a couple of times during the Billie Holiday version. I like the Fantasia and Jill Scott Version. I love Ella but not her version.

Inspire and Admire

This past weekend I met with one of my aunts at her office. This aunt is my father's eldest sister. Aunt M.

Aunt M. is probably nearing 70 and is retired from the job that gives her a pension. I believe she went to work at about 18 and retired at 48. I know she was fairly young when she retired. While she worked that job she also worked for a realtor.

She told me the story last weekend. The owner of the real estate firm used to pay the staff and the office rent late. One day while she working in the realtors office, the owner of the building came in and told the owner to just buy the building. He gave the realtor time but she couldn't come up with the money. My aunt said there were about 20 white folks working in that office and none had the money to purchase the building.

She was young and asked the man what about her. She said he seemed surprised. She told him she had a deal, she owned a vacant lot in a nice part of town and would trade him that lot for the property. The deal was done.

She said she cried everyday after that trying to figure out what she'd gotten herself into. Back then the going rents were only about $100 and she had taxes and upkeep to maintain on the property. The building sits on a corner space and has a parking lot, it is dircely across the street from the court house and some county buildings. She eventually opened a real estate firm in that space and said a lot of her business came from the foot traffic of the county workers going from their offices to the restaurant near her.

When she bought it, it was priced in the $100k's, now its in the millions. She rents out the other spaces and operates her businesses from a large suite inside the building. I told her I wanted office space- but I wanted to own the building. She said that is the only way to go.

Aunt M has a lot of other businesses and at least 13 real estate properties that she rents out. She's owned them all since the 80's and all are paid off. She is a tycoon and a business woman. She doesn't play. If a family members tries to borrow money from her she produces a contract that sets out the interest rate and she may make you give her a lien on your property as collateral. People who make money also know how to keep it- so I'm not mad at her.

After our meeting Aunt M. dropped me off at bigmom's house (bigmom is gone but her house is still the meeting place for the family, there is still love there) and she was looking at my sister's car.

Aunt M mentioned that she admired us because we all had advanced degrees and how that opened doors and how she wished she'd been able to do that. She said we were all smart. I looked at her in major surprise, she's the smart one with the business acumen. Her success didn't need a degree.

I told her how many of us cousins looked up to her as a model for what we can do. We always say "I wanna be like Aunt M. Aunt M is about the business." I told her how much we all admire her and look up to her as an example. She seemed very surprised.

Could she really not know how impressed her neices, nephews and cousins are with her?

It's amazing how you can look at someone and think what they have accomplished and are accomplishing is spectacular and they might be looking at the things you do- which seem like nothing to you- and think you are amazing?

So beyond the business story one lesson is to tell people when they inspire you and when you admire them because they may not know how their existence encourages your life.

Challenges in Building

I think the biggest challenge- for me- of Mr. A trying to build a business are his expectations.

He expects income just because someone said they were sending it, and expects people to be instantly receptive to his business proposals. These are things I didn't think to prepare him for because after some years of dealing with it, it has become natural to me. I don't expect the check to come when the person says. The larger the client the more likely it is to be late. I think his expectations are the remnants of working in business for so long.

Mr. A left his job in November 2006. We spent quite a few months just enjoying the freedom and enjoying life without the fetters of a 9 to 5. Then Mr. A got involved volunteering for a high school football team. That time commitment was major and I believe that is a challenge to pursuing self-employment, especially in these incubator stages.

When I started working for myself as an adult, I was subbing and then working to build my business, not enjoying the freedom to exercise my passions. My hobbies had to get enjoyed after 7 p.m. Part of the reason I subbed- beyond income- was to have something and somewhere to go to every morning. I enjoyed subbing but not enough to want teaching to be my career. Being there always reminded me of my goal. I looked forward to letting my credential lapse and not returning.

Football doesn't pay Mr. A, and he loves coaching those kids. Unlike me while he is there, he probably isn't thinking about building a business so he can get away. He would love to do coaching or something to help kids on a full time, everyday basis. You would think he'd want to adopt but he doesn't. I've actually been encouraging him to get some of these rich kids and coach them. Parents are paying for that type of thing because they want their kids to be very well-rounded on college applications.

When we first began in earnest to build our joint business, Mr. A notified everyone and described what we did. We got our first client fairly quick. My cousin here in L.A. retired from nursing and she and some of her colleagues opened a nursing school. They hired us. Then Mr. A went deep sea fishing with his childhood friend's family and got a new client. The friend's father owns a lot of fast food franchises in L.A. and surrounding cities, so he hired Mr. A to make his business more efficient. Mr. A created a program onto the locations computers and trains the store managers how to use it. He has saved everyone from top to bottom hours a day.

Mr. A is still working on that project and has acquired other jobs. All of this occurred by word of mouth and networking.

In the meantime Mr. A continued to submit bids and proposals for government contracting. I know its "our" business but he is the one who works at it. I act as a second pair of eyes on the proposals.

Mr. A's degrees are in engineering management and civil engineering. Engineering management is a degree that enables engineers to operate in the business environment. His post college/post military job was in management at a division of Pepsi Co where part of his duties were to develop processes for the company to become more efficient (save money and time) each year. Mr A was probably 23 when he entered his career in corporate management, so with his military background and his entire career spent in management he has a huge amount of skills.

This skill in helping business and government agencies, develop standards and track systems to become more efficient seems to be the one that is sought after. This is the skill that has large firms contacting him asking him to work as sub consultant.

It's been year or so and we are just now getting the foot into the door we'd been trying to get open for some time. It all happens in stages and we've been patient and steady. Soon enough we'll be the prime and hiring sub-consultants. I don't expect the challenges to end, but I do expect they will change as we grow.

This has taken time, it has required strategy and sacrifice. But its all worth it to us. I think the sacrifice has been more of a struggle for Mr. A. He isn't used to depriving himself. I guess going from a salary that is comfortable in L.A. to having to budget diligently- but still in L.A.- is tough.

The thing that is super confusing is Mr. A can help business track their efficiency and figure out ways to help them save money but when left to manage our household finances, I have to pray for the strength not to attack him.

Soon I will blog about what a business owner does when you had at least a 5 month expense cushion and the bulk of it gets spent in under 2 months but no bills are paid. How to recover financially and build again without cutting the person who was in charge of the management. Then I will write about why it is of major importance to maintain a financial cushion when self-employed.

The Business

Since I've been working for myself for so long I don't often consider some of the ways I made it work in the beginning. We spoke at a career day last week and I realized a lot of people may not realize the level of work, financial committment and sacrifice self-employment requires.

- When I initially started my business, I worked as a substitute teacher because it was flexible and enjoyable. I'd try to do kindergarten classes because they are 1/2 a day, or special education classes because they had shorter days and aides. Since my mother is a special ed teacher, she put the word out among her colleagues that I was available. Most subs avoid special ed classes but I knew that was the most relaxed and pleasant day a sub could have. I'd bring my laptop to school and do my work when the kids weren't there. That worked well for me because it was either do my work or stare at a wall.

I realized that clients would not be knocking just because I spread the word that I was in business, so I didn't take on any expenses that were built around expected income. I think that was the main thing that enabled me to be self-employed. If I'd had a car note or rent to pay, then I wouldn't have had the flexibility to take the self-employment journey.

I learned how to use the money I had. I couldn't rely on expected income. When I first got an office space (that I had to pay for), I remember one month having earned quite a bit of money. No one paid me, not even my corporate clients( just re-read one client paid). Back then my mother managed my money and she's great with money, so I was able to meet all expenses and remain comfortable. I blogged about it back then here is the link
Eventually I took on more things, my brother and I did a lease/purchase option and I took his house. He had purchased a new and more expensive home and told me that I needed to pay on time or else he'd have to pay. I had over a year of expenses saved at that time, so I was always able to pay him early. When I moved into that house, I also had the office space. Only looking back do I realize I was doing pretty well, I was gaining momentum. When you are in the moment its hard to notice the moment- at least that is true for me.

I eventually got engaged, moved to L.A. and had to start over. I worked for a firm for a while and learned alot about special education law and attracting clients in this area. I had a hard time separating myself from that firm because I was fearful. I didn't know if I'd be able to build a strong business here. I probably would have stayed but I got tired of getting a percentage of what I was billing at. As they say, if your boss is paying you $100k, you are making them a million.

Now the only folks I have to share the proceeds of my earnings with are the IRS, CA FTB, Social Security and the rest of them abbreviations.

Next post, I'll try to tell about how Mr. A has built his/our business. When we started that, the goal was to get gov't contracts. We started out working for private businesses and now his phone and email are ringing off the hook with companies asking him to sign on as their subconsultant for government projects.

Building a business does take a while and we were in a unique position to both quit our full time jobs and pursue self-employment. So I'll probably blog later about those challenges.

TR is currently kicking me A LOT. I usually eat my first morning meal by 7:30 a.m. its 8 a.m and I think my baby is protesting the meal delay. Must end now.

An L.A. Day for $1.50

We spent our day at the L.A. County museum and our entire outing was a mere $1.50. We refrained from buying $10 snacks at the museum so that is good for us.

We took the bus to the museum, and paid $1.50. The bus ride was super quick and we didn't have to hassle with or pay for parking. The museum was free and on the way back the thing you put your money in on the bus was broken, so we paid nothing.

The museum has an Egyptian section. It never fails that whatever musuem I go to, the noses of the statues are always rubbed or chipped off, when its a broad nose. I mean folks who discovered Egyptianhistory really tried to do all they could to rid all remnants of the broad noses. There was one statute and the lips had been rubbed down. I realize these items are extremely old but if the skinny noses can make it, why not the broad ones?

One of the buildings held an American History gallery. It was quite pitiful. I realize the history of America is short compared with others and the only true telling of that history has to include the long held institution of slavery. The gallery apparently didn't want to get into slavery and without that the story of America doesn't begin until the late 1800's. Can you imagine being in a museum with furniture from the 1960's as a representation of history? There was a bit more but not much. We finished that building in under 10 minutes and it took that long because I was moving a bit slow. Carrying an extra person can slow you down.

I enjoyed our day. Next museum we plan to tour is the Getty. It's always free (except for parking) and they have picnic grounds so we'll be packing a lunch.

Holiday Weekend

I had a work thing on Friday out in Long Beach. It was my plan to go to Chic-Fil-A while on that side of the world but I forgot and just wanted to get home. Seems like bloggers are always mentioning that place.

I've gotten out of the practice of driving so the 30 minute trip and the traffic coming back to L.A. proper had me exhausted. Mr. A had some work stuff to do and then a h.s. basketball game but he came home and made dinner since he figured I'd be too tired to function.

I have much respect for those people who can drive to work, work a full day, drive back home and then cook or do household stuff. When I was in Oakland, I rarely worked a full day outside home and on those days that I did, I had my mother who had dinner prepared.

I spent Saturday at home and Mr. A went to his friend's house to watch a fight. We had planned to hit the L.A. County Museum that afternoon- it just finished being remodeled and looks very beautiful- but it seems like today is a free admission day, so I figured we'd wait. So that is our plan for today.

I've spent a few weeks lobbying for us to go to church at West Angeles. I'd been thinking about it, but that Bill Clinton incident set me on a path of change. Then I've been reading S30's post about her church and West Angeles is one that has lots and lots going on and lots to be involved with.

On Sunday, Mr. A was supposed to go with the ski club to help the kids learn to snowboard. They were going to Mount High, which is cool for a quick inexpensive excursion. Because it was a holiday weekend the lift ticket price was raised to $50 or $60. It's usually $40, because it really isn't much of a mountain. The better mountains are cheaper so he decided not to go. I totally supported that budget decision.

Because Mr. A had planned to go to the mountain I was going to go to West Angeles. When he decided not to go, the plan was still to go to West A. We did our pre-marital there and he loved it but he has been oppposed to going to there for church. I admit much of it is my fault. I had told him how "Hollywood" West A is. The church we attend is almost 20 miles away and West A is super close.

So Mr. A kept singing "One Night Only" to let me know he was giving the church one shot. I think Bishop Blake is great but it can feel like an award show sometimes. It's a great place to go when you don't live in L.A. But if you live here and see celebs at the grocery store, nursery, Roscoe Chicken and Waffle, then the excitement will fade.

So yesterday the church did a tribute to the officer who was killed in the line of duty last week. Then Bishop Blake announced that Judge Mathis was going to be our speaker. Yes, Judge Mathis. It was too late to go to the other church by that point. I mean maybe its not meant for us to move to West A for Sundady. Maybe we'll just be involved in the stuff there. I also prefer Bishop Jones messages so maybe we need to be stable.

So Judge Mathis just spoke. Mr. A said he thought he was doing a sort of stand up.
Then after that, Bishop Blake gave a shout out to Natalie Cole (who I see pretty often at Roscoe Chicken and Waffled on Pico and La Brea) and they put a pic of her on the big screen. She looked great.

A lot of celebs attend the church we go to but they are never put them on the big screen or given a shout out. They have to find a seat just like everyone else. Although there was that one time he called Keyshia Cole and Angie Stone out the audience and forced them to sing. But usually they treated like everyone else.

I wish L.A. and Oakland were closer so I could enjoy the best of both worlds without having to travel a long distance. But its probably for the best. If the Bay was close to L.A., there would be smog and then I'd have nowhere to go when I wanted to leave L.A. and enjoy air that has been cooled by the bay breeze.

Free Financial Book.

Suze Orman is allowing a FREE download of her book "Women and Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny" until February 14, 2008 at 5 pm CST (I think it's CST).

http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200802/tows_past_20080213.jhtml?promocode=HP14

I guess this is true. I hope its not a virus. Use at your own risk.

Our Weekend

Mr. A and I had a nice weekend.

On Friday Mr. A and his friend went to Big Bear to board. I've never been there but he went to Snow Summit and told me the mountain was huge. He was home by 2:30 p.m. and had a great time. They got to do about 10 runs

I plan to brave a snowboard once TR has finished cooking. I just know falling is painful and unless you have some experience on a skateboard it can be quite challenging.

On Saturday we walked to our neighborhood park- with our lawn chairs. Mr. A was reading his book and I had a bit of an attitude but I did enjoy the sun. We went out to dinner because I wanted to get out of the house. Mr. A said it wasn't a date because no one had asked the other out. He said just because you are married doesn't mean you can't court. So I'll probably ask him out on a date soon. How much notice does a lady give a gentleman when asking him out?

During my walk to the park I had an epiphany of sorts. I may blog about it.

On Sunday we went to the 8 o'clock service, got there at 9 as usual- time to hear the word. I made a pancake breakfast before we left home. I usually snack before church and on the way home we grab something for me to eat.

I think I'll arise early more often to do breakfast. Makes the day go much better.

We came back home, relaxed a bit, had pizza and Mr. A made strawberry smoothies. He should open up a business because his concotions are great. At one point I tasted something tart. I love tart. I told him to tell me what it was. It was vitamin C. He's been sneaking vitamins in my smoothies!! Then he said "why do you think I don't mind making them. Mr. A is already taking great care of TR and me too.

We went to the grocery store for our dinner meat and a few items. After the grocery store we went to the farmers market and got a huge amount of incredibly sweet strawberries for $5 and I also got pomegrante seeds. Yummy. The fruit was crazy expensive at the grocery store and I knew our neighborhood farmers market would be much better with the quality and pricing.

After dinner we relaxed and Mr. A went to our neighbors house to play chess and chat. Our neighbor is a late 50's plastic surgeon with the cutest dog. One day the man and the dog were walking down the street and I just stopped and started cooing over the dog. Mr A was with me and started talking to the man.

I later realized that just like kids get lured with candy, I allowed myself to be lured by a cute and obedient toy dog. The guy walks at night, and I always hear women stopping outside (in the dark) to talk to the dog.

One day I saw the guy taking a phot of his dog and the neighborhood cat. This is major a pet and baby walking neighborhood.

Now its Monday and time to return to the world of work and dealing with my adversaries. Do people tell young aspiring law students that part of your work day will be spent dealing with adversaries? I don't mind the court stuff, but I hate the phone calls. I don't mind dealing with older lawyers, I prefer them. They understand that its better to be cordial because who wants to spend their day battling about nonsense like dates. Its those fresh new young male attorneys who annoy me. Law firms always give them to me- at first. They look at my bar number, which at this point isnt' that fresh and assign one witha similiar number.

So annoying.

In other great things. I'm more than 1/2 through the cooking of TR and I must say that TR is an excellent passenger. He is laying just right so my pregnant belly looks cute. If a person didn't know me they might wonder if I have a small gut. I love the way my belly looks (most days). I walk around the house in my shortest workout shorts and a tank. Mr. A seems to love this pregnant body. I love it too, so he is not alone. I'm hoping these hips of mine serve me as well in childbirth as they are in child carrying.

I'm feeling soooo much better.

EDIT:

In Networking things:

During the writers strike my brother and Mr. A were discussing ways to enter that arena. Mr. A had an idea for a reality show. Being the supportive spouse and great sis that I am I set out to find a connection to help him figure out who to pitch his idea to.

I called my sister who used to work in t.v. and she called a couple folks and now I have the number of an old friend of mine, who just produced a successful reality seriers for a major network.

Gosh I have a great family. Someone just called me the other week and told me they are glad to know my family because we cover so much. We've got media, law, education and politics covered. With Mr. A and we cover military and science/engineering too.

Barrack in California

All I can say is Alameda County- where Oakland lies and San Francisco County chose Obama by over 50%. He also won counties where the electorate is more educated and less Latino.

If Hillary wins (by some choice of evil) I'm choosing the lesser of two devils and will be walking for McCain.

Edit:

I'm hopeful Obama will gain a larger vote count and Hillary will drop below 50 percent. She is at 51.9 and when the count of absentee ballots is done, it could happen.

Leave me Be

I voted weeks ago, by absentee ballot. I voted for OBAMA!

I voted prior to South Carolina and prior to Bill Clinton acting a fool.

We tried to get our church on but Bill Clinton disturbed those plans. I'm not against a minister allowing candidates or their supporters to come to church and have a word. I am strongly opposed to a minister that allows a candidate- or that candidates husband to come into the church and talk for a lengthy period and then cause the minister to try to deliver a message in 10-15 minutes.

I will be writing Bishop Noel Jones and his church administration a letter. I needed a word, some scriptures, not a message from Bill Clinton. I pray for the president- whoever that person may be- and I realize God reigns supreme. Because God reigns supreme and people come to church for a word, a politician on the campaign trail should not trump the reason we go to church.

Hmmm, we left that church early because after being bombarded with election stuff when I was trying to get a word, we ended up leaving early. It just destroyed the vibe. I went to West Angeles where the purpose of church was not set aside for a few votes.

I want to thank the Obama people for not polluting the purpose of church.

Sending Bill to a black church that he has never been too, is akin to sending the overseer to the slave house to reminding the slaves that he was good to them and gave them those chitterlings and to dance on cue at the watermelon seed spitting contest.

Oh and Bill wasn't getting cheers as I'm sure he probably expected. It was quite calm. HA HA HA. When he said Hillary as president he got very little. Just those few die hards who tried to clap really hard. As we were walking in, there were news crews outside and people kept asking excitedly "is Obama here" when they heard it was Bill the consensus was no one wants to hear him. Lots of deflation when it was discovered to be Bill.

I'm not against Hillary or Bill but I do recall how hard they made it for democrats as they departed office. They made the country yearn for a change from the filth of the Billary years. Sure the economy was good but the white house had to be disinfected and the Clintons vandalized the place and stole things. Lets not forget that they were charging to allow folks to spend the night in various rooms in the white house.

I DO NOT want to go back. If Billary gets back in the democratic party may never recover.

I am grateful to my California residents for making Hillary worry. She thought she had us on lock. She thought she could ride on Bill's coattails. I remember the days of Bill stopping by to raise money. They other politicians would ask him to stop because he was taking all the money. Hill isn't earning those dollars. She can't even leave this state because Obama's numbers are surging. There are elections in 21 other states but she is here pandering to the Latinos, and stealing Barracks stump speech.

Had Bill Clinton not showed up at church and spoke for so long- as if he has a right to stop church- then I wouldn't be upset. I'm upset at the minister too. What type of religious leader allows this type of thing to happen? I've been to church many times on the Sunday before an election- NEVER- in life have I seen the pulpit turned over. Is this an L.A. thing?

Holding My Peace

So......

A school district is suing my client. It's an educational issue and all administrative. My client decided not to mediate, we're giubg straight to hearing.

The attorney for the district called me and fussed at me and grilled me about why my client won't mediate. I told her she is tired of the district- long story but I'm tired of them too. The parent doesn't want her kid in that school because she doesn't like how they manhandle the kids.

So we're on the phone and she tells me that she knows what I'm doing, that I'm trying to build another civil suit. I had to look at the phone. I guess she forgot they were the ones suing my parent. They are suing my parent and she's accusing me of trying to build a case. I had to tell her goodbye.

I guess I made her sue my client.

Marriage and Money

One of the major sources of marital conflict is money. Some couples devise countless ways to split income/expenses, with the intent to maintain peace and a sense of equity in their relationship. And as quiet as its kept to protect themselves from potential financial harm from the other spouse. Mr A and I share it all. We combine our income, expenses, savings, etc. The only thing he could do that I probably wouldn't forgive is to kill me or allow me around the potential bringer of my death.

I had shut down and turned the finances over to Mr. A. There was a brief strategy session but beyond that I didn't want to be bothered. Since we've been married- like since the return from our honeymoon, I've been the one to manage our finances and he has liked what I've done. I can't say I'm satisfied with how it turned out under his management. I'm feeling better physically and we are returning to our prior system. We both learned a couple of important lessons. I also recognized seperate lessons.

One lesson is that although he is a math mind, I'm better at managing our finances. He's an engineer and can make a complicated spreadsheet in like 3 seconds so I sorta expected him to just ease into it after a bit of adjustment. I did a budget with our fixed expenses, its written in our black book that he doesn't seem to like looking at, but because our monthly income fluctuates I can't really create a defined budget. I will figure something out that works . This past year was his first experience with self-employment so I'm cutting him some slack and going with his defense that he has never had to manage lump sums- he was used to getting salary.

My personal lesson is, I'm not so attached to money that I'll get upset or argue about it. Now there are other things that I will throw a fit and roar about, but money is not one of those thing. There are various reasons for Mr. A not getting heat from me about money. I trust Mr. A. I know that he would give his last penny if there was something I wanted for a penny. When we were dating he always paid for our excursions and all dates, and when he saw that I had a credit card balance he gave me the money to pay it off- he wanted me to be debt free. When we were dating he told me that my bills/expenses would be his responsibility when/if we got married (I told him they would not be but I really loved it that he felt that way). He doesn't have any money that is not my money. When we got married and I stopped working he was happy. I allocated a spending amount to him and a spending amount for me. His income paid all expenses including regular contributions to my retirement accounts. When I started working again he was just as happy. When I decided to stop doing work for that firm he supported me. I cannot get mad at him about money because he has always shown me that he'd give all that he had if it was used to give me what I want or make my life more comfortable. I'd give my last penny for him as well. So I can't get mad at him for managing money in a way I don't like.

I wonder if that makes sense. So I guess what this has shown me beyond I need to stick with managing our finances is that I love Mr. A more than I love any material thing or what money can buy. For anyone who thought I may have been a gold-digger, -you're a fool- I'm all about the love. Love is free but it costs everything. (you'll have to figure that out) I also know God is our provider and makes us able to provide for ourselves.

Now Mr. A did have to undergo some of my fussing. We went on a walk yesterday morning and it flew by for me because most of it was spent with me fussing at him. He is now reading the Richest Man in Babylon and enjoying it. He refused to read it last year but at this current time I have leverage. When I told him he had to read a book his immediate response was "Automatic Millionaire?" Nope that is 2nd.

Perhaps I'll blog about the strategies I devise. Automatic deductions are easy when you are employeed, but when you are self-employed and you get the check, nothing is deducted. Its easy for me to pretend I have no excess money. Mr. A isn't used to this yet. I guess this new way could be a huge adjustment for someone who had spent 10 years used to drawing a salary.

In baby news:

We saw the dr. this week and I think TR must play around 10 a.m. or 10:30. When the doctor put the dopplar on my belly, she had to search all around for the heart beat. When she found it, we got to hear for a few seconds. You could tell the kid was in motion and she was trying to follow but who can keep up with a baby that is hidden in his mothers womb.

When we got the ultra sound earlier this week it was around the same time of morning and we could see the kid zooming around. The tech told me she had to chase him. I'm wondering who put my baby on a schedule?

I have get up before 7 a.m. because I'm hungry. This baby has already taken over.

The first topic was written with the permission of Mr. A. Content is all mine.

My Baby Prays

I know I promised Mr. A I will not be one of the mothers who goes around saying my child will be a rocket scientist or best selling author. But allow me a little bit of wonder at my fabulous child.

TR had a photo shoot today aka ultra sound. Because I was laying on the bed I missed most of it and had to watch Mr. A's face to know what was being shown. During the last 10 minutes the tech turned the screen to me and I got to see TR move.

TR is active. Baby was in constant movement. I guess TR knew I wanted to look and make sure everything was there and TR made it easy. TR streched and turned and let us see every part. Baby is laying down in my belly and at one point he kicked his legs up toward my belly and let us see his legs and knee caps. We even saw the bottom of his feet. He appears to have great arches. He let mommy see that things were working.

We got a pic of TR's face and baby seems to have my eyes. Mr. A has large eyes too, so I figured the eyes would be large. When I saw the pic I remembered that my gramps told me when I was a babe I barely had any white in my eye. The black part was huge. From the photos it appears TR shares that trait.

So I'm sharing two photos.

In the first TR is chilling. In the 2nd I am convinced my baby is praying. Both arms were up and since his fingers aren't bent, I don't think TR was sucking his thumb.

Mr. A has already emailed the photos to family and friends and I instructed my mother to get wallet size made so she can show TR off.

When I told my mother TR was praying she laughed, her voice changed when I told her we had photos of it. She asked me if he had a drivers license in his hand. She also suggested that we talk to Obama because perhaps TR can be his runnning mate. I know she's hoping I won't be one of those mothers.

I promise I will not be one of those mothers but I think TR was praying. When the photo shoot was near its end, TR waved at us. He put his hand up and waved it. I think he knew mommy was wondering how he was getting along, so he made the tech chase him around my womb just so I'd know he was chilling.

I don't know how to save the pics to make them rotate on the blog, but TR is on his back in both pics.



Look at my baby praying.

In other things the history of Mr. A's paternal family is one of big head babies. It's early but this kids head looks average. My goal is to avoid any surgery and for TR to ease out. I'll ask the dr.s opinion at my next appt.

Meal Assembly

I saw one of these establishments on t.v. a year or so ago. You don't have to grocery shop or use your pots and pans. You go prepare your meals for the week, take them home freeze and eat when ready.

When I first searched I couldn't locate one in L.A. Now I have found one. Dream Dinners http://dreamdinners.com/ Yippee.

Whoo Hooo

This sounds great. I think this is where I'll deliver. Just the description is relaxing me.

The XXXXXXXXX features labor/delivery rooms designed to look and feel like home, with a warm decor, flat-screen televisions, wireless capabilities and fold-out chairs and couches for new fathers and other family members to sleep. The rooms are more spacious and contain private bathrooms, allowing mothers to give birth and recover in one place.

After delivery, mothers are moved to the postpartum unit where they recover and spend time with their newborn, all in the privacy of their own room at no extra charge. There are deluxe rooms available for those who want extra space and comfort.

Some people can stay here for up to four months before delivery and we encourage them to bring a lot of stuff from home to make it as cozy as possible.

Is there room service?

My mother has advised me to let the nurse do the changing while I'm in the hospital because we have forever to do it, once TR gets home. I'll have to investigate how that works. I also want to stay a few days. They try to send folks home day 2 now a days.

Dwelling

Is it just me or are there people that need others to dwell in spots of darkness? I understand that some people like to remain, remember and re-live the dark moments of their life, but why do they want others to do the same? Some don't allow past moments of difficulty to be an experience they overcame and grow from, they need it to be a defining moment that negatively impacts aspects of their life.

There are people who would have us believe that if your parents divorced your likelihood of divorce increases. That you are battling a generational curse. My parents divorced and my mother told me as a child to ignore that madness because YOU don't have to get divorced. People with their single mother statistics. God defies statistics.

My maternal and paternal grandparents were married, each of their parents were married and each of their parents were married until death parted them. Now if I said that was a generational blessing that my marriage was under, folks would get annoyed, but people would be favorable if I spoke of a curse.

My mother raised a Ph.D pyschologist/politician/entrepenuer, executive/politician/entrepreneur lawyer/entrepreneur. In his 20's my brother was 3rd from the top at a large quasi-governmental agency, in his 20's he was the youngest elected person in the state. He had 3 different jobs in 2007, each one paid more than the last. My sister earns more than all of us and she isn't a lawyer or a MD. I'm the least successful and standing alone people think I'm pretty successful. My mother didn't raise any crack heads, jail birds, lazy, underemployed folks or children she couldn't boast about. When people ask her what she did, she tells them she didn't know how to raise kids, God helped her. A person can grow up with 0 parents but if God is in the mix, they will be blessed.

I believe I have led an extremely blessed life. The greatest blessing is that I come from a lineage of people that understand God's gift of peace. I truly believe my family has been granted the gift of generational blessings. If you ask me I will share all of my blessings. If you ask me to tell you who did me wrong at any time in life, I will tell you God has blessed me with peace and not the spirit of dwelling in unhappiness. People like to say "we all have one of those relatives." No, I don't have any of them because both sides of my family are blessed and we exist in the belief that God delivers.

Sorry if my happiness and hope doesn't make people feel better about their misery and strife but all I can recommend is Jesus. Try him. Marx said religion is the opiot of the people. Let that be your opiot. Let it sooth you and pacify you. Let it give you hope that your past and mistakes are forgiven that you don't have to dwell in that bad place because God heals and delivers, minds, bodies, emotions, whatever else. Let it provide hope that even if you only have -$10 to your name, your needs will be met. If God is loving you, you won't get focused on the earthly trappings people fight to hold onto, in the quest for calm.

God has kept me in good health and even during my times of sickness, I said I am well, I am healed. In my times of sadness I have sad I am happy. My mom always said so a man thinketh so is he. I think I am wealthy, therefore I am. God has met all my needs, financial, health wise and everything else.

If all I ever give my kids is the gift of where to find peace and how to keep hope, I think I'll have made them wealthy.

P.S. if anyone is ever looking for a hard luck, woe is me story it won't be found here. As long as I believe God has not abandoned me, I will always find the positive in my life.

Husbands Mothers and Nipples

Last night my nipple began tingling, a painful tingle. I checked it out and it appears that one was ripping apart. I showed Mr A and his response was not satisfactory. He said something like they are growing. He's a man- so he has a handicap.

Last night when we went to bed I told him I didn't know what to do about my dilemna. He told me it isn't a dilemna. I tried to role play to show him the correct way to respond to my cries but he refused. He believes its his job to remain calm as I go overboard. I think there are times when he should join me in over that board and when my nipple is shredding, than thats the time.

This morning as I was carrying my morning snack (not breakfast) into the kitchen I began screaming to my mother that my nipple was broken. After she snatched my tray telling me I was gonna drop it (gotta make sure the carpets aren't stained) she inspected it. Pregnancy has seen me reintroduce my various body parts to my mother. She groaned a bit in exasperation and told me to moisturize it, put some vaseline on it.

I did and it worked. She told me the vaseline works better than the tears. I think anyone would cry if the fabric rubbing against their nipple was causing pain. She knows I'm a crybaby anyway.

I'm going to put vaseline in my purse. That stuff is good for everything.

In other good things I was reading about my trimester of pregnancy and it said round ligament pain was one of the things to look forward to. Sharp, stabbing pain was one of the treats, as various things stretched. Too bad I read that after spending a couple hours in ER.

Mr. A has a young cousin (early 20's) who is due a month or so before me and she has been to ER 4 times. She said every time she goes they tell her "you are pregnant." I personally appreciate reasons, tell me what is going on. On my first visit to the doctor, when I told my doctor I was feeling awful like someone had beat me up and all about my aches and what not, she said that was normal. I had to ask her again, 'its normal to feel miserable?'

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I entered my 2nd trimester while in the Bay and if I go back to L.A. and start feeling crappy then I'll attribute it to the air.

We were supposed to go back after Mr. A's ski trip, but snow in the grapevine has required us to reschedule. I have an appearance on Friday that I'm hoping I don't have to reschedule.

I also want Mr. and his friend to paint the living room when we return. I already know the color, I'll be copying off my brothers living room. I think I might rearrange the furniture. I haven't done that in a while. I'm in a domestic type of mood. Blame it on HGTV.

Old Mama

My grandmother used to say and my mother agreed that women that had their first baby later in life tend to be overprotective and act as if the baby will break.

Now I know there are a lot of people who say having your kids young means you have less but both of my grandmothers were married and having kids at 19. Both lived in California and left inheritance and income for their grandchildren. You make yourself poor, not children. None of their offspring have to be homeless or move to cheaper areas because they left provisions.

My maternal family is having a reunion this summer and I mentioned to Mr. A that I might leave TR with my paternal aunt. I told him the baby would only be 2 months and people might try to pick baby up, not know how to hold the head and overwhelm the baby. Mr. A said if its warm he'd like the baby to come and people who don't know to hold a babies head wouldn't be picking baby up.

So I'm thinking that theory on older mamas is true. I'm going to do my best not to be that over the top mother but not ignore basic safety and mother instinct.

Even though I'll be an old momma, I'm not one who will claim that its better that I waited to have kids. I would have loved to be a young mother. I was asking my mother if she had a pregnancy as uncomfortable as mine and she said no. I figured she didn't otherwise she probably wouldn't have had 4 kids.

The unfortunate thing is that with educated black people deferring children into their infertility (I know they are waiting for marriage and once married income enough to allow them to be SAHM) my kids might have to go to another country to find a mate. Am I the only one that read the stats that have black folks as a single digit percentage of the population in the next 20 or so years?

Is it great that we are doing things so right that we aren't doing them at all?

Money and Marriage

I was randomly calculating numbers and realized that after taxes and retirement contributions (I added those in to reduce income and lower taxes) a couple that works and has a combined income of $160k a year isn't much better off financially than a couple with only one working spouse that makes 100k a year. Clearly I have too much time on my hands, but I read about that couple on S30's blog and started running numbers. I only calculated based on federal tax.

My calculations assumed the couples had similar expenses. Once children and child care enters, and depending on the cost of child care, you realize that the dual income couple may be losing money. Is working really worth it when your increase as a family is only 20k or so.


But that is boring stuff.


I had more but we're having family time, I need to join it.

update:

HERE I GO AGAIN

I told Mr A about my post. He disagrees with me. He'll have to guest appear on his position. His reading of this blog has decreased so who knows when he'll read and post. I think I have too many blogs for him to read them each regularly. I think we black folks need to work on populating the earth not allowing ourselves to become extinct. I also think we should be building wonderful families. I don't know what's happening that we aren't doing the family creation in large numbers.

I asked him who will our children marry and he said he prays they will marry a person raised by a well-balanced couple.

So I told Mr. A that maybe we can start meeting other parents so we can build a network of potential marriage candidates for our children. Mr. A's response made me suspect I'm acting like the old mother. I'm trying to marry off my unborn children. I will step away from the ledge- sorta. I still think its a good idea to make sure they mingle at an early age, but I won't push.

The Sky is more Beautiful

Nervous Nelly

The various things going on with my body are often confusing or surprising and sometimes frightening.

I can't tell if the baby is kicking me, adjusting itself or if I'm being pinched from the inside i.e. pain. My mom said baby movement doesn't hurt, its more of a tickle.

Tuesday night I think the baby was kicking, but the sensation was weird. Mr. A put his hand on the spot and could feel the hits.

Wednesday I tooka CPR class and learned infant CPR, it was great. We had a lunch break and Mr. A and I went to Jamba Juice. I began drinking my drink and felt like TR was protesting. When I was leaving class a couple of hours later, I started feeling pain in my right side. We stopped by Burger King and I felt better. On our way to Burger King I called my Dr. in L.A. and the nurse said if I'm feeling pain and am out of town I should go to ER. She also said if I was bleeding. I wasn't bleeding but I was hurting and it was a constant hurt so I went to ER. The length of the pain was maybe 8 minutes, but it didn't feel good and I was nervous of what was occuring.

We went to ER and waited for a while and I realized the hospital couldn't do anything for me anyway so I left. They don't even have an OB/GYN department there anymore, its now at the sister hospital in Berkeley. I would have liked an IV but I wasn't willing to wait hours for that. The hospital was having a busy time because the trauma hospital was diverting people. They had all types of codes and life threatening situations.

People use ER for their doctor and the system wasn't built for that. We also live in Oakland where people get shot and have major injuries on a regular basis. We're also the closet trauma center for folks in a bunch of nearby citites, so if the trauma center diverts people, it can create a mess. I digress.

The pain had ended before we got to the hospital and I was getting hungry as we waited.

When we get back to L.A. I have an appt with my doctor. I asked the nurse at ER if they could put the dopplar on me so I could hear TR's heartbeat. They didn't have that piece of equipment.

Being an unborn baby and an old person is tough. The medical community and lots of other people seem to think that your life is less valuable either because you haven't begun to "live" or because you've lived long enough.

I've read that unborn babies feel pain and will move away from the aminiocentis needle and even that during late term abortions they have been heard to cry, they have developed taste buds and recognize language. They know their moms voice at birth and recognize specific sentences they have heard their father repeat. The fact that they can't hold their head up and wear a diaper makes folks think they are barely there.

Babies are people too. Babies in the womb are people too.

Baby A has a NAME!!!...... Kinda

I told Mr. A that we need to figure out what to call Baby A because we've been calling the baby 'he'or Baby A. We don't know that its a boy but since the men in Mr. A's family seem predisposed to producing male children the likelihood that we''ll get a boy is great. Plus Mr. A says he needs a son first, otherwise he'll go to jail beating up the little boys that mess with his girl. So to save him from prison I'm willing to defer my girl. I don't want to call the baby "he" if Baby A is a girl. What if baby arrives with gender confusion?

Mr. A is from a family of 3 boys, his father is from a family of 4 boys and 1 girl, his paternal male cousins have boys. I do expect a girl in the future because I need a cutie that I can dress up in cute little clothes, and do all the fun mom-daughter things with and have that mother daugther drama that you get through and grow together after. When she's an adult she'll tell her own children about that teenage beatdown her sweet mommy gave her when R forgot who was really grown. Ohhhh, I look forward to those times.

Today Mr. A announced Baby A's temporary name. It's TR, the potential initials of a boy or a girl. TR won't recieve a permanent name until its arrival and we see the gender and the type of disposition TR possesses. I'm trying to remain cheery so the baby pops out joyful and friendly- if sleepy.

I'm very pleased that Mr. A figured out something more personal that we can call Baby A.

In other things, I am willing to do this pregnancy thing 9-10 months because I want TR to arrive healthy and fully developed, but if I'd had a say in how babies are made, I'd have made it a much quicker process. Maybe some people need 9 months to get used to the idea, but I'm ready to put this passenger in a crib.

HMMM....Ramble ramble

I know some folks were quite disturbed back during my engagement when I blogged almost daily about love and such. Well, if your stomach is weak you might want to stay away from this blog because I'm in the mood to share pregnancy stories.

My mom and I had plans for yesterday morning. We were going to be out and about by 8:30 a.m. That was too early for me but I was going to suffer through. She happened to call her cousin and the cousin had a dr.s appt. that required her to have a ride back home. My cousin's original ride couldn't drop her off, so my mom and I did. We delayed our departure time because the stuff we were going to do was in the same area. I was able to grab few more hours of sleep- praises.

We had breakfast and I made the eggs. My mother doesn't use salt. She spent a lot of time growing up with her grandmother who didn't use salt- therefore she lacks a taste for it. I spent a lot of time growing up with my grandmother who loved salt- therefore I crave it.

When the eggs were done, I dashed salt in my palm and my mother told me about the wife of a family friend who got toximia (sp) from eating so much salt. I put the salt in the sink. A few weeks ago- one of the church members saw me devouring a bag of spicy pork skins. She asked me if I had a taste for spicy things. I told her I was just hungry. She told me she ate so much spicy food with her first child that when the bby was born her eyes were watering and red and she needed glasses.

I gave my pork skins to my brother. He happily finished them. Mr. A encourages me to avoid artificially colored drinks. I try to listen because I'm carrying the kid and I don't want him to feel helpless about what I swallow and what his kid then gets, but sometimes I crave a strawberry Fanta. He doesn't drink colored soda- and actually neither did I, but he'll share one with me. That's a great strategy to reduce my intake but give me what I crave. That was just a story about how folks will get in your food when pregnant.

So when my mother and I were dropping my cousin off, I had my head in my bucket losing breakfast. My mom's cousin sorta looked at me, mentioned morning sickness and said bye to my mother. She was moving very quickly. No one ever told me that if you heaving, your bladder muscle might relax causing some leakage. Ohhhhh, the trauma. My mother told me to carry extra panties. So while vomitting I ran to the bathroom.

Actually I have an even more traumatic story about sitting down to pee and then having to vomit and how the vomit muscle will win and how painful that experience is. So I guess the leakage only occurs when you don't want it to and perhaps if standing.

After all was handled, we walked back to the car. One of our planned stops was Emeryville so I could get some pregnancy pops. They help calm morning sickness. I was sucking one when I vomitted. They work but I guess at some point, it just has to come up.

We got the pops and stopped by my mom's office. We were there for while and I started feeling sick and hungry. My mom agreed to go back to the hoagie shop so that helped me feel better. She's not certain if my cravings are baby related or me. Well the baby is making me hungry but except for strawberries and meat, its not too picky. It's clear who her friend is. If I say the baby is making me crave something then she's all over it. I'm okay with that. My grandparents always gave us what we wanted, even if we didn't need it.

When we got to the hoagie shop I was throwing up liquid. People told me about morning sickness but what they don't tell you is if you allow your tummy to get empty the reflex does not cease. I'd lost my breakfast causing my tummy to be empty.

Mr. A and I were at church in L.A. one day and I was trying to hold things in until I got to the restroom. I had a bag and right before I got to the door of the bathroom I had to go in the bag. As I continued my run into the restroom, a guy asked Mr. A if I was preggers. I was pleased because he could have thought I was drunk.

The guy told Mr. A that he and his wife were on a bus going to the beach once- while she was pregnant. She had to vomit and they hadn't brought any bags. He said he used the only thing he had, he cupped his hands and she went. Now I'd just as soon do it on the floor of the bus but I appreciate that the man took that type of responsibility for his wife and unborn child.

Financing A Baby

It's well known that having a baby and raising that baby securely into adulthood is expensive. Why no one ever told me that pregnancy is expensive is a mystery.

I'm not speaking of maternity clothes, I am speaking about food. I have developed a love for strawberries. I've always loved tart tastes, like the former Jamba Juice Cranberry Craze and now the Pomegrante Paradise, but now I need virgin strawberry daiquiris with just the appropriate mix of sweet and sour. I have Mr. A bring me one home nearly every day. One day I had 3 through out the day.

Yesterday my mom and I were out and I saw strawberries and she refused to indulge me. She told me I had strawberries at home and to eat them. I sent Mr. A a text and told him and he told me he was going to call her and promised me strawberries when he saw me. Well I don't know what happened but my mom went to her appt. and I waited in the car. When she was done she took me to Safeway and got me a Berry salad. It was wonderful, sliced strawberries and raspberries- sweet and tart.

I don't usually carry a purse so whomever I am with has to feed me. Usually I'm with Mr. A and that might be why I developed my non cash having behavior.

Later that day, I was hungry again and I rubbed my belly and told my passenger that I'd get him food soon because I knew he was starving. We were looking for a particular food but times got tough and we stopped for a hoagie. I got a dry salami with everything. It was so good, I nearly cried. I've been hinting since we left that we should go back, but so far my mom has ignored the hints. I tell you I am blessed to have Mr. A, if I have craving he gets it satisfied.

Today my mom wanted to get a pair of boots for me. She said I need to stay well because if I get sick my passenger (that's Baby A) gets sick. We're swimming in rain here in the Bay and all my boots have heels.

After we got my boots, I wanted a Jamba Juice- the pomegrante (sp). As we were walking there my mother told me I need to get my baby a job. I told her I planned to get him a job once he arrived and she said he needed one now. I asked her who would hire him since he didn't have a work permit or i.d. She said she would. She said since my little person has all these particular cravings, he should have a job to support them.

Last time I came to the Bay without Mr. A, he sent my brother an email instructing him to take great care of me. We were at church and I told my brother to make a hot dog for me and he looked at me crazy. I laid down on the couch and reminded him of the email. Mr. A had said he'd be like a lion in the jungle if Baby A and I didn't get the best of care. My brother made the best hot dog ever. I would have made my own food but I was too hungry to move.

I'm a romantic but I didn't realize how extensive my romantic notions of the effect pregnancy would have on my relationship were. Mr. A. supersedes all of my romantic imaginations. I could start a list of all the ways he make me feel so loved as carrier of our kid, but I won't- here. I am glad that I chose him, I know he'll be a great father but he's a fabulous husband to a pregnant, sometimes moody, always hungry, occasionally vomiting, slightly lazy, cuddle plus kisses loving and strawberry craving woman.

January 9, 2008 aka 1-9-08 is very special day for Mr. A and me.
It's 1-9-08 the year Alpha Kappa Alpha was founded. It's also 1-9-08 Phi Beta Sigma Founder's Day. I asked Mr. A why the men of Sigma copied off of us but I don't think he wanted to talk about it. Happy 1908 to Alpha Kappa Alpha and happy 1-9-08 to Phi Beta Sigma.

Fleas in a Jar

This is supposed to be true based on an experiment.

You can place some fleas in a jar with a lid on it. The fleas will begin to jump, repeatedly hitting the lid in their attempt to escape.

After about 20 minutes, the fleas begin to learn that they cannot escape and stop jumping as high as they did to begin with, to avoid smacking their head on the lid.

Once they become accustomed to the fact that they cannot escape, you can remove the lid and the fleas will continue to jump at the same height, never escaping the jar. Since the fleas BELIEVE they cannot escape the confines of the jar, they stop trying. Because of their experience with smacking their heads repeatedly, every time they tried to escape, they never even bother looking up to see that the lid is no longer there.

If you introduce a new flea it will jump up and out and the others will then believe they have a shot out of the jar.

I think Obama is the new flea.

All Belongs to You

Today the choir sang "I Just Want to Praise You"

The lyrics in part are:

I just want to thank You
forever and ever and ever
for all You done for me.
Blessings and glory, and honor,
they all belong to You;
thank You Jesus for blessing me.

I have always understand that all of my blessings come from God. If for no other reason than that he allows me my health and strength, all of my blessings are from him.

We were singing that song today and I was focusing on the words. The lyrics are so simple but very true, very meaningful. The song spoke to my heart and I was grateful and had to acknowledge all God has done for me. All of the glory and all the honor belong to Him.

I've never thought that anything was totally in my control. I've always believed God was in control and things would therefore work out. I think that allows me to exist in the bright side of life. God is in control so I don't need to worry.

I was thinking about how God has blessed Mr. A and I. How he quit his job more than a year ago and God has met all of our needs and wants. We didn't quit based on our belief in our own power to make things happen but by the belief that God can give us what we need and the desires of our heart. That God would open doors and give us the strength and wisdom to walk through them. He did just that. It's amazing when I think about it because had we given it thought from the earthly perspective we probably couldn't have done it. When I look back, I realize we were brave perhaps dangerously so. Had we relied on our own understanding, we would have limited ourselves. We acted in faith.

When it is said that if you take care of His business then He will take care of yours, I know that to be true from generations of family stories and from my own experience.

There is really no reason on earth that Mr. A and I should be doing this well. It has to be blessings from God. It is God taking care of our business as we work to take care of His.

C2A Loves Love

I love love, truly I do. I enjoy people who share the story of their love and I'm interested in folks who choose to share their love tragedies and disasters.

I don't understand the analysis of other folks conduct in relationships by folks in relationships. Who the heck has the time? It's all giving me an ulcer. Or maybe that's hunger, ya'll know my body has been taken over by a parasite. The doctor told me not to worry if I vomit because babies are excellent parasites who will get their nutrition. I love my little parasite and can't wait to meet them. Hopefully they will have a name by then as Mr. A requested/demanded the naming privilege during our dating. He is being very considerate in regards to the name this kid will carry throughout life. So currently we refer to our child as Baby A******.

Any-ty-way. Back when I cared about how other folks conducted their relationship- it wasn't so much that I cared but that I felt like I had the ideal marriage so I thought I'd point out how anything different was wrong. I realize now that I'm happy and that folks questioned our strategy for happiness, but we knew/know what was best for us. If folks create their own path and it leads them to happiness, than who am I and why would I attempt to tell them that the way for me is the way for them. As Mr. A often tells me when I'm trying to get him to critique folks choices, "that's how they choose to run their program. I may choose something different but I'm not going to say they need to do it my way because they do what works for them."

How can a uniquely and thoughtfully designed individual gain success in life or in love by following the map created by others? Sure its a good guide, but you gotta first figure out if the person is trying to get where you are and what rest stops and detours will benefit them along the way. We are all here to gain a different experience. Just because I enjoyed my experiences doesn't mean others will or even want to.

I was not born an original just to spend my life becoming a copy. I don't want to force anyone to become a copy. Hopefully I can instill in my children the understanding that they have to find and walk in their own path and not live according to group think. If someone critiques you for something that brings you joy and does not harm you or them or anyone else, than that person should be ignored. Life is gift given to each individual, don't spend it living it for other folks satisfaction- they still won't be satisfied. Happy people enjoy your happiness.

What I really think- when people are negatively opining on what I do and telling me how they do it- they need validation. They need someone else to do it their way to make them feel like they are doing it correctly.

This was quite random but I know what I'm talking about and really since I live in my world 24 hours each day, its more important that I understand what I mean.