ForLove 21

My cousin was in town last week - either Thursday or Friday and we discovered Forlove 21 at the Beverly Center. It's sister to Forever 21 but all accessories. Pretty cool place. We both had gift cards for Macy's and we got TR a bunch of cute outfits. We had lunch at Toast. Toast is a very L.A. place. I try to give the total L.A. experience when I can. I had "the Lus", and that sandwhich was amazing with addictive potential.

Speaking of "for love" and "forever" our wedding anniversary is upon us. Life with Mr A has been pretty great. I've noticed that the longer we are wed the quicker we get past any dispute. Pretty cool. That probably works great for Mr A because I'm a bit dramatic. Now we have little Miss TR and she adds a whole new beauty to life and our relationship.

We're still in awe that we've been blessed with our tiny person. I'm holding her right now. She usually is glued to Mr A's chest but he needed to get into his sleep. Me and TR are on one end of the sofa, he is on the other, my feet are under his thighs. The news is on and I'm slightly watching. Welcome to the Good Life.

I never knew how good this type of life could feel. Thank the Lord for blessing me. I don't know why he did or why this was granted to me, but I am grateful. We plan to remain living in the city, so we won't totally become that couple- you know "I Think I Love My Wife" dull and predictable. My great aunt Bessie and Uncle Major were like that- sans children. As a kid I felt like I was being punished when we went to their house. Their home was beautiful, a show place almost, too much valuable stuff to break and perfectly maintained wood floors that creaked when a kid moved. I'd try to limit my visits to times my grandparents were there. My grandparents defined vivacious.

Mr A was gifted- from me to him- a manstation type grill so he'll do barbecue this weekend. It's nice that folks celebrate and have firework displays in honor of our marriage. :)

Adventures in Mommyhood

It has always been my belief that children train parents more than parents train children.

Mr. A has already got TR accustomed to behavior that mommy doesn't do.

While TR was in the hospital she was always changed prior to eating. Now, no matter how hungry she is, she will not eat unless she has a fresh diaper. Fortunately we are using cloth so if she tinkles a drop we change the diaper. I really like how wasteful cloth allows us to be. The diaper service is grand.

Last night Mr A was outside when TR pooped. She was also hungry. The two always coincide. I guess her poop makes room and she wants to fill it. She was acting super hungry, rubbing her face across my chest, putting her fist in her mouth so I tried to feed her first. She wasn't having that. I laid her down to change her but she hates sitting in her poop so that was a disaster. She began wailing. Her hollering hurt my heart and I just held her close. She looked at me and screamed bloody murder for about 7 minutes. I thought she must be in pain. I called Mr A and he heard her yelling in the background. He was back super quick. By the time he arrived I had unpinned her diapers.

He scooped her up and she immediately stopped screaming. Only thing was she had poop on her butt and then he had it all over his hand. She found her spot in his neck and acted as if she hadn't scared me half to tears.

He never put her down. We got a towel and cleaned her and his hand. We put her diaper on and he fed her.

TR has trained mommy to understand that babies cry to communicate. I know what's best and as much as I want to hug her through her discomfort and crying, I can't just hold her. I can't ignore that she has a diaper full of poop. Sure she'll have to momentarily endure things she doesn't want to endure buts its for the best in the long run.

The Beginning

Our Bradley Coach just sent an email asking for my birth story and how Mr A performed as coach. I have yet to reply.

When they informed us we'd have to be induced, they told us we could have a natural child birth. The swelling was causing me great pain and drugs made TR's heart rate drop so I got an epidural. The epidural actually made my blood pressure drop, but only for a short while.

I would never choose an epidural. It paralyzes you. I was trying to move and couldn't figure out why I was having such difficulty. Then I was informed I couldn't eat once I got it.

They started inducing me, it was so slow. I felt very very little because of the epidural. I later read epidurals slows down labor. So after 72 hours of slow labor I could barely feel and feeling like I was about to die, I asked for a C-section- at least I thought I had. I asked for the C-Section at about 9:30 a.m. I was in the operating room before 10 a.m. Mr A told me the surgery had been discussed and scheduled the night before.

The doctors had made the surgery decision. Mr A and I had just discussed asking for it when they came and told us they would have to do one. I can't remember that convo.

The surgery wasn't bad, TR entered the world hollering like a champ. Recovery from the surgery wasn't bad either. The swelling was terrible but the water retention caused me to not have pain from the surgery.

That Bradley class was pretty pricey. I wonder if I could get a refund.

I spent a few moments crying, wondering what I'd done to make my baby come early, wondering what I could have done to change things. All of it made me be grateful for simple things. Having a baby is usually such a simple thing, and when my simple pregnancy got complicated I realized that blessings exists in simplicity. To never experiece the difficulty in something is a blessing.

Little Miss TR is home, and her cries, her coos, her kicks, her smiles are a blessing. They are a regular reminder of things I know not to take for granted. When she cries she gets a kiss from mommy and/or daddy. Today we double teamed her and showered her with kisses.

Perhaps I had a lesson to learn from my birth day. Even if I didn't have to learn something, I learned a lesson. Perhaps I'll delve into it later.

My mommy and my baby

Pretty soon, I'm going to write an actual post and finish my birth story.



Some sorta way TR got spoiled. The lactation consultant said babies who get lots of skin to skin contact go home earlier. So mommy (me) spent the day holding TR and daddy (Mr A) spent the night. I guess they didn't mean two parents coming to hold the baby a large part of a 24 hour period.

I don't consider a baby wanting to be held a bad thing, if you are able to continue holding them. Eventually TR won't want to be held. She won't be 30 trying to--- hmmm.... perhaps I'm wrong. I still love to be held.

Feed Me

Fret not- she is drinking mommy's breast milk.

I think green is her favorite color.

West Wing L& D- Part 2

So I hear the nurses discussing where to move me. They decided on the lovely labor and delivery wing. That should have clued me in that a delivery was in my very near future. Bed rest was my fantasy.

It's still a blur and I have to ask Mr A to fill in pieces but I'll recount as best I can. I had intended to drag this story out for a couple weeks but at the urging of S30 I'll share a bit more. Please pardon the changing tense, I'm reliving as I recount the story.

I get settled in the hospital room and am told I have high levels of protein in my urine. The nurse comes in with a steroid shot. These folks are moving too fast, I decline the shot. They said its to speed up the maturation of the babies lungs. In my mind I'm still not on board with an early delivery and I don't want to introduce drugs to my baby if I can avoid it. If we wait one more week, her lungs will be mature. We were so close to full term.

Mr A had gone to move the car. When he returned I told him what was going on with the shot. He told the nurse we needed info on this shot. One of the nurses went to get us info.

I tell them I want to wait for the results of the 24 urine sample before making a decision. In hindsight I don't think I had any decision making room. Delivery was a done deal.
Mr A goes home to get some of our things. He returns with the laptop and I send emails that I'll be on hospital bed rest. I'm firm in my fantasy.

My blood pressure is constantly being taken. Mr A was watching it and I was watching his reaction to it. We had agreed that I wouldn't worry about it. I have no idea why it rose so quickly and kept rising. They kept asking if I had a headache or blurry vision. I didn't. Mr A said as high as my pressure was, I should have had a headache. I don't know what it got to but it clearly- to everyone observing it- wasn't safe. But I felt fine.

Various doctors came in with papers for me to sign. I asked questions and with great hesitancy signed. The neonatologists came to tslk to us and tell us about the plan for TR and babies who arrive at her age. It never occured to me to deliver at a hospital that had the leading neonatal center, fortunately that is where we were.

While we were waiting on my 24 hour urine I told the dr. I'd had that taken a sample while I was in the Bay- just a couple of weeks before. I told her if anything had been wrong they would have told me.

The results came back the following evening.. I knew 3000 was mild and 5000 was severe. I was thinking, hoping I'd be mild and get bed rest. I was 10,000. I cried, I knew TR would have to be delivered. I didn't know all the why's but I knew there was a reason I'd been checked in the hospital.

I now weigh 7 more pounds than my pre-pregnancy weight. It feels lovely to button my pants again, although today they kept slipping down.

Get What You Need

You cant always get what you want
You cant always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need

That part of the Rolling Stone song ocassionally reverbrates through my head. Maybe its due to that commercial.

I'm realizing that with regular frequency people don't get what they want while others don't appreciate having what someone else is praying to recieve.

Perhaps its similar to having great difficulty finding what you are looking for but once you stop looking you discover it right under your nose.

This is not a relationship post but my above thoughts make me think of Rachel, Leah and Jacob. Rachel had Jacob's love but was miserable because she wanted his child.
Leah had Jacob's children but was sad because she wanted his love.

Either sister could have been happy with what they were blessed with but both were too focused on what they lacked.

I remember meeting a guy with super long thick lashes and I discovered that he actuslly had to keep them cut. That's a problem I would have loved to have. My lashes are thick and certainly not short but my sister and most of my paternal cousins have longer and thicker so I can't flatter myself with what I've got. That's another issue- what you have might be good but when you know there is better to be had, sometimes you forget to be thankful or even notice its nice to have.

I want to be grateful and appreciate what I have and not allow my focus to be kept on things I want or who has it better. This post isn't about material items either.

This post is just about wants in general. Most of us want something (I say most cuz there is always that person who says "I have everything I could want.") Most of us see someone who takes for granted what we greatly desire.

Such is life- there is nothing to do but recognize and be grateful for our own blessings.

I'm not a subscriber to the "I complained about my lack of shoes, until I saw a man with no feet", school of thought. My gratefulness needs to stand alone, not ride on the back of someone with less. Isn't it heartless to feel better because someone has it worse than you? That's no better than feeling bad because someone has it better.

Life is A Miracle

It was a cool day in May. I was wearing a green knit outfit. I can't call it a sweat suit but it was similiar to that. Mr A and I were trying to figure out alternate routes so we'd know which way was best when I went into labor. Because of our exploring routes we were running a wee bit late.

We got to the dr. for our regular prenatal visit. We had a another appointment prior to that so we walked to lunch and came back for the 2nd appointment. They had already taken my blood pressure which was a little high but nothing extreme. Apparently it was extreme since my blood pressure had always ran normal.

We were seen by one of the high risk doctors. Not because I was high risk but she just happened to be who we saw. I had requested to be placed in high risk care from the start but was too 'healthy'. My cousin passing after childbirth made me want to be extra cautious.

The dr had the nurse take my 'pressuh' again and it was still up. She told me to go to the hospital so they could check me out. She said she knew I was feeling well but not to go home, go to the hospital. We went and they hooked me up to a monitor that took my pressure every 10 or so minutes. I think that beeping and arm squeezing was making it go up. They put me on a fetal monitor and did an ultra sound. TR was fine.

It's a bit of a blur but eventually I was admitted.

I figured I was going to be put on bed rest. Tune in for the second part of our birth story.

Random

When Mr A and I moved shortly after getting married, we had no idea we lived on such a great bus line. We didn't know we lived on any bus line. We loved the floor plan and the area and that was that.

Now with gas - at Costco- approaching $5 a gallon I'm even more appreciative to live on the bus line. My sis was in town last week, we stopped to put gas in her rental before dropping it off. The tank was just a slight bit from full. She paid $6 to get it to full. I haven't put gas in the car for a long time and while I know the price, seeing the reality of how much just a little costs, was a shock.

Then Mr A and I went to Costco for gas. The tank was 1/2 full when we got there but it took @$45 to get it a bit past full. So in my head I'm calculating. $90 a week for one tank- although I'm sure we used more than that going back and forth to the hospital which is 10 miles each way. I decided to utilize the bus. At $90 a week, by the end of the month our gas bill could be a car note.

Mr A has been riding his bike to practice. He's looking great, too- whoo hoo!. We work from home so that wasn't an expense. Some say work close to home but working from home is the only way to go at these gas prices. I bet telecommuting will pick up. The car gets to rest, until the bus isn't convenient, nighttime travel or we have shopping.

I'm sure with gas this high and the price of it increasing, bus service will expand. At least I hope it does. It would be nice if public transportation was convienent to the masses.

I missed being a mommy on Mother's day. I was OOOOO so close. Mr A did get me the ice cream cake I'd been talking about for a month- we shared it with the wonderful hospital staff who we really liked. Any ideas on what TR and I should get Mr A on his very first Father's Day?

Not That It Matters

I currently weigh 13 more pounds than I did prior to becoming pregnant. The weight just fell off because I have not missed any meals

Mr A. says I'm a snapper because I snapped back. I'm guessing my boobs which are full of milk weigh about 5 pounds.

I still have a belly. Maybe a 3 month preggers belly. Yesterday I was standing outside a full elevator and someone said- "hey there's enough room for the pregnant lady." I smiled. She was trying to be helpful so I didn't want to tell her I'd had the baby. When I left the hospital I had a 7 month pregnant belly.

No one told me I'd have contractions post pregnancy. Apparently those help get your uterus back to its original size. I guess my organs still have to shift back to their normal placement which is why a still have some belly. It took months for everything to shift so it makes sense that it would take weeks to shift back

The belly comes in kinda handy. When I place my baby on my chest, the belly gives me a place to rest her body.

Something I always wanted was a dimple. As a child I would stick my finger in my cheek trying to form one. My mother and all my siblings have deep dimples. Mr A. has dimples- which until I pointed them out he seemed oblivious to owning. I was pleased to see that TR has a deep dimple too.

Our Angel Is Here

These words are to the full song but I prefer the abbreviated and live version I linked. We've been granted a gift from heaven in our precious baby girl.


Tell me have you heard the story
That took place not long ago
Bout an angel up in heaven
They say she up and ran away from home

Word is she had unfinished business
So back on earth she had to flee
Well you know I'm so elated
Because she's laying right here next to me

And when God woke up that morning
And he called out her name
And when she did not answer
Heaven will never ever ever be
Heaven will never be the same
Never be the same

Always dreamed that it would happen
I just didn't know exactly when
All my life I'd been waiting for something amazing
Said it took a while but now I know
So tell me can I get a witness
If you believe in miracles
And the proof I have is living
And my life will never ever be
And your life don't have to be the...

At times it seems we take for granted
How precious life can be
Just hold on and I'm sure you'll understand it
Bringing into this world
A precious boy or girl...And when God woke up that morning
Said where has my little angel gone
And when she didn't an...answer
Heaven will never ever ever be
Heaven will never be the....same
Yeah....Yeah


More later.

Fading to Black

You may have noticed I'm slowly fading to black. I'm focused man. I'm so excited about TR arriving that I can barely contain myself. Mr A and I have extensive plans for what we want to do when our baby arrives. We want to kiss, hug, squeeze, and just spend time enjoying our blessing. Mr A is plotting some rough housing and football practice, he's really looking forward to the next ski eason with TR and has mentioned custom baby skies. We plan to take baby to the park and enjoy the sun, picnics, church, and just enjoy our lives with TR and the beginning of what we hope will be a good number of children.

It looks as if we'll have our first 6 figure gov't contract signed and possibly started before TR arrives so I'm looking forward to strapping TR into the baby sling and stopping by to have lunch with Mr A on the days he has to train folks. We went to the pre-bid meeting and the site had a very nice cafeteria and as we walked out the door I foresaw lunch for us when we got to be subs on the bid. Food is always heavy on my mind.

This project will allow for Mr A to work the project one day a week and he'll have time to work on other bids we'll recieve after that. The life we visioned and worked towards is happening for us. We are blessed.

I'm fading to black but I'll likely return once TR arrives and I have the hang of mommyhood and can change a diaper and feed a baby while mixing up dinner (I'll wash my hands)and settling a case. I have lofty goals.

Don't fret, there will be photos issued- once the baby is nice and chubby and not still in shock from leaving womb and entering the world. I may also post my childbirth experience- I'm planning natural and unmedicated. We'll see how that goes.

I'm still battling my blogging addiction. I may have to have Mr A change the password and hide it from me.

Later gators!

End of A Season

The tax season ended yesterday and for the first time since I started doing my own taxes I didn't request an extension and I filed on time.

I might be a bit like the shoemaker whose children lack shoes. I completed the taxes I had to do for others and we arrived at the post office at 4:59 with ours.

We were able to get 100% of the home office deduction and I was super excited about that. I've never taken it before, although I probably could have taken it in 2006. Maybe I should do another amendment. I really like this dual self-employed tax time thing but it was a bit confusing initially because our joint business was a 2007 start-up and my business was existing.


I had started doing our taxes as soon as our statements began arriving but then I puashed it to the side and didn't get back to it until Monday night. I didn't include all the deductions we are entitled to because I like to save things in case of an audit. Plus I understand when you do the home/office deduction you are more likely to get the audit.

Mr A had one of his years audited and when I was done with his various missed deductions he owed very little. Then I amended another of his returns adding additional deductions which got us a bigger refund and the money owed came out of that. Mr A had been going to the same tax guy for years and for some reason the man didn't add in his state refund to his schedule A and it appeared that he had understated income. I've told him to contact the guy because tax preparers have to have insurance to pay the penalties when they make those mistakes.

Anyway its nice to have everything all organized because when I do decide to do the stuff I have its readily available. And when the IRS comes knocking at my door I can make sure I end up with a bigger refund.

The Life and Times of C2A

On Saturday I set out with the plan to add more items to TR's registry. I spent a few hours doing this and had a great time. Then I sat down for lunch. I printed my list so Mr A could check it out. When we got home I had him look at things online. Sadly most of the items I registered for in store didn't have an online photo.

I noticed that a diaper bag I'd adored had "limited availabilty" and "out of stock." I looked at the reviews and all but one was great. I looked for the bag at various other online retailers and they all said "out of stock." I looked up the manufacturer and didn't find anything to alert me if the bag was going to be disco
ntinued.

We made the decision to buy it now. I didn't want to risk waiting and it being gone. I also wasn't willing to wait until we got the coupon to get the unfulfilled registry items to buy it. We were going to get it after our childbirth class on Sunday but I forgot and didn't want to go back out. So when we got it today the price had been cut. Joy!!

So today we got it and its great!


My bag is a bit different from the photo because it has a written story on the inside of the bag.

Childbirth class

Mr A and I are doing the Bradley Method. I'd link it but if you are interested there's always google. Bradley is also known as husband coached childbirth. We're going to ask our instructor to be the doula when the day arrives.

We had originally planned to do a childbirth class at the hospital but then I read that a lot of hospitals teach in line with the goals of the hospital- which is to manage labor usually with medication. I wanted the most unfiltered instruction so I located a semi-private instructor. She would have been private but another couple whose due date is a few days before ours also wanted to do it and she couldn't do us both, so she gave us a little discount to share the time. It's great fun.

It's nice to have a childbirth strategy. I'm feeling more confident about my Birth-Date.

More on the life and times of the A family to follow.....

Hollywood Hills

My gf (former business partner) and her boyfriend are in town, so we headed to Katsuya in Hollywood for dinner last night. We had great fun.

She called me last week to invite us and when she told me the restaurants she was considering and knowing her, I figured she'd pick the most expensive Japanese place in L.A. The place was a bit on the pricey side but very low price compared to the taste of the food. We will be going back. The waiter walked us through the most loved items and we took all of his advice.

I had to skip the raw food- in honor of TR- but the food I ate made me wish I was a multi-millionaire so I could eat myself sick. The chef is one of the top 5 sushi chef's in the world and that food made me know why they would rate them. I am still remembering the taste and texture of the baked crab handroll.

This was first time Mr A and my gf met. Whenever he used to come to my office she wouldn't be there, they were in Texas for our wedding, and they managed not to meet for all this time.

Everyone got along great. I actually pick my friends quite well because whenever they meet each other they end up exchanging numbers and hanging out without me. I think I befriend the same type of people, friendly extroverts. I don't do well with shy folks- they require too much work and seem to add a spice of boring to the environment. I'm not as extroverted as most of my friends but I guess since they are outgoing and I'm laid back but open to different things, we work well in friendship.

As we were waiting for valet to bring their car around, we saw someone outside snapping photos. The restaurant looked like a place the folks from the Hills would go, but it was a Monday night so we were expecting it to be quiet. The place was packed.

So a very tiny black man walked in and we tried to figure out where we knew him. It was Hill Harper. That man must have to shop at the petite store. He had to be about 5'5. Then we saw some other black actor who Harper met up with, but we couldn't figure out what from, we concluded a commercial.

So then we spotted L.C. and Lo from the Hills, and some other folks sitting at a table right by the door. It was quite funny because they were texting as they set there. I guess they really do text all the time.

When we got in the car Mr A was raving about the sashimi which I couldn't try. I did try the onions that were on top of it, they were great. When TR moves out, we'll definitely be going back, so I can get the full experience.

My gf is staying very near where we live, so we have tentative plans for me to meet her at the Grove so she can share in the amazing experience that is American Girl Place. Mr A advised her bf not to go in there because it is no place for men. Mr A got as far as the hair salon for dolls and needed to exit. There were 2 extra floors he didn't get to see. He gave such a painful description to her bf that he refused to go too. That's fine though, that store is amazing and I love seeing the mommies with their little girls.

And to top off a lovely evening of fun, friendship and great food, my gf picked up the bill. All of the food came in pretty small portions and we had to share, so we had to order a bunch of it. The guys had a few drinks each and while I didn't see the bill, I have seen the menu and nothing we ordered was below $20.

We have plans to go out again while they are in town and this dinner will be on us.

We've been going out on couples events quite often. I'm enjoying it as much as possible because soon we won't be able to just get ourselves ready and hit the door, we'll have to arrange baby sitting and plan ahead.

Designing My Life

One day I was pondering how fortunate someone seemed. From the decor of her home to her professional accomplishments she just seems to be a success. I momentarily bemoaned the fact that that my life is not as neatly packaged as her life. Then I reminded myself that I'm in control of designing my life. I have my own talents that I'm fully capable of enhancing.

What happens in our lives for the most part isn't some fluke, its a matter of pursuit and being committed to being successful at what we are pursuing. Sometimes things happen but our response can have a greater impace than what actually occured.

Professional Design

I'm a procrastinator but I'm moving toward where I want to be. Last week I attended a professional meeting with people from various public and private agencies who have a part in the assisting ch children with special needs to access education. This panel is one of the resources I use to get my clients. A few people asked me if it was mandatory that I go. It wasn't mandatory but it made me realize that volunteering for professional enhancement is often seen as foreign. I think if you enjoy what you do, you look forward to that stuff. I sorta chuckled as I told them, no I just really want to get as familiar as I can with the details of what I do. I could continue getting clients and never attend a meeting.

I can build a business doing the minimum required but I want more than that. There is more to life and more to a career then going to a job to make money. I think careers offer a chance to stimulate and satisfy our mind. I enjoy what I do and there is nothing- except me-holding me back from doing it extremely well. The meeting was actually enjoyable. Then I think about The Wire and how that cop let the little boy down. I really don't want anyone relying on me and I not do my best for them.

I know what is possible for me and I'm excited to bring it to fruition.

Mr A and I are similiar in that while we want to obtain great financial resources, our primary focus isn't financial. We're trying to create a life where we can enjoy our professions, be stimulated and be of service to others.

I'm pleased that I realized during my moment of wistfulness that I'm in full control (with God's strength) of designing my life. Its all a matter of the effort I'm willing to put forth. Like everything my output is greatly deermined by my input.

Shopping for TR

After church, we did a little shopping for TR. I'm getting super anxious to meet my little passenger so I needed to do something to sooth the anticipation. I've even got my bag partially packed which includes a couple of newborn diapers in it. Mr A was a bit tortured by the shopping but he's a soldier so he endured, he also helped me stay as gender neutral as possible and tried to reign in my shopping. Momma also got an outfit- I can't have baby looking cute and momma looking blah.

I saw the cutest newborn girl outfits and told Mr A TR was going to be a girl. I felt such a draw to those outfits and I'm not having the same reaction towards boy clothes. So maybe TR will be a girl.

When we were talking about kids I told him our babies didn't need clothes and would be wearing onesies and diapers. Now here I am shopping for clothes that I know the baby will only be able to wear a few times before outgrowing them. I bought two of a couple of the outfits so TR could wear them at 0-3 months and 3-6 months.

Here are photos of what TR got this weekend.

Ear for Music

My mom plays the organ, can play the drums, and many other instruments. All of us were forced to take music lessons. My eldest brother was gifted with the most talent but the rest of us were decent. We all play piano, organ, drums, bongos, my sis played the sax and violin, my older brother and I played the trumpet. I can sorta work with the sax and my sis can sorta work with the trumpet. The only thing I know how to do with the violin is rub chalk on the bow.

My maternal grandfather played the electric guitar and piano and could play most any other intstrument he picked up. He taught me how to play the guitar. I even had my own as a kid.

My mother and eldest brother were blessed with great voices. The rest of us can sing but its not the type of singing where folks cheer, or close their eyes and focus when they hear you are about to do a solo or lead a song. I think some people have a vocal gift and others need some training. The only vocal lesson I ever got was my mother saying - quit singing from your throat, then she put her hand on my belly and said, it comes from here. My eldest brother probably had much better music teachers than we did, they had gospel albums out and part of their lessons required him to sing and play. They were the musicians that liked to throw their head back, and move all around as they played, as if they could make the music do more through the passion. Then there was the time he got a Billy Preston album listened to it for a week and could play every song, well. He played by ear and notes. I was probably 8 then and I didn't think I'd ever be that gifted.


My grandmother wanted a piano as a child but her parents couldn't afford it. When she got to be a teenager she saved up, got one and taught her younger sister how to play the basics. I guess my grams had an ear for music, she could also sing.

Her sister took what she learned built upon it and then taught my mother. My mother got a music teacher when she got older, so of course her own kids would have to take music lessons. My mom's a teacher but didn't have the patience to teach us piano so we had the music teachers that taught gospel by ear and a sprinkling of notes and classical teachers that were all notes. I think my mother was probably better than all but one of our music teachers. That man would sit on the couch the entire lesson watching t.v. and doing paper work. He never got up, but let me hit a wrong chord, he could tell me which finger did it. He knew when I hit the wrong pedal on the organ and would make faces.

Then he'd take my book and write a new and complicated (to me) song for me to learn in about 3 minutes, he'd write the chords, forcing me to learn the notes.

My father's side is very musical as well. His mother and her sisters used to have a singing group. His sisters used to travel with their singing and two sisters played. I've never known my father to sing a song or play an instrument but maybe the genes carried.

I'm wondering if TR has an ear. Mr A and I were at church last week and I asked him could he tell that the singer and the musician were in different keys, he said he didn't notice. I asked could he tell the musician didn't change chords at all, he didn't notice. I don't know if its training or just a natural thing.

The other night I was watching making the band and Day 26 started singing, it was terrible, my gosh it was awful. I would have turned the t.v. but TR started kicking so hard and just throwing a fit and I didn't know why. I told Mr A that it felt like TR was trying to exit and thought he could punch and kick his way out through my stomach.

Then the singing stopped and TR immediately stopped. I was wondering if TR thought it was horrible too. Today I read that at this stage you should start experimenting with music because babies can hear it. Could TR have a good ear? Could he already know when folks are singing off key and in no key at all? Did all that terrible singing distress him?

Easter Sunday!

It's 9 a.m. and we're back in bed. We attended sunrise service this morning and had a late evening last night. It's a beautiful day but we'll have to enjoy it later as we need naps.

We had a good time on our evening out. We went to P.F. Changs because we knew we were going to have a long dinner, a portion of it was a dinner meeting. Had the dinner been for the sole purpose of dining, we would have hit a real Chinese restaurant in Chinatown and got real Chinese food. One of the couples are from out of state- and they like the place. I guess that's how it was chosen. It isn't expensive so its probably a good place to go if you plan to order food you know you won't eat.

I think we might have found a pediatrician. The young lady we met- who I discovered is also my soror, told me about the private practice she works in. My goal was to find a dr with privileges at a certain hospital here in L.A. She told me they all have prilieges at that hospital and Children's. The other two have been in practice 30 years and one is chief of pediatrics at the hospital I wanted. I don't like where the L.A. Children's is located so TR will have to wait for us to move back to the Bay Area before he goes there. We'll be making an appointment to check things out and interview the doctors. Its also super close to home. It also appears one of the doctors has privileges at the hospital I'm scheduled to deliver. Maybe he'll be able to work with TR day 1. That would be nice.

Excitement

I woke up this morning with pediatricians on my mind. I hear its pretty hard to find them and if you find one you like, getting to be a new patient is the challenge. So I was thinking pediatrician and something else related to TR but can't remember what.

Then I remembered we're having dinner tonight with a female pediatrician- I think she's a sister. Joy!! I can quiz her.

Soooo....I blogged about that cake I'd purchased in honor of our first gov't contract. I couldn't figure out why we hadn't eaten it. Yesterday I realized why, more good news was on its way. One of Mr A's newest clients, also a friend has started a non-profit endeavor to assist first time fathers, since most of the information is targeted to women.

This friend was included in 2008 a calendar. One of his college friends is director of marketing for a magazine and walked into the director of the magazines office, saw the magazine which was turned to the month he was featured and said, "hey I know him." The director said really. The director told the marketing guy that he'd like for that magazine to work with his non-profit and to put his efforts behind it.

Then the friend/client was in NYC and playing basketball with this same friend and another marketer from another major corporation so ....... a long story short, good things are happening for those we are connected with and us. Whooo hoooo!!

Tonight we're having dinner with the friend/client, his wife, and the pediatrician and her husband. The pediatrician wants to assist in the friends business. Isn't it great that when you have a good idea and work toward it how people will see your efforts and push. This totally supports my long-held theory that God uses us, his people to bless each other. When we ask God for something he puts people in place to send the blessing. It may seem coincidental but its ordered.

Mr. A is only charging his friend a very minimal amount because he liked the project. His main payments were to come from revenue, which we figured would mean earnings wouldn't really occur until much later in the future. We're optimistic so we never considered they may never come. Amazingly this guy is getting the revenue first.

We're extremely blessed and so are the people we are connected with. I don't know if our blessings are falling upon them or their blessings falling upon us, but whichever way, I'm thankful to God that he has allowed these things to fall and to be underneath that shower.

Baby Shower

I'd been looking for cute couple baby shower invitations and was a bit disappointed by the limited options. I wanted black folks on the invite. I saw one I liked and was planning to order it from the U.K. Then I started thinking about the professional pregnancy photos I want us to take and it occurred to me that I could design my own cards.

For our wedding I went to the guy my brother uses as a printer and designed our wedding program and after that I designed our Thank you cards which included one of our wedding photos, names and dates. We got an excellent price on it all. I'm going to design a personalized and thought invitation and I'm excited. I think I've found a photographer who takes unique photos so I can't wait to get this done.

I was in a bit of panic this morning regarding what I need to take to the hospital and to bring TR home. I called my mom and she gave me a list. I was thinking we needed so much more but babies are pretty simple. I feel much more at ease and not like I'll be completely unprepared for a what a newborn might require. I don't want to have to send Mr A out to pick up anything once TR arrives, mostly because I'm scared at the idea of being home alone with a newborn. After a few weeks I know I'll feel confident about it but not day one or week one. Mr A helped take care of his younger brothers when they were newborns so is familiar with what they do. If I didn't have Mr A's strength and knowledge to rely upon, I'd probably be a nervous wreck.

I'm still excited..... signing off. Have a lovely Easter Sunday.

This Mind

Let this mind that be in Christ Jesus be in me.

That is the mind that rose Jesus up from the grave, that is the mind I need to be saved.

Last night one of my sorors sent pics of her lovely bridal shower/tea. I've been thinking of TR's shower. Everything together made me feel bitterness at a past situation. I called my mom and she encouraged me and told me not to let the devil have room in my mind. Then she said "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus" and think on things of good report.

As my wedding got closer and closer, I discovered that none of my bridesmaids had planned a thing for my bridal shower. They had at least 8 months notice. At the time I was so focused and joyful about us being married that I didn't focus on it and was just happy that my mom stepped in and planned things with 2 weeks notice. The fact that I had two Maid of Honors, one being my sister and the other being my first cousin is what I think bothers me most. My sister had the nerve to tell me if I'd been in Oakland perhaps they would have known what I wanted. Wow.... brides to be who send emails about their bridal shower want bridal showers. My cousin told me she had taken a couple trips and with my big moms death things got hectic. If planning had been done it would have occurred before big mom left us. Again all they had to do was plan a menu and send invitations.

When we first got engaged and for months after I sent them emails with ideas for bridal showers, I gave my cousin/MOH a book with games, I got the location, so all they had to do was organize food and send invitations. One of my cousins had asked to plan it and have a fashion show. I told the others to work with her. A few months before the wedding that cousin told me she had nothing planned and started asking me where I wanted it to be, what food I wanted, etc... I think I hung up on her.

Anyway my mother did it all and I'm very grateful to have her. If not for her I would have not had a thing. I was super duper upset when they asked for my guest list a week before the event. The shower was two weekends before our wedding so there wasn't much time.

One of my sorors organized my bachleorette party and it was great. She offered to plan TR's shower, so I'm having her, my brother and mother handle it.

Anyway, I think I'm over the bitterness. I understand people have lives and busy schedules but I realize I need to accept that I wrongly assumed I had a certain value to some people that clearly I don't have.

My mother tried to tell me that some people can't even plan there own events and that it probably wasn't them not planning for me but not being planners. Well that works for two of my cousins but not the two MOH's. They plan when they want to.

I want TR's shower to be great. I'm sure its just mommy love speaking but my baby deserves thoughtful planning, even if he/she won't be outside the womb when it occurs. But TR is the guest of honor and the idea that those folks would do TR as dirty as they did me sets me off.

But I need to think of things of good report. As my mom pointed out, people lose their mind when they start focusing on and rehashing bad events or feelings of who did them wrong. She said I don't want TR to have to come visit me in the mental hospital so I need to focus on good things. I will but I figured I'd feel better if I shared this. I feel like I've been hesitant to post about because I don't want to cast anyone in a bad light. I probably need to let my sister know how greatly she let me down, at a time that was so extremely important to me, but I don't know if I will. Seems like she'd know. Heck I think she did it on purpose.

We Don't Fight

I can't remember where I heard this but a couple was discussing a fight they'd had, another person said "well my husband and I are fortunate that we don't fight", the other person asked "do you speak to each other?"

Some couples don't fight because they don't talk or because they separate things that are important to them. Some don't fight because they've resigned themselves to never getting on the same page. What's the big deal about fighting, as long as no one is shanked at the end of it? I mean no one thinks its a sign of something ominous if friends fight, so why do people cower from a fight with your spouse? People grow through challenges, its a refining process not a weakening one.

I fight with my siblings and we were raised together so how could I expect never to disagree with my spouse? After years of me and my siblings fighting, the one thing I'm certain of is that we are strong as a family. We don't curse each other out or anything drastic, but that's probably because I don't curse and would be highly dismayed at being cursed out. There are too many words in the English language to use simple curse words to express emotions.

Babyface was on Oprah a while ago and said even his parents were shocked about his divorce because he and his wife NEVER argued. How can two thinking people live together and never have a disagreement and a discussion about that disagreement i.e an argument/fight?

The devil is usually in the details. When a couple tells you what they don't argue, and you get them to finish the story you might discover its because they keep parts of their lives so separated that they don't have to argue. Blu and I discussed in great detail our plan for raising children but I'm sure when TR gets here we'll have some arguments about choices for him. We were raised by two different families so its to be expected that we'll have different ideas on things. We've agreed to always present a united front in our childrens presence because we know kids don't mind dividing and conquering.

Some couples never fight over money and that's because what is hers is hers and what is his is his. Fights can only occur when you combine and share. If I had to work to pay my own cel phone bill why would we have an argument about me going over my minutes? It would have no impact on his financial status. If I bought my friends and family gifts out of my own separate savings, why would we have a disagreement over how much to spend? It doesn't effect his financial status. Mr A and I buy gifts for family and friends from joint funds so we do have to have discussions about what to spend.

If your spouse has no interest or knowledge about what is going on what is there to fight about.

My other peeve is instead of people saying they don't argue why don't they just explain how they handle the situation? I could easily list the things we don't argue about, but if someone was seeking guidance how does that help. I understand it would make me feel superior but needing to feel superior is a whole other set of issues. I just think some folks are destructive to relationships because they are in an invisible competition.

I generally provide a description of what we do to get on the same page and let the person know working the thing out and a willingness to work it out strengthens you and prepares you to reach higher levels in your relationship.

I'm cute

Written Wednesday

Mr A read my blog today and asked me why he had to read it to know I wanted us to go to church this afternoon. Its wild, but he seems to know what I want/need most of the time so I think I've grown accustomed to that.

One morning I started singing a song in bed - I started in the middle of the song- and he asked me what made me start singing that song and right at that point. I told him it was just in my head at that point. He said he was singing the same song in his head and where I started was right where he was. We're in sync. I will start telling him things though, I must remember that he can't always know what I want to do.

While at church I took a bathroom break. I was smiling at a woman, she smiled back and told me I looked cute pregnant. I really cheesed it up then. I do look cute preggers. I was wearing one of my newest green sun dresses- not the same one as yesterday. An older woman at Trader Joe's asked me if I had a baby in there because she thought she saw a kick. I laughed and pulled my dress so the roundness would be clear. I'm enjoying being preggers- even with the occasional aches, inability to get as comfy as I want and inability to hold much water for long periods of time.

Service was very interesting. It gave us a lot to reflect on. Someone asked a question and Bishop Jone's answer got quite an uprising from some of the single women in the audience. The next 2 hours were spent in discussion and reviewing various scriptures. We've been to Wednesday service before when we missed Sunday service. Mr A said we'll probably go on Wednesday more often. At one point Bishop Jones gave the stats on percentage of men and women in black churches, he said he had a bit more men that most and explained why. The reasons he gave were the reasons Mr. A told me he prefers him over the church closer to home. Quite interesting.

After church I dropped Mr. A off at his friend's house and they met up with another friend to go night skiing. The mountain has lights and the lift tickets are priced lower. Mr. A said it was great, the mountain didn't have a lot of people and there was snow
this past weekend so it was good skiing. Tonight was supposed to be the last run of the season, so he was very excited to go.

Written Today

Tonight, we're hosting a small dinner party for the girlfriend of Mr. A's best friend. Last week when we were hanging out the girl seemed shocked that I remembered her birthday. I sent her a text this week to ask what her plans were and again she seemed surprised I remembered. I met her soon after Mr A and I first began dating, and her b-day comes the same date every year, plus my gf from law school has the same b-day- how could I forget. Mr A said it's because the people she deals with (namely her bf) don't do much for it. Not caring and not remembering are 2 different things. Not caring can lead to forgetting or just not caring to remember.

When they were travelling home from the mountain, Mr. A asked his friend what he was doing for her birthday and the response was "she has a $500 phone bill." I guess he figured payment was enough. Mr A gave him ideas on thoughtful gifts and told him to bring her over and he'd make dinner and we'd have cake. I'm looking forward to it, because the girl is lots of fun.

Plus she loves babies and doesn't mind discussing what to get for newborns. I'm having a baby and the thought of what to get and what not to get, what the baby needs makes me need a nap. Onesies, diapsers and bibs are easy. Choosing the other stuff is the challenge. There are so many opinions and ideas. So far the biggest thing I've decided on is a co-sleeper. It will only be useable until the baby can pull up but when the baby cries or wakes we'll just be able to reach over and handle things.

I spent a couple hours trying to figure out what type of infant car seat to get. We had picked out that massive car seat/ stroller but then I read that infants should be able to lay down in the stroller and the one we chose didn't have that so .......... anyway, I'm thinking we'll get an infant seat and the baby will just have to get used to Mr A carting him/her around in the bjorn. Plus I can't stand those cadillac strollers they are too huge.

It's a Family Reunion

Why did someone just suggest L.A. as a potential spot for our 2008 reunion? Last time I checked I'm the only person from my maternal great-grandfathers offspring that live here. Now if they want to expand and include my maternal great-great grandfather or my maternal great-grandmother that's good because a bunch of them are here.

But with the current configuration I'd be the one having to search out and book venues. I don't even know any caterers in L.A. Goodness, I'm about to become a new mom, how would I have time to plan things for September? Even if someone helped I would still be the one expected to look at places. Is this how people destroy reunions?

I just heard about the hospital that took out the wrong kidney.

A few years ago my sis had surgery on her arm and they put her under. My mom taped a sign on one of her arms. It said "this arm." She wrote with a marker on her other arm telling them "not this arm."

People have to do that. I told Mr A not to let them do anything to my baby beyond clearing the throat, smacking the bottom and cutting the cord. He can wipe the slime off. I don't want any injections. I also told him to be down there watching. I had a bad dream last night, I need him to keep a watchful eye. I'll squeeze my mom's hand during delivery. Or maybe I should have my mom down there? I can envision them asking her to leave the room as she issued instructions, asked questions and told me to stop all the hollering.

SAHWW/SAHWM

I consider myself to be a stay home working wife. Soon I'll be a stay at home working wife and mom.

As far as the working wife part goes I believe I have the best of all words. Don't tell me I can't have it all. I'm fortunate to have Mr. A, without him I'd probably consider having it all to be an impossibility. With him I can see how we can both ascend to be achieve our greatest potential. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch, we first have to discuss what 'all' is to me but that's a long story, for another post.

Boy to man- "Only some people get what they want."
Man to boy- "Yes, the ones that show up to get it"

I still haven't figured out how a woman spends a full day at work then, grocery shops, cooks, cleans, does laundry, makes sure the home stays stocked with the little things men may overlook, makes the bed in the morning, keeps snacks, handle doctor appointments (because unless the wife makes the appt. I don't know that men go), all that a wife does. I mean the role of a wife is a full time job. I also sorta like going to the store everyday- if I can go early and well before its time to cook dinner.

Taking care of your family is also enjoyable. Heck at this point I'm hard pressed to find a greater joy than taking care of your family. It's the daily stuff that makes life valuable. Coming home everyday or being home and just enjoying the moments and the life you have at home.

Today I went to Trader Joe's, I left home at 11:08 and arrived around 11:15. I found myself back home after 1 p.m. Trader Joe's isn't huge but I must have checked out every item, on every aisle (not the liquor) and considered how I could use it, either now or in the future. I love stores with interesting products. After I left Trader Joe's I headed across the street to Ralph's where I picked up a few other items and had a leisurely stroll through the aisles.

I got home and told Mr A I'd had fun. I meant it, it was fun just grocery shopping, so I could make snacks and dinner for us. Shopping so that in the future I could make something interesting for Mr. A to try and perhaps we could have guests and they could enjoy a meal with us.

I did nearly pass out at the conclusion of my journey, so that extended the shopping trip. Mr. A usually comes with me and drives and I knew I couldn't get behind the wheel in that state. This was the first time I've gotten faint. I had on a light sweater jacket and sun dress, so I think I might have done too much and caused myself to overheat. I think I'm in the slow it down months. I had someone bring me a chair while I recovered. I must have looked like death because the manager offered me an ice pack and ice water. I had a juice so I was cool.

I don't assume every women likes to browse through the aisles of the grocery store checking out new and potentially tasty products. My grandmother used to do that, cooking was her hobby. But its nice to have the option and the time. Its not fun to leave work, hit the grocery store and/or come home and prepare a meal.

In other things my girlfriend told me her 1.5 year old is potty trained. She thinks it has something to do with the cloth diapers. I told her we planned to use them. She said when she used to change his diaper he never pee'd on her and seemed to have control of his bladder. If we could get TR potty trained by that age, we'd probably save thousands and I'm sure it would make him more attractive to babysit.

On Our Way

Sooo....... I was thinking of how well TR seems to have timed his arrival. Or shall I give credit where credit is due, God allowed his arrival to be well timed. I don't mean the fact that his due date is also our anniversary date. I'm counting on the fact that due dates tend to be off, so we don't have to share a birthdate and anniversary.

I was considering a post I'd written saying I think our child would time their arrival to a time when things were comfy.

I realize that if TR had arrived before we had a good view that our business was promising Mr. A would have gone back to the corporate world and TR wouldn't get to arrive in a setting with both of his parents available to him at home.

Today Mr. A won his first city contract. I bought a cake to celebrate. We're subcontractors, so his prime actually won it. He was the sub on both firms that were invited to interview so it appeared either way we'd be getting our first city bite. Our foot is now in the door. It's been nearly a year since we first started submitting and we've been blessed to get this and to have steady business while we pursued this. Mr A's persistence is paying off. I told my mother and she is so excited, she's very proud of Mr. A for staying motivated and continuing to go after these things. My mom used to always tell me "don't be weary in well-doing" she doesn't have to tell me that anymore because I figured out what she meant. There were times that I would get weary in well-doing.

You have to keep trying and pursuing things even if the situation doesn't look promising. Failure is redirection, figure out a new strategy. You can't give up- you are doing well, so don't be weary.

My practice is going well. I've gotten linked in with a network that I wanted to link up with and my client base is steady. I can have almost as much work as I'm willing to take.

Can you imagine last March folks were calling to ask him if he'd given up and started looking for another job. It's amazing. I'm sure they were attempting to be helpful and realistic but we're optimistic over here and promise is our realism. I don't even know if those folks are still calling. If they are I guess the conversation changed. I think preserverance is a lost art and the willingness to take a risks to design the life you want is often confused with being a fool.

I won't even pretend that we have not had to make sacrifices but we were willing to make them to design the life we wanted. I just get annoyed by people who focus on what you can't or shouldn't do. Everyone doesn't, won't and can't have your vision but you have to keep moving towards it. All the naysayers need to do is move out the way.

The Word

We went back to Cit.y of Re.fuge yesterday. It was great.

I was excited to get back. In anticipation of our return I bought a journal which has been dedicated to messages I hear that I want to keep in one place. I usually have a journal in my purse that I takes notes in, but that journal is mainly for work related stuff and my goal is effective organization.

The Bishop spoke on "Let It Go" and how in life we will all be offended by someone and we will all offend someone. It's a part of living and that is why we forgive each other and are forgiven. Then he said God reserves his judgement for those who go out of their way to offend folks. It's not our purpose to judge them or seek to gain vengance because we've all done something to offend.

He said when we confront people it should be with the purpose of reconciliation, not to set them straight, insult them or hurt their feelings.

Then he said how some of us hold on to a wrong from folks who are dead or who have gone on living and enjoying their life and we are stuck angry. If we can't forgive ourselves we are unable to forgive others.

There was more and it was all great.

I feel like we need to double up and maybe go Wednesday afternoon. I'll have to see if Mr A is on board with that. It feels great to hear some good, life applicable Word and since we deprived ourselves for 3 straight weeks, I want more.

$10K Mortgage

I suggested to Mr. A that we move somewhere where we have to pay $10k mortgage/rent. Mr. A asked me why would we want to do that. Here is my theory.

I've blogged about how we made sure to keep our expenses low when we moved. Right now we pay a little under $2k, and we don't have too many expenses. For 2 folks that's not much. My thought is perhaps we've set the barr too low. People rise to meet what is required. If we had to pay $10k a month -especially since we're self employed, then our level of output would be greater. If we had to pay that each month, we'd have higher to reach.

Years ago I got an AmEx card. I'd spend a few hundred and pay it off. One month I spent over $1000- I had clearly lost my mind. I got on the move and made the money to pay it off. My need forced my output to increase.

When I first moved to L.A. some years ago, it was literally an overnight decision. I stayed with my cousin for a couple of weeks and then found an apt I loved. I didn't have first and last month but within a week I had made it. My cousin was amazed.

The $10k mortgage is just my way to take the limits or minimums off.

In other things.......

We finally made it to Crustaceans for "Lucky Hour" it was wonderful. I had my garlic noodles and salt and pepper calamari. The calamari was good but not as salty as Le Cheval. Mr. A also got Sashimi and an Organic Margarita. When he took the first sip it was apparent it had quite a kick. I had a tasty virgin strawberry daiquire. After that we walked to Sprinkles. Yummy in the tummy. Mr. A told the waiter that we had mainly come for the noodles and the man said he understood because they were addictive. A couple years ago I googled the recipe and discovered there are many people out there trying to figure it out and discussing those noodles.

I'm supposed to spend much of my tommorow doing someone's taxes and Mr A will be doing their finacial statement. We're only charging them a couple hundred dollars. I charged them $200 last year just to do the taxes and forgot- so I didn't increase price enough this year. It seems weird to charge someone nearly $300 to do their tax and not feel like its enough. Perhaps its the effect of inflation. They have their own business and we actually calculate their expenses and income, so it really is a low price we charged. This is why we need that $10k mortgage. If we don't increase our expenses what desire will we really have to increase our means? If we had a $10k mortage I'd have said $1k and not blinked.

TR and me are growing

Here are some photos of TR growing. It's amazing how it starts out gradual then you wake up and you are huge. I'm bigger than I was last Friday.

What a side profile of my belly used to look like. Sept/Oct 2007 - I think




Me focused on food at Christmas



January 2008



Late February 2008



Today March 11, 2008




Edit: My cousin commented on my pink and green skirt and I realized that in all but one photo I have on either pink or green. I accept that I need an intervention.

Spice Up Your Life

I've been feeling very excited lately. My spirit is happy and expecting wonderful things. I feel like the kid who has been promised a trip to Disney, I'm bubbling with excitement and anticipation.

Perhaps its the sun, I do better when the sun is out and its warm. Perhaps its just that feeling of promise I feel. As Mary J. sings "I appreciate life, I'm so glad that its mine."

There is no particular reason I'm feeling good about life, its the cumulative of all things and God's goodness upon us.

I'm currently adoring, "It's too late to apologize" by Timbaland/One Republic, I think it got in my head while watching "The Hills."

Mr A made us lunch this afternoon and we walked to the park with our chairs, sat out and enjoyed the hot day and sunshine. We were discussing our birthing plan, so we'll probably get that printed out this week. I enjoy our lives. Sometimes I think 'wow' we are fortunate. I can't wait until TR is old enough to join us at the park/beach, wherever. We'll get a blanket, snacks and enjoy our little family. That's my main dilemna about moving back to Oakland. I'll hate leave these tempatures.

We ended up spending the day relaxing. Tomorrow work will be done. We might try to find a few sun dresses for me. I had convinced myself that I'd only have to spend a month pregnant in hot weather. Today was so warm and I realized L.A. has its spring weather in December, March is like summer to a bay area girl.

We're trying to figure out who put our baby on a schedule. He's up kicking around 7 a.m. If I'm focused on work TR will be still during the afternoon. Without fail TR gets to doing lots of movement at 10:30 p.m. until 11 or so. TR moves around 10 a.m. as well.

Mr A often makes us sundaes or banana splits to eat in bed. If I eat the ice cream 15 minutes later TR is up and busy.

That is all.

For the Love of the Kids

Sunday Mr. A and I went to the 8 a.m. service at West Angeles. There was a guest speaker. The church has now earned its 3rd strike. I wanted to go to our usual church but we had plans wayout in Orange County later in the day so we didn't want to drive to the East Side back to the West Side and then back again.

After church we hit the Larchmont Farmer's Market, got our fruits and veggies, came home for chili cheese hot dogs and headed to the Grove to take my laptops to the mac store. I had an appointment for 12 noon.

So my laptop repair will only be $327. The other mac is going back.

We were scheduled to meet Mr A's other best friend at his house at 1 so we could drive out to O.C. It might even be in Riverside. His friend's sister and her husband were having a bbq at their house. The sister had a baby Jan. 19, 2008 and has a 7 year old and a 2 year old and I was shocked that she'd be hosting so quickly. I guess with this being their 3rd child, she has it on lock. The girl and her husband are just 28 and I'm always envious of the folks that get married and have their families young. It's so cute. They have a nice big house out there and its lovely to see. She also works for her father, the guy who owns all the franchises and real estate- so I'm sure that helps.

After they diagnosed my laptops I got Mr. A to go to American Girl Place with me. He did not want to do it. I had told him there were 0 men on Saturday -except for the one running the movie theater- and he thought it should stay that way. But I explained that I wanted him to see what I thought was so amazing and since he's the person closest to me, its most important that he have an idea what I'm speaking of. Mr. A had wanted to take his goddaughter there for Christmas but I told him it was crazy expensive so we never went. I think he just saw the store in the mall but didn't know the specifics of it.

We got as far as the doll beauty salon. He saw the chairs and the dolls getting their hair done and asked if we could take the upper levels in stages.

We left but it was fun. The store will be celebrating the dolls birthdays soon and I'm planning to take our goddaughter for dinner or something- if I can convince myself to pay $40+ just because I want to go there and feel like I need to take a child to justify the excursion. I'll still take her even if we don't eat because they have free activities.

We went and checked out an open house and a duplex. When we went into the duplex the owner said " you're having a baby, oh boy." I smiled. As we were leaving, we checked out the room they had made into an office and he gave us a card about immunizations and vaccines. He told us it was just something he was interested in. We told him we had already been discussing not doing it. One night I was falling asleep and I instructed Mr A not to let them give the baby any eye drops and some other injection they give newborns, which has less risk when given orally. After they slap my baby and suck the fluid out, they need to hand TR over, I'm not in support of all that extra stuff.

We arrived at Mr. A's friends house and once his girlfriend arrived, we got in the car and headed to our distant destination.

When I walked in and informed some of the women how far along I was, they were like "wow, you are tiny." I've been thinking I'm pretty big. There were lots of kids there. There was another pregnant girl, she was 29 and 3 months pregnant. This is her 3rd child and her belly was as big as mine. I've read that you tend to be smaller with your first child because you maintain those stomach muscles.

At my mediation on Friday, my client kept telling me to feed my baby. Then she implied I wasn't eating and when the baby arrived he/she wouldn't be used to food. I told her I'd gained 16 lbs and the dr. said the baby and I were doing well. She even 'said eating for two is just a rumor.'

I think larger black women think if you aren't huge and pregnant something you are anorexic. Had they seen me before I was preggers they would know that I have put on weight.

Later in the evening I ended up alone with the 2 month old and it appeared to be waking up. I was a frightened. I called my mother and asked her what I was supposed to do. She asked me how I got left with the baby. I told her the others were watching the Wire or in the backyard playing dominoes. She said if she woke up and just laid there, to let it lay and if she cried, pick her up. I was relieved when her mother returned.

The baby was so small and she made me feel a little more confident that a baby could exit my body. Mr A is actually familiar with newborns and infants and my mother is coming to help, so I'm sure by the time the babe is a couple weeks I'll feel confident about having a baby.

The weekend was fun and we are heading to the park now because its a beautiful day. Garlic noodles are on the agenda for later this afternoon.

Blessings.

Sleepy Heads

I'm usually up (not during the cold dark days) before 6:30 a.m. The sun shines through our window, the birds chirp and I get up to enjoy my work day.

Today I didn't wake up until nearly 8 a.m. Mr. A was up but he has gone back to sleep. I usually wake up and ask him if he's awake. That bugs him, but I love pillow talk. He prefers to finish sleeping. If I don't get up before 7, chances are my day will be spent in bed. I have to get up and get going.

Saturday we got up pretty early and cleaned, had breakfast and then Amber came over. We hung around the house for a bit and hit The Grove. When Mr. A and I go we tend to have a specific purpose, there isn't a lot of browsing. When my brother goes with me its usually to eat, when I go by myself I usually am directed and don't spend lots of time there.

When we arrived I made an appointment with the Mac Genuis which was scheduled for 4:15. The Grove has a concierge so I left my laptops with them as we browsed. That mall makes you feel like you are at a hotel.

Amber and I browsed and took the trolley from the Farmer's Market back to Midtown (middle of the outdoor mall). We went into American Girl Place and that experience was a whole lot. This is the only store California has and its such a disgusting display of waste. You can get your dolls hair done water misted, detangled and braided for $20. You could buy rollers for your doll for $22 and outfits for your little girl that matches what her dolls wears. They had a little book with recipes to make doll sized edible treats.

Amber had never heard of the store but for some reason I got a magazine some years ago and read about it in NYT and I've been wanting to have tea there since then.

When I got home I told Mr. A we must have at least one girl so I can take her there and participate in that disgusting display of waste. I saw one attractive young black woman about my age buying her little girl things. By the time my little girl is that old, I'll be pushing 40. Oh well, such is life.

Amber and I had snacks and enjoyed the day. At some point her guy called and told her we should try to get to the beach by 5 so we could catch the sunset. That meant my dear macs would have to defer their technical support. I picked them up from concierge, while she got the car from Valet (we were running late and tried to multi-task) and we headed out.

We stopped in Larchmont for pizza (my treat), which Amber loved and then went home. So we wasted quite a bit of time there and as we were leaving the garage with the beach chairs, they called and said the beach was full and to stay where we were. I was really looking forward to the bonfire. We'd gotten white peach bellini, the guys had gotten club soda, we had books, magazines and were ready.

So the guys came home, Mr. A made a cake, we drank the white peach and club soda, it was great and by the time they left, we fell into bed and to sleep.

Sunday was a full day unto itself which I will blog about later. It was really interesting. We're still in recuperating from burning the candle at both ends.

We didn't go to Crustaceans and I no longer have a taste for the garlic noodles. I am interested in going out though, so we may go just to enjoy the lovely environment and 1/2 price tapas.

I'll also have to blog about Amber calling us dual income. I gasped- never that! I guess if you follow the standard meaning- two people earning- we qualify but our life is so much different than what I envision a typical dual income couple to be. I'll be blogging about that conversation and my attempt to explain to her why we don't really fit the dual income model.

Dang Budget

I awoke this morning with garlic noodles on my mind. I pulled up the menu for Crustaceans and saw that garlic noodles are now on the menu, priced at $11.50. They used to be $9.50. I used to go there once a week for the noodles and felt that at under $10 before tax the price was reasonable. Those noodles are amazing.

So I calculated that we could go for lunch and get noodles and tapas and be under $30. I've got Mr. A on board with our budget and here I am eating into it. My settlements come from the gov't so they usually take 60 days, but Mr. A's clients pay up front and his newest one paid him on Friday and someone else paid him and I'm doing someone's taxes sooooooooo......... heck I'll admit it, clothes, purses, shoes, fancy cars, things other people can look at aren't where I have my budget dilemnas.

Salt and Pepper Calamari from LeCheval, Garlic Noodles from Crustaceans, casual sidewalk brunches, Ethiopian, Indian or Japanese for lunch, impromptu dinners (never at chains), breakfast at the many family owned diners, a cannister of tea for $15, cute little shops with interesting journals, pretty jars of exotic sounding olive oil (gifts) that's where I get weak.

I called Crustaceans to see what time they open for lunch. It was 8 a.m so they were closed but the message said "Lucky Hour" is 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. Monday-Friday, with 1/2 price tapas. Garlic noodles would still be $11.50. I told Mr A and he said "do you want to go Monday, it would be better for our budget?" I could have said no, I want noodles today but I'm the one who has been promoting a real budget so I will support our plan.

So I kept looking at the menu and said "since the tapas are 1/2 off we can have more." This is why 1/2 off probably makes money for businesses. Instead of buying the same amount you would have, you think its a deal and buy more and maybe more.

So the gf of one of Mr. A's friends just called and she and I are going to hang out today. Mr A is pleased because now he won't have to be tortured as I window shop at the Grove. I got a new mac laptop and can't get the thing to turn on. So I'll take my new one and my old one and see if they can offer help to my babies.

Then we're going to the beach for a bonfire. We're taking a blanket this time.

The day should not be a budget buster. I'll let ya'll know how it goes.

My Day My Day

A couple days before our wedding, I told me A "this is MY DAY, MY DAY." His friends had come into town and he picked a couple of them up and it annoyed me because I didn't want him so busy running them around that he was late. As usual I was late and he was early.

This post is about My Day.

Earlier this week I posted that I had settled a case. Well as has happened many times before the settlement sorta fell apart. This type of thing used to burn me up but now I just continue on. The first time it happened I fired the client, sent her a letter, her files and was done. People get greedy. First they may want to protect their right then suddenly they think the deserve some big pay out.

My special ed clients don't pay me so they don't have the financial incentive of a high bill to settle.

Today we proceeded to mediation and it was the most pleasant mediation I have ever experienced. The mediator was fabulous. We agreed very quickly and got what the parent wanted and I got to increase my bill. I'm sending kisses to my client for being difficult because her difficulty increased my bill- which again she doesn't have to pay.

The mediator had been a managing partner in a large law firm in L.A. & S.F He had worked there for 25 years. He said he looked at his life and decided he didn't want to spend the rest of it not really enjoying his work. He went into private practice, said he and his wife made changes sold their house and downsized and he has loved each day. He works as an administrative law judge in addition to his private practice. He said he had also taught public speaking to the 7th and 8th grade class at his the private school his wife runs. I'm sure he's still well off but it probably took time to get there in private practice.

He was much better than the judges who don't enjoy the work and see it as just work. I usually have a light and cheery spirit when I'm working because I enjoy what I do and how I do it. I interact with some attorneys and just wonder why they stay so angry, so miserable. It's crazy. The ones who love what they do are so jolly. It's unfortunate people can't figure out that money and status aren't the most important things. People shouldn't be so focused on the freedom of retirement that they sacrifice 5 days as week, 8 hours a day, for 20 years with a unfulfilled spirit and salivating over the next vacation period. Do what you love.

He said he wished he'd made the changes earlier. He made me realize I am truly a forward thinker Yes I am patting my back. Mr. A and I downsized in the beginning- at my suggestion. Mr A is so much happier now then when he was making a high salary in a job he didn't love, just so he and later we could enjoy some life we could really only have on weekends.

I still plan for us to own that house in Bel Air (or at least be able to afford it if we wanted) but I know that personal fulfillment doesn't have to be deferred to acquire the good life.

Now I'm gonna have to sing Kanye West song- Good Life.

I'll keep you posted on how this strategy of personal/career fulfillment and wealth works out for us.

Loving the Wife Life

This morning I dropped Mr. A off at the airport. It was a lovely and warm day and I enjoyed the drive. The sunshine of L.A. would mean nothing without my sweetums.

I stopped by the banks on my way home and as I pulled out to head home, I realized that Mr A wouldn't be there. My first thought was there was no purpose in going. I don't have an aversion to being alone and since I've got my little passenger I'm not technically alone, but Mr. A's presence adds vroom vroom to my life.

Yesterday we were walking out the door and I looked back at the trees through the picture window and told Mr. A that I love where we live, I love home. I always tell him that I love our lives and I love L.A. and I love all that we are able to do.

Today as I headed to our space knowing he was out of town, I realized he is the reason why I love everything. I would love life without him, but having him adds an intangible I can't find words to describe.

It was quite a realization for me- realizing home wasn't home without him and with him out of town. I guess its the reason I don't have an exit clause for our relationship. Well if he tried to kill me I'd go. I figure its better to be alive and miss him than die trying to be with him.

Its easy to feel great about the relationship when we can have a spur of the moment meals at Crustaceans, Stevies Creole Cafe and Bar, spend $32 at the Sprinkles Bakery or take a trip somewhere. But I can feel great about the relationship when the budget says Chinese food or pizza, and thats a reminder to me that its our relationsip I love. I love the man even when he gets on my nerves.

In other good news I just settled a case and didn't have to get up off the couch to do it. That's one down and about 5 more settlements to go. I hope to have them all finished by April.

I've gained 16 pounds since I've been preggers. During my morning (all day) sickness I actually lost weight but I'm back on track. So far my belly is sticking out and my thighs have picked up a couple of inches. My nose and other parts are still normal and I can still wear most of my clothes. I can't button or zip anything. I eat non stop so I guess our walks are helping keep things tight. I do eat lots of fruit so that might help. I'm actually getting tired of fruit and most food. I'm tired of chewing.

My maternal grandmother once told me that when my paternal grandmother was pregnant (my grandmother knew bigmom for 6 of her 9 pregnancies) she maintained her nice figure. Perhaps I'm blessed with good genes. Big mom had a flat tummy even at 90+.

I digress. I've already located my post-pregancy trainer and that's part of what the cushion will go for. I'm also pondering on a nice big truck, a saab or 650. I want a car that won't crumble when I'm transporting my baby. TR is going to be a summer baby living in L.A. so his main articles of clothing will be onesies. He'll have other clothes for when we're in the Bay and its cooler. I plan to wait until he/she arrives to get the bulk of the clothes. I gotta know who I'm shopping for, she the personality.

Yesterday people kept smiling at, speaking to and touching my belly. They said nothing or very little to me. I actually like it. Maybe it will get on my nerves later but I like it when TR is acknowledged.

I think giving the baby a name has also helped. My mother calls and asks me what he's doing and my brother keeps offering his opinions on what we need to do for TR. I think my sister is sad because she and I had planned to go to Boule. I want to go but I'm not sure I'll want to leave my infant. I don't want to put the baby on a plane so soon either. My plan had been to be preggers for Boule and have a winter baby. I had mentally prepared for months and months of trying, then a visit to to the gyn have things checked out. I guess we were doing the rhythmn method correctly because the first time we switched up TR arrived. That maybe TMI for some, if it is- OH WELL.

Mr A is on his way home, can't wait till he gets here. I've missed my sweetlumps.

Recovering Financially & the Weekend

I made the choice to relax while Mr. A handled our financial situation.
I did say a little prayer and we have both learned lessons.

The head coach where Mr. A coaches put Mr A on the payroll last summer but we never received anything. Apparently God knew the best time to release it to us and allowed it to be delayed for this time. We're back on track and will be re-instituting our budget meetings. I'm sure Mr A will be tortured by the detail which I intend to share but if we are going to continue doing this joint finance thing he needs to be more involved. Mr A had also contacted one of his clients that owed him and was able to get a check from them. My brother paid him for some help he gave him when we were in Oakland last week and help he'll be providing on Monday.

I also made a little money. We should be able to rebuild our cushion during March and go into April in comfort. I have a couple of cases that should settle soon, as well as other paid work. I'm trying to build a huge maternity leave cushion. Mr A's contract with the city should be paying before TR arrives.

I don't have any spectacular advice on recovering financially. Keep the faith, don't give up, expect things will work out and move as if you know things will work out. The fact is many businesses have financial setbacks. Ours was self-induced but crumbling, giving up or borrowing in difficult times isn't a solution. We're adjusting our strategy.


THE WEEKEND

I can't remember Friday. I think I did some work and we went somewhere. We had a prenatal visit. All is well. I did discover that Mr A doesn't like the idea of me driving while preggers. The nurse tried to schedule an appt to do a TB screen but she tried to schedule it on a day Mr. A will be out of town. He declined that date. I told him I could get myself to the doctor and discovered that he prefers that I not drive. He seems to think if I got a pain I might wreck. I guess I have over done my screaming and moaning- the pains and aches have never been that bad.

Saturday Mr A and a couple of his friends took an at risk group of boys skiing. One of the kids was a gang banger with an ankle bracelet. Mr A said on the drive up that boy was talking like a hardened adult and had so much fun on the trip that he dropped the hard image and turned into an excited kid on the drive back.

Mr. A was able to go free. His friend had gotten a grant to fund the trip and since Mr A owns his board and boots he didn't incur any expense. He even packed a lunch for the trip. My sweetums is trying to be frugal.

That was the first time any of the kids had been skiing/boarding and they were able to get lessons so they had lots of fun and were ecposed to something different.

On Saturday, I attempted to go to the bank but the lines were too long, so I just browsed CVS and went home to rest.

We went to West Angeles again. We got there late. It's amazing that we can be timely to the church 20 miles away butt be late to the one just a few miles away. We arrived mid-message and Mr A told me this was strike 2- he wasn't feeling the message. He likes Noel Jones better and I do to, he inspires me to take notes and I remember the stuff he says. This may be a battle of flesh v. spirit because my spirit likes the word Bishop Jones brings but my flesh wants the environment of West A.


After church we went to the Farmer's Market in Larchmont for veggies and then the Farmer's Market by the Grove for meat. It was a lovely day to be outside. Then we headed to a taping of the Michael Baisden show. We took another couple but they left before the taping began. They were supposed to come home with us for dinner but didn't have the patience to wait. They had nothing else to do and just hung out in Hollywood. They were trying to stay in our neighborhood so they could come for dinner but we stayed at the taping longer than they expected.

The show was lots of fun. Mr A and I got there on time and were first in line. They had us sit in a tent while we waited to enter the taping. We ended up at the back of the line because the other folks stood outside so when it was time to line up they were already there.

As we stood in line, I had to go to the bathroom. When I got out everyone was inside the studio except for Mr. A who was standing there waiting for me. They had told him he could go in but he didn't. As we stood there one of the folks said they needed two people and we were two people so we got to sit front row center stage.

Emily King who I love performed my fav song from her album- You and I. Angie Stone also performed a bit later. She was great and she sang her way off the stage. The Baisden show has a hillarious warm up guy. 90% of everyone working there was young and black, they even had two black camera men and that was great to see.

The cost of living L.A. may be high but with so much free and cheap entertainment in close proximity, you can enjoy the recreation without feeling pinched. And this is a better area to be in if you have to gather up money quickly. There are lots of legal and moral ways to make money here.